Dreaming is Free
by Seesigh
Summary: "I can trust you with my life, my hopes, or my weaknesses, and you wouldn't even know how to think about letting me down." July 1978 to July 1981 during the First Wizarding War directly after the Marauders and the others graduate. Sirius/Marlene McKinnon (basically an OC), James/Lily, others
1. The Wedding

_Disclaimer: The only thing that belongs to me is the original story and OCs; all property rights go to JK Rowling, the goddess herself._

**Summer 1978**

"Lily love, you're married!" Marlene exclaimed as Lily threw her arms around her friend's neck and tightly held her.

Marlene responded by gently picking her up and spun her around once before placing her back on the solid ground. Their harmonious laughter filled the air and Lily's sparkling emerald eyes danced with joy.

There was no doubt that Lily Evans was a stunning woman with her thick dark red hair cascading across her exposed petite shoulders and face flushing from the summer heat. But today Marlene thought she looked otherworldly, like a celestial goddess with a great arse.

"Mars Bars! I can't believe it. Can you believe it? It seems like yesterday were we mucking about in the dorms painting each other's nails and complaining about Transfiguration," Lily replied, nearly bursting with giddiness.

"Well considering we were doing just that not more than a month or two ago, it might as well have been yesterday. You two moved quite fast, don't you think? Are you sure James didn't slip you amortentia when no one was looking?" Marlene replied airily as her mate lightly slapped her arm.

"But oh Mars, look how beautiful everything is. I couldn't have dreamed for a more gorgeous day," she choked out between a new set of happy tears.

"I know I said this a millions times being the sap that I am, but I'm so happy for you and James, Lils. Really. To have the kind of love you two share, especially during a time like this…It's kind of miracle, isn't it?" Marlene responded wistfully as she pulled the other girl into her chest and held her until she stopped crying.

"Oh, and I suppose I should thank you for making me a bridesmaid even though I would have hated you forever if you didn't. We weren't friends for seven years just for kicks, you know. It was all so I could wear a pretty dress," Marlene jokingly added in lighter voice.

"Oh God," Lily replied with a giggle as they separated from the hug. Soon both of the girls were laughing again. "Ahh we've had some times, haven't we?"

"Knock it off, Lils. We're eighteen, not old crones. Yet anyways. I bet you'll still look gorgeous when you turn a hundred, you secret veela you."

"Of course she'll still be beautiful—She's the most beautiful woman in the whole world! And she's my wife!" James bellowed loudly like a boastful child as he waltzed across from the other side of the outdoor reception tent.

He slipped his arm around Lily's waist and greeted her with a quick peck. For once in his life his thick black hair was relatively neatly combed, but his hazel eyes were twinkling with good humor as usual. His grin was quite literally overtaking his face as he gazed into his wife's eyes. He shifted his look and settled them on the woman in front of him.

"But you could claim the runner-up prize, Marley. You sure clean up nice. I'm not used to seeing you out of your Quidditch uniform or without clumps of mud stuck in your lion's mane...You should do what you did to it today all the time," James teased and brushed a long, sleek blonde lock away from Marlene's face.

"You _really_ want to talk about messy hair, James? _You_? I'm surprised you managed to control that creature you call your hair," she laughed as James' hand instinctively came up to muss his hair. Fortunately Lily swatted his hand before he could touch it and he replied with a wide goofy grin.

"Heeey! It's not _that_ bad, Marley. It looks quite wicked, if I may say so myself," he shot back easily as he prepared to badger his friend for the next couple minutes as they often did.

"Alright, alright. I'll go easy on you today, Cap. But only because I love Lils so much," she playfully teased.

"Please, you love me," James replied slyly.

"I did before you made the team run weekly suicides. My body still hurts from those by the way." Marlene exaggeratedly rubbed her back while pulling a face.

"Yes because those were so terrible. They only helped us to win the bloody cup," he smartly retorted.

"I thought we won because of your 'expert leadership skills and incontestably infectious passion,'" she shot back with air-quotes, calling back his winning speech.

"Oh, so you agree?" James quipped smugly. He raised an eyebrow.

"I can't believe you married this one. He's exhausting." Marlene turned to Lily while pointing at him. "Good luck, Lils," she added, faking a sigh.

"The only way I _exhaust_ her is when we—"

"OK, I've heard enough," Marlene cut in and raised both hands up in defeat," I _really_ don't need or want to hear about my friend and surrogate brother shagging." She screwed up her nose in mock disgust.

James laughed loudly as Lily gave a lazy smile, her face tinged slightly pink.

"We all know you're no saint, Marley, "James nonchalantly commented. "No need to act bashful now. The things I've seen you and Parsons do after we won matches..." Now he screwed up his face in genuine disgust.

"I have to agree with James, Mars. I knew all those years of reading Witch Weekly would corrupt you. But to be honest you were always a bit of a minx," Lily added with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Marlene mouthed "_traitor_" and Lily shrugged in response.

"Bad egg, that one," James added easily and gave the tall blonde a wink.

"Sod off, the lot of you. Two against one isn't fair," she pouted before her mates broke into a fit of laughter. "It's just because it's you guys, " she continued. "It feels dirty. Like putting a bra on a Virgin Mary statue. It's just wrong."

"Who's a virgin?" James asked enthusiastically, perking his head up with a new burst of vigor.

"I see all of those years of Muggle's Studies paid off well," Marlene replied wryly.

"Of course they did, they helped me win Lily's heart!" He kissed the top of his wife's head and held her closer.

"I have to say James, that was all you," Lily replied lovingly and looked into her husband's eyes with serious intent.

James pulled her into a kiss that slowly deepened as Marlene stood on the side watching awkwardly. Marlene wondered if they would continue and shag right there in front of her if she didn't speak up.

Deciding that she wasn't nearly curious or drunk enough to wait and find out, she excused herself.

"Right well, I'll be going now...Hopefully to find my boyfriend so I can snog someone too—Ideally in front of a friend to make them feel uncomfortable as possible," Marlene spoke up and turned to leave.

"See you later then, Mars?" Lily asked breathlessly while fixing her now tossed red locks.

"More like see you next week. I know what you kids are up to," she replied smugly with a knowing look.

"And _that_, ladies and gentlemen, is our cue to leave!" James announced as he swept his wife up into his well-muscled arms and whist her away bridal style. "Bye bye Marley, come by and visit over the summer. Just owl beforehand."

"Make good decisions you two! Shag where your relatives can't find you!" Marlene called out and waved her friends goodbye.

James' warm laugh floated in the steamy summer air and Marlene could have sworn she heard Lily fail to stifle her giggles.

"Naughty girl," Marlene whispered, smirking into the wine glass she haphazardly picked up from an empty dinning table.

* * *

She glanced across the outdoor reception tent and took in the sights once more. James and Lily decided on a small, intimate wedding considering the fact that the War was still raging on. It was in their good interest to keep things a bit quiet, as broadcasting the marriage between a "blood-traitor" and muggle-born wizard during these times was considerably dangerous.

Despite the fact that it was modest in size, the wedding itself was bloody gorgeous. It was held outdoors near James' mansion and it was obvious that a lot of effort was put into the whole shebang.

They decided to go for a clean, cozy feel. The hall was lined with rows of tables that reminded Marlene of the dining hall at Hogwarts. But instead of being decorated with scraps of food left over by the first years, they were ornamented with ivory silverware and neat piles of sunflowers. James tried to convince Lily to chose—what else—lilies but sunflowers were her favorite flower strangely enough. The wooden ceiling was woven with ivy and lights that were charmed to twinkle like far away stars.

Marlene thought it was very mystical looking and strangely touching.

After she let the moment pass, she downed the rest of her drink and casually glided towards the small crowds of people either chatting boisterously or attempting to dance in the middle of the hall. Even though she already spent the entire day doing just that, she was always up for messing around with her friends and having the most fun she possibly could.

There wouldn't be a lot of time for that kind of stuff in auror training, she thought glumly.

She spotted a few of friends- Mary Macdonald and Hestia Jones, among others. She attempted to close the distance between her and the dance floor, but tripped over her long legs and fell rather dramatically. Maybe she was drunker than she thought, she mused while trying to regain balance. Unfortunately the coupling of gracelessness and four-inch heels on her tall frame made it quite difficult. The alcohol didn't help much either. Not a bit. She heard her friends guffawing loudly over the music as they continued to dance sloppily.

"Seems like you need a hand, love?" She heard a deep voice whisper into her hair as a man helped her up onto stubbornly resisting feet "...or perhaps a new pair of legs?" The voiced added with amusement as she began to regain her footing.

The man's arms were strong around her waist and Marlene couldn't help notice that he smelled absolutely heavenly—Like fresh woods and spice.

"How about my dignity?" She retorted, laughing at her situation.

She finally lifted her head up and locked eyes with her mystery savior. Despite her foggy mind, she immediately recognized him. There was only person who owned that pair of mischievous grey eyes.

He replied with a smirk and walked her over to a nearby chair. She lightly placed her hand on his upper-arm for support. "Let's find you a seat first. I may be incredibly handsome and supremely talented, but I'm not a _miracle worke_r for Merlin's sake," he teased lightheartedly.

"Good ol' Gryffindor chivalry. Thanks, Black. But I'm really not that drunk. Really," Marlene replied as she plopped down in the seat.

Her eyes still locked on Sirius Black. She couldn't suppress her grin as she quickly raked her eyes over him. He looked just as handsome as always, maybe even more so with his expertly fitted tux and his styled sleek black hair nearly touching his broad shoulders.

...Not that Marlene noticed. She had a boyfriend—A smart and fairly handsome one to boot. But there was a reason why girls fell to his feet; very few people in this world were quite as magnetic.

"Oh no, that was just an interpretive dance gone south. The firewhiskey was aiding in your balance no doubt," he replied wryly and took the opposing seat. "You're ok though? Nothing twisted or broken I hope," he quickly added as his face contorted into concern and scanned her for obvious wounds.

Marlene tried to push all her impure thoughts filling her traitorous head. Despite his presumed arrogance he was very sincere and surprisingly sweet, she thought. _And he's so fit._ Bad Marlene, she mentally scolded herself before replying.

"I'm fine, but I have a feeling that those lot will never let me forget about it," she watched as Hestia gave Mary a piggyback ride through the crowd.

She couldn't help but let out a small laugh. She sure knew how to pick her mates.

"At least you're not hurt, " he replied genuinely, "It was quite a tumble and I'd feel personally responsible. You know, considering I'm best man and I'm in charge of guest safety—_Especially_ the bridesmaids," he said with faux authority as he waggled his eyebrows.

"Speaking of your dubious reputation…Shouldn't you be swinging from a chandelier shirtless or having a threesome in the fondue fountain by now? The party's almost over...I expected more from you, Black," Marlene joked, giving him an easy smile.

Sirius let out a noisy bark-like laugh and his eyes were shining with something she couldn't necessarily pin point.

Marlene beamed back. She made Sirius Black laugh, she thought joyfully. And then she wanted to slap herself. Why was she so happy about that? She was always funny and witty—Why did she care if some bloke thought so too? But that's the thing wasn't it. He wasn't some bloke; he was Sirius Black. _Fuck._ She hoped that this was the firewhiskey talking.

"You might not be too far off the mark in your suspicions, Marlene, but you shouldn't believe everything you hear. Otherwise you'd think I was a selfish playboy wanker, which you really shouldn't as it's _completely_ untrue, " he quickly added, "and _I'd_ think you were a clean-cut Quidditch obsessed prude," he finished smartly.

Marlene laughed. No one ever called her clean cut or prude. She might have liked Quidditch a little more than normal, but with James Potter as her now former captain it was hard not to be brainwashed by his fervent interest.

"How do you know I'm not?" Marlene asked questioningly, noticing his use of her first name.

"Hmm, true. We don't know each other, do we? This is the first time we've really had a conversation...Wonder why," he said and leant back on the legs of his chair as he stroked his strong jaw, "Maybe it's because you always hung around with Lily and Emmeline Vance in the common room. And those two are _quite_ the riot, aren't they?"

"Hey, Lily is fun!" Marlene replied hotly in defense of her mate.

Sirius raised a doubtful eyebrow.

"When she wants to be," she muttered with defeat as she slumped into her chair.

"I noticed you didn't defend Vance. Isn't she your best mate?"

"Yeah, but…" Marlene trailed off.

Emmy was difficult to describe, especially to someone who didn't know her. There was a reason she had few friends and it wasn't because she was painfully shy or horrible. Emmy was just…complex. An ice queen with a warm heart underneath, but you had to get past the scary badass bitch shell. And very few people other than Marlene and Lily had done so. "She's brill, you just have to get to know her," she finished lamely.

Sirius frowned and looked like he wanted to say something, but caught it before it came out.

"Besides I can't always hang out with those nutters," she pointed to Mary and Hestia who were both dancing provocatively around a very uncomfortable Peter Pettigrew, "As much as I love them. If I didn't have Lily to tell me to be more responsible or Em to tell me to get my shit together, then I'd probably be lying naked in a bush in the Forbidden Forest," she replied honestly.

"You're a bit wild, you know? It's…surprising," Sirius said nonchalantly as his eyes swept across her legs subtly. She didn't even notice.

"Ooh, yes. I'm _such_ a rebel with my cliché career choice as an auror, totally common love of Quidditch, and steady Hufflepuff boyfriend," she replied, rolling her eyes with a smile.

Sirius laughed. "Surely there's more than meets the surface," he shot back.

"Of course! But it's like that for everyone, isn't it?"

But she secretly liked the idea of someone as enigmatic as Sirius Black thinking she was wild and rebellious.

In actuality she was planning on spending the rest of the weekend sifting through bins at her favorite record shop and then eating her weight in ice cream.

"I suppose, but some people are more fascinating than others in all honesty. Who would have thought that perfect little Marlene McKinnon was one of them?" Sirius asked to himself.

"'Perfect little Marlene McKinnon'? _That_ was my reputation at Hogwarts?" Marlene said with her jaw slack.

She was not that popular, but well liked by most she supposed. But perfect wasn't the word she or anyone would use to describe herself.

"Good marks—," Sirius began listing off.

Marlene openly scoffed at this. She was great at Defense and Charms for sure, but she barely scrapped by with E's in Transfiguration and Potions. If Lily and Emmy didn't lock her in her room every night to study for those subjects there's no doubt she would have gotten A's or lower and therefore denied auror acceptance. And other than Herbology she was fairly mediocre at the rest of the subjects. And Herbology was well...Herbology.

He ignored her and continued. "Quidditch chaser, Lily Evans' friend, dated the same bloke all through her years, hardly in detention—Or at least in mine, I would have remembered," he winked. "Turns out you're a bit of a fox."

Marlene burst out into laugher at that and Sirius joined her.

"Well you never were arsed enough to get to know me, I guess...Can't say that I ever tried to get to know more about you but that was because the Marauders reputations kind of proceed themselves," she replied, gesturing her hands.

Sirius thought about this for a moment and raised an eyebrow.

"Was that an invitation?"

"To what?" Marlene asked confused.

"To get to know more about you."

"And why would you want to do that?"

They shared a brief silence as Sirius drew her in with a gaze. She wanted to look away, but it was like he paralyzed her.

It was a bit unnerving, but mostly sexy.

"I don't know. You seem interesting enough," he casually replied, breaking eye contact and looking into the crowd.

Remus Lupin was now trying to pull poor Peter out of Mary and Hestia's grasp. But when Mary began to dance with Remus instead he soon abandoned his half-hearted efforts and pulled her close to him.

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "Good going mate!" He shouted supportively as Remus smiled back lazily.

Interesting enough for _what_, she thought but didn't dare to ask.

To befriend? No this was Sirius Black. Maybe to snog or shag. But he denied being a playboy, didn't he? That's rich. He's never had a serious girlfriend in his life. Everyone in Hogwarts knew that. Sirius Black didn't date; he went through girls faster than underwear. He wasn't a right wanker to them or disrespectful, from what she heard. He just liked casual flings.

Marlene really wanted to continue talking to Sirius. He was bloody gorgeous and charming and actually very nice. It was fun and easy to banter with him to her surprise. He had her feel comfortable and made her laugh. And gave her a feeling in her stomach that she wasn't quite sure if she liked—But it was getting late. She starting to feel sleepy and she hadn't caught up with Alec all night.

So she begrudgingly excused herself.

"I need to get going, Sirius...Not that you haven't been lovely. It's just that Alec probably thinks I've died choking on my own vomit."

"Alec?" He questioned as his brow furrowed and his mind searched to identify the name. "Oh…oh. Alec Parsons—The Hufflepuff boyfriend I presume?" He asked knowingly.

"Yep," she replied surely.

Marlene managed to get to her feet with the help of Sirius. She smiled secretly to herself when she noticed that he was still an inch or two taller than her in her massive heels. Not a lot of guys could make that claim.

"So that's why," Sirius muttered to himself as if making a grand realization.

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing," he said evasively. "You're a laugh, Marlene...Let's talk again sometime, yeah? Maybe wear less lethal shoes next time, though," he replied cheekily as he and Remus exchanged smiles over the crowd. "Looks like my mate has more girls than he can handle and Wormy, er Peter, might need some help too. Though I'm doubtful that _anyone_ could save that helpless bloke. Merlin knows I've tried," he sighed.

"Mar Mar _dance_ with us!" Mary practically yelled as she caught sight of her friend. " I miss your beautiful face and your _boobs_!" She laughed as Marlene raised her eyebrow in confusion. Her mates were beyond pissed.

"Yeah Mars, c'mon! Plus you're the only girl big enough to give me a piggy back ride! I need my Amazon sista! _Wait_—Oh my God, I _love_ this song" Hestia joined in noisily, slurring over her words. She grabbed Peter's shoulder and began to spin in violent circles.

"Now _these_ friends of yours I like," Sirius commented with amusement as he eyed Hestia with great interest.

"I'll bet," Marlene quietly muttered under her breath.

"Don't worry Marlene, you're still my number one girl" He replied casually and winked at her.

He dove into the crowd, clapping Remus and Peter on the back and began animatedly chatting with them. He caught Hestia's arm and pulled her in. Then they began to dance together.

* * *

Marlene watched them briefly and then began scanning the crowd for Alec.

But her mind was clouded with thoughts about Sirius and the conversation they just had. She could see how dangerous that type of charm he had was now that she was free from its grasp. Her thoughts began reeling again before the feeling of an arm draping around her shoulders interrupted them.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, Mar," Alec said stiffly. "I saw you talking to Black for a bit," he said with his voice dripping of disapproval. "What was that all about?"

"Not much. He helped me when I tripped and we just started chatting. Turns out Sirius is a decent bloke," Marlene replied absently.

"_Sirius_?" Alec raised an eyebrow.

"Oh _c'mon_, Alec. He's Sirius bloody Black."

"Exactly."

"He's a bit of a lothario, but he's not interested in a girl like me."

"What do you mean?—You're brilliant. Did _he_ say that? What a wanker," Alec replied hotly as his anger surged. He began searching for Sirius in the crowd.

Marlene gave a resigned laugh.

"I meant he doesn't go for girls with boyfriends. He's not like that...He's good—Nice really."

"Why are you defending him? You don't even know him," he replied sourly.

"I don't know, " Marlene sighed." He's James' friend for a reason...Look Alec, I'm tired. Could you help take me home? I'm not sure if I can apparate myself. I'm sort of drunk in case you haven't noticed."

"You're obviously pissed and therefore can't think properly. That's why your defending Black," Alec continued.

Marlene frowned. "You're starting to annoy me. I talked to the guy once and I'll probably never see him ever again. Just let it go already...Merlin's sake," Marlene replied acidly.

"Hey," Alec grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a kiss. She returned it unenthusiastically. "Don't be mad. I don't know why you dragged me to this thing in the first place—I don't even know anyone. Let's leave...Looks like Potter has." He added nastily.

"How _dare_ he! On his own wedding night!—The _git_," she replied dripping with sarcasm.

She knew it was the wrong thing to say, but frankly she was fed up with Alec at that point. All they did lately was argue and the only way to end it was when she gave in to his belligerence. Enough was enough.

"You're _such_ a bitch sometimes," Alec said scathingly.

"Oh so before I was brilliant and _now_ I'm a bitch because I called you out on your shit. _Don't_ talk down on my friends, Alec."

"He's not even your friend, Mar—He was your Quidditch captain...None of these people are your friends. I'm the only one who can stand you and only some times at that."

"Don't. You. Fucking. Dare," Marlene spat out venomously. "_Don't_!" She said pointing her finger into his blazing blue eyes. "I have friends, lots of them—Including James. Who the fuck do you think you are? Because I don't even know anymore. What happened to the guy who did sweet things and was always good to me? Because I loved that guy...This guy," she gestured wildly in front of him "I can't fucking stand. All you want to do is fight and bitch all the goddamn time. It's exhausting and it makes me miserable. I don't know why I put up with YOU anymore. I keep hoping that you'll change back into who you used to be before you became this stupid bloody wanker—But you don't."

She started out strong, but slowly lost her resolve by the end.

She hated being an emotional person, but she couldn't help it. Tears were streaming down her face and she surely attracted the attention of some of the guests. She was still pissed off at him for what he said, but she was sadder about the fact that the only relationship she ever had was crumbling. And there was nothing she could do about it.

"Let's go, Mar. People are staring," Alec said in a low voice and escorted her out of the tent.

She turned around and caught the eyes of some recognizable faces. Mary and Hestia looked shaken, having never seen their friend truly angry and were clutching each other as if wondering what to do. Remus looked upset with quiet anger radiating from his eyes whereas Peter looked fairly uninterested in the whole ordeal.

Sirius looked absolutely livid.

She turned forward and took a deep breath. The air was much cooler than it was inside the tent and she sighed in contentment.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Just please take me home," she said softly.

And with that they apparated away into the night.

* * *

AN:

Hey!

This is my first time writing fanfic or publishing my writing so any and all reviews are obviously greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading btw. Has anyone told you that you look lovely today? Cuz you do.

Sirius will be a bit OOC because let's be honest, Sirius/Motorbike is the only true canon ship. In this fic he is more emotionally mature (or maturing, at least) but I've tried to do justice in keeping his character basically the same. As much as I love Solo!Sirius, I think the concept of him trying to wrestle romantic love is really fun to play around with hence this story.

I hope you enjoy, and thanks again for giving it a go.


	2. Adventures in Self Loathing

**September 1978**

It was the worst fucking day ever. Or at least in Marlene's opinion at the moment. She sat on the cold wooden floor of her flat as her eyes repeatedly stumbled over the words in the letter she had just received via owl.

_Dear Ms. Marlene McKinnon, _

_We regret to inform you that based on your performance on the Official Auror Character and Aptitude Test (OACAT) you are seen as unfit for further Auror training. Although your practical defense skills were exemplary and your dedication is exceptional, we do not believe that you have the required character to preserve as an auror in the long run. Having the ability and desire to fight is simply not enough, especially during the trying circumstances of today's world. Under more extensive research of your marks, it came to our attention that your Transfiguration N.E.W.T only passed Exceed Expectations by three points. This information strengthened our decision for your denial. _

_If you still desire to become an Auror, we suggest you contact us and retake the OACAT in the future. _

_Auror Headquarters _

_Ministry of Magic, Level 2_

"THIS IS SUCH SHIT!" Marlene screamed as she violently crumbled the letter and threw it across the room with great force. "FUCK THE AURORS. FUCK TRANSFIGURATION. FUCK MINNIE. FUCK ME," she said with more emphasis on each sentence.

She collapsed on to the ground and pulled her legs into her chest. Her body wracked with another deep sob and she wiped her eyes vehemently. Life was going spectacularly shit at the moment and her emotions were all pouring out at once. Her relationship with her long-term boyfriend had dissipated and she was looking forward to throwing herself into Auror training as a cathartic way of coping. Now that she lost that future, she never felt so utter dejected.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door. Marlene waited for five knocks and sure enough they came. She got up miserably and opened it. She was face to face with her best mate and flat mate, Emmeline Vance.

Emmeline took a good look at her distraught friend. She was wearing her dumpiest oversized sweatshirt and baggy jogger pants. Her hair that normally tumbled into sleek curls looked like a matted bird's nest. Her makeup-less face was red and puffy from crying the entire morning.

"You look like shit, Mars," Emmeline Vance said bluntly as she entered their flat. "What's wrong?" she asked with steady concern.

Marlene lost her voice momentarily due to all the crying and screaming. She quietly walked to the other side of her room and picked up the crumbled letter. She shoved it in her friend's face and dejectedly sat on the couch, waiting for Emmeline to finish it.

Emmeline gingerly held the letter as her face twisted into confusion. She flicked a short piece of hair out of her eyes. She just returned from the hair salon. Her previously long dark brown hair was now molded into a shaggy pixie cut that framed her angular face.

"Oh Mars…Mars," Emmeline grimaced and sat down next to her friend.

"What am I going to do?! That was IT. I don't have a back-up plan. I'm going to have to become a stripper now," Marlene said dramatically as she got up and paced around the flat while tugging on her tangled blonde hair. She was starting to lose her mind all over again.

"I don't think so. You might have the skills and dedication for it, but I don't believe you have the 'required character'," Emmeline said disdainfully as she finished reading the letter.

Marlene lunged at Emmeline, but was not quick enough. Emmeline hexed her with a binding curse before Marlene could get to the couch and tackle her.

"This is really not the right time to take the piss out of me, Emmy," Marlene growled and struggled to remember the counter-curse.

"See the way you're behaving right now? Yeah, this is why you were denied. You're too bloody emotional and messy," Emmeline critically commented. She crossed her thin, toned arms across her chest and eyed Marlene with scrutiny.

If there was one word to describe Emmeline, it was tough. She was a no nonsense type of girl and not many people could withstand her unsympathetic directness. Marlene thought she would have made a great drill instructor or whatever Muggles called them.

But Marlene admired her friend's vastly different personality. And though Emmeline would never say she approved of her friend's ridiculousness, she felt similarly. They were quite an odd pair; at least that's what many thought at Hogwarts. Marlene was vivacious, outgoing, and quick to laugh. Emmeline was hardcore, unfriendly, and serious. Marlene made Emmeline's life fun and Emmeline made Marlene's life grounded. The closer they became friends, the more they realized that they had similarities. Both girls dreamed of becoming Aurors.

Unfortunately only one of them made the cut.

"Honestly Mars, this is really not good. At all," Emmeline said bluntly, her frown overcoming her face.

Although she was upset for Marlene, a little greedy part of her was sad for herself. She wouldn't say, but she was quite excited about training with her best mate. They planned this for years. They were supposed to be side-by-side kicking Death Eater arse together. Now Marlene had gone and fucked it all up.

"Really? Because I thought it was all rainbows and kittens and bloody butterflies! Of course it's not good! It's bad! Really fucking terrible. We were supposed to do this together and now…and now…because I…," Marlene was beginning to tear up again and lost her voice, "Fuck, Emmy. What are we going to do? What am I going to do?"

She sobbed once more as Emmeline released the curse and Marlene cried on her shoulder.

"You could retake the test," Emmeline replied, knowing that it was no good.

Marlene scoffed. Once the Aurors officially denied a person it was exceedingly difficult to join, especially if it was under the basis of character. Not all hope was lost, but they wouldn't even consider her for another year or two. Emmeline had already been accepted and was set to start training that very week.

"I could go over there and offer to shag the entire Auror office, it still wouldn't change things," Marlene said unsmilingly. "Haven't you heard I'm a shitty weak-willed person? Who sucks at transfiguration?"

"If you're going to throw a pity party then I'm leaving," Emmeline said sternly.

"Funny, I don't recall sending you invitation," Marlene replied with petulance.

"Mars, stop. Using humor to divert the situation isn't going to do you any good. We need to seriously think this though. It's going to be ok. I'll make it ok," Emmeline spoke strongly.

Marlene smiled for the first time all day. She knew those words were empty, but they were comforting. It's not like Emmeline could stomp up to the Ministry of Magic and demand Marlene's acceptance. Still it was nice to know that she always had her back. But for once she needed to take control of her own life. She often felt like she played the part of the unruly child in her friendship trio where Emmeline was the dad and Lily was the mum.

"It's ok, Emmy. Or it's going to be. You're going to do your Auror training. No, listen," Marlene interjected before Emmeline could interrupt, "I'll figure it out. It's about time I took control of my own life. I need to grow up a bit. That's what you and Lils tell me all the time."

Emmeline looked surprised by Marlene's uncharacteristic sense of self-reliance, but then returned her words with a small smile.

"Who are you and what have you done with Marlene?" Emmeline joked and Marlene swatted her arm.

A moment passed.

"I'm going to miss having you at my side," Emmeline whispered and looked over Marlene's shoulder.

Now it was Marlene's turn to be taken a back. Emmeline was rarely tender.

When Marlene didn't reply due to shock, she continued. "We know each other's strengths and weaknesses. We fill what the other is missing. We're a team."

"Heterosexual life partners." Marlene added with a laugh.

"You're not really weak-willed, you know. Sometimes you need to work harder on following though. Everyone has bad and good qualities. Yours are just more extreme than most," Emmeline said insightfully.

"Care to share?" Marlene asked curiously. She took the opportunity to hear more about Emmeline's personal feelings. They rarely talked openly about their friendship or about what they thought about each other.

The dynamic of their friendship had altered within the last few months, mostly in a positive way. It had always been Marlene, Emmeline, and Lily back at Hogwarts. Now that Lily was busy being a wife, the two supported and relied on each other more than ever. Anyone would have suspected that they would have clashed more now that Lily wasn't there to balance out the polar duo, but they got along just as well because they understood and respected one another.

"About why you were denied into the Auror training?"

Marlene nodded.

"You're sensitive, Mars. Very sensitive. And bloody emotional. You might be able to duel and act tough when you want to, but your vulnerability might get you or someone else hurt. And sometimes you appease people to end conflict when you really should be fighting back. If you really want to be an Auror you need to be ruthless at times and you can never back down. I know you have that kind of strength within you. You just need to be more self-assured and grow thicker skin, "Emmeline said honestly and Marlene drank in every word she said like a woman dying of thirst.

"And sometimes you get into ridiculous and somewhat dangerous situations. Because you push the envelope since you're not willing to place judgment. You're ingenuous as hell."

They sat in silence and Marlene processed Emmeline's words. She nodded in acceptance.

"Thanks, Emmy. I really need to hear that." Marlene said seriously.

"Anytime."

They shared a comfortable silence.

"'Fucking transfiguration. Had it out for me since day one," Marlene said lightly, redirecting the serious conversation with a joke.

Emmeline cracked a smile.

"Three points."

Marlene laughed loudly and Emmeline joined her.

"I know, right?! Remember when I bragged to Minnie about getting an E? I was such a git. But the bitch got the last laugh. Damn her," Marlene commented through fits of giggles and stretched out on the sofa.

"You love that so called 'bitch'", Emmeline pointed out. "She was the only one who called you out for your laziness."

"She didn't have to embarrass me in class daily." Marlene pouted.

"True, you don't need any assistance in that aspect of you life. Your quite capable of humiliating yourself without the help."

"Tell me how you really feel, babe." Marlene said with mock flirtation.

"I'm quite hungry actually. " Emmeline said while rubbing her toned abs.

"Same."

"I'd suggest we'd cook something, but you managed to empty an entire fridge full of a weeks worth of groceries in a few days."

"What can I say, I'm a growing girl." Marlene winked.

"You don't need to grow any more," Emmeline said glancing over Marlene's lengthy figure.

"You do, you little goblin." Marlene teased.

"Ha ha, so funny I forgot to laugh." Emmeline said drily as she stood up.

"I thought goblins were quite clever?" Marlene replied, watching her with amusement. After the heavy conversation they just had it felt nice to know that they could revert back into their usual banter so easily. She really is my best mate Marlene thought proudly.

"Sod off. I'm going out to get some curry. Coming with?" Emmeline said as she absently counted her money.

"I wish. I'm meeting my grandmother for lunch," Marlene replied mournfully. She was definitely not looking forward to it.

"God this has been a rough week for you, hasn't it?" Emmeline glanced up. "Alec's being a prat, the whole Auror thing, and now a meeting with the infamous Mildred McKinnon." She let out a low whistle.

"Why is life punishing me, Emmy? I'm a good person," Marlene said dramatically but there was genuine desperation in her voice.

"Chin up, kid. It's strange to see you so downbeat. I don't like it," Emmeline replied by gently knocking her fist into Marlene's cheek. "You'll get through it. You always do," she finished.

It was an odd turn of events seeing Marlene disheartened and Emmeline cheering her up. Not that Emmeline needed cheering up usually. She took care of herself and got over things rather quickly. But Marlene was usually the one offer advice to others.

"It was so much easier at Hogwarts. Being an adult is harder than I thought it would be," Marlene said with a sigh as she checked her watch. She had to meet her grandmother in less an hour.

"You always have to remember that life doesn't owe you anything, " Emmeline firmly replied as she slipped her wallet back in to her jean pocket. "You have to work for everything you want. But occasionally it'll throw you something good. Or bad. You just have to deal with it the best you can," she ended wisely.

"Good luck with your nan, Mars," Emmeline said over her shoulder and walked out of the door, pulling it shut.

Marlene stood alone in their flat in contemplation. She stared at the door for a few moments wondering when Emmeline got so philosophical.

* * *

"You're late."

Mildred McKinnon was eyeing her granddaughter shrewdly. Mildred was dressed in a cobalt blue dress robe and her white hair was pinned neatly in a perfect chignon. It made Marlene feel very undressed as she her smoothed down her red Muggle sundress and then fiddled with her loose locks nervously.

"I'm sorry, I was held up," Marlene said politely and smiled sheepishly at her grandmother, who returned it with a frown. Somehow she managed to get ready rather quickly with the help of a few beauty charms, but she couldn't soothe the appearance of her puffy eyes no matter what spell she tried.

"Your skin looks terrible, Marlene."

"And so it begins," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that, dear?"

"I said I love your jewelry." She nodded at Mildred's expensive and ornate chandelier earrings that stretched her earlobes down heavily.

"It's very…sparkly," Marlene finished lamely, uncharacteristically at a lost for words. She was usually quite comfortable and confident with most people, but her grandmother unsettled her. Her eyes were the same shade of green-blue as hers, but she found judgment in grandmother's gaze instead of easiness.

"A woman should never be late, Marlene. It's improper," Mildred responded, ignoring the comment.

"Sometimes you can't help what life throws at you. You just have to deal with it the best you can," Marlene replied diplomatically, recalling the conversation she just had with Emmeline.

"Are you being pert with me, young lady? I will not tolerate that kind of behavior."

Thanks a lot Emmy, Marlene thought. It was going to be a long lunch and suddenly she wondered if she could get away with ordering some wine, but decided against it. She already offended her grandmother with a few sentences and would no doubt disapprove of drinking.

Instead of trying explaining what she meant, she decided to save herself the trouble.

"I apologize," Marlene said as authentically as she could. "It's been a rough month for me." More like months, she mused.

"Are you planning on getting married to this Alec Parsons boy? Your mother said that he was a decent lad. His father works at the Ministry. Accounting, I believe. I heard he's following in his footsteps. Accounting is a very practical choice, Marlene," she stated, completely ignoring her granddaughter once again.

Marlene screwed up her nose. She didn't know where they stood as a couple anymore. Things had been relatively easy and simple when they were at school, but now things were unnecessarily undeclared and complicated. Back at Hogwarts they sat next to each other in classes, went to nearly every Hogsmeade trip together, and shared more than kisses in broom closets or in each other's dorms. Ever since the wedding they barley spent any time together, but technically they were still together. Marlene had tried to plan countless dates, but he was always busy and very unenthusiastic.

"We've never discussed marriage. But the answer to your question is a resounding no. And yes, Alec wants to join his father in his Accountant work at the Ministry," Marlene replied as the waiter placed a garden salad in front of her. She raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I ordered for you ahead of time, dear. And good thing too considering how much weight you've put on. A woman should be petite."

Marlene tried to convince herself that wasn't hurt by the frivolous comment. She was quite aware of the fact that she had gained about a stone since graduation, but to be honest she didn't mind. She saw her muscular body make a drastic change after giving up on the extensive and suicide-inducing Quidditch workouts. She was happy to trade her previously lithe body for a more curvaceous, womanly one. Her chest never looked better, or bigger she thought. But negative remarks about her appearance miffed her nonetheless.

Her grandmother continued. "So you're not to get married, " she repeated. "But I heard from your father that you also wish to become an Auror like himself? A noble profession..."

Marlene beamed at the rare compliment, but was stricken when she realized that she might not be able to ever earn that title. At least not in the next few years she thought glumly.

"For a man," Mildred added uncompromisingly.

Marlene sighed. Internalized misogyny was really not cute, she thought as she reluctantly ate her salad. But she knew there was no use arguing with delusion.

"But I don't wish to discuss that any further. For some reason my son encourages your career choice and refuses to see sense. Your father is very stubborn, Marlene," Mildred said scornfully. "Your brother Daniel no doubt wishes to follow in your footsteps."

"Yes, he's very passionate about helping," Marlene vaguely alluded.

For the most part Marlene's pureblooded family had very lax views on blood purity. McKinnons were not considered "blood-traitors" like the Potters or fanatical purists like the Blacks. Most of them were quite carefree about the issue to be completely honest. The only members of the family who had strong opinions about it were Marlene, her father Manfred, and her younger brother Danny. Naturally all three opposed pure-blood supremacy and believed in equality. Even all of Marlene's friends were either muggle-born or half-bloods, with the exception of James. Most pure-bloods were snobby and vile. Except for James. And Sirius, Marlene added in her thoughts.

"Yes well enough about that. It bores me. Now tell me more about what diet you plan to go on...," Mildred trailed off as Marlene prepared for a lunch less enjoyable then a dementor's kiss.


	3. Trickery and Marauders

**September 1978**

The lunch lasted for another half-hour until Mildred left to attend an engagement with the Browns. Marlene felt like a freewoman as she stepped out of the restaurant. It was an unusually hot day for September. She hadn't been to Hogsmeade in months and she sorely missed it. The streets were bustling with crowds and Marlene intended to seize the rest of the gorgeous day.

"Out of the tiger's den!" she said to herself joyfully and skipped girlishly down the street. She was feeling more like her usual cheerful self. It made her happy to see people living so merrily despite the rough times. It made her want to conquer her own troubles and get on with her life.

Unfortunately the measly garden salad and mineral water didn't do much for the hole in Marlene's stomach. She decided to fill up on sweets from Honeydukes.

She wandered into the sweet shop and caught the drool threatening to slip from her mouth. She picked out a couple chocolate frogs, sugar quils, licorice wands, and chocolate caldrons, especially.

Marlene thought that chocolate cauldrons were basically the best thing ever invented. Whoever came up with the notion to combine firewhiskey and chocolate was a bloody genius. Probably on par with Merlin or Dumbledore or that Eggstein guy from Muggle Studies.

As she went to make her purchases, she suddenly realized that she only had five galleons left to her name.

Her parents offered to support her financially until she began receiving the steady Auror trainee salary of 700 galleons a month. Emmeline had just received her payment early to help make rent. But seeing as she was unaccepted, the money would not be coming and that left her nearly broke.

Marlene could have slapped herself for forgetting about her fiscal responsibilities. A terrible sense of dread filled her body and she started panicking.

Holy shit I'm going to starve to death, she thought. She had no job, no money, and no future prospects. It was terrifying.

"Look daddy, I'm an Auror!" a small child squealed while brandishing a licorice wand. "ZAP ZAP, take that Death Munchers!"

"Behave, Billy. They don't take dummies into their ranks, you know. Now get your treats. We have to meet mummy at the inn," his father replied and they left the shop in unison.

Marlene felt like crying. The Aurors didn't take her into their ranks. She was a dummy. A poor one who was going to starve on the streets like an unwanted stray dog.

She mournfully placed all of her candy back onto their respective counters and only bought a single chocolate cauldron because she couldn't see why the fuck not. She desperately needed a pick-me-up and since Alec never wanted to shag anymore it would have to do.

Maybe that's why I've gained so much weight, she thought. Fucking Alec.

"Miss, beautiful miss!" an unknown man called out to her as she exited Honeydukes with her sweet in hand. He was dressed in tattered robes and his hair was windswept with grease. He didn't smell all that great either. He reeked of onions and stale cheese.

"Um, yes?" she responded cautiously.

"Is that a chocolate cauldron?" he said licking his lips.

Marlene thought the man knew exactly what it was and guessed his intentions.

She nodded.

"May I have it?"

"May I ask why you don't get one yourself?" she replied cheekily.

"You see, Miss…I…Well- the thing is," he sputtered and glanced around nervously. He was highly suspicious and it was unsettling.

"I demand you tell me why you wish to procure a chocolate cauldron and exactly what you intend to do with it," she said in best-practiced "serious business" Auror voice. She figured if she wasn't going to be able to use it on actual missions that she might as well use it on shady civilians of questionable purpose. It was quite fun to be intimidating.

"I want to eat, er drink it? Please, miss. I am not…legally allowed in the shop," he responded truthfully and began wringing his hands.

"You can get banned from Honeydukes?" Marlene asked with childlike curiosity, her air of authority dissipating.

"You can get banned from anywhere if you try hard enough, dear girl," he replied evasively with a wink. She wasn't going to press the matter further. He was starting to seriously creep her out.

"Sorry, sir but this is my only one."

She began to walk away but the man caught up to her.

"Please miss! I'm dying and it is my one final wish. Can't you find it in your heart to give a man his last piece of earthly heaven before he goes to the beyond?"

"You're not dying," she said firmly. "…Are you?" she added before she could help herself.

"Could you live with yourself knowing that I might be and yet still declined my plead?"

Oh he's good, she thought. Marlene knew he was scamming her, but he seemed unrelenting in his efforts and she just wanted him to go away already.

In the end she decided to give him the sweet because that was the Gryffindor thing to do. Or at least that's what she thought.

A Ravenclaw would have outwitted the man and picked up on his desires through calculative observation. They probably would have gotten out of the mess with their chocolate cauldron safely in hand. Their minds worked in a different way; some may say superior, Marlene admitted.

To be honest the only Ravenclaw she really liked was her good friend Benjy Fenwick. In Marlene's opinion most Ravenclaws were decent, but they seriously needed to chill once in a while!

A Hufflepuff would have given it to him without question. That's what Hestia would do, she thought. But most Hufflepuffs would have already eaten it before leaving the shop. That's what Alec would have done. Suddenly she missed her boyfriend terribly. But then she remembered how pratty he was being and the thought was vanquished.

How the hell did he get put in Hufflepuff? They're nice. Alec was a wanker.

A Slytherin would have transfigured it to dung as soon as it touched his lips. Or maybe that was the Marauders, she joked to herself. A Slytherin would probably have poisoned it. Maybe the more merciful ones would have made him do something embarrassing for it, like strip naked and dance in the middle of the town's square. And then eat it in his face afterwards.

She snapped out of her thoughts.

"Fine!" Marlene sighed in frustration. "Take the stupid bloody thing. I don't even care anymore," she shoved the treat into his palm. " I better see your face in the obituaries. And in your will I want you to leave me your pinky ring." She pointed to his finger that was clad in a small moonstone ring.

The man smiled widely with glee. "How about a thousand galleons?" he asked as he triumphantly pulled a massive bag from underneath his filthy robes.

"Merlin," she whispered and stared with her mouth gaping. He handed her the bag.

"NICKING NICK, IS THAT YOU?!" A booming voice rang out from the entrance of Honeydukes. The Honeydukes shop owner sprinted across the street towards the two and was grumbling curses loudly.

Marlene stood there in shock as the man, now identified as Nicking Nick, apparated away. In her hands the bag of galleons transformed back into bag of buttons.

Leave it to fucking transfiguration to find a way to fuck up my day even more, she thought.

"GOD BLOODY DAMMIT! GOT AWAY AGAIN THE SLIMEY BASTARD," the shop owner bellowed to himself as he approached her.

"You!" He pointed his large index finger at Marlene. "I remember you. You just bought a chocolate cauldron. A single chocolate cauldron, it was so obvious! I should have seen it coming," he began muttering to himself again.

"Honestly sir I had no idea who that man was," she defended herself in a single breath.

"YOU ARE HEREBY BANNED FROM HONEYDUKES UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR!" the shopper shouted and abruptly turned his heel.

Marlene called out to him in protest, but he slammed the shop's doors shut. She looked around dumbly as a few people in the crowd scrutinized her questioningly, wondering how and why she got banned.

"You really didn't know who that was?" a middle aged man next to her asked. "That's the dirty bastard Nicking Nick, you daft girl. Shoplifted from nearly every shop in Hogsmeade and was consequently banned from them all. Bugger still shows up apparently to trick naive little girls into giving him a fix of firewhiskey."

"I'm not naïve. I'm just nice," Marlene half-heartedly answered as she looked far away. She couldn't believe how ridiculous her life was at the moment. Banned from Honeydukes. Banned.

'Ingenuous as hell', 'appease people to end conflict', and various other quotes rang in her ears as she remembered Emmeline's critical yet truthful remarks.

The man walked away without response and Marlene decided to follow his example in the other direction.

* * *

It was truly The Worst Fucking Day ever Marlene declared. Her usual optimism was stripped and she couldn't shake her negative thoughts. She wondered if she should just run back to her flat now before Death Eaters decided to attack Hogsmeade and subsequently kill her. At least she wouldn't have to worry about her lack of funds she thought mirthlessly.

Just when she decided to give up and apparate back to her flat, she heard a man call out her name.

"Oi, Marlene!" someone called out in the near distance.

She turned around and spotted none other than Remus Lupin walking towards her. She watched his long, thin legs stride from the opposing side of the street. Remus' robes looked a bit tattered, but well fitted. His light brown hair shone brightly in the sunlight, but he looked exhausted. His face was inflicted with a fresh scar, but was still rather handsome in an ordinary sort of way.

"Remus!" Marlene screamed excitedly, giving him a short friendly hug. She grinned widely. She hadn't had a chance to catch up with him in ages, but his presence was always welcomed.

She was on quite friendly terms with Remus Lupin. She wouldn't consider them mates, but they got along very well. He was a very delightful person to be around and was definitely the most agreeable of the Marauders. Lily and Remus became fast friends during their prefect days at Hogwarts. And so Marlene and him knew each other fairly well.

"What have you been up to?" Marlene asked with enthusiasm.

"I'm still looking for employment, but I haven't had much success," Remus said sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck with a lanky arm.

"Why not?! You're brill!" Marlene passionately replied. How dare someone deny Remus? He was such a nice guy!

Remus blushed slightly, but then looked away wearily.

"Well you know my health…" he trailed off as Marlene filled with zeal.

"That's such shit. You can't help it if you get sick often. You still got top marks and managed to be a prefect at school. It wasn't like it affected your skills or anything. Who do they think they are?" Marlene heatedly spat, flushing with anger.

He seemed slightly taken a back by her sudden interest in his well-being. They were casual friends and could talk to each other naturally due to their good-natured personalities, but they were never that close.

Marlene noticed his surprise. "It's been hard for me too," she spoke quietly and tried to reign in her emotions. "It's just that if someone as good and smart and kind as you can't make it out there, then what chance do the rest of us have?"

"What happened, Marlene?" Remus asked perceptively as he tentatively placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Marlene shrugged. She knew it was unfair of her to lay her problems on him considering he had his own, more serious troubles to worry about. But Remus was so fair-minded and understanding. She couldn't help herself.

"The Aurors denied my acceptance," she said bluntly and looked down at the ground. "I was rejected," she said unnecessarily as if to make the statement more legitimized. She finally acknowledged it outloud and she struggled to hide her grief.

"I'm sorry, Marlene," Remus kindly said and gave her a comforting embrace.

Marlene smiled and they broke contact. "I'm ok. I'll live. Some good luck is bound to come along for the both of us," Marlene quickly said optimistically, not wanting to talk about it any more.

Remus picked up on her thoughts and didn't press her further.

"Enough about me. So what brings you to Hogsmeade on this lovely day?" she asked lightly, feeling much better with company.

It was a bit lonely lately. She spent most days by herself, excluding Emmeline. She got a few dates in with Alec, but he never seemed to return her eagerness to spend time together. She had brunch with Lily a few times but rarely found the time to catch up with her other friends, as they were all quite busy with their new lives.

She figured thing would get easier again after everyone settle into their respective paths. At least she hoped.

"Oh you know me. Comforting distressed ladies in the middle of town streets and the like," he replied wittily.

Marlene laughed. Remus always did have a good sense of humor.

She suddenly wondered why she never hung out with him that much at Hogwarts. But then remembered how tightly knit the Marauders were and found her answer. Those lads were practically glued to each other's sides. Speaking of the Marauders it seemed strange to see Remus alone without James, Sirius, or Peter by his side.

"Always the dashing gentleman," she commented and Remus chuckled. "Are you here alone, Remus?"

"Actu-"

"Oi, Moony! Are you still chatting up that girl? If she hasn't agreed to a date yet then she isn't interested. Move on, mate. We got places to be," a voiced called out from behind. Marlene immediately recognized it and turned around.

He couldn't have timed his entrance at a more opportune moment. Why is he so bloody effortlessly perfect at everything, Marlene thought jealously. It was unfair for the normal folk like her. Unjust really.

"Oh, it's you," Sirius exclaimed with genuine surprise and joined the two. He raised an eyebrow and let his eyes sweep over her. "I didn't recognize you, Marlene. You look a bit different. August was kind to you," he said flirtatiously and smirked. "You look nice today."

"I always look nice," she replied cheekily. She mentally recalled her image in the mirror earlier that morning and had to contain a giggle at the absurdity of her statement.

"Oi, stop stealing my lines," Sirius laughed and Remus watched the two interact silently. "But I can't say that I disagree."

Marlene smiled back. Her day was going dreadfully, but improved significantly now that she was in the company of one-half of the Marauders. Their humor and companionship was just what she needed to lift her spirits.

"You don't look half bad yourself," Marlene said boldly, knowing it was the understatement of the year.

Sirius was similarly dressed in Muggle clothes. He was wearing a plain navy blue t-shirt that clung to his broad chest in all the right ways and a pair of clean dark blue jeans. She also noticed a pair of black sunglasses poking out of his pocket.

It would have looked fairly unremarkable on anybody else, but he made it look good. Really good. Masculine and sexy without even having to try, she thought. Ugh, no, not this again she cursed her brain for its audacity.

"Oh don't mind me. Just let me know when you two are finished fawning over each other," Remus interjected. He made to turn and walk away as a joke. "I think I'll go meet Wor- Peter now. At least I know he won't prattle on about his vanity and I can drink Butterbeer while I'm at it," Remus sighed exasperatedly, but his eyes were filled with humor.

"You're meeting up with Peter?" Marlene asked conversationally, still grinning at Remus' performance.

"The one and only," Sirius replied casually. "Moony was waiting up for me as I had some business to finish up." He ran his fingers through his thick black hair with casual ease. He had really nice hair.

"You are now looking at Sirius Black, Real Estate Owner," he announced proudly as Remus rolled his eyes.

"What?!" Marlene all but shouted. "You- you bought a house?! That's wicked!"

Sirius chuckled. "Well I purchased a loft apartment. More like a bachelor pad rather than a home, but still. She's quite the beauty," he said eyes twinkling.

"That's incredible! But how?" She was very taken aback. As far as she knew the wealthy Black family had disowned Sirius for being a "blood-traitor". She also overheard that he was staying at James' mansion when she was visiting Lily from James himself. How Sirius managed to acquire the funds to buy an apartment was a mystery to her.

"My uncle Alphard left me a large inheritance after he died so I'm financially independent," Sirius replied honestly. "Great chap. Wish I could thank him for that," Sirius said to himself with a grin.

"I thought you and your family didn't get along?" Marlene asked and instantly wanted to flog herself for being so stupid. When will I curb my verbal diarrhea, she asked herself. That was sooo bloody dumb to say.

The number one rule of life was to not bring up Sirius' family around him. He was very touchy about that subject and for good reason too. His family was positively manic about blood-purity and unfeasibly believed in pure-blood supremacy whereas Sirius thought it was all nonsense.

That's what James' had told her. But his views were well known at Hogwarts, having been placed in Gryffindor despite his family's long term ties with House Slytherin. He was a bit of an arrogant prat in his younger years to some of the students, but it was never because of blood heritage. Sirius and the rest of the Marauders pranked without prejudice. Well somewhat. They took special interest in hexing Slytherins, especially Severus Snape.

Although he was more reckless dealing with commentary on his family in his youth, jinxing all those who critically spoke about their relationship, Marlene had a strong feeling that he wasn't going to react positively or simply brush it off.

Sirius' usual haughty grin contorted into a deep frown and his dazzling grey eyes became very dark. His body stiffened and his jaw was tight.

She glanced around nervously.

"No. No we don't," he said bitterly.

"We were supposed to meet Pete at the Three Broomsticks a quarter-hour ago," Remus deftly swept in and saved the conversation.

Marlene never loved Remus more than at that moment.

"Right. Sorry for holding you up. I'll let you go. It was nice chatting with you two. Lovely really. I'll be going," she replied, desperate to leave after offending Sirius.

"Why, do you have somewhere to be?" Sirius questioned lightly without skipping a beat. His countenance had reverted back to usual and his body was relaxed. He shoved his hands into his pockets with casual elegance and raised an eyebrow.

That boy sure was moody, she thought. She shook her head and answered.

"Not particularly."

"Well you can't get rid of us that easily. Come share a Butterbeer with us," he offered. "I know for a fact you're a drinker from our past encounter. You might want to lay off a little on the firewhiskey this time," Sirius quickly added with a teasing look and gave her a wicked smile.

Marlene smirked back.

She looked to Remus who also smiled hopefully at her.

It was one thing to have a conversation in the middle of Hogsmeade with the Marauders, but another to have a drink with them like they were all good old mates. But who was she to turn them down, Marlene thought. They were friendly and interesting and great company.

"Sure thing. I could use the drink after the day I've had," Marlene sighed and smiled gently at the two of them. She suppressed her happiness and tried to act as nonchalant as physically possible.

This was going to be quite the interesting experience, she thought as the three made their way towards The Three Broomsticks.


	4. Moody Surprises and a Smashed Moony

**September 1978**

Not one for awkward silences, Marlene recounted her day's events to her companions with great keenness. Although she conveniently forgot to mention her rejection letter from earlier that morning. She brought up meeting her grandmother for lunch, but didn't go into details. Chatting with her grandmother once was enough.

But it was her banning from Honeydukes that really interested the lads. Sirius seemed to find that quite amusing, bursting out into a fit of noisy laughter. Even Remus laughed unashamedly.

"That's possibly the best story I've heard all month," Sirius managed to get out through his unstoppable laughter. "You got banned…from _Honeydukes_!" he said clutching his sides and then wiping the tears of mirth from his eyes.

"Not on purpose," Marlene hotly replied, her face tinged red from embarrassment. She thought it would be a comical narrative to tell, but didn't think about how mortifying it truly was until she saw their reactions.

"You got banned from a children's sweet shop," he continued mercilessly.

"Shut up!" Marlene said, suddenly out of witty things to say.

This made Sirius laugh even more uncontrollably. He was virtually rolling on the ground for Merlin's sake.

"I said knock it off already, Sirius," she tried once more but he ignored her.

He was getting far too much delight out her humiliation, Marlene mused. She didn't mind being the butt of a joke or being laughed at in general. But Sirius was taking it a bit too far! She decided that if he wasn't going to shut up any time soon, then she was going to make him. She reached for her wand.

"_Locomotor Wibbly!"_

Sirius' legs began to collapse and then he fell with a loud thump. His long, lustrous hair was splayed across his face and his toned body was now stretched out on the ground. The end of his shirt was slightly pushed up, partially exposing the bottom of his fair stomach. Marlene caught sight of the path of dark hair that started at his belly button and trailed into his jeans.

She swallowed.

"What the bloody hell was that for?!" Sirius shouted, tearing her from her indecent thoughts. She met his gaze, his grey eyes burning with passion.

"You were irritating me! I told you to get off my case!" Marlene replied fiercely.

He slowly stood up, brushed the dirt off his clothes, and approached her.

Marlene shifted on her feet uncomfortably. They stood face-to-face, so close that she could feel the heat radiating off his body. She could see the flecks of blue in his eyes. She noticed how seemingly poreless his skin was with amazement and slight envy. He was properly taller than her, not extremely but still had a good bit of height on her. She suddenly felt small from his presence for the first time in her life. She finally understood what others meant when they said that tall people could be intimidating.

She shrunk unwittingly, but stood her ground.

"You do know what this means," he whispered forebodingly and Marlene swallowed once again. But this time for nerves. Her fingers wrapped tightly around her wand, unsure of what to do next. She knew of Sirius' explosive temper from watching him go off back at school and wonder if he would attempt to duel her. She was a bloody good duelist, at least that's what everyone told her in Defense, but Sirius was still higher in the class rankings. She wasn't sure if she could take him. And they were getting along so well before, she thought solemnly.

Remus watched them worriedly.

"It means I have to do this!"

His arms lifted and Marlene winced. Then he began tickling her sides to her great surprise, hastily roaming over the more sensitive parts of her curvy body.

Marlene dropped her wand and was unable to contain her giggles.

"S-S-Siri-us…st – ha ha ha - op," she tried to protest and shoved him back. In all honestly she wanted him to continue for as long as possible. She missed being touched by a boy. Fucking Alec.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that," he teased and only increased his efforts. She tried to get away from him, but only got in a step before he caught her waist from behind. He rested his head on her right shoulder and assaulted her underarms.

She got a good whiff of his delicious cologne before exploding into a scream of laughter again.

"Can't…b-breathe."

"Apologize," he whispered into her ear, his hot breath fanning across her face as his strong hands met her soft stomach, "And _maybe_ I'll stop!" he finished loudly.

By then she could barely stand and leaned on Remus for support. Remus was smiling broadly and obviously enjoying her harmless torture.

"O-k. S-Sorry," Marlene said breathlessly. She gave in as her giggles began to become more and more painful. She was very close to falling on her knees.

"Bloody behave yourselves children, we're here," Remus said in mock authority and chuckled.

Marlene thought it was funny how Remus occasionally acted more mature than his years, but was really just as juvenile as Sirius and herself. He just seemed like the type to get more enjoyment out of observing amusing situations than evolving himself, though he did like getting into the right ones on occasion and was always quick with a joke.

Sirius halted his attack. He spotted Marlene's wand, picked it up, and gave it to her like a dog retrieving a stick. He looked at her expectedly with a goofy look on his face.

"Good boy."

Marlene patted him on the head. She could play it off as a gag, but really she just wanted to touch his hair. She had always wondered if it was as soft as it looked. It was. Get a grip, Marlene disciplined herself. She couldn't believe how stupid she was acting around him.

"What?"

"I swear you're just like a dog," she commented before Sirius and Remus exploded into a laugh simultaneously.

She didn't think it was that funny.

They exchanged a look and smiled to themselves. She was confused, but decided to overlook what ever just happened. The Marauders had this bizarre friendship that Marlene knew better than to try to comprehend.

"But really, thanks. Though I should hex you with that for nearly suffocating me," Marlene quipped.

"Bold words for a girl who almost died from a tickling assail," Remus said and Marlene slapped his arm.

The trio looked at the building in front of them and entered. Marlene felt someone's gaze and looked over to find Sirius genuinely grinning at her, but then pulled it into a smirk when she met his eye.

She shook her head and looked forward, trying to hide her own smile.

A blush crept up her neck and she was thankful for the dark lighting of the pub. She decided to crush whatever this feeling she was starting to develop for him at that instant. She had a boyfriend, he was Sirius Black, and she was Marlene McKinnon. There were so many factors for why she shouldn't have a crush on him. It was sad how often she needed to remind herself of that. Pathetic really.

* * *

The Three Broomsticks was one of Marlene's favorite places in all of Hogsmeade and maybe the world. Lily and Emmeline would have scoffed at her declaration, but it was not untrue. Lily once told her that she spent a little too much time there with either Alec or Hestia and Mary, and a not enough studying Potions during her days at Hogwarts. Emmeline told her she shouldn't spend anytime there at all, calling her a miscreant drunkard in the process. But Emmeline didn't know what she was missing.

Well maybe she did but she didn't have to be _such_ a stick in the mud, Marlene thought.

The atmosphere was perfect – warm, crowded, and welcoming. Marlene wasn't a smoker in the least, but the smokiness definitely gave the pub some character that she appreciated. The patrons were usually chirpy and friendly, perfect for chatting idly with to waste time.

Their alcohol selection wasn't half bad either, but Marlene wouldn't know much about that. She only ordered Firewhiskey and the occasional Butterbeer.

Remus and Sirius immediately spotted Peter despite the rowdy, muddled environment. Marlene figured that there was some sort of "Marauders Sense" that they could all pick up on. She followed them to a nearly empty table, with only Pete in company.

"Wormy! How are ya mate?" Sirius said loudly and clapped Peter on the back.

He turned around in his short wooden stool that was most likely the same height as him. Peter was a short bloke and not conventionally attractive in the least. His mousy brown hair stuck to his sweaty bulbous face. His robes seemed to be in decent shape and style, but snuggly pulled over his potbelly a little too tightly. His small watery eyes crinkled and he gave flashed his mates an uneven smile.

"Decided to show up after all, hey?"

"Sorry, Wormtail," Remus apologized and Sirius had the decency to give Peter a sheepish look.

Marlene decided to introduce herself before things got too drawn out and therefore uncomfortable.

"Hiya, Peter! Remus and Sirius bumped into me on the street and asked me to join you lot. I hope that's ok…?" Marlene asked Peter as he looked up at her with surprise.

She thought that people were a little harsh in terms of sizing Peter Pettigrew up. So he wasn't attractive in either appearance or personality. But maybe he was a good guy and nobody ever gave him the chance to prove it. She hated it when people judged others solely on the surface. It's not like he could control the way he looked or completely change his character. Marlene was sure there was more to Peter than met the eye.

He nodded and returned her bright smile.

"It's my pleasure," he responded considerately in a voiced that reminded Marlene of a squeaky door.

Marlene beamed and gave herself a pat on the back. She knew he was an all right bloke. Probably just misunderstood, she thought. There was a reason why the rest of the Marauders liked him. She would just have to wait and see what it was for herself.

They each took a seat in their respective stools around the square shabby center table. Remus took the seat closet to him, next to Peter, which left Marlene and Sirius partnered up on the opposing side. Marlene sat across from Remus, as Sirius did to Peter.

"Thanks again for letting me join you, I've never need a drink more," Marlene added. "My grandmother is more brutal than a mountain troll."

"Any specific reason why you met with your gran for lunch?" Remus asked politely.

"Over the fact that she thinks I'm bigger than a Hippogriff," Marlene said carelessly. She immediately regretted the words and silently cursed her big mouth.

Guys always got all weird when that kind of stuff was mentioned. The majority usually responded to it the wrong way. It was just that she was so unused to talking to boys in the past two months that she often forgot to switch her brain into the other mode and let it slip without thinking.

"She's just jealous of your arse, love" Sirius replied airily. Marlene could have snogged him right then and there for that response.

"You're not _that_ fat, Marlene," Peter said tactlessly.

Marlene grimaced as Peter's good impression rapidly fell.

"My, my now _this_ is an interesting group," a bubbly voice filled the air.

Marlene shifted her glance and laid it on the woman before them. Rosmerta was a well-known and liked bartender, a pretty girl about a decade older than Marlene, and reasonably astonished at the moment. She knew all four patrons sitting at the table well enough to be friendly with them, but never did she see them all together.

"Finally ditched Alec to pursue the life of a lady-swinger?" Rosmerta quipped lightly. "Good going, Mars. An inspiration to us all."

And that was why she was Marlene's favorite barmaid.

Marlene laughed and waved her hand. "Yes, I spend my free timing taming the Marauders, er well these three. Lils already took care of James for me," she replied.

"You'd like to think you could handle us but you wouldn't know the first thing, love. You're welcome to try, though," Sirius quickly retorted and Marlene stuck her tongue out at him.

"Butterbeers?" Remus suggested, looking around the table.

"Sounds excellent," Marlene replied.

Rosmerta nodded. "Four butterbeers it is. I'll catch up with you later, Mars." She pushed her long blonde hair away from her face and sashayed across to the other side of the bar, drawing interest from various men in the pub.

"You two seem like good mates," Remus acknowledged and pointed to Rosmerta's disappearing figure.

"Oh, we're sisters."

"What!" Sirius shouted, almost falling out of the chair he casually leaned back on.

"You're not sisters," Peter said resolutely.

"Correct, Pete. Not by blood anyways. Some people say we look a bit alike and we get along well. She's like the older sister I never had who holds my hair back for me when I vomit. Not that that's ever happened before."

* * *

Their butterbeers came shortly after that and the four managed to strike up conversation easily.

Remus seemed as tired as he looked, but managed to give them a run down of a book he was reading called 'The Stand' by Stevie Wonder or something. It sounded rather interesting and he promised to loan it to Sirius once he was finished with it.

Peter complained a bit about a bird he was chasing who didn't seem to reciprocate his feelings. Marlene gave him some practical advice, but it seemed to all go out the other ear when he declared that he was going to convince her by sending her a dozen red roses and a request for a date. Marlene told him it was bad idea, but he told her to sod off. Whatever the other Marauders liked about Peter was still unknown to her. He was inept and not even that nice.

Sirius excitedly bragged about his new flat, which was in muggle London to Marlene's surprise.

"I live in muggle London too!" Marlene replied animatedly.

"Which neighborhood do you live in?"

Marlene lifted her finger and tapped on her chin. She had apparated there a million times, but couldn't recall exactly where it was or what it was called.

"I don't know. It's next to this diner called, 'A Side of Sunny'," she admitted.

"You don't know? Marlene McKinnon, you are a ridiculous human." Sirius barked his infamous laugh and Marlene frowned in response.

"Says the bloke who can't figure out how to work a muggle toaster. Or oven for that matter."

"I once burned my willy on the oven when I was five," Remus absently said, slurring his words a bit.

They all exploded into bawdy, drunken laughter at Remus' absurd statement.

They decided to give up on butterbeer halfway through the night and switch to firewhiskey, to Marlene's delight. Unfortunately she became drunk rather quickly within the few hours, as did Remus, due to her empty stomach. Remus got pissed simply because he was a lightweight. Sirius and Peter still seemed sober though. Or at least soberish.

"I miss Prongs," Peter sighed. "Prongs would have found that funny."

"Marlene's better to look at," Sirius replied and gave her a wink. She rolled her eyes and shook her long golden hair to divert attention from her flushing face, which was already quite red from the firewhiskey.

"Flatterer."

"Although Prongs is quite a good looking chap…"

"Prat."

"I miss Prongs too. Tell Lily to give him back," Remus garbled once again.

"Tell James to give Lils back," Marlene fired back, just as slurry. She leaned on Sirius for support, as she didn't want to fall out of her chair.

"We all know who wears the robes in that relationship," Peter added wisely.

Marlene was starting to understand Peter's strengths the more time passed. When he was off, which he was most of the time, it was a train wreck. But when he was on, he could be rather brilliant.

She still didn't like him.

"I miss Prongs the most," Sirius said miserably, like a little lost boy.

Marlene wanted to hug him so badly. He just looked so sad and cute. And vulnerable, which was very unlike Sirius. She gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder, which was her consolation prize instead of the hug.

"I need to leave now, I'm exhausted," Remus began to get up, but stumbled over his long lanky legs. "And drunk. Very…very…drunk."

"I'll apparate you back, Moony," Peter offered and stood up, as Remus was too plastered to do it himself. "You can pay me back later by helping me get those roses."

Marlene jumped out of her chair.

"No, Pete! Pete…Pete. No," Marlene stumbled over her words. " Listen to me. If a bloke I didn't know and already told I wasn't interested in sent me flowers and a date _request _then I would be running to my local law enforcement office, not into his arms. You ever hear about that bloke Todd Ru-G-Gumby, from the States?"

"Ted Bundy," Remus managed to slur. Despite being as drunk as all bloody fuck he was clever as ever.

Marlene pointed to Remus. "Yes him! Thank you, Remus. You're a genius. A drunk one," she looked back down to Peter. "I'd think you were like him instead of a catch. It's creepy. Just don't. DON'T."

"Fine."

"She's got a point, Wormy," Sirius supported and gave her an encouraging look.

Marlene flashed him a smile.

"I know I do," she said proudly. "I'm always right about things like that."

"Sure, love. Sure."

"We're going to go, Padfoot. See you later?" Peter asked, as Remus draped over his body. It was quite comical as Remus was much bigger than Peter who, despite being stoutly, could barely hold him up.

"Yeah, Wormy. Make sure Moony gets back ok without choking on his own vomit. I'm a bit worried about him. Make sure he drinks a glass of water before he goes to bed and leave another glass of water by his bedside. I'll swing by tomorrow with a hangover tonic. Looks like the poor bastard is going to need one."

Peter nodded and Remus gave him a wide, silly smile.

"I always knew you cared, Padfoot."

"Next time leave the firewhiskey for us big boys, Moony. We've already lost Prongs, can't have you dying of alcohol poisoning on us."

Remus pouted.

"I guess it's time for me to get back too," Marlene said loudly, squinting her eyes to read her watch. "It's already…3am! For Merlin's sake! Oh nooo Emmy's going to skin me," she whined.

"And just how are you going to do that? I'm - we're not letting you apparate, you can barely see straight. And nobody here knows where you live, not even you!" Sirius pointed out.

"Erm-ah..Well, hmm. Dunno," she replied dumbly and rubbed her shoulder.

They stood in concentration and watched Peter drag Remus, who began to sing an unintelligible song, out of the pub.

"Are you sure he's going to be alright?" Marlene wouldn't have taken Remus as the drunk of the group, but you can never judge a person too quickly.

"He'll be fine," Sirius replied, a trace of worry in his voice.

"I guess I'll trust you. You seemed to be fretting a bit back there."

Sirius shrugged. "He's my mate."

"You're a good mate, S-Sur-Sirius," Marlene slurred. "...Are we mates?"

Sirius glanced at her, only a little surprised.

"I'd suppose we are, Marlene." Sirius smiled.

"Good enough mates to let me stay over at your new flat as I can't seem to find any other solution to my problem?" She questioned with a smirk.

"C'mon, you."

He hooked his arm into hers and led her through the noisy pub, exiting into the early morning street.

* * *

A/N:

I think I'm going to write one of these every couple of chapters because I like 'em. Sorry if it takes you out of the story, but you can ignore them if you'd like!

Anyways, I'm going to be doing a lot of editing because I feel like my writing is a bit dry at times? In terms of descriptions and stuff. Dialogue is more my thing, I guess. Booo. That's why reviews help.

And I miss James too, so he'll be making an unnecessary return next chap cuz I looove writing his character.

Review/like/follow this story if Sirius' happy trail makes you happy.


	5. Things Left Unsaid

**September 1978**

Sirius' flat was so … _Sirius_. Marlene knew that it wasn't a very descriptive or clever thing to say in the least, but there was no other way to describe it.

He apparated them to a district called Camden Town where the large, modern apartment building that housed his flat was located. Sirius mentioned choosing the location based on the pubs, markets, and music venues situated around the area. She could see why he chose that district; it was so energetic and fun! It was much more active than the quieter, more residential neighborhood that Emmy chose for them.

Marlene could never imagine him living in an ordinary, boring, or traditional place. He would want to be right in the middle of rebellion and counter-culture, even in the muggle world.

Sirius led Marlene up the stairs, with one large hand wrapped around her waist to stabilize her and the other on the wooden banister for his own support. When they got to the door, he slipped his key in the lock and opened it all while propping her up simultaneously.

"I think I got it from here," Marlene spoke clearly and walked into his flat on her own two feet. She was still somewhat drunk, but being with Sirius at his flat was very sobering indeed.

As he busied himself locking up, she wandered around a bit and took a good look at his flat. She was curious about how it would be decorated, but was in for disappoint as Sirius had not yet had the chance to unbox and organize his possessions. He did just purchase it the other day and therefore only a few furnishings were in place.

The flat itself was wide, open, and mostly made up of one room, as it was a loft.

The longue room was set up with forest green leather couch and an empty bookcase, across from a welcoming fireplace. There were various boxes sprawled out across the floor that were still unopened, one labeled 'Broom Shite' and another 'More Shite'. She laughed hardily at that.

She noticed an end table in the corner of the room that held that day's issue of The Daily Prophet and a stack of magazines. The majority of them were for some sort of muggle contraption that looked like a mechanical bicycle and the rest would scandalize her grandmother. Marlene shrugged. She had a teenaged brother along with two adult ones, and frankly dirty magazines didn't bother her. Almost everyone liked to look at pictures of attractive naked people, or at least the honest ones did.

The longue room made up the majority of the space, but the kitchen and dining room took up the other. She spotted a small foldout dining table surrounded by four chairs, presumably for Marauder get-togethers.

The main room was connected to a separate bedroom and assumably a bathroom, but she couldn't see much from where she was standing and wasn't about to go in there. It was a bit too intimate in her opinion.

There were four large windows that reached from the ground to the ceiling, facing eastwards into the streets below. Marlene thought it would make for sunny, beautiful mornings. Overall, it was a gorgeous flat. A little bare, but most likely not for long.

"No, you can't have it. I haven't even managed to fill 'er up yet," Sirius commented out of the blue behind her. Marlene turned around to look at him. She hadn't even noticed him watching her evaluate his flat, but her mind was a bit cloudy.

"I'll take it, for 4 galleons and 13 sickles."

"That's all you think it's worth?" He asked with amusement in his voice. "Why Marlene, you insult me."

She laughed and shrugged. "It's all I have."

"That's all the money you have left?!" Sirius said, completely shocked.

Marlene winced, but recovered. "I meant it's all the money I have on me," she responded with a clever half-truth.

She didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to have to talk about her current financial situation at the moment. Especially with Sirius. That would lead to talking about having no money, which would lead to talking about having no job or career, which would lead to talking about her denial into Auror training, which would lead to a very sad Marlene.

"Hmm, I think not. I quite like it," Sirius replied after pretending to ponder over her measly offer in mock deliberation.

"I like it too," she complimented and looked around the room with interest.

"Well I'm glad. Do-"

Marlene's stomach interrupted him with a loud, angry grumble. He looked down at her with his face full of laughter.

"Well I guess that answers my question, although a 'yes' would have sufficed."

She couldn't do anything but laugh in return.

"I haven't eaten much at all today. That's why I got sloshed so easily back at the Three Broomsticks. And why I couldn't climb the stairs by myself. I'm totally out of fuel," she admitted sheepishly.

He paused for a moment and went to respond, but stopped. After seeming to make a realization, he continued.

"Marlene you're not…you're…" He struggled with finding the right words to express himself. Marlene inquisitively quirked her head to the side, wondering what it was he was speechless about. Sirius was usually quite eloquent.

"You know you're beautiful right? And healthy? Just the way you are?"

She blushed. A lot. Damn. My body really is traitorous, she thought irritably. But how could she not? Sirius Black had just complimented her the way many girls would have, and probably did, dreamed.

"Sirius…?"

"I meant about what your gran said…y'know…about your weight," he looked away and scratched his neck with a broad arm. "You're not as big as a Hippogriff. You're perfect, really. Don't listen to her," he said strongly.

Comprehension swept her face and she scoffed. He thought I was starving myself on purpose, she thought. He was really far off the mark about that one.

"Trust me, Sirius. I wouldn't know how to diet if my gran wrote one out for me, which she did by the way, because I love eating way too much. Still that was quite a sweet thing you said, even it was only out of pity."

"It wasn't out of pity, I meant it." He shot back, not missing a beat.

"Oh, well. Thanks?" She blushed again. Sod it; she blamed it on the firewhiskey. It made people all loopy and giggly.

Sirius grinned with relief.

"Let's make you a sandwich then, hey? I could do with one too," he said while strolling to the kitchen, Marlene following him close behind.

* * *

Sirius made two large sandwiches with this mysterious meat product called "Spam", which apparently the corner store shop owner insisted on him purchasing. Sirius had never heard or tried it before, but it was the only meat he had in the kitchen. Marlene would have eaten a live gazelle at that point she was so hungry. So she told him that was fine. They sat together, across from one another at the small dining table. Marlene dove into her sandwich as soon as Sirius placed it down in front of her.

"Thanks," she managed to get out between a bite. The sandwich was very…interesting tasting, but she ate it anyway. "I would have cooked something up for us if I had the energy and you had the supplies."

"You can cook?" He sounded rather shocked.

She wasn't sure why. Maybe she didn't seem like the archetypal domestic lass – with all the drinking and Quidditch and Auror stuff (not that he knew about her desire to be an Auror) – but she still immensely enjoyed many things that were stereotypically considered women's interests. She always embraced her own femininity rather than begrudged it.

"Can I cook? Did he just say what I think he did?" She asked to no one in particular, looking around the empty chairs. Sirius watched her with delight. "Sirius, Sirius, Sirius. I don't mean to brag, but I kick arse."

"Wow, that good?"

"Yeah, well. You see I have four older siblings, none of which are even close to my age. And a younger brother, Danny, who is three years younger than me. But when Danny was busy I would pester the house elves at home when I was bored and they taught me a few things. It was quite useful, being a meddlesome child."

"You'll have to make something for me sometime," he told her casually and took a large bite of his sandwich. He was quite cute when eating, she idly noted. How could he be the most masculine, rugged man she knew and the cutest, most boyish one simultaneously? It was really having a devastating affect on her.

"I guess I do." She nodded in return, smiling.

"'Cause if you haven't noticed all I can make are these vile Spam sandwiches," he quipped, making Marlene burst into a giggle at his admission. "But I'm quite good at breakfast foods. Honest."

"I'll hold you to that."

They shared a comfortable silence, both unenthusiastically gulping down their food.

"Did you have fun tonight, with Moony and Wormtail?" He asked conversationally as he prodded his sandwich. "Hope they didn't leave that bad of an impression. They're usually quite good. Well that's a forthright lie, isn't it?" He chuckled.

Marlene laughed. "No, they're brill. I had a great time. I can see why you guys are all such good mates."

Sirius beamed from the compliment. His mates were obviously very important to him. But anyone could have told you that. It was as common knowledge as water was wet.

"Though Pete is a bit…"

Sirius barked out a laugh. "He's really not that bad, Marlene. He's a bit off sometimes, but he's a true friend."

"Yeah, I know. It's just that he called me fat. I don't know if I'll be able to forgive him for that one. No self-respecting girl would," she said sulkily, dropping her sandwich.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his chair, making it squeak in the process. "Yeah, that was brash of him. Untrue too." Marlene looked up at him. "So finish your repulsive sandwich. I put a lot of effort into it, you know."

Marlene laughed and continued eating, out of sheer hunger. "But for the most part he's all right, I reckon. He'll just have to make it up to me."

Sirius cocked his head and raised an eyebrow to his hairline.

"Not like that, you dirty pervert!" She punched his arm lightly and he laughed, trying to duck the blow. "I have a boyfriend, remember?"

"Oh, right," he replied a bit moodily. "Parsons. You're still with that bloke?" he questioned brusquely, suddenly becoming very interested in his bread crust.

"Yes, yes I am," she responded curtly, watching his hands.

He stopped messing with his sandwich and looked her dead in the eye. "Are you sure about him, Marlene? You seem like the type to…" He didn't finish.

"Like the type to what exactly?" She asked snappily.

"Get hurt easily."

Marlene threw up her hands forcefully. "Why is everybody saying that? You, Emmy, the bloody Aurors…"

"The Aurors?" He perked up immediately, with great interest.

Damn. Bloody dammit. She just had to bring it up. Marlene really needed to learn how to stuff her cakehole.

"Yeah, those lot. The ones with the incredible, otherworldly skills and savior complexes. Any particularly reason for your interest?" She replied, hoping that he'd take the change in topic bait.

"I'm going to become one after the war," he replied resolutely. This new information surprised Marlene.

"Really?! So am I. But why wait?" She couldn't help to ask. She was rather curious. Sirius did seem like the right sort to pursue being an Auror. Not like her, she guessed piteously.

"I have…, er, other obligations," he admitted evasively. "Why are you still with him?"

"Alec?"

"No, the sodding Prime Minister. Yes Alec!"

Now it was his turn to dodge questions about his personal affairs through change of topic. Or back to topic. He was hiding something, that much was for certain, but he would have told her what his "other obligations" were if he wanted her to know. Fair enough, she thought. She didn't want him knowing about her denial. Not yet at least.

She pondered this for a few moments before replying thoughtfully. "He's really a nice guy -," she began.

"Oh yes, he seemed like a great bloke at the wedding," he commented sarcastically and crossed his arms, losing his usual careless appearance.

"Oi, that's not fair. You don't know him. Not like I do. We've been together for three years now, since the beginning of our fifth year at Hogwarts. I chose him for a reason, as he did for me. He was sweet and lovely to me all that time. We got along perfectly despite being in different Houses and on opposing Quidditch teams. Alec was Hufflepuff's beater, if you can recall. I still…" She paused.

"I still love him, or the person he used to be. But he's changed," she admitted, feeling very vulnerable indeed. But something about Sirius inspired her trust.

"Do you really think a person can do that though?" He asked quietly, gently leaning back and forth on his chair in careful consideration.

"Do what?"

"Change back. To what they used to be like."

"I sure hope so, but to be honest…I don't know. I've been waiting for Alec to come around for months now. I've given him so many chances to prove to me that I was right about him, that he's a good person and that his heart is in the right place. But…"

"But he's a wanker," Sirius finished for her.

"Precisely."

Sirius was quiet in contemplation.

"Were you talking about someone specifically?" She asked perceptively.

"No," he quickly responded. Marlene nodded in acceptance. "Maybe," he whispered. "My brother, Reg."

Ah, Regulus Black. She knew that name, as did many others. He was Sirius' younger brother. Despite sharing the same blood and similar looks –though Marlene had to admit that Sirius was a bit more handsome and well built—were very different individuals. To be honest she didn't know that much about Regulus other than the fact that he was in Slytherin, was seeker for their Quidditch team, and followed typical Black traditions, like belief in blood purity.

And he hung around a very dangerous crowd, many of whom openly claimed to want to become death eaters and swear allegiance to Voldemort. She could see why he was concerned about him, but decided to answer his question rather than press him about his family. She knew how much he liked that.

"Mmm, well if there's a way to make them change then I don't think we have much control or say in it, you know? You can tell somebody to do something a thousand times and the only way they'll do it is if they want to. It has to come from them. That type of change at least," she declared, answering his question.

Sirius nodded, but still seemed very distant. He was beginning to get into one of those moods that James complained about so often. His disposition became more withdrawn and stormy, very unlike his usual temperament that was full of laughter and life and good-natured teasing remarks.

"So I'm the first bird you've ever brought back to your flat, is that right?" Marlene said airily, attempting to bring Sirius out of his dark frame of mind. "Can I get a plaque for that? Or perhaps a chocolate frog? I'll accept either. Or both."

Sirius laughed and Marlene returned it with small grin. Though he was very striking when brooding, she much preferred him smiling and with a face full of laughter. Sullenness didn't suit him.

"Didn't I once tell you that I wasn't a 'selfish playboy wanker'? Because I meant what I said."

Marlene looked into his grey eyes and believed him. She only found openness and honesty in them. But she was still curious to find out more.

"You had loads of girls," Marlene pointed out. "Well a couple at least," she added trying to recall their faces and names. It was difficult. But not for the reasons she would have initial suspected.

She could hardly remember Sirius spending alone time with girls at all. He was always dedicated to his mates. Sure he harmlessly flirted and charmed everyone in sight, but she could only remember him spending intimate time with a few. Four tops, but who was counting?

"Says who? Rumors are rarely accurate despite how much people love to believe them. Take what you see with a grain of salt. And take what you hear with a truck load," he added cleverly. "You should only trust the source, you know," he finished.

He would make a brilliant Auror, she thought. She admired his savvy sense of intelligence and surprising wisdom. It was strange how he could be insightful and practical one moment, but then reckless and boyishly immature the next. Sirius was complex, she noted.

"You never refuted your reputation before," she challenged.

"Why would I? What teenage boy would possible deny the status of a lady killer?" he said with amusement.

Marlene understood what he was saying. The Marauders were built on their reputation, not that that truly cared that much for what others thought about them. They were brilliant and they knew it. That's all that mattered.

"But you're denying it now. To me," she thoughtfully announced.

"You've only been frank with me, which I like a great deal, and I figure it's only right for me to be completely honest too," he said. "Didn't we agree to get to know each other truthfully or something during the wedding? And I'm kind of done with that whole thing. It's lost its appeal."

What lost what appeal, she thought. He wasn't talking about womanizing. He already stomped that belief out with finality. The reputation he had perhaps? She wasn't sure what he meant, but decided not to divulge any deeper.

"I'm sorry I judged your character without getting to know you. That's not like me. I'm usually the last to place judgment," she apologized.

He smirked. "You didn't think anything I didn't want you to. I'm quite convincing. And handsome, " he added and Marlene punched his arm for being so shameless. Even if it was true, she thought.

"Prat," she said unconvincingly.

They shared a comfortable silence as Marlene took another bite of her sandwich.

"Sirius?"

"Yes, love?"

"This spam stuff is the absolutely shittiest thing I've ever eaten."

"You've just noticed?"

"Can we just order a pizza or something?"

"Read my mind."

* * *

A/N: Ok I lied about James. He'll show up in the next one, promise. Sorry to cut the story up like that, but it'd be over 15 pages if I didn't.

I'd also like to thank my Guest for reviewing and the favorite/follow. I love you! :) Blackinnion is a lot of fun, especially for us Sirius' lovers. Right now I'm on winter break so I'm writing like crazy and spamming as much as I can, but I'm definitely going to try to keep it as updated as possible. Again, thanks for reading.


	6. Stay

**September 1978**

It turned out that not only was Sirius Black a sex god with a great personality and his own flat, but also had great taste in music. Who would have guessed?

After their pizza came, they chatted for a long while about nothing important in particular. They were just enjoying wasting time together, exchanging stories and jokes. Eventually Marlene began helping unpack his boxes of belongings and decorating the flat with the assistance of her wand. Together they filled his bookcase, adorned the walls with various hangings- including a couple of posters and a large Gryffindor banner-, and reorganize his tupperware. Most of the boxes contained basic necessities.

But when she opened a mystery box and discovered his record player, she failed to smother her delighted thrill.

She gasped loudly. "Oh Merlin, it's gorgeous." It was a relatively new model, made of rich mahogany wood and ornamented with small, intricate gold designs. She traced the sides with her slender fingers, her eyes wide with wonder.

Sirius crouched down on his knees next to her. "I see you found my record player. You can sort through my record collection if you'd like. Your welcome to take a look," he said lifting over another box with his wand and gently placing in it by her feet. He rose and went back to cleaning his broom with anti-wear solution, as Marlene opened the box.

It was rather extensive, but Marlene recognized some names as she sifted through it. "Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, The Doors, The Clash, The Dead Kennedys, Joy Division, The Cure, Magazine, Gang of Four, The Stooges, Jimi Hendrix, The Rolling Stones, The Kinks, The Who-"

"Are you going to say every artist's name out loud? Because I'm going to get you something to drink if so," he said wryly as he placed the broom down carefully and transfigured a vase into a cigarette ashtray.

"Did you take Muggle Music at Hogwarts?" Marlene asked earnestly, impressed with his smooth and effortless transfiguration. He would be good at transfiguration, she thought.

She paced over to the dark green sofa, which was only a step or two away, and collapsed onto it with fatigue. She was completely and utterly wiped out, but she managed to stay attentive. It was hard not to with Sirius close by, making her chest feel full and her stomach unsettled as much as she tried to ignore the feelings.

"Actually I did. You were in that course too, right?" Sirius chuckled as he lit up a cigarette that he pulled out from a carton from one of the boxes. He took a long drag before exhaling the smoke in front of him with a content sigh. Marlene didn't care for smoking, but it was kind of ridiculous how sexy he made it seem. But everything Sirius did was rather fit.

"Oh, I'm sorry. If you mind I'll put it out," he said with uncharacteristic courteousness, gesturing to the ashtray. He watched Marlene's face twisted into astonishment.

"Oh no, I don't mind. I just didn't know you smoked. And yeah, I was in your class. It was a great class. Turned out I was pretty shit at guitar, but I'm not half bad at singing." She laughed tiredly.

"I know I shouldn't, they say it can kill you." He referred to his cigarette. "But I figure we all have to die sometime, hey," he finished with playful carelessness in his voice and took another puff. He followed her example and sat down next to her on the sofa, stretching out his long legs.

Marlene frowned. That didn't mean he had to quicken it up, she thought. Did he have a death wish? But she wasn't one to judge other's vices, so she left it.

"If you'd like I could take you to a show at this music venue called The Roxy. It's in Covent Garden. I saw The Clash play there not too long ago. It was bloody brilliant. There's this band called Siouxsie and the Banshees that I'd think you'd quite like," he offered with a wicked smile and inhaled another drag, waiting for her response.

"I'd loved to. Just tell me the time and date," Marlene replied as her pouty lips stretched into a wide, silly smile. It was nice having a mate to do things like that with.

"I'll owl you if something good comes up, as their listings aren't always accurate," he finished heedlessly.

"Excellent."

Marlene yawed loudly.

"You're tired. It's already 5am, blimey. You should go home and sleep," Sirius announced with a groggy voice as he rubbed his own bleary eyes with his fists and smothered his cigarette out in the ashtray.

"I'll just floo myself back to my flat," Marlene said tiredly, as she lifted herself off the couch and sauntered towards the modern-styled fireplace across from the sofa.

Sirius scratched his face noisily, which was now faintly covered in dark stubble. She wondered what it felt like or rather what it would feel like against her skin before he brought her out of her thoughts.

"I don't have any powder," he replied, stopping Marlene in her tracks. "And since the flat was just registered today, the Department of Magical Transportation hasn't had the chance to connect my fireplace to the Floo Network."

"Oh, I see," Marlene whispered to herself and turned around slowly without making eye contact. She seemed to want to say something, but chose to contain it as she played with a curly lock of her hair.

"Surely you could just apparate…? You seem to be well enough," Sirius suggested, watching her closely.

"You _can_ apparate, right?"

That personally offended Marlene.

"Of course I apparate!" she replied hotly, crossing her arms below her generous chest. "I'm not some clueless sixth year – in fact I'm only younger than you by a couple months. Your birthday is in November, right? Mine was in May. May 12th. I'm a Taurus and I guess you're a Scorpio?"

She was full on rambling.

"Hah, look at that. I actually remembered something from Divination, despite cutting half the time."

Sirius officially looked confused. His eyes were wide with puzzlement and his mouth was slightly agape. Finally he paused for a moment before responding.

"Yes...My birthday is on the 1st, " he said skeptically. "Wait, you're changing the subject. Why?" He quickly caught on and questioned her.

Marlene chuckled nervously, unfolding her arms and paced away in the other direction.

"I guess I am, aren't I?"

"Marlene, you're hesitating," Sirius stated, his eyes narrowing. Her nervous behavior was obvious and Sirius noticed that she did the same sort of inconsistent rambling that James did when he was trying to hide something.

Suddenly the art deco-esque painting hanging on the wall of the flat seemed very interesting to her. It was swirled with bright, warm colors and white.

"Wow, that's gorgeous, " she commented, pointing to the work of art. "Sirius, I didn't know you liked art! Do you paint?"

"MARLENE!" Sirius shouted, finally out of patience. "What is it?" he asked in a gentler voice.

Marlene snapped back and faced him. He was looking at her expectantly and knew that there was no use wiggling out of this one. So she decided to tell him the truth as frankly as possible.

She walked back over to Sirius who sat casually on the couch and stood in front of him with determination.

"Oh, all right," she gave in to the battle taking place in her head and lifted up the hem of her sundress fearlessly. She turned her body around slightly, exposing a noticeable scar on the back of her upper thigh.

She heard Sirius hitch his breath and she turned her head around over looking her shoulder, watching his reaction.

"You splinched yourself," Sirius noted quietly and kept his sight steady on her recently uncovered skin. Though Marlene observed how his eyes trailed up a bit higher then where the scar was marked.

Brilliant, now Sirius has seen my thigh cellulite, she thought dreadfully. He was probably disgusted and couldn't tear away his eyes in horror. She felt a bit depressed and dropped her dress.

Sirius looked crestfallen, probably still thinking about her cellulite she guessed. He watched her sit down next to him with alertness as she sighed wearily.

"Back in mid-August. I was..," she trailed off and pondered over whether or not she should tell him the whole story- unbecoming details included. He probably already thought she was a drunken loon by then so it wasn't like it mattered anymore. Marlene was never one for pretenses.

She continued." I was, er, inebriated –big shock, I know– at one of Hestia's parties and apparated myself like the genius I am, and…well, you know," she admitted, looking down.

"Emmy was visiting her parents that weekend, so when I got back to our flat nobody was home. It was rather…bad. Lucky for me my friend Benjy, who's training to become a healer, followed me back to check up on things before he went home. He managed to pacify the wound and get me to St. Mungo's just in time, "she said softly as she played with the lining of the couch. "I'm all right thanks to him, but no matter what they tried they couldn't fully remove the scar." She kept her eyes locked on the couch before she felt a warm, comforting hand rubbing circles on her back.

She tugged her eyes upward and Sirius nodded, still burning a hole into her covered thigh with his gaze.

Marlene threw her hands up and released an airy laugh that sounded a bit forced even to her ears.

"What am I doing? I've apparated a million times before that and even a few times after. Just never this knackered, " she said more to herself than Sirius. "I'm being silly; I'm going to leave now. Thanks for letting me stay over a bit and chat with you. Even though you did try to poison me with that nasty sandwich. You're a great mate. Later," she got up compellingly, a little discomfited about speaking so openly about her trauma, and made to apparate.

"No!" Sirius shouted, wildly jumping off the couch.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down so powerfully that she nearly got the breath knocked out her. They toppled onto the leather couch, Marlene landing on top of him. She could have sworn that Sirius muffled an escaping groan as their chests pressed against each other and their legs tangled for only a split-second. He smelled almost like usual: fresh woods and spice. But this time it was added with a hint of cigarettes and firewhiskey.

Marlene used the palms of her hands to push off against his muscular chest and they were free from each other's bodies.

They repositioned themselves next to each other on the couch. Marlene was breathing heavily and smoothed down her dress repeatedly. Sirius swallowed, but regain his relaxed composure quickly.

Her body felt extremely sensitive, like it was jolting with electricity. She focused on steadying her breathing instead of the fact that she was just on top of him in a compromising situation. After they recovered in a moment, Sirius spoke up.

"Are you bleeding insane? What if you splinch yourself again?!" Sirius yelled, his face flushing with emotion and completely ignoring whatever had just happened on the sofa.

"Don't you trust me?" Marlene fired back breathlessly. She had to apparate sometime, sooner better than later!

There was a silence.

"Look, it's really late. Or early. Whatever. I just don't think you're in the right mind set to do that right now," Sirius replied while running a hand through his now slightly tousled hair.

Marlene frowned. "Well then how else do you suggest I get home, Mr. I-Know- Sodding-Everything?" She said a little more tetchily than she meant.

Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but was suddenly cut off by Marlene as an idea rushed to her head.

"Oh! Oh! I know, shush. I can't believe I didn't think of it before! I'll just take the Tub or whatever they call it," she announced proudly and grinned broadly to herself.

"The Tube? You've taken the Tube before?"

Marlene nodded vigorously. "Well once. I took it a stop and got off. And then took it back to my flat. Mary bet me to. But how hard could it be?" Marlene declared. "I mean, you get on at one stop and you get off at another," she gestured with her hands. "It's like Hogwarts Express, I reckon."

Sirius looked at her like she absolutely crazy. And not for the first time that night, she solemnly noted.

"Blimey, Marlene. You're _not_ going on the Tube alone in the early morning without a clue where you're going, especially in your state, " he said exasperatedly. "No bloody way," he declared with utter finality. "If you really need to head back to your flat, then I'm coming with you."

"What! No! I can't ask you to do that for me. No," Marlene denied, crossing her arms.

"Then you're not going on the Tube. I won't allow it," he said just as obstinately.

"Then what?" she replied in a small voice. She was a little annoyed about Sirius telling her what she could and couldn't do, but he did have a point. She was completely knackered and need to sleep as soon as possible. Sirius looked in similar condition.

"Stay here," he replied nonchalantly. Marlene's head turned so fast that she could have broken her neck.

"I'll take the sofa. We both can get some rest and you can apparate back to your flat after you wake up refreshed in the morning. It's what I was trying to suggest before your whole Tube… scheme."

Stay. At Sirius' flat. Alone? Her brain processed his suggestion with great care. Never in all her years did she think that she would be sleeping over at Sirius Black's. She knew Alec would not be ok with it, rather he'd be gutted, but she couldn't think of a better solution herself. It was for her personal safety. It's not like they were going to shag. She was just going to rest up at her mate's home for the night. And with that, she made up her mind.

"Ok, " she agreed. "But I'll take the sofa."

"Merlin, for someone who is so easy-going you can be stubborn as hell."

"Same goes for you," she repeated.

"You're taking the bed, I'm sleeping on the couch. You'll do as I say because it's my flat and you're my guest," he said pointedly. "Also because I'm bigger," he said childishly.

"Are you serious?"

He smirked so smugly that Marlene wanted to slap him. So she did.

"You're frustrating." She sighed, and his eyes twinkled mischievously.

"No, I'm Sirius," he said, unrelenting with the pun and his accompanying haughty smirk. "And you're taking the bed."

"I can't do this anymore. I'm going to pass out mid-conversation if we continue bickering like this," she whined and stretched herself over the arm of sofa, pretending to pass out.

"I'll show you to the bedroom," he said suggestively and winked, obviously pleased about his victory over her.

Sighing overdramatically, she followed him to his room.

* * *

The bed was soft and warm and that was all Marlene cared about at the moment. Sirius let her borrow an undersized white t-shirt from his fifth year that fit decently for the most part, but pulled a little too snugly over her chest, and a pair of running shorts that hung a bit loosely on her hips. But with a few rolls of the waistband and self-adjustments, fit perfectly fine. To be completely honest she could have slept in her dress and she wouldn't have gave a toss. She just needed rest. She pilled her hair up into a sloppy bun on the top of her head, removed her makeup and brushed her teeth with a beauty charm, and promptly fell asleep in the cozy king-sized bed that smelt slightly of his cologne.

It was the ideal concoction for flawless sleep. That's what Marlene thought before her dream about winning a Quidditch match against the Slytherins was interrupted by the sound of thrashing and a loud moan.

She bolted upright and unconsciously reached for her wand that sat atop the night table to her side. She wordlessly casted a Silencing Spell around her to prevent anyone from hearing her open the door and stepped across the cold wooden floor. She tentatively approached the direction of the sound, her heart beating out of her chest. The best situation was a burglar, the worst…death eaters.

Marlene was prepared for these types of situations. The War was still at its peak and she knew danger was lurking around the corner for herself, her friends, and all those who supported muggle-borns and fought against blood-purity bigotry. She tried to be her usual cheerful self and have fun when possible, but she was always vigilant. Always waiting for a fight, for a duel, for a chance to protect, for the chance to save a life. Even if it meant losing hers.

She tried hard not to think about that last thought. But she couldn't escape it, with more and more tragedies occurring each day. Some days she felt so detached from the horrors of world, and others she felt too intimately acquainted with them.

Sometimes she wanted to throw herself thoughtlessly into a duel against the death eaters, just to feel like she made an effective difference instead of passively watching the death toll climb. That was why she wanted to join the Aurors. She joked about having a savior complex to Emmy, but isn't that what it was? Or maybe it was just human decency. To protect and fight for Lily, and Mary, and Benjy, and all non-pure bloods who deserved the same things that she did. A life. A future. One without prejudice and fear and the possibility of needless death.

But as impulsive as such could be at times, Marlene McKinnon was not reckless. When she did something that truly required her attention, she did it precisely. Not too much, not too little. Recklessness only got people killed, and it wasn't her time to die. Not yet.

"_Lumos_," she whispered softly, her eyes darting across the flat rapidly. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. In fact it looked exactly how it did before she left the main room to go to bed.

Sirius. Her first thought was for him. She had to make her way to the sofa, to see if he was asleep or awake or…

No, she couldn't consider that option.

She took another step towards the couch before she heard the sound of thrashing and a man groaning yet again. But it wasn't coming from a burglar or a death eater; it was coming from Sirius himself.

She visibly relaxed and released in a large breath of air she was holding in. No death eaters. But that still didn't explain the sounds. So she walked over to the sofa and studied the boy, rather the man, in front of her.

Sirius was sprawled across the couch, with only a small quilt covering his long body. She took in his bare, well-muscled arms and blushed slightly. He wasn't wearing a shirt.

Why am I blushing about that like some barely pubescent girl, she thought scornfully. She'd seen a stark naked man numerous times in her life, especially Alec's. Most blokes don't sleep with a shirt on. It was no big deal. She shook her head and pulled the quilt a bit further up, as it was slipping onto the ground.

She looked at his handsome face, which was etched with discomfort. A lock of his silky, black hair covered his face, but Marlene could clearly make out his features nevertheless. He had very distinguished, aristocratic cheekbones and a strong, sharp jaw line that was covered in dark stubble. His usually expressive grey eyes were shut tightly, flickering occasionally with distress. He had surprisingly long eyelashes. Marlene never noticed until she saw his eyes closed. His nose was straight and his lips looked very soft and…kissable.

NO. Danger zone, abort mission, go back to bed, Marlene ordered herself and made to leave after noticing nothing was the matter. He was just having a bad dream.

She left to return before he let out a deep moan and his legs kicked violently, knocking the quilt completely off his lean yet broadly built body. She swallowed as she took in the muscles and contours of his chest. It was like looking at a Greek god. She even glanced at his boxer shorts, noticing the large bulge momentarily with appreciation before mentally declaring herself a filthy pervert and covering him with quilt once more.

"Please sleep, Sirius. Quietly," she whispered and held his beautifully crafted hand in her own smaller own. Beautifully crafted hand? What kind of description is that, she thought. I'm officially a nutter.

But he actually seemed to take her advice in his unaware state and didn't make a peep for a good solid ten minutes. After managing to slip her hand out of his, she walked back to her bed and collapsed once again.

* * *

She was awoken that morning by an unlikely voice that did not sound like Sirius at all. In fact, it sounded a lot like James. Potter. Lily's husband. Her mate. And Sirius' best mate.

"Oi! Padfoot! Sleepy head! Lazy arse! Sorry excuse for a pitiful soul! Get up, it's half-past one. And before you ask if it's for something important you should know that of course it's important. It's me! Everything I say is important," James shouted playfully outside the closed bedroom door. "Moody has some new information on that fellow you've been assigned," he finished.

Shite. Where was Sirius? Obviously not in the flat. Tosser. Now she was going to have to awkwardly explain the situation herself. And she had a raging hangover.

"That's it, I'm coming in," he announced.

"No!" She protested and clapped a hand over her mouth.

There was a brief silence. Marlene's voice was very distinct, in what many considered a good way. She had a very rich, warm tone. Unfortunately it played against her negatively for the first time in her life.

"Marl..Marley? MARLEY!" He yelled, forcing the door open in a rush. He paled, making his appearance seem all the wilder with his messy black hair, lopsided glasses, and carelessly assembled robes. He looked at her speechless.

"Ok, I know you're shocked James but-"

"Shocked?! I'm not shocked! I'm traumatized!" He said loudly, covering his eyes with his large hands. "Are you decent?" He asked in a small voice, separating a few fingers and looking through them like a window shutter.

"Bloody hell! Yes, I'm clothed. As I have been all night. You're jumping to conclusions. We didn't shag," he winced at the word. "I slept over, but not _with_ him. He took the couch. I wouldn't cheat on Alec, c'mon."

James looked at her narrowly as his hands dropped to his sides, as if deciding whether or not to believe her.

"All right, I trust you Marley. I know you wouldn't lie to me. It was just rather shocking to see you here…in his bed," he said finally, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

"Thank you," she said exasperatedly, getting out of the bed. She slipped on her sandals by the foot of the bed. She snatched her wand and her neatly folded dress from the night table, holding it in the space underneath her left arm.

James put his glasses back on and stared at her with bulging eyes, giving her scandalous look.

"What is it now?' She asked tersely, rubbing her throbbing head.

"Marley, I think you should-"

They heard the flat door open and watched together as Sirius nosily entered. He was carrying several grocery bags in each hand, struggling to lock the door while balancing the load. He was wearing a dark red jumper and black jeans with boots, looking the picture of perfect despite last night. He finally locked up the door and brought the bags to the kitchen, unaware of the two standing in the lounge room.

Marlene and James looked to him, then at each other, and then back to him.

"Sirius?" Marlene called out apprehensively.

"Oh you finally decided to get up, Marlene. I was going to make and feed you some Revive Drought if you didn't get up within the hour," he joked casually from the kitchen, seeming very chirpy and not hung over or deprived of sleep due to nightmares in the least. He didn't notice James due to his occupation with the bags as he dumped them on the dining room table.

"Help me put these away?" he requested. "I went shopping for food, seeing as I didn't have any. Now I can show you my expert breakfast making skills. It's mostly to my wand's credit, but you know what they say, it's the flicker that counts."

"Padfoot?" James tried, somewhat in astonishment after observing the closeness of his two mates. He never knew they were friends.

"Prongs?! Why didn't you say anything, mate? Are you sick? That's not like you," he laughed and turned around energetically as the two joined him in the kitchen area.

He walked up to James and pulled him into one of those weird man hugs. His face lit up and his mouth stretched into a wide grin, displaying the top layer of his shiny, straight white teeth. James had such a massive effect on Sirius, but she never noticed how much until seeing it up close. He was positively ecstatic, on cloud nine, now that James had shown up.

He turned to say something to Marlene, but became thunderstruck and gave her a look that reminded her of the one James sent her back in the bedroom before they saw Sirius.

He was staring at her chest unashamedly; not even bothering to pretend to not look and take small, discreet glances.

"HELLO! My face is up here, Sirius!" She said fiercely while pointing at her enraged countenance. What a way to greet someone.

He nodded slowly, but kept his gaze in place. "I know," he said carelessly, burning a hole into her shirt with his steady gawk and defying her request.

She looked at him in disgust. "I need to get back to my flat. Now. No, Sirius," he looked up at her face and made an act to protest. "If I know Emmy, which I do, she's either furious or worried sick. Probably both. And she'll probably owl either Alec or my mother soon if I don't get back. Which would be disastrous for all parties involved. So I'm leaving now. Thanks for letting me sleep over. Catch you two later," she said quickly, the words tumbling out of her mouth.

"Mar-"

She easily apparated back to her flat, not a hair out of place.

* * *

As soon as Marlene appeared in the living room, Emmy busted out of her own room and interrogated her.

"Where were you?" Emmy demanded, looking miffed but relieved nonetheless. Her dark pixie cut was sticking up in all directions and she was wearing only a black sports bra and yoga shorts.

Wow, my best mate is fit, Marlene thought gratuitously. But this wasn't the time to joke around with her, Emmy was genuinely worried for her and she felt for bad for stressing her out unnecessarily.

"I promise I was somewhere safe, but I really just need to take a shower right now. And sleep off this headache. Then I'll tell you all the details," Marlene replied easily and walked towards the bathroom.

"You were out drinking again? You stayed at one of your mate's?" Emmy said knowingly and scoffed. It was scary how well she knew and could read me, Marlene thought.

"Yeah…I'm sorry about making you fret. I should have owled," she said genuinely.

"You should have. But seeing as you're all in one piece, I'll let it slide," she said, seeing Marlene's shabby condition. She was taking it easy on her and Marlene was thankful for that.

"Thanks Emmy, I'm going to have that shower now," she replied and walked into the bathroom.

She tugged at her hair tie and shook her long hair free. She kicked off her sandals, and then pulled off Sirius' shorts and her underwear simultaneously. But after she lifted off the white t-shirt, she made a terrible realization in the bathroom mirror. She forgot a very important, very _personal_ article of clothing at Sirius' flat. Her bra.

Her lacy, purple push-up bra from Minerva's Secret.

She slapped her forehead with her hand. Suddenly everything made sense regarding the boys' reactions. It felt like someone dumped ice water on her. The best part, or in Marlene's case worst, was that she shoved it under the pillow she slept on. At the time she rationalized it, thinking that it just felt wrong to leave it dangling out in the open on Sirius' end table.

She wanted to blame anyone beside herself.

She wanted to swear off butterbeer and firewhiskey (not likely) for making the whole situation possible in the first place, she wanted to curse James' for waking her up so unmercifully and throwing her off mentally, she wanted to slap Sirius in advance for his smug and amused reaction that was bound to be taking place right at that moment.

Hell, she wanted to blame bras for being so uncomfortable to sleep in.

But it was all her fault.

She laughed at the situation, but mostly at herself, and stepped into the cold shower.

* * *

A/N:

Yes, Minerva's Secret is the Victoria's Secret of the wizarding world. lmao, that was just a suggestion from a friend. And unnecessary James is unnecessary, but I love him so he stays. That's all I haven written so the next updates will be coming much slower, but still coming nonetheless. :)


	7. Wary of the Night

**October 1978**

Marlene wandered aimlessly through Diagon Alley. But she wasn't there to mess around; she was there to job hunt. Unfortunately she hadn't had much luck.

She meandered before stopping in front of her favorite shop, Quality Quidditch Supplies. She thought the name was a little uncreative, but it was a bloody great shop. Marlene gazed at the various brooms lining the window and suddenly missed Quidditch more than ever. She loved everything about Quidditch. Except for the daily workouts, though they were probably much more helpful for her health than her current workouts. Who was she kidding, she hadn't worked out in ages. She hated working out.

Before wanting to become an Auror she desperately wanted to be a chaser for the Holyhead Harpies. She wasn't star player material though. James called her their secret weapon, but maybe he just said that to be nice. The sentiment was appreciated nonetheless. What she wouldn't give to play with her mates again. Maybe she wouldn't give a chocolate cauldron because it was obvious that only led to disastrous results.

Suddenly she noticed a woman placing something in the corner of the window. Marlene watched with great curiosity as she left a large sign with neat red print hanging behind the glass.

"Help wanted," Marlene whispered to herself. She smiled secretly. It was a good sign. Well, the sign was a sign. Not that they sign wasn't lovely. Whatever, she knew what she meant.

And with that good omen she went inside the shop.

* * *

'Thank you, Mr. Kingsley! You won't regret it!" Marlene waved goodbye to her new manager.

"Yay!" she squealed to herself. Things were looking a little better, who would have thought? 60 galleons a week wasn't bad and she got to be around Quidditch four times a week. Mr. Kingsley even suggested the prospect of free tickets to a Chudley Canons game, as his son was a beater for the team. The Canons were a rubbish team, but a professional Quidditch game was still a riot no matter how bad the team played.

The important thing was that she got a job and therefore money in her pocket. She didn't have to mooch of her family or Emmeline any longer, which she was extremely thankful for. This was her first step towards independence, she thought proudly.

She only had a bit of money left, but she also had a couple of particularly nasty spots on her forehead and jawline that wouldn't go away no matter what beauty charm she tried. She even tried some of Emmeline's muggle Pro-Active potion, which did nothing but nearly burn the rest of the skin off her faintly freckled face. So off to Madam Primpernelle's Beautifying Potions it was! And then to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour if she had any extra pocket money left over, she thought impishly.

Diagon Alley was chaos, but it was familiar chaos. That's probably why Marlene felt so comfortable among the cobblestone streets, seemingly endless rows of shops, and bustling crowds of varying people. It reminded her of Hogwarts, when she was just a wide-eyed first year buying her wand. Sometimes she missed being a child with no obligations or pressure to make rent money or worries about death eaters and Voldemort coming to muck up the world or no tosser boyfriend.

Speaking of her boyfriend, things had gone from salvageable to train wreck within the last two weeks. She sighed just thinking about it. She told him about the night with Sirius, which was now referred to unanimously as simply The Night among her close friends. Or at least the ones she told. Namely Emmy, Hestia, and Mary. And Benjy.

Lily was so busy lately that she hadn't had the time to catch up with her at all. Marlene knew James was a hassle, but was being a wife really that time consuming? Lily told her that she was taking a brief healer course to learn the more complicated basics of wizarding medicine so maybe that's why she hadn't had the time to spend with her. Marlene knew it was selfish to want her for herself when she had so many other responsibilities, but she missed her terribly. It was like losing a sister in a way.

But this wasn't about Lily. It was about Alec. He did not take The Night well. At all. In fact, he kind of flipped the fuck out. She had explained it as honestly and gently as she possibly could, but he overreacted. She winced remembering the argument. Extremely hurtful things were said. He had called her a "stupid whoring slag" and she had called him a "pigheaded arsehole tosser". It was not their best moment.

Wands had been involved. They were really trying to get each other that night. Jinxes, even hexes, were thrown and Marlene was grateful for her proficient dueling skills.

She wondered if she shouldn't have told him at all. Maybe then their relationship would have been back on the right track. But she knew that if he couldn't handle the truth and trust that she hadn't cheated on him, then that was it. If he would rather respond with irrationalness and violence and fury and cruelness, then he was not who she thought he was.

People often said that girls liked arseholes. But Marlene knew they were wrong for the most part. Sometimes a guy you liked, or loved in her case, seemed perfectly great and then turned into an arsehole. And then you have to deal with the emotional fallout that was never supposed to be there in the first place. And it's confusing and painful because here was this person you thought you knew and loved, but turned out to completely horrible.

Funnily enough, neither had said the final words yet. They both knew it was over, but refused to utter the words: "let's break up". She certainly didn't want to be with him anymore, and she was sure he felt mutually. They must have forgotten when they were sending toe biter and jelly legs jinxes at each other. So they just avoided each other for the time being.

She shook her head and watched the store numbers rise on the sides of the buildings, looking keenly for the address 275. She was passing by the Leaky Cauldron, a pub she'd only visited once before with Benjy on a whim.

She was really thinking too much about Alec. She was starting to see him everywhere for Merlin's sake! Even that bloke snogging that girl against the wall in front of her was starting to look like him. She chuckled as she passed them by, not bothering to hide her side-glance. Ah, youth.

Wait…That _was_ him.

It was undeniably him. An unknown feminine hand clutched his wavy brown hair and red lips were kissing his square jaw rapidly. Their robes were loose, but thankfully still on. Her own jaw dropped in shock and she turned around briskly to confront them. Maybe she didn't love or have feelings for Alec anymore, but this was too much. They'd only fought and broke up two weeks ago! It was too soon for rebounds.

…Did they break up? Was he technically cheating on her, right smack-dab during the day outside a filthy pub? She didn't care; she just knew that she had to face him. For once and for all.

"Oi, keep your tongues to yourselves you too. There are children running about and nobody needs, or wants, to see that," she tried to say casually, but her emotions got the best of her. She sounded furious.

They broke apart and the girl responded first.

"And just who the bloody hell are you?" She questioned irritably with a high voice, shoving her silver-blonde fringe out of her face and crossing her arms defensively.

"Marlene…Mar?" Alec asked stupidly, his eyes frantically darting between the two girls. His lips were swollen and covered in her lipstick.

Marlene recognized the color immediately as it was a limited addition from a line of cosmetics she personally loved. She never did acquire that lipstick. As if she needed another reason to be upset.

"Yes, me. Did you loose some brain cells banging your head against the stone wall while snogging?" She shot back as Alec's eye began to simmer with rage.

"Who is this?" The girl yelled at Alec, pointing her finger at Marlene. She was starting to become rather upset. Poor girl. She had no idea about me, Marlene thought. Really I'm indirectly doing her a favor by interrupting her snog with such a massive twat.

"His ex-girlfriend," Marlene said stonily, looking him harshly in his bright blue eyes.

"Mar…" he started with a pitiful voice. "C'mon, don't say that. I know things have been bad lately-," he tried.

"Bad?! No they haven't bad. They've been fucking awful! We nearly killed each other a couple weeks ago. Whatever we once had…it's gone. We need to properly end it. I can't do this anymore. We're not good for each other," she said reasonably, cooling her raging emotions. "I can't imagine you're good for anyone," she added ruthlessly. She couldn't contain her spiteful feelings towards him.

His face contorted into resentment as his jaw stiffened and spoke. "I'm breaking up with you. There's a reason why I'm snogging her and not you. You're a cheating slag and I can't bloody stand you," he finished as the unknown woman watched the fight with concentration.

"That's the biggest load of ironic bullocks I've ever heard, you fuckwit wanker! I never cheated on you. But you did! And I broke up with you first, and you better remember it," she shouted deliriously, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I don't have to take this from someone like you," he said coldly and pushed his way out between the two girls as they watched him apparate away in the middle of busy street.

"What a tosser," the woman said quietly to herself as she tided her robes and combed her strikingly unusual colored hair out with her fingers.

Marlene chuckled lightly, but it slowly increased into a full out laugh.

"Are you all right?" She asked, looking at Marlene like she was mad.

"Never better," she said serenely, giving the shorter girl a warm smile.

She thought it would have been much harder to break up with him, but it was easier than she could have ever imagined. He was no longer in her life poisoning it with his foul words and pointless presence. She was free of him, and she felt perfectly fine. Much better, to be honest.

"Sorry you had to get wrapped up in that. He's a nasty rotter, despite his snogging abilities. Trust me, you're better without him. I am," Marlene added kindly and the girl broke out into a smile.

"Yeah, I guess I have to thank you for that," she replied with a laugh as the two girls shared a moment of camaraderie outside the Leaky Cauldron.

"No, I should thank you. I think seeing him cheat on me was the kick to the head that I needed to sort it out," Marlene said openly. The girl nodded in understanding.

"So you're good then?" She questioned with genuine sympathy, giving Marlene a once-over with her light blue eyes.

Now that she was out of Alec's arms, Marlene couldn't help but notice how stunning the girl was. She had long, wispy blonde hair that looked silvery in the sun's light and pale blue eyes that occasionally transitioned into a violet color. Her features were delicate and sharp. She was about Lily's size but seemed to have a similar body build to Emmy.

She nodded. "Yeah. Oh, do you know if they still sell that lipstick color? It's from MAG's Unicorn collection, right?" Marlene asked, figuring she might as well. She seemed pleasant enough.

The girl looked up at her in surprise and smiled. "They do actually. They just restocked. You can find it and the rest of the cosmetics line at Madam Primpernelle's," she replied knowledgably.

"Really? I was just heading there to take care of this stupid bloody spot. Which is much harder to get rid of than my twat of an ex-boyfriend," she pointed to her face and rolled her eyes.

She laughed at Marlene's candid sense of humor and pondered for a moment.

"Can I join you? I want to pick up a new blusher. This one is a bit too pink for me," she inquired carefully, waiting for Marlene's response.

"Sure! I'd love some company," she said with delight. "I'm Marlene, by the way. Marlene McKinnon. You can call me Mars, if you'd prefer," she said warmly, giving the other girl a friendly handshake. She responded just as enthusiastically.

"Dorcas Meadowes. But you can call me Doe."

* * *

Marlene and Dorcas got along like old mates.

Dorcas was finishing up some business for her job at the Leaky Cauldron, which details she seemed to evade entirely, and Alec had the gall to chat her up right in front of her fellow employees. She followed him out for a snog, out of the view of her unnamed co-workers. Marlene couldn't blame her; she knew Alec was quite a catch. But only superficially. He had the personality of a troll, or at least now he did.

Marlene told her a bit about her new job, which Dorcas graciously congratulated her on. After getting to know each other a little better Marlene discovered that Dorcas was a fellow Gryffindor who graduated two years ahead of her class.

She knew she seemed familiar; Dorcas was very recognizable and not just for her looks. She was a very powerful and talented witch. In the top of her class, Marlene recalled. It turned out that Dorcas remembered her in return to Marlene's surprise, remembering her Quidditch position and complimenting her on her dueling skills during a specific hexing match against the Slytherins in the courtyard.

She grimaced in memory of that fight. Almost everyone at Hogwarts knew about it at the time. A vicious pureblooded Slytherin named Mulciber used the Imperious Curse to make Mary wander off alone in the Forbidden Forest, simply because he didn't like her and because she was muggle-born. Luckily for her, Hestia managed to run into her on her way back from a detention and alerted one of the teachers. Marlene couldn't believe that he hadn't been expelled. It infuriated her.

Marlene and Emmy decided to give him and his friends some payback after hearing about the horrific event. They got a few spells in before they were reprimanded by Professor Slughorn for dueling and were all placed in detention. James gave her a pat on the back for that one; saying he wished he were there to have fought besides them.

When they got to Madam Primpernelle's the on-store cosmetologist removed Marlene's spot effortlessly for a very affordable price. How did muggles live without magic, she wondered. She felt sorry for all those who had suffered under the Pro-Active beauty potion like her.

Dorcas spotted the lipstick Marlene wanted and picked up some products for herself, including a peach toned blusher that complimented her ivory skin. Marlene also purchased a blusher, but in a bronzer tone for her sun-kissed tan skin and new liquid eyeliner to try out the cat-eye look she saw so often in Witch Weekly. She decided that she didn't need ice cream on the chilly October day as much as she wanted it and spent her remaining money on a new perfume.

The exited the shop together, side by side, and never seemed to run of things to talk about. It was really nice. Marlene instantly knew that they were destined to be mates. She often could identify those she would have very strong connections with. Doe was physically and emotionally tough like Emmy, but a bit softer and girlish in general like Lily. And she didn't mind snogging random blokes outside shady pubs and having a bit of fun for the sake of it, like Mary. But she wasn't Emmy or Lily or Mary.

She was Doe. And Marlene was glad for it. It was a long time since she made a new girlfriend.

"It was really great chatting with you, Mars. You're a lot of fun to hang out with," Emmy complimented with authenticity, brushing her fringe out of her eyes as the icy wind whipped her hair in to her face.

"You too," Marlene responded warmly with a grin, as they passed by a robe shop and similarly attempted to calm her own wildly blowing hair.

Dorcas hesitated, obviously wanting to say more.

"Is there something you'd like to say?" Marlene picked up perceptively. She was getting better at reading people. She wasn't sure if it was because she was getting older or if she was just paying more attention nowadays.

"I really ought to go. I have…an arrangement to take care of," she said vaguely. The wind was howling, sending fresh autumn leaves twirling into small twisters.

"Oh, ok," Marlene responded a little disheartened and tugged a strand of golden blonde hair.

She really didn't want Doe to leave just yet. She was having such a good time with her. But maybe she was overstepping her welcome. It was not like they were good mates. She just met the girl for Merlin's sake. It's just that she barely spent time with either Emmy or Lily anymore. She _never_ saw Lily any more; at least that's what it felt like. And really the only time Emmy was free was for a quick chat and banter at their flat. Even with their respective occupations, it almost felt like they were avoiding her. Or holding something from her. But she knew better than that. They were her best mates. They'd never do something like that.

Dorcas paused again, seeming to consider something with very intensely with deliberation. Dorcas looked up to her with concentrated violet eyes, taking her in. Marlene watched her carefully before she responded.

"Would you like to come with me?" She said, not giving any details away.

"Where?"

"Knockturn Alley," she said quietly, conveying it's dark reputation with her tone.

Marlene knew a bit about Knockturn Alley. And nothing on the positive note. It was a shopping area off Diagon Alley, but very dissimilar in atmosphere. The shops were devoted to the Dark Arts, something Marlene was very wary of although she knew it was important to understand them for her own safety. The people were also on the strange side. They had to be if they were involved in the Dark Arts.

"If you don't want to, it's fine," she finished convincingly, not wanting to pressure the taller blonde.

"Does this have something to do with your work?" Marlene asked, attempting to pry some details.

"Yes. It does. My partner- er, coworker was supposed to join me, but she couldn't make it due to another commitment," she looked away in reflection for a moment before snapping back. "Look, I can't tell you the details, " Marlene barely made out her whisper, "Yet."

Marlene thought about it. She should say no. Despite the fact that she liked Dorcas and got a good vibe from her, the truth of the matter was that she barely knew the girl. And she was asking her to go to Knockturn Alley with her, a _very_ dodgy place, with no details.

But then again, it was Dorcas Meadowes. Gryffindor, former prefect, exemplary witch, all around upright citizen, and connoisseur of quality red lipsticks. She wasn't going there for a dark or dishonest reason. Marlene knew it in her heart. And though she was sometimes off about strangers, like Nicking Nick, she was now quite good at reading those she was familiar with. Doe was good. But what could she possibly have to do in Knockturn Alley? There was only one thing.

"This is important," Marlene decided out loud and Dorcas looked to her. "You can't tell me, or at least not yet, but it's for something concerning the War?" Dorcas nodded slowly.

"Yes," was her response answer, as vague as ever.

"Ok, " Marlene agreed strongly, drawing up her Gryffindor courage and daringness. "Let's go."

* * *

Together the duo entered Knockturn Alley back through the Leaky Cauldron, standing very close to each other as if for protection. Dorcas noted that her fellow co-workers, whom she suspiciously referred to as partners, had all left to continue their own separate work.

Marlene had never been to Knockturn Alley before, but it was exactly how she would have pictured it. The atmosphere was mystical and mysterious. The dull grey skies and blustery, chilling wind only added to its impression.

It made her feel strangely out-of-body. She didn't like it, but she was fascinated by it all the same. Her skin was prickling with excitement and anticipation. It had been a long time since she was somewhere new, with someone new. It was a very different experience compared to her usual humdrum life that she'd become accustomed, and bored, of. It felt like what she should be doing instead of waking up with a splitting hangover half the time and lazily spending her lonely days searching for a minimum-wage paying job.

But she forced herself to stay cautious and on her guard. It was imperative for her survival, even with Doe to back her up.

Dorcas silently led her down the lantern lit cobblestone streets which where comparatively empty to Diagon Alley, with only a few stragglers in sight.

Dusk was approaching, as the skies grew darker and gloomier. She had a specific destination in mind, Marlene noted. Where it was, she wasn't sure if Doe even knew. She seemed to be drawing on pure instinct as her short strides quickened down the narrow streets. If she was anxious or nervous, Marlene couldn't tell. Her features were unemotional, masked with a shielded look compared to her usual good-natured one. Marlene decided to follow her example, wearing a similarly guarded mask.

After walking for what seemed for tens of minutes, Dorcas halted suddenly in front of a shop. All the shops looked similar to Marlene, selling odd and unusual magical items- from books, to spells, to potions, to more questionable things like poisons and human appendages. The last made Marlene shudder involuntarily, but she kept solid. There was a reason why very few people came here, she thought.

It fact it was desolate by the time they reached a shop called Borgin and Burkes at address 13B. Marlene tried to peer into the dusty window of the shop, but it was impossible to see through clearly with the dirt gathered in its corners and darkness succumbing it's appearance from both inside and out.

"Here," she said determinedly in a low voice.

Marlene nodded shortly.

Dorcas opened the shops doors' fearlessly and Marlene followed just as brazened. Yes she was nervous, but was it wrong to also feel thrilled? The shop was dimly lit, but she managed to make out the frightening looking masks plastered on the wall. There were two glass cases filled with various items that she began to make out before she bumped her head into a particularly low-hanging spiky instrument that hung carelessly from the ceiling.

"Fuck," she muttered softly under her breath, rubbing the side of her head.

Dorcas looked back at her with inquiry, her rouge painted mouth in a tight line.

Marlene pointed to the instrument above her and gave Dorcas a sheepish look.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, but Marlene saw her fail to suppress an amused look for a split-second before she brought her face back into its indifferent façade.

"Be careful, there are many people who would kill for a pretty head like yours," a stooping man with oily hair said in a thick voice.

Marlene jumped slightly, as the man approached the two girls from behind the counter. Dorcas gave him a hard look, analyzing his every move.

He was about average in height for a man, eye to eye with Marlene, but would probably a bit taller if it wasn't for the stooping. His ginger hair was thin and full of grease. He obviously he hadn't washed up for a quite a long while. His robes were very dark and tattered.

"Is there a particular reason for your visit? Because if not…" he trailed off in a cold voice, obviously not impressed with the two young witches.

"I have an offer," Dorcas spoke up, her voice steady. She reached into her robes; visibly searching for something that Marlene knew nothing of.

"You two clearly don't know me. I am Mr. Borgin. I normally don't listen to the offers of those I don't know, but for you two…" he finished suggestively, making Marlene's stomach twist with nausea.

She kept her body language unyielding, displaying her inner strength. Or at least she hoped that's what it looked like. She didn't respond, instead waiting for Dorcas to find whatever she was looking for, silently wishing for her to hurry up.

Dorcas pulled out a black handkerchief with silver lining; she slowly unwrapped it with her tiny hand and revealed an opal necklace. It was gorgeous, Marlene thought. Cut and shaped in an old style, but looked very regal and expensive. But it couldn't have been an ordinary necklace. There was something more to it.

Mr. Borgin looked at the necklace with great relevance. He looked at Dorcas with wide eyes, suddenly seeming very interested in hearing more about her offer.

"I want to know if it's curse can be removed," Dorcas asked questioningly.

Mr. Borgin thought for a moment. "No, not that I know of. These type of dark objects cannot be uncursed," he said resolutely, still eyeing the necklace.

Dorcas sighed in disappointment and frustratingly tugged on her robes to straighten them.

"Then there's no offer to make," she said finally and made to leave.

"Miss, I implore you to-"

Dorcas left the shop without another word in a flash and Marlene followed her lead in surprise, but kept up with her pace. Dorcas was walking quickly through the narrow streets, obviously not looking where she was going.

Marlene watched her fold the necklace back carefully and put it into a separate pocket in her robe. She heard Dorcas release a breath loudly and began to process what had just happened, but was interrupted by the sound of loud footsteps.

Out of instinct she shoved Dorcas into a stonewall, pressing into her. She twirled her wand around the two and casted a Disillusionment Charm. She couldn't say why she did it, only that she knew she had to. Maybe it was Dorcas' unhinged reaction that made her extra suspicious or the fact that it was now nighttime, and they were in unfamiliar territory.

The steps approached them and four shadowy figures slowly came into appearance under the yellowy light of the lanterns. But Marlene couldn't see as she was facing Dorcas and the wall. She tried to make out the hushed voices instead.

"This way?"

"No, you imbecile."

"…lord…"

"Can't…the only…mudblood…"

"Bring…to…because…"

She recognized two almost immediately. Mulciber and Avery, two Slytherin brutes from her Hogwarts days. She heard them enough in class to be able to identify them. The third was a cold, feminine voice. That's all she could register. The last sounded like…Sirius? No, it wasn't. It couldn't have been him. It was cold and unfriendly, slightly higher in tone.

They passed by Dorcas and her so quickly that she couldn't make out what they were talking about. They were obviously in a rush to be somewhere and kept their voices low. She might've been able to make out what they were saying if the blood didn't rush to her head and fill her ears with the sound of her frantically beating heart.

Once they made it to the end of the corner, turning right, Marlene disillusioned them. She backed off Dorcas, who looked at her with admiration.

"Quick thinking back there," Dorcas complimented, a bit rattled but quickly recovering. "You might've just saved both of our lives. Or at least spared us from a nasty duel."

Marlene shrugged. "It just felt like the right thing to do," she said honestly.

"I didn't think you had it in you," Dorcas teased. "You are full of surprises, Marlene McKinnon." She let out a low whistle.

Marlene frowned. Her basic survival skills were a surprise? Or her ability to do comprehensive magic was a shock? Or…what? Why did everyone always doubt her skills? It kind of pissed her off. A lot.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said a bit miffed, crossing her arms.

"Oh, no. I didn't mean to offend you, Mars," Dorcas said quickly, trying to save herself.

"No, tell me honestly. Why did you think I couldn't handle myself, Doe?"

"I know you're a good dueler and seem to be able to do magic quite well, but I didn't know you had the…the instincts," she found the word as Marlene listened. "It's like this… I bet your wand is made from Unicorn hair."

Marlene raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, and?" A little surprised by her accurate guess.

Dorcas smiled. "I knew it. You have a good soul, Mars. You've certainly proved yourself today."

"Proved myself? To whom? You? You're not making any sense, Doe, and it's starting to aggravate me," Marlene grounded out.

"You'll find out soon enough," she said distantly alluding.

"You're talking like the bloody Divination professor!" Marlene nearly shouted, but managed to contain her voice at the end of the sentence.

"Remember what I said, about not being about to tell you the details?"

"Yeah."

"Well I'm telling you that you'll find those out soon enough. But not from me. That's all I can say for now. It's not safe for us to be chatting here in the open. Especially after seeing those lot pass by," Dorcas responded, looking down the way they left with dark violet eyes.

"Did you get a good look at them?" Marlene asked with apprehension.

"You bet. The usually dirty suspects…Mulciber, Avery and the two Blacks-"

"Not Sirius?" Marlene said miserably, her head becoming dizzy and her body becoming weak at the thought. She knew it couldn't have been him, but the voice was so familiar. She had to ask.

Dorcas gave her an outrageous look. "No, Bellatrix and Regulus."

Marlene let out a breath she held and her appearance seemed to improve drastically. It was Regulus she identified, not Sirius. She was silly to even think that he could be affiliated with that lot.

"Of course it wasn't him," Marlene said triumphantly and smiled to herself.

Dorcas registered her reaction and then spoke. "I have to get out of here. I have to tell the others about what just happened right now. Concerning the bloody necklace. And those four," she gestured to the street.

Marlene nodded, not even bothering to ask for more information. Dorcas was a hard woman to crack and unrelenting in her stupid bloody Divination professor-esque ways.

'I'll see you later, Mars. Be safe," she added before apparating away.

It was certainly an eventful night by Marlene's standards. She wasn't sure what to make of it all yet, but figured she had a lot of thinking to do when she got back to her flat. Her boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, had cheated on her (sort of) with an unsuspecting Dorcas Meadowes who not only helped her choose cosmetics, but also brought her to Knockturn Alley to evaluate a dark object. They were almost caught by evil Slytherins who almost certainly were up to no good, but thanks to her quick thinking managed to skirt by. Dorcas alluded to her something about involving her, "details", and the War.

And she had no idea what the bloody hell was happening.

At least she managed to procure a job and rid of that annoying spot.

What a night indeed.


	8. The Woes of Optimism

**October 1978**

Marlene needed to get out. For her own sanity.

She spent all her days either working at the Quidditch Shop, which was much harder than she thought it would be, or lying around the house wishing that her mates would stop being so cruel and just owl her to go do something already. The amount she got to see or hang out with them was getting ridiculous. And not in a good way.

She was officially irate with Emmeline and Lily. Especially Lily, who had only responded to one of her five owl letters in the past month with "I'm really sorry, but I'm busy". Bollocks. Marlene wasn't asking her to go dig up ancient artifacts in a desert on the other side of the world, she just wanted to share some tea (or a butterbeer ideally) and have a chat with her in person for Merlin's sake! And being angry with Lily meant indirectly being angry with James since they were now a two-packaged deal apparently.

Emmeline got a pass, sort of, because she was doing her auror training, which was quite taxing. But Marlene knew for a fact that she was doing something else during her nights that was unrelated to her training, which was _very_ suspicious. Emmy didn't "go out" at night. No bloody way. She was doing something that she didn't want Marlene to know about and it upset her in a way she couldn't describe with words. They were best mates. Didn't she trust her? Maybe she had a boyfriend.

Or girlfriend? Marlene had only seen Emmeline date once or twice, but she didn't really seem into it. It's not like Marlene would have judged her for that at all, she was more than perfectly fine with it. Benjy was gay and he was one of her closest mates, and Emmeline knew that.

Speaking of Benjy, she couldn't be upset with him because he was under the physically and mentally extensive (and brutal) healer's training. And unlike Emmeline, he managed to spend a little time here and there with her. A butterbeer there, a quite catch-up chat here. They even went on a friendly muggle film "date" a week ago.

Good ol' Benjy came through for her at least, she thought. As did Hestia and Mary. That was one of the reasons she loved those two so much. They always had a bit of time for fun. Mary, who was muggle-born, had taken a job at her muggle family's hair salon and Hestia had landed a pretty amazing internship with the Daily Prophet.

It seemed like everyone was on his or her way to their dream job, aspiring for the best, and enriching their future.

Except for Marlene.

Well, fuck.

And she knew that times were bleak and people were dying. Trust her, she was aware. When she thought about it, her chest panged so badly that she felt like it would explode. But she couldn't do anything about it at the moment. She would re-take her Auror exam the next year and then _if_ they accepted her, she 'd assist in the War like she was aching so badly to do. She wished she could do something in the meantime, but what? And if the Aurors denied her again…she really didn't want to think about it.

That tiny, intangible piece of hope kept her striving.

She also thought a lot about Sirius and the rest of the Marauders, but mostly Sirius if she was honest with herself. She missed him more than a girl probably should miss a bloke that she'd only spoken to two times. But they were _such_ lovely times. The Night seemed to wander it's way into her head whenever she wasn't looking. She hadn't seen or heard anything from him since then. She didn't even care about the bra thing anymore. She still wanted it back though, that was an expensive bloody bra. What she really wanted was to spend more time with him.

It just felt so…_right_.

She was comfortable and happy and she missed that feeling that only he seemed to be able to conjure up from within her.

Would it be completely pathetic to say that she missed Alec, just a tiny, microscopic bit? It really wasn't him that she missed, but having a romantic interest in her life that she could rely on (and shag, let's be honest) was an invaluable thing. And this was the first time she was single since she was fifteen. Wow. She didn't realize how daunting that was until she stated it in her head. Maybe it was good for her to be single for a while, to grow up and learn more about herself independently.

She even thought about her family, which she had a …difficult relationship with. Her mother enjoyed drowning her in expectations. And although her father acted like he didn't, also felt similarly. They were so disappointed in her failure. That made Marlene feel even more like shit. The majority of her siblings, whom she didn't have that close of a relationship with, pretty much ignored her for the most part. The only person that understood her and loved her unconditional was her little brother Danny, who was busy with his own life at Hogwarts.

Marlene missed Hogwarts. Things were definitely much simpler back then.

She couldn't take this melancholy mind set for much longer. She was going to drive herself mad. She decided to owl Hestia and see if she was free.

After writing and sending a plea, Hestia quickly sent a response and…She was!

"Finally! My mates haven't forsaken me! Life is going to be ok!" Marlene screamed out loud to herself and apparated to Hestia's and Mary's flat.

* * *

"Let's go dancing! There's this new nightclub that just opened down the street. Sounds like a brilliant time," Hestia announced enthusiastically, as Marlene and Mary nodded in agreement.

The three girls were all very good friends, even though Hestia was in Hufflepuff and the other two were in Gryffindor. Although Emmeline and Lily were friendly enough with Hestia and Mary, they were from opposite sides of the spectrum when it came to personalities and interests. So they were really Marlene's mates. Ones that encouraged and enabled her wilder side. And she loved them for that.

"That sounds excellent. I wonder if they'll play songs by this American muggle singer called Diana Ross. I love her. I want to see her live one day," Marlene said wistfully, fantasying about seeing her in concert.

"With what money?" Mary teased, and Marlene rose from the ground to chase her around the flat.

"Oh, I have an idea! We should totally start a band!" Hestia cried out, a little drunk on the wine they started drinking.

"We could call ourselves 'The Slaggy Sisters'," Mary screamed and went into a fit of giggles as Marlene caught up to her and tackled her with a tickle barrage.

"Our first single would be 'Tart With A Heart'", Marlene replied with a grin, stopping her attack and allowing Mary to catch her breathe.

"Our second would be 'Mary Just Threw Up on A Bloke"," Hestia added with a laugh and Mary throttled her.

"Oi! That was one time!"

All three girls laughed so hard that they were wheezing for air by the time they stopped.

"I missed hang out with you lot. No one makes me laugh quite as much," Marlene said, wiping the tears from her eyes. It was much different in mood to her own flat. Things had gotten a little tense and quiet ever since Marlene started suspecting Emmy from hiding something from her.

"Same, doll. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you babes that we can't buy Witch Weekly anymore," Hestia informed them both with authority. She reached over to grab the magazine and started flipping through the pages.

"What!" The two girls cried out in union, prepared to protest to their deaths.

"Their foundation recommendations don't list any color darker than 'tan'! That's such bollocks! What about people like me? Bloody racists." Hestia lifted the magazine close to her eyes, scanning the article once again.

"Wow, that is beyond shitty," Marlene commented as she read the magazine over Hestia's shoulder.

Mary nodded in agreement as she tried to strain her neck to reach the two taller girls. She gave up her efforts and instead asked, "…Can we still read articles about the Quidditch players?"

"What she really meant was can we still look at pictures of shirtless Quidditch players," Marlene translated, smiling slyly.

Mary gave her a wolfish grin in return.

Hestia's face twisted into concentration as she pondered over the deliberation.

"We can still look at fit lads in the magazine but only when we're at the shops. Cancel your subscriptions and don't spend money on it," she said diplomatically.

"Quite sensible advice indeed, Hes," Marlene nodded and flopped down on the sofa. She opened her compact mirror and began to apply her red lipstick, the one she bought with Doe, on her pouty lips meticulously.

Speaking of Doe, what was up with her? She hadn't made any attempt to contact Marlene and certainly no "details" were given to explain the night they shared. It felt like she just dreamed the whole night up, with her lipstick as the only proof that it was real.

"What are we going to read now?" Mary wondered out loud as she deliberated over which heels to wear."We have this magazine called 'Cosmo' in the muggle world, but I never liked it that much. The writers are downright loony! You know they suggested us women put a willy through a doughnut and EAT it!"

"The doughnut or the willy?" Marlene questioned with a small laugh.

Mary chuckled. "The donut, you nutter!"

All three girls winced, but then exploded into laughter.

"That'd be disgusting! Think of the hair. Gross. Kind of hilarious though, I must admit," Hestia replied and brushed her long black curls out with a paddle brush.

"What a terrible way to ruin a perfectly good doughnut, "Marlene huffed, sweeping a tiny bit of blusher across her cheeks. Then she lined her top lip with liquid liner. There all done, she thought proudly. She gave herself a one-over before deciding that she was happy with the result and shut her mirror tight.

"My older sister has a subscription to this American magazine called 'Ms.', it's bloody brill. I'll let you girls borrow it sometime," Hestia added as she glanced idly at her nails. "It has a lot of good articles, you know. About feminism and what not. It's the best."

"Well now that it's all settled, let's go!" Mary called out joyously. "We are all looking lovely, if I may say so myself," she added. The three gave a final look in a body length mirror and were quite pleased with their work.

Mary decided on a red mini dress and textured her shoulder length brown hair with some styling product. Marlene thought that Mary's hair styling skills definitely came in handy. She looked totally adorable with an edgy kick, just like the feisty and fun girl she was.

Hestia went for a more glamorous look. Her gold dress was rather high necked, but the slit went up to a dangerous height on her legs. She wore her curled black hair down, with hidden clips to give her volume at her roots, and a pair of dangly earrings. She also looked almost regal, but in a modern fashionable kind of way. Hestia was always one ahead of the rest.

Marlene was wearing a lacey white dress gifted to her for her birthday from Lily last May, but decided to toughen it up a bit with a plain black leather jacket and heels. She pulled her long hair in a stylish up-do and went for a bold lip. She had to admit that she didn't look half bad, she thought modestly.

"Wow, we look fit," Mary said lightheartedly. Marlene laugh at the absurdity of it all and Hestia rolled her eyes, but didn't hide her bright smile.

"I'd snog us," Marlene replied.

"Only snog? I'd shag us!" Mary added.

All three laughed this time.

"How did I ever get blessed with such gorgeous and wonderful friends? Thank you Merlin," Marlene said wistfully. "Even though you did fuck me over with a cheating wanker of an ex-boyfriend. And failed me on my Auror test, " she added to herself.

"Stuff it, drama queen," Hestia playfully scolded. "We'll have none of that, thank-you-very-much. No speaking or thinking about The Bloody Fuckwit Wanker tonight. You are going to dance and drink and flirt with cute boys and have a great time with your very helpful and bright girlfriends."

Marlene laughed. It sounded like exactly the solution she needed to forget about her troubles. It was nice to get dressed up and go out for a change. As much as she loved lazing around in band tees and scummy jeans, mixing it up for a night to let it all out would surely give her the emotional boost she needed.

"Are these so-called girlfriends meeting us here at the flat or the nightclub?"

"Oi!" Hestia shoved Marlene with her shoulder.

"Shall we, ladies?" Mary asked, dying to go already.

"Let's."

* * *

Marlene was wrong. She was so goddamn wrong.

Going out was not the solution to her problems or troubles. It just added more problems and troubles to her already problematic and troubled life.

She was more hung over than she'd ever been in her entire life. Damn Hestia and her love of vodka shots. She never wanted to drink again. Or at least not until she could forget how terrible she felt currently. She had to be at work to open up the shop at six in the sodding morning because despite looking like a nice chap, her manager was quite harsh. And she couldn't afford to lose her job, especially at the moment. Getting ready and going to work was not the problem. She had done that many times hung over.

The problem was the nameless naked man next to her.

She couldn't really remember the night that well. She must have drunk so much that she blacked out. She could make out flashes of memories, but that was it. Hestia, Mary, and her entering the nightclub. Drinking with Mary, dancing with Hestia, and snogging the bloke besides her. That was pretty much it.

She glanced over at the man and shifted her body quietly, trying not to wake him up just yet. He was decent looking. He had nice dark blonde hai which was messy with bed head just like hers and was drooling a bit on her pillow, which should found oddly endearing.

"Are you staring at me?"

Marlene jumped, and knocked herself off the bed.

"Ow, fuck," she moaned from the wooden floor of her flat.

The man chuckled and Marlene found herself laughing too.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to give you a fright," he apologized kindly as he watched her crawl back to the former position next to him.

"Hah…yeah. Um, so…" Marlene fought to find words. She couldn't remember anything about him. Oops.

'You don't remember me," he said, reading her mind.

"No, I don't. Sorry, it's just that I drank myself stupid last night," she said a bit embarrassed.

The poor bloke looked a little downcast.

"But if it helps, I don't regret it in the least. Even when pissed I still know a catch when I see 'em," she added, in hopes of making him feel a little less forgettable.

He looked quite pleased about that, shooting her a mega-watt smile.

Blimey, men were easy to figure out. Stroke their ego and they're yours. I should write a book about decoding the straight male, she mused.

"Look, I don't mean to be crass but I have to get to work within the hour," she finished, hoping that he would understand her predicament.

"Wow, this early?"

"Tell me about it," she joked with an exaggerated moan and rubbed her sleepy eyes.

"I'll just leave then, I have an early start too," he quickly replied and Marlene smiled in thanks. "Thanks for the, er…I mean, it was nice…Bye." He picked his clothes off the ground and apparated away.

Oh, he's a wizard, Marlene noted with slight shock and chuckled at his awkward leaving. She leaned back in her bed watching the ceiling and mentally preparing herself for the day ahead. Eventually she willed herself to get up and walked into the bathroom for a hot shower to wake up.

* * *

"Mars, we have to talk," Emmy said stoutly when she saw her getting ready in the longue room. She also was up ungodly early and just about to leave for her training.

"Yes?" She asked curtly, knowing full well what Emmeline wanted to talk about.

"I would've asked you whether or not you brought someone home last night, if it weren't for the fact that I already knew due to your very loud…activities," she said with heavy judgment, frowning.

"I really don't understand how that is any of your business," Marlene said with uncharacteristic aloofness, pulling on her socks.

Even Emmeline was taken aback by her response. She expected a joke or a lighthearted comment from Marlene, not coldness.

"Of course it's my business. I'm your best mate and I don't want you doing anything you'll regret. I don't want you to hurt yourself in your stupid drunken escapades," she said calmly.

Marlene laughed, but not in her usual warm way. It was cold, mirthless, jeering.

"My business stopped being yours when you stopped letting me in on your life. And I'm a grown woman, Emmy. I can shag whomever I want. And I don't regret it in the least. I may not make choices that you would or would agree with, but they're _my_ choices," she replied strongly.

"When will get over yourself and let us go back to normal?" Emmeline questioned decisively, crossing her arms.

Emmeline was one for quiet rage. She didn't yell or throw temper tantrums. Marlene rarely saw her genuinely upset. And this was one of those times.

"When you stop hiding things from me!" Marlene screamed, and shoved on her black oxford work shoes. "I feel like I'm the only one who values our friendship anymore!" She stood up in full height, approaching Emmeline.

Emmeline stood her ground. And despite being much shorter, was just as intimidating. "That's bollocks and you know it. The world doesn't revolve around you, Mars. I have my own priorities. You don't have to know everyone else's business all the bloody time."

Marlene scoffed and threw up her hands, gesturing aggressively as she responded. "But you're my friend and I feel like you're acting like a stranger! I just want to know what's going on with you, is that so terrible? How was your day? Did you make any new mates? How's your mum doing? Is training going ok? If so, brilliant! If not, do you want to talk about it? If not, do you want to get some ice cream? Anything! I haven't gotten anything out of you in the last month and a half!"

"I don't want to get into this right now. I have a very long day ahead of me," Emmeline finished, ending the conversation with finality.

"Fine. But trust that I _will_ find out whatever it is you do when you go out at night. And if it fucks up our friendship, then it'll be your fault. Not mine. I tried."

Marlene snatched her coat and apparated, trying desperately to hold back her tears that threatened to escape her eyes.

* * *

"That'll be 20 galleons," Marlene said dully, ringing up a particularly maddening customer who had insisted on trying over 50 brooms. And then purchased two Bludgers instead. Bitch.

Let's just say that Marlene was not having the best day so far. The fight with Emmeline really struck a nerve. They fought before, but never about such an important topic. This was about the fiber of their friendship. Either they came out stronger than ever, or crashed and burned. Marlene would do anything in her power to stop the latter from happening.

"Are you sure, I have this coupon…" the middle-age woman said, rudely dangling it in her face.

Marlene grabbed the coupon lightly and placed it on the counter, pointing at the large date printed on it. "Ma'am, I've told you that it expired last year. Five times," she replied, her patience beginning to run out.

"Oh, yes. I forgot."

Marlene nodded apathetically and the customer finally handed her over the galleons.

"Thank you for your purchase. Have a nice day and please visit us again soon," Marlene said with her robotic work voice. "And not when I'm working," she muttered under her breath as she watched the woman exit the shop.

Customers were the absolute worst. Retail was not a good line of work for optimists, Marlene declared. It made her want to give up hope that the majority of people where good, kind, and understanding. But maybe it was just Quidditch enthusiasts that were such prats.

A group of three mid-teen boys walked in rather rowdily and Marlene watched them with disinterest, resting her head in her hand as she propped her arm up on the counter.

Until she saw one of them try to pocket a Quaffle under his robe.

"Hey! Put that back!" She order with a stern voice, her eyes locked on him.

"What are you talking about lady? I didn't take nuthin," he responded defiantly with false injustice.

"My arse. I saw you," she replied, rolling her eyes.

The boy reached for his wand. But Marlene was already a step ahead. She lifted her wand and cast a trip jinx on all three boys simultaneously, watching them all fall flat on their little thieving faces.

She finished them with a binding spell, but not before one of the boys sent his own spell at her. He sent a weak knockback jinx, but his aim wasn't that good so he knocked down all the items that hung against wall. They fell roughly onto Marlene by accident.

She hissed in pain as one of the broom handles jabbed her deeply in her left side of her torso.

She shook off the throbbing ache while muttering curses and went to fetch her manager.

Retail was really not a good job for an optimist.

* * *

The boys were reprimanded and dealt with, but Marlene still had to finish her shift to her great misfortune. There was no one else to fill in for her at the moment. Her manager had to attend a meeting with one of his suppliers, as Universal Brooms had claimed bankruptcy and went out of business.

She was really starting to reconsider her job. It was dangerous for both her mental _and_ physical health. And frankly the pay was not as good as she initially thought. It barely left her any extra spending money after she took out rent and food. But she had to keep it out of necessity.

Healing spells were not Marlene's forte and though she could recall the names of a couple of them such as Episkey, she couldn't remember the wand movements. It might have been as simple as point and shoot, but she wasn't going to take the gamble. She would have Benjy check on it after she got off work. She was probably just being dramatic, but it really hurt. She suppressed the pain and continued working without complaint, reorganizing the fallen items with the help of her wand.

"Excuse me Miss, but can friends of the employees receive discounts?" A male voice asked as Marlene finished placing the final broom back into its place.

"Hmm?" She said distractedly, completely zoned out. She turned around expecting another prat customer, but it just turned out to be two prat mates! James and Sirius stood together, watching her with amusement.

"I suppose so. And whose mate are you exactly?" She wanted to give them a hard time for being so flipping presumptuous despite their absent presence in her life.

"Yours of course. Unless there is another tall, pretty, blonde witch that works here?" Sirius replied, laying on the charm heavily.

Marlene was a little fed up with him, though. It was horribly lame and cliché to say, but she thought that they'd connected during The Night. And then she didn't hear anything from him since mid-September. It made her feel a tiny bit dejected.

"I don't think so. Mates don't ignore each other for an entire month," she said defiantly.

"Aw c'mon, Marley. We weren't ignoring you. We were just really busy. All of us. Don't be like that," James said in his whiniest voice, giving her puppy dog eyes.

Who is "us", Marlene thought. But she could ask that another time. There was more urgent business to take care of at the moment. She looked directly into Sirius' eyes. His sparkling, dazzling – No, be strong Marlene.

"Mates return each other's _personal_ belongings," she said dangerously.

"I don't understand, to what are you referring?" He had the gall to reply back airily as his smug smirk crept back across his face.

"Oh, I think you do," she said expectantly in a firm voice.

"Remind me?"

Oh sod it, she had enough. If Sirius wanted to play this game, then she was going to take control. She wasn't going to let him think that he won. Or that she was some bashful girl who could so easily fall under one smoldering look or charming compliment. Or mention of her lingerie. That wasn't her. Marlene was bold, honest, open, and candid. And in desperate need of her bra back.

"My bra, Sirius."

James blushed a bit, which Marlene secretly found funny. He was an 18-year-old boy; he'd seen lots of bras. Especially Lily's. But Sirius just looked at her with those mischievous eyes and a smirk that was practically taking over his stupid face.

"You only had to say the word, love. You could come by my flat later and pick it up today if you'd like," he responded in a cool voice, running a hand through his silky hair.

'What, and disturb the shrine you built for it?" She retorted. She wasn't going to let him off that easily.

Sirius barked out a laugh and even James chuckled. His eyes were shining in that way Marlene couldn't place. How she wished she knew.

"And people think I'm the arrogant one," he said, rolling his eyes. His smirk had transformed a genuine grin. She liked that smile much better, even if the smirk was kind of sexy.

"That didn't sound like a no?" She challenged, but she found herself returning a small smile.

"Please, love. I'm a gentleman. Maybe I should have. Yours _was_ one of the bigger ones I've had the privilege of handling," he said wickedly, smirking.

"Yours wasn't," she said flatly, counting the galleons in the register as a distraction. Was she making innuendo jokes with Sirius Black? Merlin, she was. What was wrong with her?

James laughed loudly, but then hushed it when Sirius sent him a look.

"Empty words. But no doubt you'd like to prove them wrong yourself?" he responded without missing a second, gazing at her intensely.

"Will you two stop flirting, it's making me sick," James interrupted, rubbing his forehead in despair.

Marlene and Sirius snapped out of whatever they were doing to each other, and avoided each other's eyes, instead turning them to James. I wasn't flirting with him, was I? Marlene thought. Blimey, I was. And fairly raunchily too.

"Are you two here for a specific reason, other than to harass me at work? I have a headache," Marlene said exasperatedly, rubbing the side of her head which did throb. But not due to their company, but rather copious amounts of alcohol.

"No," replied Sirius.

"Yes!" James contradicted at the same time. "Well now that you've gotten your letter, you'll be seeing much more of us. So I reckon you better get used to it," James said in a playful voice, grinning broadly.

Marlene sighed. "Letter? What are you two nutters on about?" She asked with slight agitation. She was so tired of secrets and being kept in the dark by those she was closest too. Also her head hurt. And side.

"You…don't know?" James asked hesitantly, exchanging a significant look with Sirius. He wrung his hand once and brought them to his head to muss his hair.

"Did I stutter?" She shot back moodily, puffing a piece of hair that fell out of her ponytail away from her face with annoyance.

"Blimey, Marley. What's got your knickers in a twist," James asked bluntly as Sirius shot him a warning look.

"Life," she said wearily, not even bothering to mask her dismay.

"Is there something wrong, Marlene?" Sirius asked after a moment, waiting on her answer.

For some reason anytime someone asked her that question when there was indeed something wrong, she couldn't pretend that everything was ok. There was so much sincerity and concern in his voice. She didn't want to lie to Sirius, even if he did hold her bra captive in his flat.

She shrugged, her eyes wetting with unshed tears. Her lip quivered and she looked out the window away from the two.

"Marlene," Sirius said softly, sending a shiver down her spine. He embraced her in a hug over the counter and stroked her head with one of his hands. "What's wrong?" he whispered down into her neck, his warm breath tickling the skin on her exposed collarbone. She let him hold her for a bit for her own comfort, but broke away reluctantly.

"Look, my shift ends in half an hour. Do you want to meet up? I'll tell you then," she said, half expecting them to turn the offer down.

She had a lot of pent up thoughts and emotions. Venting about them to friends was always the best way for her to deal with it. And since she was fighting with Emmy and ignored by Lily, James and Sirius would have to do.

"I have to meet Lily for dinner, but surely Padfoot could?" He looked to Sirius who nodded strongly.

Marlene scoffed at the first part of his sentence. "Of course you have to meet Lils. Tell her thanks for ignoring my last owl. That was really sweet of her," she said sourly.

"Don't talk about Lily like that. You don't know what she's been under lately," James defended instantly, his temper rising. Marlene would have found his protectiveness cute if she wasn't so angry with Lily at the moment.

"No, no I don't. Because she won't bloody tell me anything anymore!" Marlene accused angrily, her own temper beginning to flame.

It was doing that a lot lately and she wasn't sure what had brought it on. She was sick of passive aggressiveness. If she wanted to bitch, she wanted to do it all the way instead of censoring her emotions like she had to do around Emmeline.

James looked…apologetic? Was that right? Interesting.

"I'll meet you outside the shop. 5 o'clock," Sirius interrupted before an argument broke out.

Marlene turned away from James to face him.

"Yeah, see you then," she replied, not wanting to fight any more. It was too tiring and she felt like utter shit.

"Are we ok, Marley?" James asked in a child-like voice.

Marlene could never stay mad at James for very long, even back at Hogwarts when he switched into "crazy captain mode". He was just so sweet and sincere. And despite being annoying at times, had a heart of pure gold.

'Yeah, James. You know we're mates for life. I'll catch up with you some other time. And hopefully Lils too. Maybe we can play Quidditch again, for old time's sake," she replied softly, fixing her hair back into a ponytail.

He smiled warmly and nodded.

"I'd like that, Marley. So would Lily. You know we love and miss you. Lily really does want to see you, it's just that she's had so much work to do at the healer's course and…" he paused. "All the other stuff she has to do. But she cares so much about you. She once told me that she feels like she's missing a part of her when you're not around."

Marlene was touched and blinked away a tear. She was being way too harsh on Lily. And probably Emmy. They still loved her despite not being with her. It's just that Marlene was having a hard time with the changes in their relationships. Going from basically being attached to the hip at Hogwarts to barely seeing them at all was such a drastic adjustment. And not one that she particularly cared for. But being alone more often did do wonders for her own independence she had to admit. She only relied on herself now and felt much more self-assured, which was something Emmeline told her she need more of.

She smiled back at James. "Yeah, I know. I was just upset about not being able to see her. Tell Lils that I miss her and love her and that I'm not angry about the fact that she has her own life. I don't have the right to be cross with her. And sorry about being a clingy friend. I'll knock it off from now on," she responded genuinely.

"Things are different now but that doesn't necessarily mean they're worse, I suppose," she said quietly under her breath. "See you later, James. And see you in half an hour," she turned to say to Sirius who was watching the conversation fixedly.

James gave her a friendly hug goodbye, but Sirius instead chose to grab her hand and give it a comforting squeeze.

She let out a breath of air after they left the shop. Having that little end conversation with James was good for her. She felt a lot better talking it out than keeping it bottled up for the past couple weeks.

And she had to admit; she was quite looking forward to meeting up with Sirius.

* * *

A/N:

I need an editor or to stop being so lazy and do it myself because I keep accidentally a word. I just don't have the patience to re-read my own writing. When I read through it I feel like changing things, which is dumb but still. Next chap is going to be sweet and lovely and funny. And the one after that is going to be angsty. So, so angsty.


	9. I'm Sorry

**October 1978**

Luckily for her no one else entered the shop after Sirius and James left and closing up was fairly easy as usual. Marlene changed out of her work robes and into her floral muggle blouse and straight-legged jeans. It had warmed up considerably and she no longer needed her coat, so she used a shrinking charm and carried it in her pocket. She threw her purse strap around her neck and locked the door.

When she left the shop, she found Sirius sitting on the curb facing the street and smoking a cigarette. His face was deep in concentration and his hair blew slightly in the warm gusts of wind. His broad back muscles were slightly visible even under his dark grey shirt as he hunched over.

"Hey there," she greeted him warmly, offering her hand when she made her way in front of him.

"Hey yourself," he replied smoothly, his face lighting up. He grabbed her hand and she helped him up. He stood besides her, taking in her new appearance.

"Looking stunning as always," he complimented with a wide grin.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "I can never tell if you're teasing me or…" He looked at her eagerly. "Serious," she finished reluctantly, cracking a smile.

He laughed and she joined him. "I'm always Sirius," he said annoyingly and Marlene slapped his arm, tired of hearing the pun for the millionth time. "About that at least," he finished sincerely.

Marlene blushed slightly, but turned her head away quickly and looked down the street.

"I would kill for some ice cream right about now," she said faintly, eyeing Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour in the distance.

Sirius followed her gaze and responded. "Let's go get some then," he replied with purpose, putting his arm around her shoulder casually and walking her towards the shop.

Well that was certainly a new development in their friendship, Marlene thought. But she liked the feeling of his arm around her and didn't dare to shrug it off. He probably did that with all his girl mates. Did Sirius have any girl mates? She was sure he did, but she wasn't acquainted with them. She wondered what they were like and whether or not they'd get along. But that wasn't important at the moment.

What was important was the fact that she didn't have any money to spend. At all. Although she did receive her paycheck today, as it was Friday, it came through owl and she would have to wait until she got back home to cash it.

"Oh, no. I mean, we don't have to," she said quickly. She tried to think up a lie, but it was difficult.

"But you just said you wanted some?" Sirius repeated in confusion, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah…"Marlene said, tugging on her ponytail. C'mon brain, think of something.

"And you're hungry?"

Marlene nodded tentatively, still unable to come up with an excuse.

"Then what's the problem?" Sirius asked obviously, still looking down at her and trying to read her reaction.

Marlene didn't know how to respond.

"I'm…on a diet?" She said weakly, more like a question than a statement.

Sirius frowned. "I thought you said you didn't, or rather couldn't, diet?"

How did he remember that?! Damn Sirius for being such a good listener. Or not. That was rather thoughtful of him.

"The truth is I don't have, er, the necessary funds," she said sheepishly, looking down at the cobblestone ground. Better to tell the embarrassing truth than embarrass herself with another rubbish lie, she thought.

Sirius chuckled. "Oh, is that it? Don't worry about it. I'll treat you," he said in a relaxed tone.

"No, I can't let you pay for me!" Marlene replied briskly.

"Why not?"

Because then it'd be like a date.

"Because it's unfair to you," she decided to go with.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up, Marlene. I'm buying you ice cream, not dinner. But I could if you'd like, I have the extra cash to spend," he replied, nudging her slightly.

Marlene smiled. He set the boundaries and she was glad for it. She wasn't ready to date or have a boyfriend just yet after the whole Alec thing. Who am I kidding, Sirius doesn't see me like that, she thought. He was Sirius bloody Black; he could have any girl he wanted. And if he wanted a girl, she would know and no doubt want him back.

He just saw her as ridiculous Marlene McKinnon, formerly thought as "Perfect Little McKinnon". Boy had she proven him wrong on that assumption. He must think I'm absolutely mad, she thought. Not that it wasn't true. But if he did, he didn't seem to mind. That was the silver lining. She always felt like she could be herself one hundred percent around him and yet he still liked her. As a mate, of course.

Besides she didn't feel like that towards him either…Right? I mean it was hard not to find him attractive, anybody with properly functioning eyes would. But that didn't mean she _was_ attracted to him. She was just having a hormonal reaction to him.

He didn't fancy her; she didn't fancy him.

They were just mates who got along well together.

…Right?

"No, just the ice cream. I'll treat you the next time around," she said generously and nudged him back.

He thought for a moment. "I'm going to make you buy me something really expensive. Or embarrassing, " he said wickedly.

"Prat, don't you _even_ think about," she said menacingly, smiling as they walked into the shop.

* * *

The ice cream was definitely a great pick-me-up. Whether it was because of the fact that she was eating it was Sirius was a question she didn't know or want the answer to. They chatted casually for a long time, just talking about recent events and the like.

Some bad, like the recent death of a muggle-born family who was murdered brutally by death eaters. That left both of them feeling rather somber, but they were becoming more and more desensitized to horrible news. Not that they were more accepting of injustice, but it was just unavoidable to hear about nowadays. If they let every death get to them then they'd constantly be in tears, or permanently numb. And Marlene and Sirius knew that it wasn't the time to give up yet.

In fact, it was never the time to give up or compromise when it came to Voldemort and his death eater minions. They shared that ideology.

But they chatted about some good too. Like apparently Remus, who was a half-blood, had taught both Sirius and James how to drive a muggle car. Sirius told her the story in great detail and animated hand gestures. Apparently James crashed into a fire hydrant and they had to fix it before the muggle police came for him. That had Marlene absolutely howling, as did Sirius when he re-told the story. The shop owner, who was quite kind and friendly in general, asked them to politely leave as they were disrupting the other customers with their loud laughter.

"This is becoming a habit of yours, being thrown out of shops," Sirius playfully teased, still wiping away his tears of laughter.

Marlene decided that he was most gorgeous when he was truly laughing. The sides of his eyes crinkled up slightly and were bright with joy. And his bright smile was stretching as hard as it could. It was a brilliant sight to see and gave her a warm rush all over.

Marlene still had the giggles imagining Remus' horrified reaction to the accident, but managed to get out a reply.

"I'll have you know that I wasn't thrown out of Honeydukes. I was banned," she said with false dignity.

"That's even worse!" Sirius pointed out jeeringly, and Marlene went to smack him on his shoulder.

He dodged her blow and started jogging slowly down the street, which was now beginning to empty as dusk set in.

"Oi, come back here so I can hit you!" She shouted, attempting to catch up with him as he picked up his pace everytime she got closer.

She heard Sirius' bark-like laughter in the near distance and grinned broadly.

It seemed like all her problems evaporated when she was mucking about with Sirius. The whole point of their meeting was to talk about her worries concerning life, but they all seemed to escape her at the moment. She just wanted to have fun, with him, for the time's being before she had to face all her problems back at her flat.

She watched his athletic, swift form bolt through the street and struggled very hard to catch up. She hadn't exercised or even ran for ages, and it certainly showed. She was gasping for breath by the time she got half way to him. If James saw her now he would have a fit about her physical condition. As much as she hated those Quidditch workouts, they certainly paid off. She felt extremely lightheaded and a bit dizzy, but she shrugged it off.

Suddenly her foot hit an unevenly laid stone and she promptly fell.

'Ow, my arse," Marlene whined loudly, but it was her aching side torso that truly hurt. She caught Sirius' attention and he turned around from down the street towards her. She also caught the attention of a couple of the few shoppers still wandering about, but ignored their questioning looks.

Sirius barked out a laugh. "Want me to kiss it better?" He said cheekily, running up to her fallen figure. His face was flushing with delight.

Well if you're offering, Marlene thought. And then dispelled the reply in her head.

This was not a date and I do not fancy my mate. Repeat mantra.

"Want me to hex your mouth shut?" She quickly replied instead, now rubbing her painful side.

"Want me to help you up?" He asked, extending his hand down to her.

"Yeah," she begrudgingly replied, grasping his hand. And then she smirked and tugged him down with all her strength while laughing breathlessly.

He fell onto her and Marlene let out a gasp. She felt a shock of pain when Sirius' surprisingly heavy body landed on her own. He let out a chuckle, probably thinking she gasped for another reason. Although he was partially correct.

He moved his legs and rested them on either side of her body that laid flat on her back, straddling her unforcefully. His arms where pushed out straight and his hands stretched out on the ground for support, giving them some distance. He leant his head down slightly, grinning at Marlene all the while.

"Your hair is tickling me," Marlene complained quietly, reaching a hand up to push away its ends that brushed her face. Her body felt like it was ignited from within and she couldn't help touching him, even if she had to make up an excuse. She lifted her head and upper body up slightly, leaning up with the support of her elbows.

"Oi, not the hair! It's my best feature," Sirius cried out. "Would you like to know your best feature, Marlene?" Sirius asked gently at random, still hovering her.

She sighed. "My tits," she said dully. Might as well say it before him. Bastard.

Sirius gave her a shocked looked, but recovered quickly back into his usual casualness. "No," he said lightly, like he was holding a secret.

Marlene looked up at him incredulously.

"Not that those aren't absolutely lovely, because they are, but I was going to say something different," he added.

"And that would be…?" She asked curiously. He better not say my arse, she thought forebodingly.

She couldn't believe that Sirius was on top of her in the middle of a nearly vacant street and they were having a conversation so nonchalantly. It felt oddly…comfortable even though her heart was racing. Stupid bloody hormones.

"Your voice."

"My voice?"

"It's warm. Rich and emotional. It always has feeling. And you feel a lot, in many different ways. It's completely the opposite of them," he said with candidness and paused for a moment, looking at her in deep thought. "In fact in a lot of ways you're the opposite of them," he said pensively, swinging his leg over her. He got up despite her mute plead to stay in that position.

Sirius was _such_ a tease.

He reached out his hand and he pulled her up when she grabbed it.

Them, them who? She pondered over it a bit, before recalling the night with Dorcas. How cold and unfriendly the other Black's voices where, at least Bellatrix and Regulus. Constantly either filled with contempt or indifference or malicious joy.

"You're brilliant," he said after a while, looking away and rubbing the back of his head with an arm.

She smiled and blushed. "Why, Sirius, that was positively sweet. I think you're brilliant too," she replied honestly. "But why are you telling me this?"

He shrugged. "You seemed really down at the shop earlier," he began. "You needed someone," he said casually, not looking her in the eye.

"Thanks for being here for me, Sirius. I really appreciate it," she said genuinely.

"You don't have to thank me for that. I'm your mate, I'm supposed to make you feel better," he replied airily and lit a cigarette he pulled from the carton in his pocket using nonverbal magic.

Mate. Not date. Gotcha. The whole straddling thing and 'you're brilliant' was Sirius' way to lift my spirits, Marlene acknowledged. If he went around England comforting women like that then she was sure that the mental health statistics of the country would see drastic improvement. She certainly felt better, but only in terms of her mood.

Physically? Not so much. In fact she felt like she was going to…like she was going.

She collapsed.

* * *

"Honestly Mars you are _so_ lucky that I'm your mate. I don't know how you'd live without me," Marlene heard a warmhearted male voice tease besides her.

Marlene tried to blink away the bleariness, but it was easier said than done.

"Benjy?" She recognized his voice, slowly starting to regain her sight. Things began to sharpen and awareness set in. She was in the hospital; 's no doubt as that was where Benjy was training, because she passed out.

Benjy Fenwick was perfect. At least in Marlene's opinion. And there really was no one else that she'd rather have tending her health.

He was in the same graduating class as her, but was in Ravenclaw. They were assigned seats next to each other in Defense Against the Dark Arts during seventh year and quickly became good friends due to their compatible personalities. He rivaled Sirius in good looks, but in a contrasting way. They were both lean, but Benjy was rather lithe where Sirius was a bit broader and slightly muscular. And Benjy looked like a legitimate angel. He had ethereal facial features with dreamy light green eyes and cropped, wavy brown hair.

He was one of the best students in Defense, even better Marlene and Emmy. Probably on the same rank as James and Sirius. Benjy could have easily joined the Aurors and climbed to the top in no time. But instead he chose to become a healer. He was a very practical and kindhearted lad. Scarily intelligent, like most Ravenclaws, Marlene thought. But he also knew how to have a little fun and relax, without pushing the limit. Like she said, perfect bloke.

Marlene thought she was very lucky to call him her friend.

She gave him a faint smile. "I honestly don't know either. Good thing I don't have to find out," she said lightly and she felt the cot shake quietly as he let out a low chuckle. "Benjy, why am I here?"

"Because you were bleeding internally, dear. Do you remember hitting your left side with any blunt objects?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Marlene scoffed. "The bloody broomstick," she said roughly under her breath. "This falling broomstick jabbed me really hard when I was working," she explained. She didn't bother giving him the details. He already had enough on his plate. She didn't want to worry him.

"That must be it," he said, nodding. He pushed his reading glasses up with his middle finger and glanced down at his note-board.

"Thanks Benjy, you're a life savior. Is there anything you can't do?" She asked, flashing him a smile.

"Hmm, women perhaps?" He suggested with a laugh, glancing up to meet her green-blue eyes that filled with amusement.

Marlene laughed loudly.

"Can you _please_ tell me why Sirius Black is sitting in the waiting room?" Benjy asked with curiosity, giving her a suggestive look. "I'm dying to know."

"He's my mate," she replied weakly. "He met me after work and we got ice cream. He must have taken me here after I fainted," she said, slowly gaining steadiness in her voice as she worked out the events.

Benjy gave her another meaningful look. "The Night was one thing, but ice cream?" He let out a low whistle and Marlene rolled her eyes. "Mars, are you two…?"

"No, Benjy. We're just mates," she said strongly. "Honestly."

"I wish I was 'just mates' with Sirius Black," he said slyly and Marlene feebly nudged him. "He was fretting like mad when he brought you in. He caught sight of me and asked for my personal help immediately," he paused and hastily added, "Because he knew that we were mates. Y'know since we were all in Defense together."

Marlene thought that it was a bit suspicious that he added that last part so quickly, but continued listening without interrupting him.

"It was odd, seeing him like that. Black is always so aloof and put together."

"He cares a lot about his friends," Marlene said truthfully. "I should go let him know I'm alright and thank him for helping me out for like the hundredth time," she said with purpose and attempted to get up.

She gasped in pain. Benjy reached out and helped her lie back down.

"No, Mars. The wound might be healed, but it's still rather tender and sore. You'll be able to go home tonight, but not before I give you something for the residual pain. I'll go get Si-, er Black and then find some oral medication for you," he informed her and left.

Marlene waited for a few minutes before she saw Sirius all but run over to her, taking very long and impatient strides. She saw relief wash over his face as she gave him a light smile from across the room. When he finally got to her, he sat down haphazardly on the end of the cot.

"Are you ok?" Marlene asked warily, noticing his slightly disheveled appearance. His usually perfect straight hair looked a bit messy and his face was slightly flushed. He was also breathing loudly.

"You're internally bleeding and yet you ask me if _I'm_ ok?" He said baffled and chuckled humorlessly, rubbing his eyes with a hand. "You really are a crazy bird," he sighed.

"Crazy for you," she said in a mock flirtatious tone, fluttering her eyelashes.

He slammed his fists down violently, making the cot rattle loudly. He turned to face her warningly. He looked at her intensely with very dark eyes that were filled with gravity, unsmiling. She let out a small gasp in surprise at his sudden and unexpected reaction.

"Fucking hell, Marlene. Don't joke about this. This isn't a joke. I thought you…Did you know how…" he trailed off. His voice started out cold and commanding, but slowly became more emotional.

Marlene was in shock. Was Sirius…scared? Sirius was never scared. He was the most stupidly reckless and irresponsibly brave boy she knew. He couldn't have been scared.

"…worried I was about you? You just collapsed out of nowhere. And then they said you've been injured for over a couple hours? Hours, Marlene? What in the bloody hell were you thinking?!" He was full blown shouting at her, only a small distance away from her face.

"Why are you so angry? I'm perfectly fine. It's all been taken care of," she tried to shrug off in a reassuring voice.

"That's not what it's about!" He shouted once more, and tugged his hair as he ran his hands through it.

"Then tell me since I clearly have no idea what you're on about!" She retorted, raising her voice slightly.

He rolled his eyes and then brought them back to hers. "You have no sense of self-preservation, Marlene! It's bloody maddening."

"How was I supposed to know a little bump would turn into something so grave? I made a mistake. People make mistakes," she countered weakly.

She had to admit that she'd been making a lot of bad judgment errors lately, but she _was_ dealing with it. She got a stable job, broke up with her loser boyfriend, promised to be more understanding of Lily and Emmeline, and made the decision to never drink again.

Ok, the last one was a lie. But she wasn't going to get plastered anymore. Just a little buzzed and that's it. And she was going to start eating better and working out again for her own health. She was also going to dedicate her free time to preparing for the Auror test instead of fooling around.

She would only fool around on weekends, she promised to herself.

…What? She had to have a _little_ fun now and then. Not all of us could be Emmy, she thought. Although Marlene did want to unleash her own inner badass bitch more often. She could take a few pointers from Emmy on that one.

"You can't make mistakes! Mistakes get people killed!" He yelled at her, gesturing wildly in her face.

"You're overreacting, Sirius. You don't have to be concerned about me. I can handle myself," she tried convincingly, attempting to cool his temper.

It had the exact opposite effect. Oops. He looked completely furious about that comment and was about to shout at her again, no doubt, before he was interrupted by the sound of a loud voice clearing it's self.

"Now if you're done riling up my patient, I have to attend to her medical needs," Benjy said sternly, willing Sirius to get off the cot with his eyes.

Sirius glared at him, but rose. He didn't leave the room though and instead chose to stand off a little to the side, crossing his arms and watching them intently with a frown.

Benjy really was a savior of many different sorts. Thanks mate you're the best, she thought and tried to wordlessly transfer over to him with a look. He responded with a comforting smile and handed her some pills, as well as a cup of water.

"Take this. You're going to feel…how can I put this in words you'll understand, " he thought out loud before pressing on. "A bit loopy so you'll need someone to look after you for the night. Do you have any one who could do that for you on short notice?"

Marlene looked at him miserably.

Emmeline wasn't reliable for the nights and left at odd hours doing whatever it was she did. Hestia and Mary were no doubt busy as always and besides she didn't want to intrude on their crowded flat. Lily? No. They were too strained for Marlene to show up unannounced in bad condition. Although Lily would definitely take care off her, being the sweet and maternal girl she was. Lily was always a true friend. Benjy was obviously busy. Alec? HAH. Maybe when hell froze over. Dorcas? What ever happened to that girl anyways? She guess that left…her parents. She really didn't want to go home and have them see her like this.

"She's staying with me," Sirius suddenly spoke up, somehow picking up the fact that she had no one to watch over her. "'I'll take care of her," he said resolutely.

Benjy raised his eyebrows and Marlene opened her mouth to dispute, but closed it when Sirius sent her a pointed look with his stubborn face.

It was Sirius' flat or her parent's home. Sirius it was.

She nodded tiredly. "Sirius can watch me," she told Benjy. He gave her an odd look, but nodded back.

He turned to Sirius. "All right then…Make sure she gets a lot of rest and drinks plenty of water. No exertions," Benjy added. "Of any kind," he said professionally with a hidden smug smirk.

Marlene was going to kill him for that. But later, she was too weak to do it at the moment.

* * *

When they got to Sirius' flat she instantly noticed that it had been fully decorated. It looked and felt much more cozier and personal since the last time she was in it. The flat was more filled with little nondescript items sprinkled here and there. The longue room had a nice, wide rug and even a muggle guitar to her great surprise. There were more hangings on the wall. The kitchen looked stocked.

But the bedroom was just as comfortable as it was the last time.

Sirius lifted her into bed effortlessly and placed her gently down onto the soft sheets.

"I'll come back routinely to check on you. You should just get some sleep," he told her gently, and made to walk out of the bedroom to the longue room.

Her head was a little hazy, but she could still form coherent thoughts.

"Sirius," she said in a voice that didn't sound much like hers to her own ears. "Stay with me for a bit? I wanna talk," she asked, patting the bed.

He hesitated by the doorway for a second, but obeyed her request and sat next to her on the bed. She leaned her head on his strong shoulder and closed her eyes briefly.

She sighed loudly. "I'm sorry that I'm such a shit mate. And person," she said finally.

He looked down at her in surprise. "Why are you saying that?"

"You're always the one helping me out and I haven't had the chance to be the one there for you yet," she said slowly. Except for that time she calmed him when he was having a nightmare, she thought. But she wasn't going to bring it up. He might shut down if she mentioned something so personal and…vulnerable.

"Fuck, you must think I'm really weak and helpless. I keep intruding on you like this. And then I made you angry because I got hurt-"

"No, Marlene. No. You're misunderstanding it all. Firstly, I don't think you're a shit mate or person in the least. Just being there is enough for me. I don't expect anything or rely on anyone in general. All my mates have to do is share a laugh with me and back me up. Which you do," Sirius said sincerely in a strange moment of complete openness.

"And I don't think you're weak for needing a little help. Everyone does, just in different ways. It doesn't mean you're not a strong person. I know you're strong. I know how capable you can be. It simply just means that you need a hand. Which I'm happy to give because I'm your mate; it's not an intrusion," he was saying very clearly as Marlene listened with attentiveness.

He took a breath. "I wasn't angry because you got hurt. I was angry because you got hurt and I couldn't do anything about it," he finished.

They sat in silence for a while as Marlene processed what he had just told her, the words sinking in deeply.

"Tell me what's wrong, Marlene. You know, about what you said in the shop." He lit a cigarette he drew from his pocket and took a long drag before blowing the smoke in the other direction away from her.

"More like what isn't wrong," she said sadly. "I guess I should start from the beginning or else it won't make any sense," she declared out loud.

"The beginning?"

"My Auror denial," she said boldly. She could now talk about it openly. The pain had worn off. The reality of the matter was that she failed and now she had to prove herself. And she was going to fight as hard as she could. Also the medicine made feel very…loopy. Loopy enough to say just about anything.

"What?" Sirius replied, his cigarette drooping out the side of his mouth in surprise.

"I was denied into the Auror training in September. Remember how I told you that I wanted to be one too?"

He nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry to hear that, Marlene," he said and put his arm around her shoulder. She pressed closer into his warm chest, paying attention to the way it raised and fell in even breaths.

"Yeah me too. But I'm ok with it now. I just have to try harder next time and give 'em hell," she said determinedly. She was past mopping about it. It wasn't doing her any good.

Sirius laughed. "That's my girl," he replied supportively. "So why are you upset?" He asked, exhaling a puff of smoke. She felt his chest rumbling as he spoke and quite liked the feeling.

"Well, it all stems from that. Other than my general anxieties about the War, I just feel so…useless. I hate feeling like that. Everyone's doing all these amazing things and I'm just here working at this shitty dead-end job. But I'm going to be an Auror within the next year or two, hopefully, so I guess that's not really why I'm upset. I can deal with that. The real root of the problem is Emmy and Lils," she said, taking a breath.

"Trouble with your mates?" Sirius was really listening and that's all Marlene could ask for and more. He tucked a stubborn blonde curl that fell in her face as she talked behind her ear.

"Yeah, it's like they never have time for me and they won't tell me why. I always make time for them and I tell them everything. And they used to do so too. Not anymore. I keep telling myself to get over it, but I'm not sure if I can. I guess in general I just feel like I'm never getting back what I give," she said softly.

Sirius was quiet for a long time until he seemed to come up with something. He smothered out his cigarette with nonverbal magic, flicked it away carelessly onto the floor, and looked down at her with sad grey eyes.

"You're lonely. You're lonely and it's eating away at you from inside," he said somberly.

Marlene wanted to cry. Yes, that was exactly it. She was lonely. She just wanted to be there for someone and have them be there for her back, out of sincerity. Out of love.

"Yeah. How did you know?" She asked quietly.

He didn't respond. He just pulled her into a tight embrace and held her for a long while. She returned it, reaching her hands around his neck. He started rubbing her back in a comforting way like he had done before.

He smelt strongly of cigarettes.

She didn't like it.

But she accepted it because it was him.

She would _not_ cry. She _wouldn't_. At least not obviously. She only let a few silent tears run down her cheeks, and swallowed a sob.

She needed to be strong.

There were people dying and here she was crying over herself in pity because she felt alone. She was strong; she knew she was strong at her core. So she stopped crying.

But not before she heard him whisper, "I'm sorry" so faintly and with _so_ much emotion into her hair that she knew she was not meant to hear it.

What for, she did not know.


	10. It Could Be Sweet

**October 1978**

That morning Marlene woke up feeling more at peace than she had the entire year. There was a heavy arm draped over her form, holding her very securely and pressing her close to a source of warmth. It had been a long time since she was held that way.

Her eyes fluttered open, slowly filling with awareness. She was in Sirius' bed. And it was him who was lying beside her. She could feel his steady breath wafting against the back of her neck. She managed to shift her body and face him without disturbing his sleep. Despite the nightmares he once had, he slept very soundly.

She glanced at his face momentarily. In comparison to last night when it was filled with seriousness he looked extremely young and boyish. His face was wearing a gentle expression and his long black hair fell carelessly in his shut eyes.

To put it frankly, he looked adorable. Marlene smiled to herself. But then she noticed that he was not wearing a shirt. Her stomach lurched.

They didn't shag or anything the night before. They just fell asleep on the bed shortly after their conversation. Or at least Marlene did. Sirius must have stayed with her due to her vulnerable state.

Sirius was such a sweet boy underneath his roguish looks and charm, Marlene thought. He was a bit too wicked at times, harmless as it was, and definitely needed some discipline. And he also had a temper that was just as passionate and reckless as him. But she wouldn't change a thing about the man sleeping next to her. It was those traits that made Sirius who he was and she liked him as a person immensely all the same. He had flaws, everyone does. But he also had _so_ much good.

He unconsciously pulled her closer to him, closing the comfortable distance between their faces. She was now only a couple centimeters away from his soft looking lips and was quite lucid. Marlene felt her body fill up with heat and tucked her head down into her collarbone. Her hair tickled his face in the sudden movement and he let out a sleepy groan that found its way traveling through her body. She shut her eyes tightly on instinct and stilled herself to calm it.

He yawned and lifted his dead arm from beneath her, shaking out its soreness gently. He propped himself up a bit and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked down to her and whispered her name, to see if she had wakened up yet. She was quite awake, but she kept quiet and pretended to still be asleep. She decided that it might be awkward if they greeted each other in bed. It felt very…unmate like.

"Marlene?" He called out again. "Marlene?" He beckoned quietly once more for the third and final time. She could listen to him say her name in that sleepy voice forever.

He paused for a moment and gave up his efforts, making the assumption that she was still sleeping. She felt the heat of his face approaching hers and then the feeling of his lips firmly pressing against the top of her head for only a split-second. He took a short, deep whiff of her hair after he ended the peck and rose out of the bed, presumably towards the loo.

That was…_interesting_. Very interesting, Marlene thought. She was feeling very giddy indeed.

She wasn't sure what that tiny affection meant or why he did what he did in the first place. But she knew he only attempted it after making sure that she was sound asleep, or at least to his knowledge. He obviously didn't want her to know about it.

Instead of mulling over what happened, she decided to get up and figure things out from there. She yawned loudly and stretched overdramatically, just in case he was still around to let him know that she was now awake for good measure.

While he was busy in the loo she cleaned up her appearance with a few charms, fixing her bed head hair into soft waves and freshening her breath. She was still in her clothes from the day before, but shrugged, as there was nothing she could do about it. But she could definitely do something about her rumbling stomach.

* * *

She wandered into his kitchen and opened the refrigerator. She was absolutely ravenous and wanted to cook them breakfast. Kind of like a "thanks for being a great friend." (Who secretly kisses my head when he thinks I'm unaware, hmm.)

"Ah, sleeping beauty finally awakes," she heard his teasing voice reach her from across the flat. "Now what are you up to?" He asked wryly, although it was quite obvious that she raiding his kitchen shamelessly for food.

"I'm going to cook us some breakfast, if that's all right," she said lightly, searching for the proper ingredients to make a full English breakfast. He didn't but she supposed she could still whip up a couple omelets, sausages, and diced potatoes. With a big glass of orange juice and a mug of coffee. Sounded perfect to her grumbling stomach.

"I thought I told you breakfast was _my_ thing?" He said just as lightly, coming over to help her. Marlene noticed that he was now clothed in a Puddlemere United shirt with the sleeves cut off and pajama pants. Puddlemere, eh? She approved.

"I remembered. I just wanted to thank you somehow for last night," she responded, groaning internally at how unwittingly suggestive she made it sound. She took out the ingredients she needed from the fridge and pantry. Then she laid them out on the island countertop and busied herself.

He raised an eyebrow, no doubt catching the innuendo and smirked.

"I could take care of breakfast. And perhaps you could thank me some other way?" He replied just as suggestively. He started taking out the eggs from the carton while Marlene began peeling the potatoes, both using their wands.

Marlene rolled her eyes and shoved him with her hip, as he was now standing besides her. He shoved her back with his own hip with just as much force.

"Perhaps you could just shut your mouth and help me instead? You think you can just say whatever you want just because your fit or whatever," She mused, forgetting to censor herself in her tranquil mood.

Oh shite, she thought. I can't believe I just said that last part out loud. Maybe he would be lenient and ignore it politely? Marlene almost laughed out loud at that thought. Of course he wouldn't. And sure enough, he turned his head quickly to face hers.

Sirius grinned from ear-to-ear. "Oh, so you think I'm fit?" He waggled his eyebrows.

Marlene groaned. "You only hear what you like to. And you know you are. Not like you need to hear it. Your ego is already as big as your wand," she tried to reply coolly and pointed at his wand to change the subject.

"What? It's 15 inches. Let me see yours," he said curiously, responding with interest at her comment.

Marlene lent him his wand and he barked a laugh.

"Merlin, it's so tiny! What's up with that? It's not like you're tiny. Er, I mean…You know what I mean, " he managed to get out, inspecting her wand closely with his twinkling eyes.

"Oi, leave my wand alone. It's 9 and a half inches. That's a very reasonable length. I reckon I could go up a size or two since I had that growth spurt last summer. But I have a very strong relationship with my wand; I couldn't abandon it, " she said defensively, trying to snatch it back.

Sirius stretched his arm out high above his head, still holding her wand in one of his hands. She tried to take it back, but couldn't manage to get a proper grasp on it. Their chests bumped against each other as Marlene wildly flailed. Sirius was laughing at her pathetic attempt in her face loudly.

He could be _so_ immature at times, Marlene thought with annoyance. He really liked playing keep-away and watching her struggle with humiliation.

On her fifth try she nearly got it, but Sirius bolted to the longue room before she could tug it back. She chased him there, unable to muffle an escaping giggle.

"Sirius, give me back my wand already!" She yelled earnestly. They each stood on the opposing side of his couch, making it impossible for her to get to him without climbing over it.

"Hmm, let me think…, " He said in mock contemplation, looking up and pulling a concentrating face as he tapped his chin with a finger. "No," he finished in a beat, smirking. He knew he had the upper hand and was milking it for all it was worth. Prat.

"That's it," she said dangerously, giving him an intimidating look that might have worked on some but was probably pretty funny looking to him. He shot her an amused look back, confirming her suspicions.

She made to pretend to run around the couch, but instead clumsy stepped on and over it with surprising speed. That caught Sirius off guard and she tackled him to the ground. He stumbled while standing initially, but she pulled him down by wrapping her body around his long legs.

He landed flat on his back while she was on top, crawling up his body gracelessly as she reached for the wand he stretched out as far as he could behind his head. She breathed heavily as she pressed her hands against his hard, muscled torso. Her knee slipped on the rug in an attempt to move her lower body up and she accidently grinded her hips into his own.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw his face flash with uninhibited pleasure and his mouth shut forcefully to contain an escaping sound. She noted it, but masked her reaction. She was feeling similarly with her hands unintentionally exploring the contours of his chest and her lower body contacting with his hips.

But she became so focused on getting back her wand that she lost awareness of what she was doing with her body. By the time she got to his hand she was practically shoving her chest into his face. She just wanted her wand back badly. It felt wrong without having it at her side for even a minute. She did have a very powerful connection with it.

"Gotcha," she said gently and wrapped her fingers around it's exposed end. She pulled it out easily, rolling off Sirius in the process. She pushed herself off the floor and he followed her example.

Sirius looked dazed. "Merlin, Marlene. When you want something you really go all out for it," he said a bit breathlessly, looking away and smoothing his hair by raking a hand through it.

He played with the end of his shirt in uncharacteristic bashfulness due to her bold, unpredictable actions. Marlene guessed that he wasn't used to girls being so forward as he was so overbearingly dominant. But she was his mate and not one for coyness, so the dynamic of their relationship was distinctively different from his other girls. His fair face was slightly tinged pink.

Oh my Merlin. Was Sirius…blushing? Yes, yes he was! I made Sirius Black blush! Marlene wanted to tease him endlessly, but she was much more generous than that. Besides she blushed plenty of times around him and he never pointed it out with mockery. Although it was easier to tell that he was flushing due to his ivory skin tone compared to her golden one.

"I'm a very determined girl," she said huskily and brushed past him to the kitchen, leaving him slightly dumbstruck.

She smirked to herself. Mary would have been so proud and called her a seductress. It was nice getting the best of him after all the times she felt like she was out of control under his influence.

Also she quite liked making boys blush. It was probably in her top ten favorite things to do.

Especially Sirius, the Adonis himself.

* * *

After a few minutes he eventually joined her in the kitchen.

Together they prepared the food in comfortable silence. Marlene was tending to the omelets and Sirius divided his time between cooking the sausages and potatoes. It was unlike how they usually spent time together. Normally they were talking non-stop, never seeming to run out of things to say or ways to playfully tease each other.

It wasn't bad at all; it was just different in an equally good way. It was intimate and effortless, completely without reservations. She liked that they could be at ease either blabbing their heads off and laughing or sharing a quiet moment.

She went to turn around to heat the coffee with a spell, but bumped into Sirius' broad chest. He steadied her by placing his hand on her shoulder and she muttered an apology. She knocked into him on accident for the hundredth time. Or at least that's what it felt like. She could barely move around the kitchen with Sirius standing so close to her. It was like he was shadowing her. And to be honest she didn't mind that much. But she had to know why.

"I'm not planning on leaving your flat in an elaborate escape plan, y'know," she said light-heartedly, bringing the coffee to boil with a heating charm.

"Hmm?" He questioned, focusing on seasoning the potatoes.

"You're practically standing on top of me," she explained, flipping the omelets.

He shrugged. "You smell nice," he replied carelessly and began pouring them each a cup of coffee. She smiled to herself slightly. She knew that new perfume was worth the investment.

But she couldn't focus with him standing so close to her so she sent him out on an errand. "Hey, Sirius? Could you put a record on? Something relaxing?" She asked politely.

"Course, love," he replied lazily and left the kitchen. She let out a long held breath and rubbed her head. All of the physical contact was starting to mess with her. She could no longer reign in her growing feelings for him as much as she wanted and the realization was unsettling.

She quickly finished preparing the food without him distracting her in the kitchen and levitated it to the dining room table, where Sirius sat reading the Daily Prophet.

She heard a song playing and immediately identified it. "Oh, I love this song! It's by Led Zeppelin, right? The name is escaping me," she asked earnestly, grinning.

"It's called 'Over The Hills and Far Away'," he told her, returning her grin as he looked over the newspaper.

"Ah, it's so lovely. Mmm," she replied dreamily, taking a seat across from him and resting her head in her propped hand. She closed her eyes momentarily and listened to the song. She opened her eyes to find Sirius watching her, giving her an odd look.

"What?" She asked self-consciously, taking a sip of coffee.

He grinned down into his paper. "Nothing," he said nonchalantly. "You're funny," he added shortly after. Then he placed the paper aside and started digging into the food in front of him.

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't press further. Funny as in "ha ha"? Or funny as in dotty? Many considered her a bit of both.

Although Sirius always had an air of elegance and gracefulness, unlike her, he still ate food like a boy. She watched him shovel a mix of omelet, sausages, and potatoes into his mouth with amused disgust. She ate her own food rather quickly too though. She was starving!

"Anything worth noting in the paper?" She motioned to the Daily Prophet.

Sirius shook his head. "Slow news day. Funny how that has now become a good thing. The feature is about the positives and negatives of home brewing potions verses purchasing them," he said after chewing. "A liar you are not, Marlene McKinnon. This is delicious," he complimented. "Although I did help you so I give myself partial credit for being the brilliant cook that I am," he finished arrogantly, but grinning authentically.

Marlene rolled her eyes while laughing. "Is there anything going on with you lately, Sirius? I feel like we're always talking about me or my issues," she asked sincerely.

She desperately wanted to know more about him. Marlene was an open book; what you saw was what you got for the most part. But Sirius was very mysterious and private in general.

She knew his personality well and a lot about him in general, but no details.

She knew he was a very smart and talented wizard who wanted to become an Auror after the War, but not why. Or why he was waiting. That fascinated her greatly.

She knew he had a bad relationship with his family, but she didn't know about his personal relationships with any specific member.

She knew he had a flat and a large inheritance, but not what he did in his spare time other than hanging out with his mates, exploring London, and shagging girls.

Yes, she had smelt a lingering unknown perfume in his bed sheets. Marlene had a thing for scents, obviously. It was definitely not hers. It was cloyingly floral and sugary, not her taste.

Not that it upset her in the least. She could say that with complete honesty. Sirius wasn't a playboy, but he was still a healthy man with needs and Marlene understood that. Because she was still a healthy woman with needs too. She shagged that random blonde bloke from the nightclub. Not like it mattered. They weren't romantically involved and they could shag whomever they wanted. Why was she thinking about this so much, she scolded herself.

"Not much," he said evasively, taking a large gulp of orange juice. Her face fell slightly. Maybe they weren't as close as she thought. She did have a problem with gushing over people. That's what Emmeline told her at least. But she couldn't help that she was genuinely interested in people, especially really good and interesting ones like Sirius. She liked how each individual person had their own character, their own past, their own interests, and their own ticks. And she wanted to discover it all for herself.

He seemed to catch her reaction and quickly added to his comment. "Actually, my cousin Andromeda looked at motorcycles with me the other day," he said cheerfully, his face brightening up at his mention of her.

So maybe Sirius got along better with his family than she thought? Not with the majority of them obviously, but his uncle Alphard left him an inheritance when he died and he was obviously friendly his cousin Andromeda. And then there was that time he mentioned his brother Regulus with concealed concern.

Marlene nodded, unsure of how to reply. She didn't want to offend him again like the last time she mentioned his family.

"Oh, really?" She decided to go with a safe response.

"Yeah, Dromeda is my favorite cousin. She's brilliant. Her and her husband, Ted Tonks, are my only and true family left," he said casually as Marlene ate and listened closely. "Not that I mind. I'm sure you've heard about how sweet and accepting noble House Black can be," he said sarcastically, full of spitefulness.

He paused but continued.

"Dromeda is different. She doesn't care about all that blood rubbish. Her husband Ted is muggle-born. That's why she was cast out of the family. Much like myself, though I left willing after I grew sick of their bullshit beliefs during sixth year. We're the disobedient, disappoints of the family. And we both quite like it that way." He scooped the remains of his food into his mouth and chewed animatedly.

He had Marlene hanging on every word. She couldn't believe that he was so freely divulging this information with her. It felt really nice to know that she had his trust, or at least some of it.

She nodded again in understanding. "What's a motorcycles?" She asked in a child-like voice, completely clueless.

He gave her a smirk. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know. His eyes were gleaming so mischievously that it worried her.

"Once I get one, you'll find out," he said vaguely, not giving away any details and making it seem very ominous indeed. Marlene gulped.

"Do I want to know?" She asked jokingly, with slight genuine hesitation in her voice.

"Either way you won't have a choice," he said wickedly, giving her a look.

"Prat." Marlene shook her head, tucking a curl behind her ear.

"Sing me something, Marlene?" Sirius asked randomly as he finished the rest of his orange juice, throwing her off with his request.

Marlene looked at him with shock. "No! Not in this life time at least," she refused with a laugh. She pushed her plate away from her as she was full and rested her arms on the table.

She noticed that they were both intense eaters, thoroughly devouring their food with lots of gusto. Marlene remembered reading an article in Witch Weekly last month about how appetites reflected sexual intimacy. She knew that Witch Weekly was rubbish, but she couldn't help wondering if that was true? If so, then she imagined that they would be rather compatible.

NO, she shouted at herself in head. STOP. Do not think about Sirius' sexual appetite or style. Fuuuck. This was bad. She was really jumping the shark considering their platonic relationship.

Or platonic-ish relationship?

She wondered how Sirius felt about her. As a person, as a woman, as a mate, as a possible romantic interest. Any and everything.

"I know you can sing. You told me you could," he replied, pressuring her as he grinned widely. "Sing me something, " he ordered.

"I don't think so," she said getting up stubbornly and then lifted their empty plates to the sink. She used a cleansing charm on the silverware and gently placed them back into their previous positions in the cupboard.

Sirius followed her back into the kitchen. "What if death eaters come and kill me tomorrow and I never hear you sing! How terrible would you feel!" He shouted, his face filled with laughter.

Marlene laughed loudly. "Pretty terrible, but not as terrible as I would feel awkwardly serenading you," she retorted.

"C'mon, Marlene. You're not one to turn down a challenge. You're bold and shameless," he said playfully, practically begging her like a dog.

"Shameless?" Marlene repeated with a giggle.

He laughed back. "In the best, most wonderful way possible," he tried to save himself.

She gave him a goofy look and stuck out her tongue.

"You know someone once told me you shouldn't show someone your tongue unless you're going to use it," he said cheekily.

Ok, Marlene was going to use this as a test. He was obviously flirting with her, but Sirius was a renowned flirt. That was acknowledged. But was there any real weight or intentions behind those words directed to her? She was going to find out.

"And how do you suggest I use it?" She asked flirtatiously, leaning forward and brushing her hands through her long hair for an extra touch.

"To help you belt out those high notes perhaps?" He replied cleverly, raising an eyebrow and ignoring her flirty remark. Ouch. Maybe she would count that as a pre-test instead. She didn't like ultimatums.

"The only person I've ever sung for was Emmy," Marlene thought out loud, recovering from her rejection despite how flippant it was. It hurt her pride a little, but she never much of that. It hurt something else in her chest.

"OH, Emmy!" She shouted out in revelation, realizing that she hadn't talked or seen her since their fight yesterday.

"What about her?" Sirius asked, cocking his head to the side.

"She hasn't seen me since…Well, since we had a row. I need to go back to my flat and sort things out. I might be fighting with her, but I still want to let her know I'm ok," she explained while Sirius' face slowly fell the more she spoke.

"You're leaving?" He asked in a strained voice.

"Yeah, I have to," she replied honestly.

Sirius nodded in return and pushed his hair away from his face. "Fancy a farewell song?" He asked relentlessly with his best smile. It made her feel a little woozy, but she wasn't going to give in that easily.

She rolled her eyes. "No, Sirius. No. In fact, never!" She persisted.

He pouted.

"I'm leaving now so I'll see you later?" She asked, not sure how to say goodbye to him.

She gave all her friends hugs to greet and farewell them. She was openly affectionate and liked expressing adoration for her amazing mates. But for some reason she was hesitating with Sirius. Because although he was her mate, she wanted to do much more than hug him. And that made her feel embarrassed with herself.

A thought suddenly came to him and his face stretched into a smirk. "Aren't you forgetting something?" He asked deviously.

Of course Marlene knew what he was talking about.

"Where is it?" She said grudgingly, ignoring his smirk.

He simply walked over to his bedroom with grace and returned with a plastic bag, handing it over to her.

She opened up the bag and, sure enough, it contained her purple bra.

"Seems to be in one piece," she said jokingly, pretending to inspect it closely.

Sirius laughed. "What do you think I did with it?"

"I don't know, put it on and danced wildly alone in your flat?" Marlene said with amusement, giggling at the thought.

Sirius wore a face with similar amusement and quickly responded. "If that's something you'd like to see then maybe it could be arranged…If you sing me a song," he said, trying to bargain with her.

"Bye, Sirius," she said lightly while laughing.

She went to apparate, but felt warm lips brush against her cheek in a chaste kiss.

Her wide eyes shifted and met grey ones that shone with some emotion Marlene was too surprised to identify. He kept them on hers in a steady gaze that made her chest feel like it was going to burst. She quickly looked away.

"Bye," he said quietly, giving her a small grin.

She smiled lightly at him. And then apparated immediately after, stopping herself from impulsively grabbing the back of his neck and giving him a kiss really worth grinning about.

* * *

When Marlene got back to her flat no one was there. She wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

She wanted to make up with Emmeline. Marlene didn't want to be without her friendship. Ever. And if that meant being shut out a bit, then she was ok with it. She was going to respect Emmeline's decision because she respected her and her choices. That was what being a good friend was all about, she thought.

Emmeline was responsible and lived a very moral life, much more so than Marlene. She wasn't doing anything dangerous like hard drugs or joining a gang. Probably.

…Would Emmeline do hard drugs or join a gang? Oh my Merlin, what if Emmeline was a meth addict? Or she was blackmailed into becoming a member of a dangerous, drug addict gang? And she really needed Marlene's help, but she couldn't tell her because Emmy didn't want her to get hurt.

Marlene shook her head and the thoughts away. She was being ridiculous, per usual. But could anyone blame her? What _does_ someone like Emmeline do at random intervals at night? It was driving her bloody mad. Suddenly she got angry all over again with Emmeline for making her supposed "best mate" worry sick.

"I need a hot shower, " she whined out loud to her empty flat. She dragged herself to the bathroom, but not before her owl Jinxy flew wildly through a window in the longue room.

"Oi, Jinxy! Not the head, I need it!" She berated teasingly to her owl, which simply dropped off a bundle of letters and flew back to her cage. Bloody neurotic owl.

Marlene looked at the bundle with great interest. She had quite a few letters. She took them to the couch with her and leafed through them eagerly.

One was from her mother, asking her what she was up to and bragging about Danny. That made her smile. Danny was very popular, smart, and an overall great lad. There was a reason why Marlene loved him best.

Another was from her old friend, Penny, who she barely spoke to anymore. Shame. But Penny was wrapped up in all that pureblood nonsense. Marlene wasn't sure if she was a pureblood bigot, but she knew that Penny was a bit mean and snooty so she ignored it.

Ooh, Minerva's Secret had a sale day coming up!

There were a few junk letters from various shops that Marlene visited beckoning for her to come visit. Which she would love to do, but lacked the cash for.

Her paycheck! YES! That was desperately needed and appreciated.

And finally, a mysterious looking letter with no indications from whom it was from. Odd. She opened and read it.

_Dear Marlene McKinnon,_

_I am writing you this letter for a specific purpose. An exceedingly significant, world altering purpose. And that is to ask you for your personal aid in ending the War._

_Each day our world grows darker and more blood is spilled needlessly, seemingly without end. I am dedicated to stopping this from occurring further, as are many others who have joined the organization I lead called The Order of the Phoenix._

_I know you are a bright witch and would love nothing more than to assist in ending this unwanted War with your abilities and dedication. If you are interested in fighting against Voldemort and preventing his reign, like I know you are, and have the capacity to do so at the present moment, then please come to The Hog's Head Inn in Hogsmeade on October 18__th__ at 9 o'clock at night. _

_All will be explained then in time._

_To protect you, myself, and the rest of the members of the Order, this letter has been charmed to incinerate five minutes after it has been opened. One can never be too safe during these times, as I'm sure you'll agree. _

_Albus Dumbledore_

Marlene re-read the letter nearly ten times. Professor Dumbledore wanted _her_ help in assisting the War effort? Was that right?

Along with various other individuals. "The Order of the Phoenix", he called them. What a name. On her tenth read, the letter's lower left end caught aflame and quickly swallowed itself. Marlene sat there in contemplation, holding ashes.

October 18th. That was today. 9 o'clock. That was tonight.

She would go.

She had to go. This was exactly what she wanted. To help. To fight. To lend a hand and possibly her life to stop Voldemort's advances. She had many questions, but would receive no answers from her lonely flat. She would ask them when she could get the chance.

She would go. But not until after she took a warm shower.

* * *

A/N:

The last couple chapters didn't go the way I thought they would, but I like them nonetheless. Jeez this is going to be a long story, but I appreciate everyone who likes it and stays with it!

OMG Sirius and Marlene. You two are killing me with sweetness. It turns out that not having any romantic interests in your life is great inspiration for writing fluff. Because you write about things that you wish would happen to you. Why are all the boys around me so emotionally shallow ugh.

Next chap is the angsty chap.

And Merry Christmas to all those who celebrated it today!


	11. Shot By Both Sides

**October 1978**

After her shower, Marlene spent the rest of the day trying to quell her anxiousness about the meeting.

She took a long walk through the peaceful parks of her district, which Emmeline informed her was called Hammersmith a week ago. She had lunch at a small café and flipped through a poetry book she found in the corner of a bookshelf. There was a lot of rubbish poetry, Marlene mused. But there was also good poetry too. And the good poetry was absolutely brilliant. Maybe that was just the romantic in her. She also visited a clothing shop and bought a few new pieces with her paycheck. Which was probably unwise considering Marlene indulged in retail therapy a little too often for someone living on minimum wage.

Marlene returned to her empty flat and made herself dinner for one. She really wished she had a record player and a couple records to fill her lonely apartment with music instead of deafening quiet.

Or Emmeline's cool voice. Lily's fiery comebacks. Hestia's bossy yet funny and generally useful advice. Mary's rowdy shouting. Benjy's warm teasing.

Sirius' brazen laughter.

Emmeline never returned back to the flat so Marlene didn't get the chance to tell her about the letter. But she was going. Nothing could stop her. It was 8 o'clock and the only thing that Marlene had left to do was choose an outfit.

She knew she was being daft for putting so much thought into it, but she figured that she wanted to make a good impression. Was that a silly thing to think about during a War? She didn't think so. Not really.

Ok, a little. But fashion brought her a tiny bit of joy and during times like these, people had to appreciate the little things that made life worth living.

She chose to put on a blue dress (Emmy would have said it was a bit too much, but Mary would definitely have approved), black tights, and a pair of comfortable Chelsea boots. She finished her look with a warm peacoat and a knitted scarf, as it was rather chilly out.

"I can do this. I am capable and bright and worthy and self-assured. Own your shit, Marlene."

She gave herself a small pep talk before apparating to Hogsmeade, unsure of what was to come. All she knew was that things would never be the same as they once were. She was sure of it.

* * *

It was bone chillingly cold.

Autumn was in full swing. The trees released their bright colored leaves onto the muddy ground with regret every time a blustery wind gust past by. White clouds dispersed from Marlene's mouth every time she released a warm breath into the icy wind.

She loathed herself for wearing a dress and tights.

But quickly forgave herself as this was time for her to summon her true confidence. Marlene often came off as very confident, but it was mostly "fake it till you make it confidence" rather than genuine. Not many people knew that about her. Maybe only Emmeline and her brother Danny. For someone so seemingly confident, carefree and talented, she was wracked with hidden insecurities that she had to stomp out she was getting better at it the older she grew. The more she accepted and loved herself, the more confident she was.

She wouldn't allow herself to screw her over. This was much, _much_ bigger than herself.

Marlene wondered why the Professor and the rest of the Order chose the Hog's Head Inn as their meeting place. It had a shady reputation, to put it as politely as possible. Not even she had been in it, and Marlene loved trying out new pubs. It was off the beaten path and rather run down looking. Maybe that's why, because it was unsuspecting due to its unfriendly atmosphere.

She approached the decrepit wooden door of the Hog's Head Inn. She took a deep breath and knocked strongly. She waited for a moment before she saw an eye slot shift open. Unfortunately she couldn't make out any features do the darkness clouding the person's appearance.

"Name?" A deep, scratchy voice asked.

"Marlene McKinnon," she replied in a steady voice. She really hoped that this wasn't a death eater ambush. She was too young and unaccomplished to die. Honestly. That would be so rude and uncalled for.

There was a long silence and Marlene silently started saying her prayers while cursing Merlin at the same time.

"McKinnon, hey? Yes, that's you all right. Well come on then lass, in ya go," The voice responded gruffly and opened the door.

Standing before her was a tall, thin man with long thick, grey hair. His beard was also rather long and grey. He was an older man and grumpy in disposition. He also reminded Marlene of someone in terms of appearance, but she couldn't place it. Until she noticed that he had the exact pair of bright blue eyes that Professor Dumbledore shared. Was this a relative of the Professor? It would make sense. Apparently his family had a thing for beards.

Marlene glanced around the single – very dirty, very dingy – room with interest. There were a few wooden tables with nothing but melting candles sitting atop them. Not much as worth noting other than the bar area, which didn't even look that well stocked. The ground was like practically standing outside, for Merlin's sake.

She was not impressed.

1/10: Would not even get smashed at for free, complimentary of a cute boy.

But that didn't matter. She wasn't there to party, she was there to assist in kicking death eater arse and stop old You-Know-Who from fucking up the world with the Order of the Phoenix.

Speaking of those lot, where were they? The room was empty for the exception of her and the man that lead her to an empty table silently.

"So I reckon I'm the second person to get here? After yourself?" She asked politely, taking a seat in one of the shabby chairs.

"Get here? I own the place," he replied brusquely, walking to the bar.

Marlene winced. "Oh, I'm sorry. This is my first time attending…one of these things. I don't know much of anything at the moment," she replied honestly and took off her outerwear.

"You don't say, " he said sarcastically. "Did you just come back from a hot date?" He asked in a bad-tempered tone while taking a disapproving look at her, obviously not impressed with her appearance.

Marlene ran her fingers through her long curls with apprehension.

This was awkward. If the members of the Order of the Phoenix were all so surly and discourteous then this night was going to be much more difficult than she thought it would be.

The sat in silence for a while as Marlene tapped in fingers idly on the table. "You look like you could use a drink, lass," he said pointedly, with lack of concern.

Marlene sighed.

"I'm perfectly fine," she replied stiffly, starting to get fed up with the old man. "When will Professor Dumbledore and the rest of the members of the Order get here?" She asked, hoping the answer would be a concise "soon".

The man scoffed. "I suppose my brother will get here when he feels like it. He does whatever he wants anyway," he replied with resentment and took a shot of firewhiskey. He coughed loudly and poured himself another.

Marlene desperately needed a shot too. Maybe she should've taken him up on his offer.

So this was the Professor's brother? What a charming bloke.

Suddenly the pub door opened and Marlene straightened to brace whomever had come in. She noticed that Dumbledore's brother (What was his name? He didn't even introduce himself! Rude.) did not go to the door and question them, they just simply walked in. It must have been only her that needed proof of identification, most likely because she wasn't a member yet.

A young man and woman strolled in casually, holding hands. They were obviously a couple, and a fairly young one at that. They couldn't have be more than a couple years older than Marlene. Probably early to mid twenties.

The woman was round faced, with short black hair. She was wearing a friendly expression, which Marlene was thankful for. The man was about average in height and built, but carried himself with a very purposeful air. His shaggy brown hair fell into his eyes and the woman brushed it away loving. How too cute, she mused.

Marlene flashed them a welcoming smile as they sat down in the empty chairs next to her.

They both returned her smile with a grin.

"Hello, I'm Marlene McKinnon," she introduced herself warmly and gave each of them a casual handshake.

"Nice to meet you, Marlene. We're Frank and Alice Longbottom," the man replied steadfastly.

Marlene's eyes went wide and opened her mouth slightly in shock. Of course they were! She knew their names and faces very well. She ought to considering how often they were mentioned in the Daily Prophet. They were both highly talented and respected Aurors. Everyone loved them. Or at least those who were against Voldemort. Emmeline practically idolized Alice.

"Of course you are! Oh my Merlin! It's wonderful to meet you two in person. You guys are brilliant," Marlene said with enthusiasm as their faces lit up with amusement.

Alice chuckled. "We're not all that amazing. But I _will_ sign an autography if you'd like," she joked lightly.

Frank rolled his eyes, but smiled. "How modest of you, dear," he added with sarcasm.

Marlene laughed. She liked the Longbottoms very much, even though she just met them.

"I might take you up on that, Alice. But not for me, for my friend Emmy," she replied as the door opened once again.

All three turned their gaze to an older man who seemed about Marlene's father's age. He was very sturdily built and had dark brown hair that had little streaks of white sprinkled about. He also wore glasses. Marlene thought he had a very welcoming aura, with an ordinary face and relaxed posture. He approached her and the Longbottoms, giving them a smile.

"Looks like we beat you, Bonesy," Alice teased as the man took a seat across from the table.

He laughed genially. "There's a first time for everything, I suppose," he replied quickly and turned his attention to Marlene.

"My name is Edgar Bones and it's lovely to meet you," he said kindly with an encouraging smile.

"I'm Marlene McKinnon and it's lovely to meet you too," she responded with similar kindness. Edgar, or Bonesy as Alice called him, was very warm and paternal. Marlene liked him too.

More and more people seemed to enter the tiny room, filling it was noise and laughter. Things had taken a much better turn for the best in comparison to when it was just her and Dumbledore's git of a brother.

Marlene spotted an older gentleman wearing an outlandish hat, a tiny jumpy man with a large purple top hat that was equally outlandish, and a giant man with thick brown hair come in together. They gave the four sitting down acknowledging nods, but took their own seats at a different, empty table. They were chatting very rigorously, obviously distracted in a debate of some sort. They were so busy that they didn't even notice Marlene. She wasn't sure what they were discussing. It had something to do with magical creatures, though.

Two men who looked extremely familiar entered next. They were slightly older than Marlene, but she recognized them from Hogwarts. The Prewett brothers. They were known for their boyish charm and extraordinary magical skills. One was slightly taller and broader than the other, but not by much. He was the older one, Marlene recalled. The older boy had thick, dark auburn hair while the younger's was a light ginger. But both had lively hazel eyes that twinkled when they caught the sight of her.

They took a good look at Marlene, and then the younger one whispered something into his brother's ear. They laughed loudly and approached her together. _This_ should be interesting.

The older gave her a welcoming smile and reached out his hand. Marlene took it with ease.

"Gideon Prewett. Damn glad to have ya," he said warmly and cracked a bright, slightly crooked smile. Marlene had to admit, he _was_ rather charming.

"Marlene McKinnon. Bloody great to be here," she responded just as friendly with a light laugh. He smiled even wider at her, raising an eyebrow. His hazel eyes were sparkling with laughter.

He turned to Frank and said in an obviously joking tone, "I like her. Can we keep her?"

Frank chuckled. "Easy mate," he replied, giving him a look that Marlene couldn't decipher as she barely knew them.

The younger boy also gave her his hand. Just as she was about to shake it, he brought it up to his mouth and kissed the top of it gently. Marlene looked at him with surprise.

"Hello, my fair Marlene. My name is Fabian, but a beautiful woman such as yourself can call me anything you'd desire," he said seductively, a disgusting attempt at flirtation.

"How about 'that-shite-won't-get-you-shagged'," she retorted with a wink and pulled her hand away.

Gideon and the Longbottoms laughed loudly (and Marlene saw Edgar stifle a chuckle) but Fabian gave her a sheepish look and rubbed the back of his neck. He was obviously embarrassed with his pathetic display. Poor, clueless chap.

"Oh. Then can you show me what will?" He replied with immaturity, looking at her expectantly.

Alice and Frank scoffed at the same time.

"Oi, leave her be. It's her first meeting. Can't have you lot scare her off before it even starts," Alice said with authority, defending Marlene.

"Thanks, Alice, but I can handle them myself. Nothing my wand can't take care," she said jokingly, but gave the brothers a warning look.

"Ooh, I like a feisty bird," Fabian said flirtatiously, leaning towards her.

Gideon rolled his eyes over exaggeratedly. "You like any bird that gives you a bit of attention, twat."

Fabian turned to smack him in the back of the head. Gideon responded with a similar assault.

And then they started full out wrestling each other on the floor.

Boys, Marlene thought disdainfully with a hint of amusement and rolled her eyes. Though they seemed harmless. And she rather liked Gideon, the older brother. He was a bit silly like his younger brother, but had this alpha male aura that she quite appreciated in a man.

It kind of reminded her of…No, she wouldn't say his name. It was like comparing apples to oranges. And as much as she such appreciated a good apple, she really wanted to bite the orange.

"Doe!" Fabian called out joyfully, catching sight of her immediately as she entered the pub.

Dorcas?! Dorcas Meadowes? Yes, that was definitely her. Her silvery blonde hair was tied up in an intricately braided bun and she was wearing a daring shade of dark violet lipstick.

So this was the War connection. Everything fell into place for Marlene. Dorcas was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. Her "co-workers" were also members. She asked her to accompany her on a mission.

_This_ was the "details".

Oh.

"Hey there, Fab," she responded back. She immediately caught sight of Marlene and broke out into a broad smile. "Mars!" She shouted with glee and wrapped her arms around Marlene's shoulders from behind.

Marlene laughed at her actions and turned around in her chair, giving Dorcas an equally enthusiastic greeting. "Doe!"

Those paying attention the greeting looked slightly confused.

"You two know each other?" Edgar asked with surprise as the others waited for the two girls' responses.

"Yeah! We became friends after she snogged my boyfriend at the time," Marlene replied simply without realizing how terrible her words could be misconstrued. She immediately paled and failed her arms, as to signal that she wanted to take it back.

Everyone looked appalled.

"No! It's not what it sounds like," Marlene shouted out in defense, trying to explain.

Doe laughed, rolling her eyes at Marlene.

Marlene gave Doe a helpless look and attempted to sort it out. "It wasn't like that. Er, it's a bit complicated…Basically my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with her outside a pub randomly, but she didn't know about me! Or that he was dating anyone. The wanker. So I ran into them by chance and dumped him after I saw them snogging. And then Doe and I started chatting and got along well, so we went to a cosmetics store because Doe had this lipstick I wanted and then…," She paused as everyone continued to give her confused looks.

She sighed. "This isn't making sense to any of you, is it?" She said exasperatedly, rubbing her forehead.

"Nope," Fabian replied with a lost grin, looking from Marlene to Dorcas.

"Basically, Doe and I met under odd circumstances, in which she was completely innocent, and now we're mates of some sort," Marlene finished as easy as she could.

Dorcas nodded. "What she said. Except we're not 'mates of some sort', Mars, we're mate mates!" She added, tugging on one of Marlene's curls with annoyance.

Marlene laughed and shooed her hand away from her hair. "So this is what you were talking about that night, Doe. Do I owe you the thanks of having the privilege to be allowed at this meeting?" She asked curiously. She remembered Dorcas talking about something about proving herself. Maybe Dorcas scouted her out?

The shorter blonde rubbed in neck and hesitated. "Sort of," she said vaguely.

Gideon sat in contemplation for a bit before making a realization and interrupting. "Oh, you're talking about that tosser from the Leaky Cauldron? " He said cleverly, picking up the mention of a pub.

Marlene nodded vigorously. "Yeah, sounds like him," she said with disgust. Fucking Alec.

"He cheated on you? What an arsehole. You're too good for him, Marlene," Alice replied, shaking her head with disapproval at Alec. She gave Marlene a comforting rub on the shoulder with one of her delicate hands.

Frank nodded in agreement with his wife. "Good thing you broke it off."

Marlene laughed nervously, a little shocked and slightly embarrassed about the fact that she just laid out her personal life to almost strangers. That was Marlene for you.

"'Too good for him'?," she quoted. "You lot don't even know me yet," she said self-effacingly. "I could kick kittens in my free time for all you know," she quipped. "I don't, though. I'll even take Veritaserum to prove it."

There was general laughter before someone responded back to her.

"We know you well enough to like you," Edgar replied with a smile. "I can just tell that you're a good person. And a fun one at that," he added kindly. The rest of the Order members nodded in agreement.

Marlene almost cried. How pathetic. She was really being overemotional. But after spending all day being lonely (especially going from Sirius to no one was quite a daunting shift) and just being distant from her good mates in general, to being greeted and welcomed so warmly by the members of the Order…It was brilliant.

The Order would give her inclusion, mates, family, and a greater purpose that she desperately desired.

She made up her mind right there at that moment. There was no way she was not going to join them. She would even duel Dumbledore himself.

He'd totally destroy her arse, but it was the meaning behind that statement that mattered.

"Are you tearing up, Marlene?" Gideon asked in shock. "God, you're a softie," he teased her gently and gave her a pat on the shoulder. "I'll have to remember that," he added.

Marlene shrugged his hand off and stuck her tongue out at him. "Oh shut up," she replied airily. "And what do you mean you'll 'have to remember that'?"

Gideon smirked at her and gave her a sweeping look.

Why did self-aware arrogance and cockiness turn her on so much? Ugh, she really didn't understand herself at times. Or most times.

"Oi, watch it, Gideon," Dorcas said giving him a shove. "You got another thing coming if you even think about messing – or shall I say messing up– my mate."

"Same," Alice and Frank responded at the exact same time. It was kind of creepy how in sync they were.

Edgar laughed at Dorcas' and the Longbottoms' quick responses.

"Merlin, Gideon. Are you some sort of vile fiend or what? Do you have an arrest warrant that I should know about?" Marlene asked jokingly, wondering what was with the reactions.

"Oi! I don't know what's gotten into them. They know I'm a decent bloke," Gideon defended himself and threw up his hands, looking around.

"He's a bit of a git, but even I have to admit he's a good chap," Fabian supported with a backhanded compliment.

"Thanks Fa – git?!" He shouted and Fabian gave him a challenging look. They started hitting and wrestling together soon after as Marlene watched idly.

"Are they always like this?" She asked to no one in particular, pointing a thumb at the two.

Dorcas laughed. "Yeah. But really, they're brilliant lads. Gideon's really not a bad bloke; he's actually incredible. He just has a habit of not being able to keep it in his trousers," she replied good-naturedly with a tinge of disdain. Marlene thought that it sounded like Dorcas was speaking from experience. Ah. She wasn't about to get into that right now. It wasn't the time.

Marlene nodded in understanding. "So is this the entire Order?" She asked conversationally, giving the room a glance.

"No," Frank replied knowledgably. "There are about ten more of us, not including Dumbledore or Moody."

"They'll show up soon I reckon, you know how they are," Alice spoke to the others. "Although Fletcher won't be showing any time soon," she added with a laugh.

"Why not?" Marlene asked.

"Fletcher is a very…shady man of questionable reputation despite the fact that he is a dedicated member of the Order. He was banned from the Hog's Head Inn for some sort of smuggling deal that went down a few years ago," Edgar replied, filling Marlene in.

Marlene wasn't going to judge this Fletcher man yet. At least not without knowing the truth behind the matter. It felt wrong of her to write off a fellow banned–ie without hearing their side of the story. People will ban you for anything nowadays!

"Oh speaking of the rest of them, here they are!" Alice announced, touching Marlene's hand to get her attention.

Marlene spotted a tall, thin yet slightly muscular man with a buzz cut come in first. He had _the_ most amazing bone structure and caramel toned skin. He wore a hard, unemotional look on his face. Marlene could just feel strength and intensity radiating off him. She was glad he was on their side rather than on Voldemort's.

Next to the man was a very petite girl who also seemed to be radiating a similar sort of power. She had a slightly toned build, with a dark pixie cut and a face that looked exactly _just_ Emmeline's.

Huh.

EMMY?!

NO FUCKING WAY. OH MY FUCKING MERLIN. HOLY FUCKING BLOODY HELL SHITE FUCK.

Marlene was screaming like mad inside, but she was left speechless.

After the initial shock, she felt nauseous and dizzy. And _livid_.

God I am so bloody daft, Marlene berated herself. She couldn't understand what she felt or why, just that she was swept up in a hurricane of very extreme, very conflicting emotions.

Emmeline caught her glare as she looked for an empty seat with her mate (boyfriend?!) and returned it with an cool look.

She sat down at an empty table with the man, ignoring Marlene completely.

That pissed her off. Very badly.

She wasn't going to make a scene. The Order wasn't here to witness or deal with interpersonal relationship issues. They were here for one reason: to stop Voldemort. And besides, she didn't want to make a bad impression by raging like a lunatic in front of everyone. She needed to draw her resolve and handle it calmly and maturely at the moment. Whether she would handle it the same way later, she wasn't quite sure.

She simply called out to the table.

"Emmy, please stay for a bit after the meeting is over. I need to have a friendly..._chat_ with you," she said sternly, doing a better job at keeping composed than she initially thought she would.

Emmeline nodded back. That's it.

The man sitting next to Emmeline only made a very slightly, nearly undetectable reaction in shock – widening his large brown eyes faintly– and then the two went back to conversation amongst themselves, talking so low that Marlene couldn't make out what they were saying in the distance.

Everyone around Marlene looked to her in surprise, waiting for an explanation.

When she didn't responded, Fabian did.

"Did you just call Vance 'Emmy'? You know her?" He asked what everyone was obviously wondering.

Marlene slouched in her chair and drew random shapes with her finger on the wooden table. "I don't want to talk about it, " she said sulkily.

They exchanged looks, but Marlene didn't notice. She was looking down at the table, lost in thought.

"Do you know Dearborn too?" Gideon asked, unable to contain his curiosity.

"Who?" She said distractedly, bringing her gaze back to the group of people looking at her intently.

"I'll take that as a no," Frank replied for her. "The bloke talking to Vance," he explained shortly.

"No, I don't," she said faintly, now drawing eights into the table.

"Marlene, are you…ok?" Alice asked with genuine concern. Alice gave off a tough, older sister vibe that Marlene quite liked. But she couldn't help her. Not with this.

Marlene shrugged. "I don't know," she replied honestly.

Edgar gave her a "sad, concerned father look" and she knew she had to snap out of it. She didn't need or want pity. She just wanted to know why her best mate was acting the way she was. And why she didn't include her or at least attempt to. But she couldn't make any assumptions without getting the full story. She would have to wait until after their talk before making any decisions.

It just hurt. A lot. More than her Auror denial, even. More than the last disastrous year of her relationship with Alec and its eventual messy break up. More than anything she ever felt personally in her life. It was difficult to breathe properly.

"I'm fine," Marlene tried to say in her most convincing voice. "Now all we need is a unicorn to walk through the door and I'll officially be shocked," she joked but it came out flat.

The door opened again. It wasn't a unicorn that entered, but it might as well have been. That's how badly it caught her off guard.

No descriptions were needed; she couldn't mistake those two even if they were a mile away.

Benjy and Hestia came in together, laughing loudly over something Hestia had just finished saying. Benjy's dreamy face was twinkling with light laughter and Hestia nudged him playfully.

Marlene's head filled with even more colorful curses and this time she was struck stupid. Emmeline being there sort of made sense in some fucked up way that Marlene was too frazzled to fully connect.

But Benjy and Hestia? That made no goddamn sense.

What the actual fuck.

They saw her and had to gall to give her sheepish looks.

I'm sorry, but again, what the fuck?

She felt that similar emotional hurricane seethe inside her all over again. Marlene sat there completely dumbstruck and watched the two join Emmeline and Dearborn's table. Marlene tried to eavesdrop on the conversation, but could only make out one word said by Emmeline.

"After."

If Emmeline thought that Marlene would also like a word with those two, then she was goddamn right.

Her thoughts were interrupted as the door opened for the final time. She watched eagerly with a sense of dread building inside her. She had a bad feeling. She really hated that door.

And that feeling was confirmed when she saw the Marauders enter the pub nosily.

The motherfucking Marauders, all four of them.

Remus was rolling his eyes at something James said while Sirius and Peter laughed loudly. James wrapped his arm around Remus' neck, just over his shoulders, in an apologetic physical affection while still laughing. Remus eventually cracked a grin, but it left once he caught sight of Marlene's piercing glare. He coughed once to draw his mates' attention, in a very poor and obvious action in Marlene's opinion, and the rest of the lads made eye contact with her.

James paled slightly, and immediately mussed up his hair nervously. Remus looked sheepish and shrunk slightly. Peter didn't give a toss, looking clueless as ever. And Sirius looked a bit taken aback at first, but shoved his hands into his pockets and returned to a relaxed, careless yet elegant posture.

BASTARDS!

Bastards, the lot of them!

And to top the shit pile off with a shit cherry was seeing none other than her second best mate, Lily Evans, walking in behind them.

That lit a fire in Marlene that was very hard to calm. It had been so long since she'd seen Lily in real life. Her shiny, red hair glistened even in the dimly lit pub and her beautiful face was full of laughter.

She looked quite busy indeed.

_Being a liar._

When they met each other's eyes, it felt like the room froze. There was nobody else. Just her and Lils. Lily looked away, hiding her reaction and followed the boys to a table silently.

She felt someone tapping her back and then the breath of warm air tickling her ear.

"Are you really all right? You look like you've just come across a dementor," Dorcas whispered quietly.

Marlene shrugged and looked far away for a while. She didn't even notice Professor Dumbledore and the tall, grisly looking man with a single vivid blue eye apparate in.

"It sure feels like it."

* * *

A/N:

This chapter is so uneventful, ha. Sorry about that, but I feel like the Order members have to be laid out very concretely so I can mess around with them in more detail later. This story is probably going to be like 60 chapters omg. But it's going to pick up a lot after I finally get the set-up out of the way. If there's anything you particularly like/dislike about the story, I'd love feedback!


	12. Coping

**October 1978**

The Order met weekly to review missions and assign new ones. Sometimes more than that if circumstances called for it.

Dumbledore was the omnipotent overseer, but could only show up to vital meetings rather than attend them routinely. Although he was the leader of the organization and kept very close track of progress (and regression) he was still the Headmaster of Hogwarts. That required the majority of his time and effort.

Alastor Moody, possibly the greatest Auror to ever live, played a more integral and involved part of the Order. He was the one who assigned the missions, who handled intelligence information that was gathered, and who assisted on the more dangerous missions that required an expert hand. Everyone seemed to grant him a great deal of respect and admiration, and for good reason. He was one of the most powerful and reliable allies that Dumbledore had. He was very tough and somewhat surly, but seemed to be very well liked by the rest of the Order.

Marlene thought he was a leader through and through. He seemed like the type of person that even if you didn't like, you didn't want to disappoint. Though she liked him well enough. Marlene hoped that she would never let him or any of the other members down.

Also Professor McGonagall was mentioned as being a high-ranking member, to Marlene's surprise. However she was unable to attend meetings the majority of the time because she was busy with her teaching duties. So she instead carried out her own solo missions and reported back to Dumbledore himself at Hogwarts.

Marlene was slightly relieved, but more disappointed that she would not be showing up. As much as she liked to bitch about her, Professor McGonagall was one of her favorite teachers. And people. Professor McGonagall wouldn't admit it, but she had a soft spot for her too despite their cat-and-mouse relationship. She always had one for her troublesome yet good-hearted students.

The meeting began with her introduction.

Albus Dumbledore stood in the front of the pub, with Moody on his right hand. He looked like he always did when Marlene saw him at school. His long silver beard and hair fell onto his blue toned robes. His eyes twinkled as he called attention to Marlene, speaking in a gentle voice.

"As you have probably already discovered for yourself, we have a new member joining the Order of the Phoenix today," He started off. "I do hope that you give Ms. Marlene McKinnon a warm and friendly welcome, as she is a very bright young witch. I have personally asked her to lend us her gifts and assist in our efforts to end the War."

Marlene looked around the room and forced herself to smile as politely and as genuinely as she could muster, masking the sea of emotions that thrashed underneath her calm façade.

Those around her, such as the Longbottoms, Edgar Bones, the Prewett brothers, and Dorcas, all gave her wide grins and encouraging looks.

The three men at the table, who she was informed were named Diggle, Doge, and Hagrid, all gave her welcoming smiles and nods.

Marlene was trying to mentally block out her so-called-mates, but couldn't help steal a glance at their table.

Some were a bit uneasy, but pretending like everything was fine. Most of them wore fake smiles and strained looks. Marlene almost felt bad for them before remembering why they looked so guilty in the first place.

Team Just Peachy included James, Lily, Hestia, Benjy, and Remus.

The others were masking their emotions or just had no emotions at all. They looked very calm, cool, and collected. The picture of apathy. It kind of miffed her. At least Team Peachy had the decency to express feeling slightly ashamed. She just wanted _something_ from them, anything.

Team Block of Wood included Emmeline, Sirius, and Peter. And that Dearborn bloke, but he didn't count.

"Oi, Marlene. I'll give you a _very_ warm welcome if you lend me your gifts," Fabian said cheekily, nudging her lightly. He said it just loudly enough for everyone but Dumbledore and Moody to hear.

The innuendo was vulgar but rather clever so although she rolled her eyes, she couldn't help suppress a smile.

"You wish," Marlene responded lightheartedly, shoving him back.

"Oh, I do. Very much so, doll," he said hopefully, laying it on rather thick.

Marlene scoffed. "The only thing I'll lend you is a jinx from the tip of my wand. And that's if you're lucky," she shot back and Fabian grinned, obviously pleased with the banter.

"I'll take anything I can get from you," he quickly replied, trying to draw his charm.

Unfortunately for him it wasn't the type that worked on Marlene.

She felt a gaze and looked at Emmeline's table rather subtly.

Sirius' dark eyes narrowed and his mouth was a tight white line as he watched the interaction from a far. But when they made eye contact, he quickly put back on his mask and tried to look casual and careless as usual.

But it didn't look right to her. There was a difference between his authentic attitude and the one he was trying to force at the moment. She knew him well enough to be able to see the distinctions. Although she couldn't usually tell what he was thinking or how he was feeling without him being blatant about it, she could definitely see through this.

Ah, Marlene thought, finally some emotion. One point to Team Block of Wood. It wasn't remorse or empathy like she wanted, but jealously was a very interesting choice nevertheless.

* * *

After the short introduction, the meeting carried on like how they usual did. Or at least that's what she was told by those at her table. She couldn't really follow the reports, as they were all tied up together from previous missions. She just took the basics from the discussion.

Moody assigned missions that were typically completed by teams of two, although there were solo and group missions too.

They usually involved either gathering information about specific persons, investigating suspicious happenings (and objects, as Emmeline had mentioned the cursed opal necklace), preventing tragedies from occurring by assisting Aurors off-the-book or with valuable tips, and attempting to predict or gain knowledge about Voldemort and death eater activities and future plans. And then formulating their own plans to overthrow them.

They also broadcasted the truth about the War through various means, one being through Hestia who had connections with the Daily Prophet and other publishers.

Occasionally there would be dangerous, put-your-life-on-the-line missions like escorting muggle-borns like a bodyguard of some sort. Or going undercover to confirm assumed death eaters.

And then sometimes there were very simple, non-life threatening missions, like picking the location for the meet up (although there was mention of finding and settling down into permanent headquarters) or supplying the butterbeer.

Everyone played a vital part. Their unity and dedication impressed Marlene.

She began to get lost in her own thoughts. The meeting was nearly over, having lasted for over a few hours, and after that she would have her confrontation with Emmeline and the others. Marlene didn't like confrontation all that much to be honest. Because usually it was her being confronted for being thick.

Not this time. She was the confronter today.

Suddenly a very authoritative voice pulled her back into the room.

"McKinnon, for your first mission you'll be investigating a missing person. A muggle-born woman named Jillian Sanders, who works as a jewelry vendor on the streets of Diagon Alley, has been missing for two days now. It's suspicious, " Moody said strongly, his vivid blue eye capturing her attention.

"You will receive an owl with more comprehensive details about the individual this week. I want you and a partner to snoop around and try to locate her. If things take a turn for the worst and death eaters are suspected, then you will return to _me_ with the information. You will _not_ attempt to fight them alone. Is that understood?" He asked, gazing at her intensely.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now who would you like as a partner?" He asked, allowing her some free choice to her great surprise.

That was one of the reasons why the Order members must have liked him. He didn't treat her like she was incompetent or just a child because she was fairly young. There was trust. He trusted her make the right choices and carry out the mission. And she trusted him for his leadership and support.

Marlene looked around the room, as all eyes trained on her.

Hmm.

She returned their glances, allowing her steady gaze to linger on each table. She spent a little extra time on Emmeline's table, to their great surprise.

James gave her a small smile. His hazel eyes were twinkling with hopefulness. He probably thought that she was over it all. How wrong he was. But James couldn't stand having his mates mad at him, so that was just his selfish hope bubbling over. A few others wore similar expressions, most of Team Just Peachy. But even Team Block of Wood seemed intrigued by her noticeable interest.

Marlene gave them a smile before speaking.

"I'll take Doe," she said matter-of-factly, looking dead into Emmeline's light brown eyes. "Because she's my _friend_."

The faces at the table fell after her surprise attack.

Emmeline winced slightly and gave Dorcas a look-over. She might have been trying to hide her reaction, but Marlene noticed the way her jaw slightly stiffened. Two points to Team Block of Wood. And for jealousy. yet again. What a shocker.

Marlene now understood why Emmeline was such a cold ruthless bitch all the time. It was rather exhilarating. She could feel adrenaline pump through her veins.

'Very well,' Moody replied and nodded once. "That concludes the meeting."

"Please be safe getting home. I will see you all again when possible," Dumbledore added, officially ending it.

Dumbledore and Moody apparated away immediately afterwards. It didn't surprise Marlene, considering how busy those two probably were. Usually after the formal meeting, the rest of the members of the Order would catch up and have a drink with each other if they had the time.

"Well, I'm off too," Edgar told them. "I want to help Karen put the kids to bed. Maybe if I leave now I can read them a bedtime story," he added sweetly and left while everyone bid him farewell.

Aw, Marlene thought while smiling. Edgar seemed like a really great husband and dad. He was just so kindhearted and devoted. He was the type of guy that Marlene hoped she would get hitched with eventually down the line. But taking into account the type of guys she was instinctively attracted to…It seemed far-fetched. Damn. Why were bastards attracted to her? And why did she return their affections?

"The drinks are not nearly hard enough here," Hagrid announced as the two men around him grinned in agreement. "I'm off to the Three Broomsticks, with these two nutters," he motioned and turned to Marlene. "It's great to have you join us, lass. Come share a drink when you've got the time," he told her warmly and left the dingy pub with Diggle and Doge.

Marlene liked Hagrid. She felt a small kinship with him. They were both giants in their own unique way (Though Hagrid was _huge_! Marlene was just taller than average), had warm personalities, and shared a love of hard drinks.

The Prewetts and Longbottoms agreed with Hagrid and decided to follow the three men to the other pub. They gave Marlene a kind goodbye and left quickly after the other members.

"Do you want me to stay?" Dorcas asked, looking shrewdly at Emmeline's full table. They were all in heavy conversation.

"No thanks, Doe. But I…It's just…I need to this myself, " Marlene explained, finding her courage.

"Ok, I understand. Later," Dorcas replied and gave her a reassuring goodbye hug. "And Mars? You can do whatever it is you need to do. I believe in you." She left the pub, but not before giving her a supportive nod.

Marlene looked at the door wistfully for a long moment. Dorcas was really a brilliant mate. No one had ever told her that before in such a forward and honest manner. It made her feel very full. She was glad to have met Dorcas and have her in her life.

She took a deep breath and released it slowly. With that, she approached their table with determined steps. She stopped in front of it and crossed her long arms, unsmiling.

"I need to talk to you," she told Emmeline sternly. "All of you, " she added and looked into their faces one at a time before stopping at Dearborn's. "Except you."

He and Emmeline exchanged a look before he rose out of his chair and left the pub without saying a word. Marlene watched him leave silently before turning back to them.

"Now," she started off calmly. "Kindly explain to me what the fuck this is all about, "she finished, slowly releasing her anger.

"Are you upset, Marley?" James asked innocently and everyone rolled his or her eyes.

She sent James a severe look. "You don't get to call me that! The only way you're allowed to call me Marley is if it's in the phrase of 'Marley No Mates'!" She said melodramatically and banged her fists on the table for an extra intimidation factor.

The force on the shaky table knocked over a lone butterbeer, which spilled slightly onto her.

"My butterbeer," Peter said sadly, mourning over his lost drink.

Hestia and Benjy failed to stifle their laughs at Marlene's unintentional hilarity. She huffed and glared at them. But there were amused looks on all of her mates' prat faces.

Hestia responded with a teasing smile. "I'm sorry Mars, but it's really hard to take you seriously. Especially when you're looking so _fit_. Damn, girl."

Benjy supported Hestia's ridiculous remarks. "Even _I'm_ turned on by you right now, Mars. I'm not used to seeing you all hot and bothered. It's like being disciplined by a foxy professor. What a babe," he said with a grin.

Marlene let out a frustrated noise. "Will you two shut up! I'm trying to be serious here," she gestured, and flicked a piece of hair out of her face.

If they were trying to get on her good side by complimenting her, than they grossly misunderestimate her temper.

"Cute," Sirius commented condescending with a smirk smeared on his face. She wanted to slap him, but restrained herself.

"I think you mean hot, Sirius. Are you meeting someone tonight? Perhaps that blonde bloke from the nightclub again?" Hestia asked with a sly smile.

Marlene watched Sirius' stupid smirk disappear rapidly and his strong jaw lock. He stopped leaning back on the legs of his chair and sat up stiffly. Annoyance was clearly written all over his body language.

"Hes!" Marlene called out in protest, looking apologetically at Sirius for some reason. It wasn't even like she owed him one, but she couldn't help it. He returned her look with a seemingly uninterested one. "Stop trying to butter me up and change the topic. I want to know why you lot kept this from me," she said firmly.

"It wasn't our secret to tell," Emmeline explained logically, and the others nodded in agreement.

It confirmed her prediction. She was still slightly upset with them as irrational as it was, but wasn't that angry now that she knew why she was kept in the dark. She was more upset at herself for not being good enough to join the Order in the first place.

Marlene's face fell. "You mean to tell me that Professor Dumbledore didn't invite me until after Doe's mission because I wasn't good enough?"

Ow, ow, ow. Thinking it hurt, but saying it out loud made it even worse. Eighteen was an age of accepting rejection, she thought forlornly. It really wasn't doing that much for her confidence or pride.

She suddenly felt very unworthy compared to the rest of her mates.

"No, he wanted to recruit Emmeline and you together during the summer," Peter said mindlessly, playing with the ends of his robes in an indifferent manner.

Everyone, and Marlene meant _everyone_, shot Peter a very dirty look. Even his little Marauder mates.

Marlene quickly picked up the meaning and she flushed with anger at the realization.

Dumbledore wanted her. He wanted her to join the Order. He knew she was an asset and a trust worthy person. So why wasn't she recruited the same time Emmy was, nearly two months (or more) ago? It was obvious. A person sitting in that very room, one whom she called a mate, told him not to. Or to wait it out until they gave the word.

Whatever. It was dirty, underhanded betrayal.

"Who was it?" She asked low, dangerous voice. She swept the room with her blazing blue eyes. She stood at full height, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

"Who was what, Marlene?" She heard Remus finally respond in a calm voice.

She gave him an appalled look. "You know exactly what I'm bloody talking about! Don't play dumb. Someone in this room told the Professor to not enlist me. Or maybe it was multiple people. Tell me. Now," she ordered with her most threatening tone.

No one responded. The room became suffocating with dead silence and heavy tension.

Marlene let out a low mirthless chuckle. "So that's how it's going to be, is it? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIENDS!" She cried out, pointing an accusing finger at them.

"You weren't right!" She heard Lily respond fiercely, tears brimming in her dazzling emerald eyes. She had been very quiet and placid during the entire conversation. Until now.

"Lily!" James cried out, confirming her guilt.

"Lils?!" Marlene said in shock, her mouth dropping.

"I supported her," Emmeline said coolly, crossing her arms and keeping her composure.

"How could you?" She said heartbreakingly, fighting the tears that formed in the corner of her eyes. "Explain it to me. Explain to me why my best mates, the people I thought trusted and loved me the most, would do this to me. How could you betray me like this?" She shouted, releasing the bottled storm inside her.

Lily rose from her chair, as did Emmeline. "We did it for your own good and you know it! Mars…you weren't yourself. You let Alec influence you negatively!" Lily responded.

"BULLSHIT!" Marlene yelled back. "I admit that I gave him too many chances and was a bit of a push over, but it wasn't like he was controlling me."

"But you got shit-faced drunk nearly every day and splinched yourself. You almost died," Emmeline added convincingly, her voice uncharacteristically shaking at the end of the sentence.

Hestia and Benjy exchanged a sad look. They both remembered that horrible night very well.

"But you didn't have the right to go behind my back and do what you did!" Marlene cried out.

This time Lily spoke. "Of course we had the right! You're my best mate, Mars! Do you know how much I, we, love and care about you?! We couldn't involved you when you insisted on being so self-destructive! It was like you didn't even care about yourself," She explained, gesturing her hands.

"We tried to help you so much, but you had to work it out for yourself and straighten up without our aid before being mixed up with the Order. You could have done something really stupid and hurt someone. Or more likely hurt yourself! And I couldn't have lived with myself knowing that something like that could have happened and I just stood by and let it without preventing it."

Marlene stood in silence for a moment, processing her words. Yes, she had to agree that she was not suited for the Order during the summer. Or really until now. And about the self-destructive thing…Yeah. She really _didn't_ care about herself before. Because she didn't love herself. But she went through a change. She valued herself and her own life much more.

Her mates were just watching her back.

"Ok, I understand why you did it. I'm not angry with you, Lils. Or Emmy. Or any of you really," she responded calmly. Their faces brighten. "But I'm still hurt regardless," she added. "About the way you treated me, especially when you two knew I was going through a rough time with the Auror thing and the break up."

"Don't turn this into something it's not. We're not sorry about what we did or why we did it. You say you want to be an Auror, but you're not nearly serious enough. Toughen up," Emmeline replied.

Marlene made a sound of frustration and threw her hands up. "It's like you don't even know me anymore! I'm not hurt because you were watching out for me! I appreciate that you tell me to fuck off when I need somebody to. I never take your love or friendship for granted," she replied fiercely.

"I'm hurt because you nearly drove me out of my mind. You made me feel worried and abandoned and clingy as hell. I thought I was losing my mates. I thought I had nobody. Did you two ever think that some of those self-destructive tendencies were a cause-and-effect from _your_ actions? At least for the last couple months? Nobody was there for me, but Alec was. Even if it was half-hearted and he was a rotter the entire time. And drinking myself blind helped me forgot how shitty I felt all the bloody time! And I don't act serious unnecessarily because if I did I would be too depressed to even get out of my bed!"

She took a breath, but continued. She was on a roll. These were the things she'd been thinking constantly about for the past few months. To finally express them out loud felt brilliant. She needed purging.

"But I am serious about being an Auror, Emmy. You know that. I want to fight against death eaters and Voldemort. But I also want to shag and drink and joke and laugh and do something enjoyable just for the sake of it! I'm not going to spend my days sulking. That's not me. I'd go mad. I'm not crazy or unhinged for wanting a little fun. In fact you're the crazy one for not wanting it!" She accused, capturing everyone's attention.

"I'm so sick of everyone treating me like I'm naïve for wanting to keep some semblance of normality in my life. For wanting to hang out with my mates like usual. Don't you see how important our friendship is during a time like this? When it comes down to it, all we have is each other. If we lose that, then what do we have? If we have to live our lives in constant fear then they've already won! At least in that aspect. We can't allow them to change our lives for the worst. Fear can be just as crippling as death," she finally finished.

Everyone was quiet for a while, taking in to what she said.

When no one responded, she continued.

"I've been thinking about this for the last hour so I need to ask it. Where's Mary? So she's not included on your little secret either?" She asked bitterly.

"C'mon, Mars, you know how Mary is…" Emmeline responded without finishing, heavily implying something that severely irritated Marlene.

"No, I don't. Care to explain? Care to explain why she doesn't deserve to fight for herself and her loved ones? Why?! Because she has a silly side? Because she doesn't flog herself daily over the fact that people are dying? All of you disgust me!" She spat.

"You're putting words in our mouth, Mars. Mary has other priorities right now. She has to support her family, you know that," Hestia reminded her.

"Are you all planning to stay for the rest of the night?" A gruff voice asked with annoyance. "Because I'm closing up within the next ten minutes, whether you'd like it or not, " Dumbledore's brother, who was called Aberforth, asked as he returned from behind a close door.

"I was just leaving," Marlene replied stiffly to the room, grabbing her coat and rushing out the door.

* * *

When Marlene left the pub, she wandered off to Hogwarts alone rather than apparating back to her flat. She wanted, or rather needed, to see it again. She wanted to be reminded of what safety looked like. The walk was also helpful for clearing her mind.

She let a tear slip out as she approached the Quidditch pitch. The place where she felt so free and happy and careless in her youth.

She sat down in the grass, embracing the numbing cold. She wanted to be numb. Better numb than raging with emotions. She didn't want to feel so much and so powerfully anymore.

After a couple minutes she heard someone approach her. She grabbed her wand defensively before recognizing the owner of the face and released her grip. She stared out into the distance.

"Oh, you," Marlene said dully. "I don't want to see _you_."

And she meant it. Sirius was a great bloke that got her knickers in a twist. But she wanted to talk to her best mates. Emmy or Lily would do, preferably both.

Everyone else could sod off for the time's being. She just wanted something very simple from them. An authentic apology. Not an apology for stopping her from joining the Order. Not an apology for hiding an important secret from her. Just an apology for making her feel the way she did. No strings attached to that statement. If she got that, then maybe with a little time…Things could get back to normal.

She didn't want to hold a grudge against them. It wouldn't do anyone any good. Especially not her. She missed them more than she was upset with them.

Sirius sat down next to her, leaning back on his shoulders. "Too bad," he replied defiantly, looking up at the sky. "Because I'm staying either way." He reached for a cigarette, lit it, and then took a long drag.

Marlene huffed. "You just do whatever you want to," she declared with a small smile, flicking the grass that gently tickled her fingers.

He grinned. "You know me," he replied.

"How did you even find me here? Did you stalk me?," she joked curiously.

He wordlessly pulled out a blank piece of parchment from his pocket and tapped it with his wand.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Suddenly the previous blank paper colored itself with content. It was a map. Not only a map of Hogwarts but included the grounds and all the people there presently. Specific locations too. It was beyond amazing.

"Where did you get this from?" She asked with wonder as Sirius handed it to her.

"Get? We made it, love," he replied proudly, grinning at her astonishment.

"Wow, that's incredible! You guys are incredible! You're incredible!" She gushed as her eyes ran across the map she held tightly in her hands.

Sirius smirked smugly. "You're not the first bird to tell me that," he replied with cheek.

"But I'm the first to say it honestly," she shot back just as cheeky.

"Oi, I'll have you know that no girl has ever had to fake it with me," he said haughtily.

"And you would know this…how? Do you conduct interviews and ask your partner to rate your performance afterwards?" She pressed, giggling.

He nudged her. They were now sitting rather close to each other. She was grateful for his body heat as she was freezing.

"Shut up," he said carelessly with a grin.

"Make me?" She joked boldly, secretly wishing that he would just snog her already. She was already sexually frustrated enough as it was. He was the main source of it anyway. And then all that talk about sex pushed her over her boundaries.

He looked to her in surprise, gazing at her mouth for a short moment. They sat in tension for a bit until she broke it after noticing that he didn't react. She didn't want to pressure it or make the situation awkward. Maybe he didn't want to and she misread him?

"Thanks for sharing your wicked map with me, Sirius," Marlene replied sweetly, closing it up and handing it to him.

Sirius let out a playful, mock sigh. "Merlin, Marlene. You've got to stop thanking me for every little thing I do for you. Remember what I told you about mates? And how they do stuff for each other just because they can? No wonder why people try to step all over you. You're too nice for your own good," he said wearily, rubbing his forehead.

Marlene stiffened and her face twisted into seriousness.

"Trust me, I know," she said moodily.

"Your mates were just looking out for you," he tried after a beat, picking up on her reference.

Marlene frowned and hugged her knees to her chest for warmth.

"Don't. I don't want to talk about that with you. It's between them and me. No one else," she said firmly. "And don't act like you'd be behaving all noble and levelheaded if James and the rest of your mates did something similar to you," she fired.

He laughed and scratched his shoulder. "I reckon you're right. But then again I didn't stick with some deadbeat wanker long after I should have or nearly splinch myself to death by apparating while smashed."

Marlene flinched. He was being brutally, unabashedly honest with her.

And strangely enough she liked it? She was getting better at realizing that conflict was sometimes necessary and not always terrible. In fact, it could be quite useful. She had to take criticism for what it was worth and not blow up every negative comment into an indictment against her entire character. It was better to deal with things outwardly and honestly instead of avoiding it.

"Not that I blame you for any of that," he added quickly. "Especially for Alec's actions. It isn't your fault that he is such a fucking wanker and you're such a sweetheart."

He paused before continuing.

"You deserve to be treated better than how you treat yourself," he said quietly.

Marlene felt heat creep up her neck as she blushed. Sirius sure knew the right things to say to a girl. But they were said so sincerely. It wasn't a line. She knew he meant it.

They sat in silence for a while until he broke it.

"Do you need somewhere to stay?" He asked in a relaxed tone, still not making eye contact. He leaned down on his back and crossed his arms behind his head.

Marlene shook her head. "No, as much as I want to run away…I can't. I need to face it head on. I need to go back to my flat and talk it out properly with Emmy."

"Ok," he replied simply in understanding.

"If worse comes to worse I reckon I could phone that blonde bloke up and see if he still has some space in his bed for the night," she joked facetiously. "Not sure what I'll do if it's occupied, though. I'm not one for threesomes." She laughed lightly.

Sirius scoffed loudly and sat up with force. "Why do you do that…" he whispered to himself, unclearly.

"Do what?" She perked up with curiosity.

"Joke about shagging that bloke and flirt with that twat brother," he listed carelessly, more to himself than to her. "And make me…" he said faintly to himself again, trailing off.

Now it was Marlene's turn to scoff. "I can see or flirt with whomever I choose," she replied with frustration.

"I never said you couldn't!" He defended himself hotly, gazing at her with flashing grey eyes.

"Then why do you care?" She asked hastily, returning his steady gaze.

Because you fancy me, she thought smugly.

"I don't."

Oh.

"Oh."

There was a brief silence.

"You…don't?" She repeated dumbly.

But all the signs? What about the straddling, the 'you're brilliant', the secret forehead kiss, the cheek goodbye kiss, the checking up on her, the 'you deserve to be treated better than how you treat yourself', the way he teased her playfully in all the right ways, the way he always came through to help her along, the way his eyes softened when he looked at her when he thought she wasn't paying attention, the…everything?

"No." He said obviously, his face devoid of emotion.

"All right, then. I think I'll ring up that bloke after all," she countered and lied back in the grass. She was going to get it out of him by the end of the night, she thought resolutely.

"Go ahead. Like I care," he responded hotly. "I'm out of here," he spat. He quickly flicked his cigarette away, lifted himself off the ground, and stomped away.

"What about 'I'm staying either way'?" She quoted, sitting back up in the grass and watching his back intensely.

"That was before you pissed me off!" He yelled, turning around to face her.

"And how did I piss you off?" She edged him, attempting to get the confession out of him. She was surprised by his sudden, passionate outburst. She really touched a nerve. But only because he was being so damn stubborn!

"Because you're you," he said with irritation. "You drive me bloody mad."

"Fine. Go. If I make you feel that distressed, then go. If you want to leave me, then go. I'm not going to force you to stay where you don't want to be," she said plainly, her temper rising.

"You don't make me feel anything," he said point-blank. "And _no one_ can force me to do something I don't want to do. Not you, not anyone," he fired back, pointing at her.

Sirius looked so unlike how he usually did in her presence. His handsome face wasn't full of laughter and good-humor. It was hard and rather menacing. His eyes weren't twinkling with mischief. They were so…icy. His strong, comforting body was stiff and intimidating.

Marlene winced at his comments, but pushed herself up off the ground to hide her hurt reaction. "GO! I told you to go!" She ordered fiercely, her hands clenched at her sides. "And I don't care either," she added as an after-thought, crossing her arms under her chest.

LIAR! Marlene McKinnon, you are a liar. Tell him you didn't mean it, she ordered herself. But her stubborn mouth stood shut.

"Well, brilliant. That makes two of us then," he replied callously. He turned and walked away silently before apparating away into the night.

Maybe pushing him wasn't a good idea after all.

* * *

When she got back to her flat, Emmeline was waiting for her.

Marlene looked at her for a second before Emmeline ran up to her and busted out an apology.

"Mars…I'm so sorry. About making you feel the way you did. I never realized how it could also be hurting you simultaneously. I was being a daft bitch. I never wanted to make you feel like I wasn't your mate or like I didn't want you. You know that, don't you? It was just that I want you to be ok. I missed you so bad at those meetings. Not one went by without me thinking about how much better it would be to have you there with me, at my side. Lily feels the same way. She wants to tell you herself tomorrow morning. I – "

Marlene decided to cut off her inconsistent rambling. It wasn't Emmeline's style at all and it didn't suit her. She was sorry and the unshed tears in her eyes were enough proof for her.

She embraced her in a tight, warm hug. Emmeline returned it back just as fiercely.

"Shush, I know. It's ok. We're ok."

She might have lost Sirius momentarily and as gutted as she was about that, having her best mates back made up for it.


	13. Love Is a Losing Game

**November 1978**

October ended in a flash.

Not a sizzle like most months did, but a burst of varying colors that led to new friendships, new goals, and new feelings. So many things changed for Marlene within the span of month. It was a bit jarring, but absolutely gorgeous nonetheless.

She was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. She had _purpose_. And not one that simply meant counting the galleons in a cash register, though she still had to keep that shit job to make rent and such.

Marlene was participating actively in the War, even though she only got a taste of it so far. Her first mission with Dorcas to investigate a missing person (who ended up not be missing at all and instead visiting her brother-in-law in Ireland) was insignificant to the grand scheme of life. But it was very important to her own small, fragile one. It made her feel renewed and functional.

She lost her mates and gained them back. Emmeline and Lily made it up to her with a sincere apology. They knew exactly what she needed and gave it to her willingly, selflessly. That was best mate behavior. She was on great terms with everyone in her life, even her parents who seemed to be admiring her efforts in taking charge of her own life.

Marlene was pleased with herself, pleased with her friends and her family, and generally happy with how everything was panning out. She was balancing the weighty, serious aspects of life and with the fun, delightful ones quite well. She divided her time up evenly and reached a peak in harmony that she had never accomplished before in her short life.

Yes, everything was going brilliant.

Except with Sirius.

And somehow that put a damper on all the good that was happening, as much as she hated to admit how influential he was on her happiness.

After their row they didn't see each other again until the next Order meeting. It was held at the Leaky Cauldron that time. Marlene was getting along with the other members famously, for the exception of Caradoc Dearborn. He just didn't like her and seemingly couldn't understand how Emmeline could be her best mate. He wasn't outwardly rude or malicious. Just cold and expressed annoyance when she tried to chat to him.

Marlene wasn't that bothered by it. It might have when she was younger, but not any more. People either liked you or they didn't. They had the right to make that decision. And if they didn't like her, then she figured they didn't know a good thing when they saw it. If Dearborn thought she was silly and ridiculous because she had a sense of humor about things, then he could go on being a lump without her company. He was dismissed.

Emmeline shrugged it off, saying that he would come around eventually.

Speaking of Emmeline, Marlene was sure they fancied each other. Or at least were made of each other. They were just so compatible! But at the same time she didn't attempt to meddle because Emmeline wouldn't have liked her to. And Marlene was not jumping at the chance to hook up her best mate with a bloke that disliked her.

But back to Sirius. They each muttered an apology at the end of the meeting, although neither knew what they were apologizing for in all honesty. Their mates pushed them to do it because the dynamic negatively shifted greatly when they didn't get along.

They chatted shortly after, but the conversation was…off. It wasn't like how it was before. Before it was effortless. Natural as breathing. Now there was underlying tension.

Tension that she was going to resolve.

At his birthday party.

Tonight.

* * *

Lily invited all the girls over to her house (mansion! James and Lily lived in a MANSION!) to get ready before they departed to the pub where Sirius' birthday party was going to be celebrated. Apparently Sirius worked as a part-time bartender. At least that's what Lily told her. He didn't do it for the money; he did it to fill the time and get some kicks. So his coworkers planned a small get together and invited his mates. The entire Order, or at least those who could make it, was also invited.

Lily and Emmeline sat on the couch, watching Hestia and Mary assist Marlene in deciding what to wear with amusement.

"Hmm. Not even Debbie Harry herself could compete with you tonight. I approve," Hestia commented, nudging her.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Thanks, but you're full of shite, mate," she replied lightheartedly with a laugh. "Still nice to hear, though."

"Alec wouldn't have," Mary added with a low whistle. "Approved, that is. I'm glad he's out of the picture."

"Git bastard," Emmeline replied simply with venom, making them laugh loudly.

"I'm glad that you sailed away on a lifeboat before the S.S Parsons sunk you," Hestia added lightly.

Everyone shared a short giggle at that.

"He used to be sweet but people change," Marlene said casually. "'The time to make up your mind about people is never', " she quoted from an Old Hollywood muggle film that Mary lent her.

"I think people become more themselves," Lily commented wisely, looking up and touching her lip with her point finger in contemplation. "I don't think they change. They evolve."

"And Alec became more of twat wanker and evolved into – surprise! – a twat wanker," Mary added boisterously.

Hestia high fived her.

"Whatever, I don't want to talk about my ex anymore," Marlene told them. "Or ever again."

"Yeah, you want to talk about the new slice in your life, I'll bet," Mary teased.

"What _is_ going on with you two, Mars?" Lily probed, never one to leave something alone. Especially when it had to do with her mates. "Even James has noticed something brewing between you and Sirius."

Marlene shrugged. "I already told you about us, Lils. We're mates. I fancy him. He says he doesn't. I think he does. He insists he doesn't. End of story," she summarized bluntly.

"Maybe he's playing hard to get? You know, because of The Chase," Mary offered, as she finished styling Hestia's hair with her wand.

Marlene huffed. "I hate the stupid bloody Chase, though."

"What!" Mary shouted, scandalized. "That's the best part!"

"Not to me," she responded defiantly. "If I like someone, I want to be with them. "

Marlene gave up on battling a rebellious curl and joined her mates around the sofa. Now all the girls were ready, though it seemed that only Marlene was truly putting any effort into it. The rest opted for jumpers or nice blouses with jeans whereas she chose a dress. Wonder why, she berated herself.

"But making it a game makes it interesting," Mary defended.

"If I have to play hard to make it stay interesting, then it's not right for me," she explained with hand gestures. "I want to stop 'playing' and start 'being'". She sighed overdramatically.

"You really are the traditional relationship type. Though what did I expect, you did waste your youth with Alec," Hestia teased. Marlene retaliated with a shove.

"I don't think you should be jumping from relationship to relationship with people, Mars." Lily said gently.

"I don't _want_ to jump from relationship to relationship," Marlene replied hotly, crossing her arms in annoyance.

"Yeah, you just want to jump Sirius!" Mary teased.

Marlene glared at her, but then broke out into a defeated smile. It was true.

"Well I think it's a brill match! You're both funny and witty. And rather clever, in different ways. It would be loads of fun since you both have a wild side," Hestia analyzed out loud. "It's strong masculinity meets strong femininity. Mysterious and private meets candidness and openness. Aloofness meets warmness. Elegant and graceful meets clumsy –"

"Oi!" Marlene shouted, slapping Hestia playfully on her shoulder. "Would you shut up already? It feels weird to hear our relationship analyzed like a case." She scolded. "And I'm not _that_ clumsy."

"You are, Mars," Lily teased, her tinkling laugh filling the room. "Remember when you slipped in Potions and knocked over Avery's cauldron? And he had to do it all over again?"

"That was the best," Hestia commented while giggling. "And you destroyed him in a duel in Defense the day before so he didn't even try to take you on? Ah, memories," she added longingly. "And I just thought you'd like to know my professional analysis since you are going for him, Mars. And I'm usually quite good at that stuff."

"I'm not 'going' for him. I just have a...a big dumb crush."

Everyone broke out laughing and even Marlene had to chuckle.

"Very eloquently put, Mars," Emmeline replied with a smile.

"Mars, tell us about the night you two had a row again? Maybe we missed something," Lily requested, wanting to get to the real root of the problem as badly as Marlene did.

Marlene retold the night, but with more details about the conversation.

"And he was like, "Do you need somewhere to stay?" or something and I was like, "No, but if I needed a place I could always call up my one night stand har har" and then he got upset. And then I sort of tried to push out his confession after he said he didn't care by telling him that I'd call the bloke up and then he totally exploded! And then-"

"MARS!" Hestia and Lily shouted in unison.

"What!"

Emmeline rolled her eyes in disapproval of her actions.

"Oh my god, you are so thick," Hestia said exasperatedly, holding her forehead in her hand. "Hopeless girl. Hopeless, daft, silly - "

"Just tell me already!" Marlene begged, interrupting and tugging on her arm.

Lily responded quickly, her emerald eyes flashing with understanding. "Didn't you realize that he was offering his flat to you?"

Marlene looked her mates' faces as they nodded with agreement at Lily's comment.

Her mouth dropped open in shock.

"No," she whispered, tugging on a blonde lock nervously.

Mary threw up her hands. "And then you not only threw it back in his face, but told him you'd rather spend the night in some other bloke's bed! Indirectly at least. No wonder why he said he didn't care. If he does fancy you, then his reaction makes perfect sense. You spurred it by acting as if you didn't care about _him_!"

Lily nodded enthusiastically at Mary's assessment.

"Sirius is really strong and tough in general, but he's actually rather sensitive about stuff like that. He acts like it doesn't bother him, but it does more than you'd think. Also you hurt his ego and you know how big _that_ is," Lily added knowledgably, no doubt repeating James' words.

"He probably thinks I'm a cold bitch," Marlene said sadly, shaking her head.

"No, _I'm_ the cold bitch of our gang," Emmeline replied, making Marlene smile. "You're the ridiculous one. Who needs to straighten things out with Sirius. Just talk to him tonight and explain yourself," she said calmly.

The other girls nodded.

"Thanks, you guys are the best," Marlene said warmly, beaming. She was glad to have figured it all before she went to the party. It was a lot of stress off her shoulders.

"We know," Mary responded haughtily and Marlene tackled her into a hug.

* * *

Marlene had full intentions of straightening everything out with a chat when she entered the rowdy pub with her four girlfriends.

The pub itself was literally perfect. It was located in Diagon Alley, in a fun part of the area. It was very cozy and warm like the Three Broomsticks, but with a more modern and youthful edge. The music was good and the drinks were varied and always flowing. Marlene approved. Much better than the Hog's Head Inn. Although that wasn't very hard.

"James!"

Lily rushed into her husband's arms as soon as she caught sight of him standing next to a table filled with various Order members, including the Longbottoms and the Bones family.

Aaand then they started kissing a little too excitedly, practically groping each other in public.

Gross, honeymooners.

Oh who was she kidding, she was just jealous. She wished she had someone to run to, to kiss her so passionately without reservations.

Emmeline paired off with Dearborn almost immediately – there's definitely something happing there! – and seemed to have disappeared in the room.

"I'm off to join the Singles' Club," Hestia told them with a laugh, heading towards another table across the way where Benjy and Dorcas sat chatting animatedly.

"Oh, there's Sirius," Mary alerted Marlene loudly, tapping her arm. "Have fun snogging! Give him a good one for me."

Marlene rolled her eyes. That girl really needed to learn what an "inside voice" was. And then use it. Like right now.

"Do you value your life, Mary?" Marlene asked darkly, with mock threat.

She got that sly look on her face, the one that meant trouble.

"As much as you value Sirius' willy!" She said a bit too eagerly, but luckily wasn't overheard by anyone Marlene knew to her knowledge.

"MARY!" She shouted as the devious girl bolted through the pub to the bar, giggling like a mad woman on the way and drawing attention from various people.

"Wicked girl," she whispered to herself with a huff, smiling. As much as that little firecracker annoyed her sometimes, she was one of Marlene's favorite people.

"What was that about?" Remus asked smugly, coming out of nowhere from the left.

Marlene paled. "You…heard?" She replied weakly, tugging down the hem of her dress to distract herself.

Remus gave her a gentle, knowing smile. "Heard what?" He replied generously, pretending to look around with confusion.

Marlene gave him a hug. "Thanks, Remus. You're actually the best bloke in the world," she told him with a light laugh.

"Don't let Padfoot hear you say that," he teased, causing Marlene to slap his arm.

"Not you too," she whined.

He laughed and she gave him a farewell nod before heading towards the man in question.

The pub was packed to the gills! Besides the Marauders, the Order members, and the pub staff, there was a surprising amount of people she didn't know. Sirius was obviously a very popular bloke. But what's new?

Just as Mary had, Marlene caught sight of the Sirius' head. He stood out so brightly among the rest of the crowd. Maybe it was just because Marlene saw him in rose-colored glasses, but he practically glowed. He stood a head above the majority of the blokes and she noticed that is his hair was a little shorter than the last time she saw it. It was obvious that he got a haircut recently, though it was still quite long.

He was wearing a plain white tee shirt and well fitted jeans. One side of his hair was tucked behind his ear where he sported an unlit cigarette, exposing the right side of his entire strong and sharply defined jaw line. He was the master of looking effortlessly fit.

Was it far-fetched to think that he might fancy her back? She supposed that's why she wanted him to say it first. He always so inscrutable. But either way, she was going to tell him that she fancied him. She might make an arse out of herself, but she cared too much about his feelings to play a childish game of chase.

She approached him with a wide grin before he perked up, noticing something in front of him eagerly. What was the smirk for? She followed his gaze before she landed on a stunning girl.

The unknown girl was definitely a beauty. She had long brunette ringlets that tumbled past her chest and deep brown eyes that gave off a mysterious aura. Her skin was insanely flawless, lightly tanned and freckle free. There was a distinct sense of natural beauty radiating off of her. She hardly wore make-up, obviously not needing it, and a simple vest with black trousers.

Marlene's stomach dropped as she watched the two embrace and engage in a fiery, spontaneous snog in the middle of the pub. Sirius ran his skillful fingers through her silky hair, taking her mouth firmly as she returned with just as much vigor. She reached up to hold onto his broad shoulders, standing on her tiptoes to close the height gap. There was a lot of tongue action going on, she noted with dismay.

They were disgustingly…perfect.

She knew that she should never compare herself to someone else because it was destined to fuck up her sense of self, but she couldn't help it. She felt inadequate in comparison to the girl. There, she admitted it.

Funny how life could steal what you wanted right out of your hands before you even got the chance to truly hold it.

But it really wasn't funny.

It was heart breaking.

* * *

Marlene attempted to talk to Sirius five times since she came into the pub. And everytime his girl whatever, apparently named Jessica, was snogging his brains out. And everytime it felt like a punch to the gut. So she chickened out. Not like she could disrupt them in the first place when they were kissing so intensely. She busied herself chatting with her mates, pouring down firewhiskey (she figured it was ok to get smashed considering the special circumstance), and messing with jukebox.

On her sixth try she ended up watching them with annoyance from the near distance, downing another shot of firewhiskey.

"Never thought you'd be one for voyeurism," a deep, masculine voice told her.

Gideon looked at her expectantly with a crooked smirk plastered on his face.

Marlene laughed joylessly. "Shush, don't tell anyone. I have my squeaky clean reputation to maintain," she told him with mock concern. "Oh, wait. No I don't," she added with a genuine laugh and downed another shot.

Gideon laughed loudly.

"So why are you watching those two so intently? You do know sending daggers with your eyes doesn't _actually_ harm the people they're aimed at?" He joked casually, this time taking his own shot.

"I'm…picking up some new tips?" She said weakly, trying to disguise the blatant reason. But it was very evident why she was so miffed.

He gave her a doubt look, but then smiled.

"I could show you some. They say people learn better from hands on experience," he replied flirtatiously, gazing at her with hungry eyes. Marlene did not miss the subtle glance he took at her chest when she finished her shot.

Marlene thought on it.

"No strings attached?" She inquired boldly, allowing the firewhiskey to run its course and lower her inhibitions.

Firewhiskey and harmless snogging would not take the pain away permanently, but she only needed a temporary fix for now. Sirius obviously didn't give a damn about her so why shouldn't she?

"None whatsoever," he replied easily.

"All right then. You leave through the back door first and I'll follow you out shortly after," she told him, coming up with the plan quickly.

He grinned broadly and nodded, disappearing into the crowd.

She waited for a moment before following Gideon's example. Just when she got to the end of the bar counter, she was halted in her slightly wavering steps.

She felt a warm hand wrap around her left wrist. The owner must have been very strong in order to overpower her and stop her in her tracks with a jolt. After she recovered, she glanced down at the hand before slowly raking her gaze upwards to Sirius' face.

The first thing she noticed were his swollen lips. Lips that she badly wanted to feel on her own. And other places too. She wanted to be the one to make them swell like that. It miffed her all over again, but she hid it well.

Sirius gazed into her green-blue eyes with his own. They looked wild, searching. "Hey, why are you ignoring me?" He tried to ask casually, but she could hear his concern. "It is _my_ birthday, you know."

She sent a glance towards the door where Gideon had exited. He was waiting for her, but joining him didn't seem like a priority at the moment with Sirius holding tightly onto her. He followed her eyes and frowned, subconsciously increasing the strength of his grip.

"I wasn't ignoring you, Sirius," she said adamantly. "If anything you were ignoring me! I've been trying to get a chat in with you the entire night, but you've been…busy," she said disdainfully, forgetting to mask a disapproving look that swept her face before she could stop it.

She was doing a shit job at pretending to be aloof. Oops. Whatever! Being enigmatic was too much bloody work. Leave that to the other girls like Jessica who could pull it off and make it look good. Mysterious people should be mysterious. Straightforward people should be straightforward. Sirius was mysterious and Marlene was straightforward.

Maybe that's why everything had to be so damn unnecessarily complicated.

He smirked at her obvious jealousy. She hated that smirk sometimes. But liked the man who wore it so much that she didn't even mind. That much.

"You could have just interrupted," he said plainly. "Or joined us?" He added cheekily, waggling his eyebrows. He still held fast onto her wrist, unrelenting in his hold on her.

"I thought I told you that I wasn't into threesomes," she reminded him, raising an eyebrow.

"Pity," he replied with a wink.

She glared at him.

He was really annoying her. Things were so much better before she had very strong, very real romantic feelings towards him. Before flirting and cheeky banter was harmless fun. Now it was just another way to toy with her emotions and kick them across the floor.

"For you," she said bluntly. She stared at his hand in consideration.

She liked that hand. She wanted that hand to touch more than just her wrist. So she stopped herself from tearing away roughly and instead responded rationally. Merlin knew she needed a dose of that in her life.

"Look, Sirius. I have to be somewhere," she said evasively, glancing away from his penetrating stare.

"What's the rush?" He asked innocently, but his eyes were churning with emotion.

He gently pulled her in closer to him by her captured arm. She blushed when his knee brushed up against her bare one. He smirked when he saw that she was blushing from the contact. Her stomach was doing flips, but she knew she couldn't kiss him like she desperately wanted to. What about Jessica?

She shrugged, toying with her purse strap. As soon as she about to break away, she remembered something.

OH! Sirius' gift! She hadn't given it to him yet. It was in her purse. Her eyes brightened and she grinned widely.

"Let go of my wrist, " she told him distractedly. He shot her a disappointed look, but obeyed begrudgingly. "So I can get your birthday gift!" She cried out joyously.

Sirius grinned like a little boy. "You got me a gift?"

Suddenly all the tension evaporated between the two.

"No shit! I'm your mate, silly boy," she teased playfully, zipping her purse open.

Sirius laughed and eagerly watched her search through her pitless bag. When she finally found what she was searching for she halted her actions and looked back up at him.

"Close your eyes," she ordered lightly.

He looked at her suspiciously and crossed his arms, flexing. "Why?"

She gave him a sheepish look. "Because it's not wrapped," she finally admitted bashfully.

"So I'm not good enough for you to put in the effort, hey?" He asked flatly, rolling his eyes. But they were twinkling with humor.

Marlene's eyes widen. "No! That's not it at all. It's just that I can't afford a box and wrapping paper at the moment," she replied frankly.

"Are you really that bad off?" He asked with surprise.

Marlene sighed. "Sirius, Sirius, Sirius…How many times do we have to go over this? I'm broke," she said with a laugh.

He looked at her with concern and chewed his bottom lip. "Do you need some extra cash? I'd lend you some. You wouldn't have to pay me back," he offered genuinely and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Ugh, why did he have to be so sweet when she was trying her hardest to get over him? Unfair.

She laughed it off and shook her head. "I'm not _that_ bad off. Really, I'll make due. The reason why I'm so tight on money right now is because I spent a bloody fortune on this ridiculous dress," she pointed out.

He took that as an offer to inspect what she was wearing more closely. The way his eyes glided across the curves of her body with lust didn't make her feel self-conscious at all. Not like it usually did with blokes, such as Gideon. With Sirius she just felt appreciated and…turned on.

Merlin she got it bad for him.

"Ridiculous is not the word I would choose to describe it," he said flirtatiously. "But it is ridiculously flattering that you spent your meager pay check to look good for me. Or at least my birthday party," he observed with a grin, raising his eyebrow.

Marlene rolled her eyes and huffed. "I didn't buy it for you. I bought it because I liked it. You liking it is just the cherry on top," she added without thinking.

He raised both his eyebrows and grinned broadly at that last comment.

"But I did get these for you," she quickly said, trying to save herself. She pulled out the gift from her bag haphazardly and an envelope addressed to him fell clumsily out of her bag.

Sirius gracefully bent down, taking it in one of his hands and then opened it in front of her.

He wore the goofiest, boyish look on his face. She copied his silly expression when he pulled her into an enthusiastic hug. They separated shortly after, to her great despair.

"Oh, fuck! Canon tickets?! This is bloody brilliant!" He shouted excitedly and a little too loudly, calling some attention from those around them. "They're not my team, but regardless…I've never been to a professional Quidditch match before! Don't tell the others, especially Prongs, but this is the best gift I've received all night."

She laughed loudly before catching the eyes of some of her mates that sat at a table, watching her curiously from behind Sirius.

Lily gave her a knowing look above her butterbeer, smiling slyly. James mirrored his wife's actions. Hestia winked at her, to Marlene's irritation. But Mary was the worst – who would have guessed – and began mock snogging herself, moving her hands passionately on her own shoulders after she turned her back.

She sent them an annoyed look, but didn't restrain her broad smile. Seeing Sirius so happy made her happy in return.

"I know you're a Puddlemere fan, but yeah. Anyway, there's two tickets," she explained. "So you can take someone with you. Like James or Jessica –" She looked to Jessica when she said her name. And saw her full on snogging Fabian in the corner of the room! WHAT?!

She gasped loudly. "Sirius!" She shouted, tugging on his shoulder to alert him.

He looked at them lazily, shrugged carelessly, and let out an easy chuckle.

"I thought you two…?" She implied anxiously, nodding her head towards them.

"We're not," He replied casually, putting his hands into his jean pockets and leaning against the bar counter elegantly. "Or we are, depending on what you're asking. It's just a causal thing. Y'know, open relationship. She's a really nice bird." He glanced over to Jessica and smirked at her. She smiled back brightly, tossing her locks in a single swoop before continuing to snog Fabian. That girl really was annoyingly perfect.

"Good," she said simply, looking at him squarely with a slight grin.

If he was trying to make her jealous…It worked. She was fuming underneath. But she wasn't going to let him know that.

"Good?" He repeated with confusion, furrowing his brow.

"Because that means I can do this."

His grey eyes widened as she gradually brought her hands up to cup his face. She only let the tips of her fingers graze his slightly stubbled jaw line, sending an involuntary shiver down his spine. Her own body was responding similarly, sending a rush that traveled down to the tips of her toes. She closed her eyes and brought her face up to his slowly. Her heart was beating wildly and every nerve was suddenly touched. Their lips met and she gave him the lightest, softest chaste kiss on the mouth.

"Happy Birthday, Sirius," she said gently. She sauntered out of the pub, exiting out the back towards Gideon and leaving him floored.

* * *

"Sorry about making you wait for so long," she apologized, rubbing the back of her neck as she met Gideon outside.

Why was she here? Gideon was fit and a good bloke, but she didn't fancy him. And then there was the "can't keep it in his trousers" comment that Dorcas made a couple weeks back. It was rather late and she had to work the morning shift the following day.

Or today. Ha ha ha kill me, Marlene thought with self-loathing. She really should just bid him farewell and call it a night. Morning. Whatever.

But then again it was just a snog. She loved snogging. She hadn't had a proper one in a _long_ time. It was harmless pleasure; a no strings attached release that she desperately needed. Sirius was basically drowning her in sexual frustration. And as much as she wanted to resolve it with _him_ things were…complicated. Too complicated to recklessly ruin their friendship on a sexual whim, no matter how powerful it was.

Also turning down a snog with a cute boy was like spitting in Merlin's eye for bestowing such a wonderful and attachment-free gift upon her. It was her privilege. Uh oh this was bad, she was starting to use Mary Logic.

"S'ok," he replied easily. "Still want that snog?" He asked directly with a bright, crooked smile. '

The golden light of the lantern pouring down above them set his auburn hair aflame and the green glints of his hazel eyes dazzled with assurance. His black jumper tugged over his body as he leaned against the brick wall with one foot firmly planted on it for support, arms crossed across his broad chest in relaxed posture.

Yes. The answer was yes. So she snogged him.

He tasted of firewhiskey. His lips were warm and caressed hers expertly. In terms of technicality, he was bloody amazing. It was obvious that he had a lot of practice. He kept things interesting – changing form and giving her an occasional lower lip bite. But it was a little rushed for her taste. Marlene liked to take her time. Start off gently, and then build her way up passionately. It was more meaningful, more sensual that way to her.

Their styles didn't match at all. And to top things off, her mind kept wandering back to Sirius. What were his kisses like, she wondered hopelessly. He could snog like a dog and she'd probably still enjoy it simply because it was him. Though based on what she observed in the pub, he knew how to use his mouth quite well. Jessica was a lucky bitch.

"FUCK!" Gideon yelped loudly, breaking their contact. His strong hands released her waist as her muttered various curses under his breathe.

Marlene gaped in surprise, drawn out forcefully from her thoughts. "What? What?" She asked quickly, watching him pull up his trouser leg and inspect his ankle. There was a small bite mark that began to pool with crimson blood.

"Holy shit!" She yelled out in concern and grabbed his shoulders to comfort him. "What the fuc –" Suddenly Marlene saw a large, furry rat dash off into the distance of the alley. "AAAAAAAAH! A RAT! EW," she screamed, releasing Gideon. She hated rats! Nasty!

Gideon laughed at her overdramatic reaction. "Oh calm down, Marlene. It's fine." He shrugged his injury off and gave her an amused look. "Evidently the alley is dangerous to my physical, and your mental, health. I suggest we finish what we started back at my flat?" He asked, in true womanizer fashion.

She nodded uncommittedly and followed his lead until they hit the street.

No, this wasn't right. Snogging was one thing, but she didn't want to shag him. And following a man back to his flat meant shagging. That would be unhealthy for her considering she was still pining for Sirius. It would also fuck up things at the Order.

"Um, Gideon?" She began, stopping in her tracks.

He turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it's…I don't want to do this," she replied frankly, gesturing her hands.

"All right then. Be safe getting home," he answered indifferently, not a trace of disappoint on his face.

She smiled at him. "See ya later?"

"Yeah."

Marlene turned on her feet and walked back down the alley, approaching the pub's back door. Just as she was about to pull it open, she heard a booming voice echo through the still winter's air.

"-LEFT WITH HIM?!"

Sirius.

It was definitely his loud, furious sounding voice that carried across from further down the alley. She didn't even have to think about what he was talking about. Curious to hear more, she deftly ducked behind a rubbish bin next to her.

"Sorry, Padfoot," Peter said sadly.

There was a brief silence before she heard a sickening crunch. Sirius' fist made contact with the brick wall, bloodying his hand.

"Pads!" James shouted wildly with concern. "You've got to chill, mate!"

Remus sighed. "Here, let me fix it." He mumbled a spell.

"Thanks," Sirius said listlessly. He sighed loudly and ran his fingers through his long hair, tugging it when he came to the ends. "I can't bloody believe her!" He exclaimed out loud with frustration.

"Believe what? That she, as a single adult woman with the capability to shag, would do so?" Remus replied coolly.

That's right, Remus! She silently cheered him. Tell him! That's why she loved Remus Lupin. He understood. He just _got_ things as they were meant to be taken.

"I don't blame the bloke. Marlene's fit," Peter added unhelpfully. Sirius growled at the comment and Peter promptly shut up.

"I think you've finally met your match, Pads," Remus pointed out airily.

"No one's my match," he said arrogantly, sounding very much like how Marlene used to hear him speak back at Hogwarts. She almost scoffed out loud before restraining herself.

She felt a little bad eavesdropping. But only very, _very_ little. Hearing this conversation was invaluable. Besides, they _were_ talking about her.

"You're right. She's better," James teased with a warm laugh.

"I know," he muttered quietly under his breath, suddenly shifting his mood drastically. "I know she's better than me."

Um, what?

How smashed was he? If anything he was out of Marlene's league. She still struggled to understand why he liked her in the first place. She wasn't half bad to look at and had a likeable personality, but Sirius was on a next level. He was one of a kind. In looks, personality, talent, and spirit. Marlene felt painfully mediocre the majority of the time.

"C'mon, Pads. Don't say that," James begged.

"At least you've never splinched yourself. How embarrassing," Peter tried with a joke at her expense.

Don't joke about that Peter, Marlene thought menacingly. _Arsehole_.

"Shut the fuck up, Wormtail," he said warningly, echoing her thoughts. "She could have _died,_" he said harshly. "And then…" He trailed off inaudibly.

They shared a moment of silence.

"That much?" Remus asked simply. "You like her that much?"

He shrugged.

"But you don't care about birds? Not like this," James spoke out loud with confusion.

"Something's different. I don't understand why. She drives me mad but still…" He paused. "Even though she does a lot of daft things, I find it endearing rather than bothersome. Because it's her." He groaned with frustration. "Fuck."

"You can't mess with her, Padfoot," James informed him firmly. "Marley's special. She's my friend. She's Lily's friend. You can't just shag and drop her. She'd never agree to it in the first place. I don't think she's the type that could do "friends with benefits". She's too…Marley."

"Don't you think I know that?! I haven't even tried to snog her," he defended himself passionately.

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Wow."

"Why don't you just…y'know, tell her you fancy her and ask her out?" Peter asked logically.

Yes, please do tell.

Sirius chuckled, but there was no humor behind it.

"I don't even know if she fancies me back. She did just leave with that fucking wanker. And even then, it's doomed from the beginning," he finished ominously.

What the hell was that supposed to mean? It's really not that hard or complicated to keep a healthy relationship going as long as both partners are good hearted and _give it a try_.

She saw Sirius' true colors. They were the colors of the sunset. Blazing shades that burned so vibrantly and intensely just before the darkness sets in. Strong and gorgeous. And sad. But _good_.

It could be so _beautiful_. If he just let it.

She heard enough.

So she silently returned to the pub, heading straight for the firewhiskey.


	14. Mystified

**December 1978**

It was no wonder Emmeline and Lily barely spent any time with Marlene in the last couple months. Being an active member of the Order of the Phoenix was physically and mentally exhausting, as well as brutally time consuming.

Between working at the Quidditch shop four times a week and her missions, she barely had any time for herself or anyone else. Dorcas, having been a very experienced member, told her that the first couple months were the hardest, and then things got easier to handle. Marlene certainly hoped so. There was no way she could balance the Order, Auror training, and her personal time with the ways things had been going.

How ever Emmeline managed to do all three was simply outstanding. But she barely went out for fun, preferring to relax at their flat. Or Dearborn's flat, she thought cheekily. One day she would get to the bottom of that.

At least she got to catch up with everyone despite their busy lives during the meetings.

The Sirius development had regressed.

After she came back to into the pub the night of his birthday, his face lit up –obviously overjoyed that she decided against shagging Gideon– and they went back to normal, treating each other as close mates.

Sirius thought that she didn't care.

Marlene knew he didn't.

Was that unfair to say? Sirius did care, but he didn't care _enough_ to even give it a go. And like once said, Marlene was _not_ reckless. Not truly. Not with her heart. Getting hurt was not a choice she was consciously going to make again.

And a much as she wanted to be more than just mates with him, she decided that their friendship was more important than her urges. She would just have to get over him. People did that all the time, right?

But if Marlene thought that trying to forget about him would be the most trialing event of the day, then she was in for quite the shock.

* * *

_Fuck_.

How she managed to get into this one was beyond her.

The tall blonde some how squeezed herself underneath a rickety table that barely housed her inconveniently sizeable body. It wasn't the best cover, but it was the only one available. Her wild eyes skimmed the shadowy, fairly vacant room with anticipation, as the muffled voices grew closer. If she had reacted a couple seconds later, then she was certain they could have caught her. Without the time to cast a disillusionment charm, she was completely vulnerable with only the scanty cloaking of the desk and darkness to protect her form.

She prayed to Merlin and every muggle god she learned about in Muggle Studies for her safety. If she got out of this alive, then she would never ask for anything ever again.

When the door creaked open, her worst suspicions were confirmed. Five shadowy figures filled the room, wearing dark cloaks and hoods.

Death eaters.

Of course it was them, who else would have been in the suspected room in Knockturn Alley this time of night?

Marlene could only hope that her partner, Dorcas, did not run into similar circumstances in the next room.

Often times Marlene and Dorcas were paired together, having very compatible work ethics and solid trust in each other's abilities. Because they both had great people skills and exceptional dueling skills, they were usually assigned to locate missing persons and to gather oral information. Their abilities came in handy because they often ran into quite risky situations, though really all the Order missions were perilous. Especially James and Sirius, as well as Emmeline and Dearborn's missions.

Somehow they always skirted by danger. But now Marlene was staring it down, so close that she could practically touch it. She swallowed down the rising hot, putrid bile climbing it's way up her dry throat.

The mission was to investigate an abandoned house in Knockturn Alley that reeked of suspicion; according to Moody based on it's location and reported happenings around the area by Aurors, it was very likely that it was previously a Death Eater meeting place.

Previously being the key word.

No one was supposed to be there. But there they were in front of her, clear as day. Marlene and Dorcas were there to gather any leftover clues. Moody was always suspicious, some may say overly, but it turned out that he was more than accurate on his guess to the girls' misfortune.

Dueling five against one was suicidal. Maybe her changes would increase if Dorcas could back her up, but she was unreliable at the instant. And who knew if there were more of those bastards lurking around? She would ride out the moment. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, as Moody often drilled into their minds. Her fingers clenched tightly on her wand.

The five gathered in a circle in the center of the room, lighting the room evenly with _lumos_ as their wands remained ignited under the simple spell.

The voices spoke.

"It's _finally_ official, hey? Welcome to the club, Black. About fucking time," she heard one say gruffly, removing his hood for his own comfort.

Mulciber, the dirty bastard.

His back was turned to her, luckily, and she could barely make out the back of his dark head.

The other four followed suit, removing their hoods with ease. Apparently Death Eater hoods were uncomfortable, she mused. They were just as easy to make out in the dim light: Regulus Black, Avery, Rosier, and Wilkes. She recognized all of them due to their attendance at Hogwarts. All of them were nasty Slytherins whose involvement with Voldemort was pitifully predictable. And all of them would surely kill her, or worse, if she were discovered.

"Yeah," Regulus replied in a voice that sounded eerily like Sirius' to Marlene's ears. Though there was an obvious difference.

He looked a _lot_ like his older brother, she noticed. Although he seemed to be a bit smaller and younger, as she had noted previously, his resemblance had grown since the last time she saw him last year. Unfortunately he was facing towards her and the desk, but he was the only one. As long as he kept his cold grey eyes on his dirty little death eater mates, Marlene would be undetected. She let out a silent breath of relief.

"Well I am still in school, so once I got the chance I jumped to it," he explained, lifting his arm and uncovering it. He looked down in admiration for a beat before slipping back down his robe sleeve. His eyes lit up the same way Sirius' did when he was joyful, though what he was joyful about would bring Sirius anything but.

Marlene's heart skipped, and not in a good way. Aw, shite. _That's_ what they were chatting about, though she always knew it from the start. But to see the dark mark etched into his fair skin was confirmation of something that she really didn't want to happen, for Sirius' sake.

His younger brother was a Death Eater.

"We should leave," Regulus declared in an authoritative voice. Despite being the youngest he had an air of importance and leadership that was not ignored by the others. All Blacks did, even Sirius despite how different he was from them. "I have to get back to Hogwarts tonight, " he explained to no one in particular.

They nodded collectively.

"Let's head that pub we were at the other day," Mulciber told the other three.

"Definitely. I got me a bird there who wants it," Rosier boasted.

"Ain't she a mudblood?" Avery spat with disgust.

"Mixed blood, I think," he told him uncaringly.

Wilkes shrugged. "A fuck is still a fuck. She should be grateful that you'd even allow her to suck your cock," he replied nastily, bellowing a laugh at his repulsive comment.

Marlene struggled to gather serenity before she lost it right then and there. Those lot were fucking sickening and dangerous. A most terrible combination.

She watched them intently, noticing that Regulus was the only one not laughing at the coarse remark, instead fixing an unexpressive look on his face. The others continued to chat just as nauseatingly as before about the poor girl, but he stood staring in the distance, lost in thought. Marlene recognized her mistake a second too late; she should have never allowed her stare to linger on him in the first place, even if she was mesmerized by his likeness to his brother.

It was a fatal mistake by all accounts.

Regulus' emotionless eyes flickered to hers, meeting them in a steady gaze. Her blood instantly chilled, running cold through her paralyzed body.

That was the end.

_Or it should have been._

He did not warn the others as she had predicted. Never had she felt more bewildered in her eighteen years of life. She sat there, huddled in the cramped corner as she gawked back at him. She would have laughed if she wasn't so terrified.

Suddenly her mind became very…full. She made no obvious reactions, but it was easy to tell that something was not right at her core. Something was invading her in the rawest way possible; the feeling was impossible to accurately explain. Breath quickening, the inexplicable violation stopped as promptly as it had began. It terrified her, but she made no effort to call more attention to herself.

"Right, then. We're the only sorry fucks left so let's blow this pit," Mulciber finally declared out loud as her ears rang with fuzziness.

They made there way through the main room, presumably to exit through the main doors. Regulus hovered behind to the back of the group inconspicuously, the sneaky boy he was, and sent her a ghost of smirk before leaving the room.

Marlene waited patiently for the slam of the door, confirming their departing.

He had seen her. If there were any doubts left her mind, then he cleared them once and for all. He wanted her to know that he caught her, she thought. Why didn't he alert the others? That was the question that marred her mind as she sat in the silence of the empty room.

"Mars!" She heard a frantic voice shout as the door shot open, drawing her out of her lethargic state. "Mars, are you still here?" Dorcas called out once again, her voice trembling with fear.

"Doe!" Marlene responded quickly, clumsily crawling out of the desk and bolting to give the shorter girl an embrace. She put everything she had in that hug. Holding onto her mate was verification: she was safe.

"Did you hear?" Marlene asked curiously, regaining steadiness as she released the other girl.

Dorcas nodded, looking up to her. "Every word. Luckily the walls are thin," she declared plainly. "Regulus…"she trailed off with anxiety, implying what they both already knew.

"We have to tell Sirius! Now!" Marlene shouted frantically, greatly disturbed by the horrific realization once again and gave Dorcas a troubled look. A look that held more emotions that she even knew how to properly express.

Dorcas hesitated, brushing the fringe out of her eyes. "Should we, though? You know how he gets about his family…" She paused in consideration. "Besides the Order is meeting tomorrow for updates and the like. He'll hear it from us then," she finished honestly, with conflicting emotions about the whole ordeal.

Marlene shook her head strongly in disagreement. "No, we have to tell him. Today, one on one. It's going to devastate him regardless, but it should be handled privately," she replied strongly. "I just think that being ambushed with that information in front of everyone would be the worst. Especially for Sirius," she added sadly, explaining her thoughts.

Dorcas thought it over for a moment before agreeing. "You're probably right. You know him better than me so you should do what feels intuitively correct, " She said with approval. "But I think it's best if you go alone."

"Are you sure?" She inquired, tugging on the sleeve of her robes with uncertainty.

"Positive."

Marlene let out a long breath, summoning her resolution. "I'm going to see him. Right now," she declared with finality, looking down at her mate.

Dorcas nodded. "I'm sorry that things turned out like this, Mars. See you later," she responded with a farewell hug. Marlene returned it and immediately checked her leather wristwatch after Dorcas apparated.

10 o'clock pm.

He would probably be bartending at the pub since it was Thursday. That was where she was going, to deliver possibly some of the worst news he'd ever hear. It would no doubt destroy a piece of him, no matter how much she wished it wouldn't. He didn't need to be hurt further, especially by his family.

Hot bile found it's way seeping up her throat once again, but she forced it down with irritation.

* * *

Marlene pushed past the clean wooden doors of the pub with the heels of her palms. The clacking of her leather riding boots filled her buzzing ears with a distracting sound that she gladly welcomed. She focused on it in an effort to remain calm and collected, give her something to concentrate on as she swept the pub with keenness. As expected, the bright-lit room was crowded with slurry drunks and boisterous laughter. How badly she wished that she were there to grab a drink and join them, forgetting the looming worries that would no doubt arise later on in the night.

But this was important; _Sirius_ was important.

After giving up on spotting him for herself in the impossibly disorienting pub, she caught sight of Jessica working at the bar. Apparently she was a bartender there too, like him. Eyes setting on the brunette with determination, she took long strides across the room to where she was busy serving drinks.

"Hey Jessica!" Marlene called out warmly to grab her attention from across the bar counter, taking the empty stool in front of her.

She didn't hate the girl. That would be stupid, downright irrational. Not including catty, which she had no use for in her life.

She just hated the fact that Sirius had chosen Jessica over her even if he truly fancied Marlene and was evidently too daft to have a real relationship.

Jessica lifted her big brown eyes from the counter as she focused intensely on mixing a customer's cocktail. "Oh, it's Marlene, right?" She asked civilly, somewhat distracted by her orders.

Marlene nodded her head. "Yup, I –"

"Sirius talks about you," she said knowingly at the same time Marlene spoke.

She was taken a back."…He does?" She asked, suddenly side tracked by curiosity. "Hopefully nothing too bad," she added with a light laugh.

Her eyes widened with surprise, looking up to meet the blonde's eyes. "Oh no! Never," she denied before continuing. "Stuff like, 'Marlene would have thought that was funny' or 'Marlene would have loved this.' Just little comments like that."

Marlene beamed. Sirius was _so_ lovely, she mused. Why couldn't he just get over himself again? Bugger.

Jessica caught her reaction and smiled sadly. "I know, it's super cute right? He's a really brilliant bloke. You don't come across those often. I'd even date him for real if he weren't already stolen, " she said with slight irritation, mixing a different drink for a new customer.

"Stolen?" Marlene repeated with confusion, lifting up her hands.

She rolled her eyes, frowning." I don't get why you two aren't dating," she informed her with a hint of bitterness.

Me either, she thought mystified.

Marlene sighed, figuring she might as well explain it to the poor girl since they were in the same Sirius-absent boat. Maybe Jessica would feel less downdraught knowing that no woman could claim him. "He doesn't want a girlfriend," she replied miserably, airing out her concerns openly. "So really there's no need to be gutted; we're both swooning over the same brilliant yet stupid, unavailable bloke."

"No, I think he does," Jessica told her honestly after a beat, making Marlene perk with interest. "He just doesn't know it yet," she declared with a shrug.

"Well bully for me, excellent news, " Marlene replied sarcastically. "He's still not interested in dating anyone for real."

Jessica paused in deliberation before sharing her opinion. "Hmm. He's never had a girlfriend before, so maybe he doesn't know what he's missing? Not just physical intimacy…but emotionally intimacy too. Especially that. Perhaps you could fill him in?" She offered sagely. "You got a better shot than I do, 'sides I'm really not one for monogamy. We'd probably end up cheating on each other within the first week."

"That's actually brill advice, y'know about showing him," she complimented. "Oh, and I'm sorry about Sirius, Jessica," she said in a comforting voice, alluding to his disinterested in her.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked lightly with astonishment. "Technically I'm your competition. Want me to steal him from you?" she pointed out jeeringly.

Marlene shrugged. "No, I just think people need to watch out for each other more often. Especially us girls," she replied frankly, looking into her eyes. "We're all chasing after the same daft blokes anyways."

Jessica was silent for a moment before replying, cleaning a dirty glass with a ragged hand cloth. "I couldn't understand what he possibly saw in you. Until now. You're so…_good_."

Marlene laughed at the way she made the word "good" sound like a disgusting sort of virus. "Sirius is good too," she replied dreamily, balancing her tired head in a hand against the counter. He really was underneath all his complex layers.

She huffed with displeasure. "I know," she admitted flatly.

"And so are you Jessica," Marlene added kindly, giving her a small smile.

"Excuse me?" She said with offense, crossing her arms.

Slightly shocked by her disapproving reaction, she clarified herself with her best persuasive tone. "You just gave me the best advice I've received all month! You're excellent!" She declared loudly, broadening her smile as Jessica's managed to put on her own, genuine grin.

"No one's ever said that I was good before," she said thoughtfully. "How about that…" she whispered to herself.

Marlene scoffed. "Well they either never told you or were too thick to understand the real you," Marlene explained. "Because I've only known you for five minutes I can tell you're great."

"Jessica can you mix- _Marlene_?" Sirius said disbelievingly, interrupting their conversation. He seemed to have come out from the back door to assist Jessica in her duties from nowhere, standing directly in front of Marlene. His face was in pure shock. "What are you two doing?" He asked suspiciously, obviously taking notice of their seemingly problematic interaction.

"We're mates," Jessica replied simply, refilling a man's butterbeer. Marlene flashed her a bright smile, which she returned with a chuckle.

"You're…what? Mates?" Sirius said dumbly, clearly unable to come to terms with their new friendship. His grey eyes flickered from girl to girl. And here he probably thought they'd be practically tearing each other's heads off over him. Arrogant sod.

Marlene laughed loudly in face; his reaction was priceless and she knew a way to make it even better.

"Well right _now_ we're mates, but in the future…" she trailed off suggestively and gave Jessica a sweeping look, implying much more than Sirius could handle as he rose an eyebrow in astonishment.

Jessica laughed, nodding at the words with faux affirmation. "Looks like you've got some competition," she told Sirius with a wink, then turned back to face Marlene and blew her a kiss. She feigned bashfulness, playing along with the act enthusiastically.

He looked over to Marlene, smirking madly. "Still have any objections to threesomes, love?" He inquired so cheekily that she had to smack him in retaliation for being so insolent. He dodged her blow effortlessly, her hand only managing to glide across his black long-sleeved shirt with an ineffective hit. He looked down to at her, still wearing his trademark roughish expression.

"I'll take that as a no? Ah, well. I'm sure you'll come around eventually," he said with mock disappointment, causing her to scoff playfully.

They finally made prolonged eye contact, sharing a comfortable quiet moment where they each exchanged knowing looks and authentic grins. There was an unexplainable connection between the two wizards that was only acknowledged subtly, without words. When they were in the same room, it was impossible to not gravitate to the other. Leaving each other alone was simply unfeasible. Whether it was magnetism, chemistry, history, or a combination of three, she did not know. All she knew was that it was palpable and increasing each and every day. There was no willing it away; it was no use.

Although messing around with Sirius always guaranteed her some of her most blissful memories and though she longed to continue the lighthearted banter, she knew what she had to do.

She stilled herself and allowed the gravity of the situation wash over her, wearing a humorless expression. "I need to tell you something very important," she said in her most serious tone, trying to get across the magnitude of what she had to say. Her eyes flickered to Jessica, who busily poured a round of drinks and exchanged galleons while chatting to the noisy patrons. "Alone," she finished solemnly in a quite voice.

Her uncharacteristically grave appearance definitely had the effect on him that she wanted to achieve; Sirius' countenance twisted for moment before settling on concern and unease. Pushing a steadying hand on the counter, he jumped over it in a single fluid motion and landed firmly on his feet besides her stool. Marlene winced in surprise of the reckless action. Lowering his head down to her right ear, he whispered in a strained voice, "Are you ok, Marlene?" She moved her head away to look into his cagey eyes that glimmered with worry.

He _would_ think of her welfare above his own, she thought. That boy was so selfless and she loved him for it. Er, not loved _him_. Just him as a person. There was a difference. A massive one.

"I'm fine," she said in a reassuring voice, rubbing his upper arm affectionately. His face flushed with relief, but then filled with confusion. "Then what is it?" He pressed, desperate to know what was the matter.

Marlene released a long held breath before getting out of her seat, pushing her hands against the counter for support. "I can't give the details here," she explained, glancing around the pub. "Could we possibly go somewhere more private?" She pleaded. She knew how the words would sound, but she had to speak them. "Like your flat?" She finished, closely watching his reaction.

He raised an eyebrow but instead of responding with a cheeky or pert comment at her expense, he simply nodded silently in understanding. "Let's go," he told her solidly without further questioning, picking up on the severity of the circumstances.

"Cover for me, Jessica?" Sirius inquired the evidently busy girl as she exchanged sickles for drinks left and right.

She scoffed with annoyance. "I'm up to my neck in patrons! I'll never be able to handle it all myself." She complained loudly.

Sirius sent her a look. She replied with a smug smile, obviously thinking that she'd won him over.

"I believe in you," he said flippantly, taking Marlene's hand in his confidently. "Also table seven needs a flaming toadstool, stat. Thanks, love. You're the best."

Marlene sent Jessica an apologetic look, but the other girl simply glared back with venom. So much for mates, she thought.

Sirius could be a bit of an arsehole, but Marlene was oddly grateful for that at the moment.

Leading her out the pub, he deflected the hungry eyes of the drunken patrons that lingered on her with an intimidating presence. She was thankful for that; she wasn't in the mood for entertaining or dealing with lecherous men. Well she was never in the mood for the latter to be honest.

She wasn't ever in the mood to be the messenger of bad news either, but life's a bitch.

* * *

When they reached the comfort of his quiet and secure flat, she knew immediately what he needed to prep the upcoming information with: liquid subduer.

"Carry any firewhiskey perchance?" Marlene inquired steadily, tilting her head in a questioning manner up at him.

That always dulled the pain for her; Sirius was probably the same way. Though she was certain that nothing could subdue the agony of learning that his younger brother was officially lost. A pang stung her in the chest at the thought. She forced herself to take a calming breath. She hoped that she had the strength and tactfulness to tell him properly, in the least excruciating way possible without aggravating him unnecessarily. The only other person who could have delivered the information was James, possibly Remus. But it fell on her unsteady shoulders.

She would steady them, for him. Having to explain the dreadful situation was going to be rather tricky, but she was up to the task. She did not turn away a challenge.

Sirius looked down at her with anxiety, raking his hair out of habit with his hand. "I do," he finally replied, striding to cabinet that held his stash of alcoholic drinks and three full cartons of different cigarette brands. Marlene frowned as she watched him search for the correct liquor. _Cartons_? Apparently his habit was much more compulsive than she original thought. "Get the glasses, love?" He asked tiredly, tugging her out of her worries about his health.

She made a small confirming sound and after fiddling around in the cupboards of his kitchen, emerged with two whiskey glasses. He was waiting patiently for her in the center of the longue room, pacing back and forth while suffocating the neck of the bottle wrapped around his strong hands with restlessness. His wild eyes shot up when she made her presence known and without delay questioned her. "Tell me," he ordered directly, his alarmed voice betraying his relaxed postured that attempted to collect itself into casualness.

"Join me on the sofa," she offered to him in a gentle tone, patting it softly when she sat down stiffly.

He took the offer, sitting down closely to her as he kept his steady gaze on her the entire time. Those churning eyes were penetrating down to her core, unsettling her nerves that were previously composed. She gestured to the bottle, "Would you like to pour us a drink?" She asked innocently.

"Damn it, Marlene!" He shouted in frustration, dropping the bottle to the floor. "Stop torturing me and just _say it_ already. I'm not a child; I can handle whatever it is," he declared fiercely, grabbing the inner part of her arms with his warm hands and causing her body to shift directly front of him.

She winced from his outburst, but recovered. "You're right, I'm sorry," she said strongly, looking him dead in his dark eyes. He kept his light hold on her, which strangely enough had a soothing effect on her increasing stress.

With the encouragement, she decided to tell him as clinically as possible. "I went on an Order mission with Doe, not more than an hour ago," she explained as he watched her with unbreakable attentiveness. "You'll hear the details tomorrow during the meeting, but they're not significant at the moment. What I came here to tell you, what I need to tell you is that I came across your brother…Regulus," Acknowledgement flashed across his face, causing him to lean in closer to her and tighten his grip, "I managed to skirt away from him, but I saw the mark, Sirius," She paused to let the words linger. "He has a dark mark, "she ended softly, figuring it was an easier way to say that he was now an official, confirmed death eater.

For a short moment he initially sat in disbelieving silence before his features warped through a barrage of emotions as understanding sunk in. Releasing her arms harshly, he stood up to full height and brought his hands to his head.

"FUCK!" He shouted at his loudest volume level, filling the flat with his deep, rough voice and accompanying ferocious rage. "How many times did I try to warn that little fucker?! Fucking hell. The bloody git. Now he's really gone and fucked himself good! God fucking damn it," he yelled to himself, continuing on a rant of questioning and very colorful words directed to his brother.

He paced the flat with stomping feet, breathing heavily. Something snapped within him and he reached down for the firewhiskey bottle, proceeding to whip it with full force into a bare space on one of the sides of the walls in the room. It shattered nosily with a loud crack, spiriting erratically and eventually pooling onto the rug.

Marlene released an audible whimper before she could contain it. For the first time she felt frightened of him; it was like being in a cage with an enraged, violent beast driven only by pure instinct. She knew he would never hurt her, but the recognition did nothing to quell the terror building up inside her. To be honest she was more scared for him than herself. She didn't want to have to be the one to try to prevent him from doing something self-harming, but she would if required.

She pulled herself out of the sofa and slowly backed away from him to the other side of the room. She was unsure of what to do, but did not want to leave him in that state. At the same time she wasn't positive of how she should handle it all so she waited tolerantly for him to deal with his surge of emotions, allowing him some distance.

Throwing the bottle seemed to have satisfied some urge and he slowly began to collect himself again, much to her personal relief. His breathing steadied, the stiffness of his body collapsing as he came to term with the news. After his passionate emotional eruption, his logical and solid mental capacity seemed to overtake his actions. He searched for her after noticing the empty couch. "Marlene?" He called out anxiously. His eyes found her on the far side of the room.

With long steps he approached her, unthinking. Her foot took an involuntary step back as she pinned herself against the wall unwittingly. Taking notice of her shaken disposition, his face flushed with guilt and he embraced her in a tight hug against the wall. He brought one of his hands up to stroke her hair tenderly as the other kept fixed on her waist. "Sorry for making you fret," he apologized in a mumbled whisper against the side of her head. "I was just…You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right? You trust me?"

She simply nodded into his shoulder, swallowing. "Yeah."

Breaking the contact, he guided her comfortingly back to the couch where they both made themselves comfortable. He never took his sight of her, carefully observing each and every move she made. "Are you sure you're all right?" He asked gently.

She shrugged. "I'm kind of upset with you," she replied honestly. His face fell and he began to spew out every request for forgiveness he could think of. It was _so_ unlike Sirius in every aspect. She'd never seen him so apologetic, never even thought he could be so remorseful.

"And I'm really sorry –"

"Not about that," she interrupted, having reached her fill of those types of words. She figured she'd probably never hear them again so she deviously took full advantage of his out of character reaction. "I'm upset that you wasted a perfectly good bottle of firewhiskey," she explained, giving him a sly look.

His eyes widened in realization before rolling them. "Fox," he simply accused her with a playful tone, stretching his face into a grin.

"But really, I'm more than perfectly ok," she explained with seriousness. Here it came. "The question is…are you?" She asked softly, looking up.

She had flipped his brooding switch, contorting his face into a predictable scowl as his eyes gained that stormy disposition. Obviously he was not the sort to openly discuss his feelings, but she had to ask. He had to know that she was there to lend an ear, even if he'd rather keep his mouth shut.

And just as she thought, he shrugged carelessly and avoided her eyes rather than verbally answering question.

Marlene watched him for a bit, words flowing out easily. "You don't have to say anything; I just want you to know that if you need someone to listen…I will. I'll always be there," she promised boldly, unwavering in words.

That set something off within him, tugging his face to meet hers. He paused, seeming to prepare to talk to her great surprise. "I couldn't save the stupid bastard," he spat, the words cutting the quiet stillness like a knife. "What a fucking idiot."

"You're a good brother," Marlene said strongly, locking eyes with him.

His features twisted with strained confliction, unable to come up with a response. Pulling up his knees to his discomfited face, he rested his head sideways on his kneecap and faced her but looked far away in the distance. His grey eyes looked so dead; the complete opposite of their usual appearance. She had seen them filled with laugher, mischievousness, concern, lust, pure joy, and brooding sullenness, among many others. But never like that before, utterly drained of emotion.

While watching him contort into place, Marlene reflected very deeply on how to express her exact thoughts. She started out slowly, "Because even though he might be a wanker and he fucked up massively, you still care enough to be concerned about his well being. Not many people have that capacity."

He scoffed with disbelief. "Concerned?" he asked with a following forced derisive laugh, voicing his abhorrence for Regulus. Although Marlene knew that deep down he cared, even he didn't admit it to himself. Why else would he have reacted the way he did?

"And a good brother wouldn't have left him in the first place," he declared dully.

"He still chose that life regardless of what you could or couldn't have done; he's responsible for his own actions," Marlene stated obviously, trying the rational route. "He's of age."

He responded with silence, ending the conversation with finality. Apparently he would have to work this one out for himself, though she was impressed that he even divulged it in the first place, meager as it was.

She couldn't even imagine what he must have been going through. She tried to emphasize with him, picturing what it's be like to find out her beloved younger brother had decided to join that genocidal hate group for good. Just the notion chilled her to the bone. Granted Sirius and Regulus had a very different relationship from theirs, but there was still a palpable bond despite how antagonistic they were to each other.

"Let me," she said unclearly, reaching out her hand expectantly. Sea colored eyes glinted with hopefulness as she observed his reaction closely.

Staring at it, he paused for a short moment before finally responding. "You're not my mother," he replied flatly, rolling his eyes and wrinkling his perfectly shaped nose with annoyance. But nevertheless he grasped her outstretched hand and clasped her fingers, allowing her to lead him to his bedroom.

His disdain for reliance on others was clearly noted by her. However she wasn't about to give up on him when he needed someone so badly, as much as he protested it. Inner strength and independence could get a person very far alone, but sooner or later the struggles of life would catch up to them, dragging them into a pit of despair. Sometimes, often times, people could climb their own way out. Especially a person like Sirius. But having someone help you get out was _so_ much better.

"No, I most certainly am not," she replied quickly with conviction. "But lucky for me I don't have to be in order to be here for you. Lest you want me to," she added with amusement filling her warm voice.

Mimicking a fretting mother, she told him, "Sirius, er, I-don't-know-your-middle-name Black! Pick your pants off the floor of your room for Merlin's sake! The stench nearly killed the last house elf that attempted to discard your grimy loins. Also, if you're going to collect dirty magazines then at least have the decency to hide them properly, you daft boy!" She recalled the exact rant given to her older brother Jon and smiled inwardly.

He gave her a faint smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Obviously we had very different home lives," he observed with undetectable humor. "And my middle name is Orion," he finished, saying the name like it tasted of disgust. "Unfortunately," he muttered to himself.

Making their way through the bedroom door, they each positioned themselves comfortably on the enormous bed. They laid parallel to each other; both of them stretched out on their backs and staring at the ceiling in exhaustion from their emotionally taxing days. She felt the arm of his soft jumper brush against her bare one, indicating his closeness.

Marlene frowned as realization washed over her. What he said was absolutely true. They might have had a lot of similarities on the surface, but they were truthfully very different. Although they both came from pureblood families, the dynamics were surely poles apart. She frivolously complained about how she didn't always get along closely with all her family members on occasion, but she always recognized the fact that they loved her. Especially her parents and Danny. And then there was the whole bloody purity situation. Most McKinnons were apathetic whereas Blacks were fanatical.

Sirius' family situation was admittedly foreign and downright tragic.

Disappointing family in some capacity was inevitable and the way they responded to it really defined how much they truly loved their daughter, or son in Sirius' case. Based on her own knowledge of House Black in coupling with what Sirius was forced to do at sixteen in order to maintain self-preservation was very sobering.

She knew he didn't want pity but it was very difficult not to grant it to him, even if it was unvoiced pity that she kept close to her own heart and never to be openly shared.

"Hmm, how about this then," She cleared her throat comically after a moment of silence and had another go at it. "Sirius Orion Black, I will never forgive you if you continue seeing that wretched blood-traitor girl! Even if she is funny and sweet and lovely –"

"You're ridiculous," he claimed with playfulness, finally showing some semblance of genuine emotion. "And rather modest," he added sarcastically while grinning, sitting up gracefully and looking down at her face that lit up into a goofy expression.

She gazed up at him, smiling broadly. "Who said I was talking about myself?" She asked nonchalantly, pretending to casually inspect her nails.

He barked a laugh; she loved that laugh, as odd as it was. His spirits seemed to rise the moment they stopped discussing his family. "You think you're so clever," he said wryly, fixing the bunched up sleeve of her left blouse carelessly.

"Ha, I don't think. I know," she boasted with faux-haughtiness that filled his face with laughter. His eyes got that mischievous glint and he moved to hover over her, making Marlene believe that she was about to be tortured in a tickle attack. But she was shocked to discover that he closed their distance, and not with his hands.

Sirius buried his head into her neck, filling the empty space of her collarbone. Rough lips brushed her exposed skin, sending a jolt that made her involuntarily release a small pant of breath that was held in anticipation. The sudden warmth of his body pressing so snugly against hers lifted her into a whirl of untapped feelings that only soared now that the distance between them was closed so completely. Familiar scents that she longed for filled her foggy head and she was desperate to cling to the moment.

Initially paralyzed, the gears shifted gradually and she slowly brought her hands up from beside her to the nape of his neck. Weaving them through his soft hair, she gently held on to the back of his head and absently played with the ends of his silky locks.

His mouth began to move, forcing her to close her eyes in pleasure from the blissful feeling. "Why are you even here? You don't have to stay," he whispered quietly, words slightly muffled in their melted position. Each time he spoke a word they connected hotly against her cool skin like tiny bolts of electricity. And each time warm breath washed down the cusp of her cleavage she had to reprimand herself from pushing harder against him.

Swallowing down her impulsive urges, she took a shaky breath that rapidly became more and more essential as she momentarily forgot to breathe from the stimulation. "You're right. I don't," she replied breathlessly in a soft hum that floated like a loose petal and carried throughout the room in a hushed gust. The unexpected declaration seemed to have stung him, forcing him to lift his head and gaze forward in the direction of her face. Not missing the flash of hurt that flickered across his face, she clarified herself in a beat. "It's not like the last couple times when I needed to stay for my own health," she explained delicately. "This time I'm staying because I want to, because I want to be here. For you. Merlin knows you've been there enough for me. Sirius, what I said before…at the Quidditch pitch. It was a bloody lie. A massive, juvenile one. I care. I care _so_ much. I really care–"

"Marlene?" He suddenly interrupted in a confident voice.

She lifted her head up in response, very aware of the fact that his face was no more than a couple centimeters away from hers. Their steady gazes connected with a spark. Those blue flecks stood out so brilliantly against the grey backdrop of his lidded eyes that flickered to her full pouty lips and then back up to meet her waiting eyes.

"You talk too much," he said in a husky voice, closing the gap between their mouths assertively.

Those rough lips were very warm and firm against hers. His lengthy, heavy body rolled on top of hers in a single fluid motion; pinning her down dominantly with a bit of force. Legs spread and shifted to either side in order to accommodate his longer ones as he knees pushed hers aside.

She was just as hungry as he was for the connection. As they said, the best kiss is the one that has been exchanged a thousand times between the eyes before it reaches the lips.

After his lips took hers tenderly and caressed them gently, the kisses progressed and advanced more roughly. They became hard, hyperactive and she returned them with just as much enthusiasm. She inserted her own force back, bringing her hands from the tangles of his hair to the top of his strong shoulders. Deft fingers trickled down her sensitive sides until they reached the pronounced curve of her waist, clutching tightly in a hold that would surely leave a mark the next day.

Marlene released an unrestrained moan loudly into his mouth as she deepened the kiss, which apparently drove Sirius into a frenzy. His tongue skirted across her lower lip, beckoning access that he dominantly forced apart the instance she responded. He slipped his tongue into her mouth, exploring the confided space before planting a closed kiss. After she repeated his actions, she took drew his bottom lip and lightly bit it. Pulling away as she held it, he released his own moan that drew her into an equal state of rush. She released it and they continued to kiss just as passionately for a long period of time.

The snog continued, swaying from gentle kisses that swelled her heart to rough ones that had her moaning with uninhibited delight. She pressed her body upwards against him; each square inch of clothed skin demanded to be touched. His hands allowed themselves to explore the curves of her body with a searing touch, often settling on her generous chest as well as her hips, thighs, and bum. He brought his lips up to the space behind her ear, trailing fiery kisses down the side of her neck before bring them back up again in a one step forward-two steps back motion that teased her aching body relentlessly.

"Sirius," she managed to breathe out, whining for his continuation down the bare parts of her body. After feeling him smirk into her neck, he finally brought the kisses across her collarbone and to the peaking tips of her chest before pausing fleetingly.

He finally broke the kiss with reluctance. Breathing heavily, he rolled off besides her. His raised length brushed against her leg as he did so, sending a jolt that trickled to her lower parts. Her body was reacting equally, the throbbing and heated empty space between her legs was begging for him to fill the emptiness.

Marlene laid flat on her back, trying to regain calmness. That was the best snog of her life, no competition. She could tell that Sirius was a good kisser, but experiencing it was otherworldly.

"Got a bit carried away there, didn't we?" He commented after his voice steadied, releasing a breathy laugh.

Suddenly Marlene recalled something from their previous conversation and burst into uncontrollable laughter, causing Sirius to sit up on the bed and look down at her like she was a mad woman.

"Your…" another fit of giggles practically suffocated her as she tried to steady her breathing.

Sirius rolled his eyes, but didn't suppress his grin. "This is clearly going to take a while. I'll go make some tea," he declared and pretended to rise out of bed.

"No!" She protested in between laughs, grabbing his lower arm. "It's, ha, your middle name….Your initials!" She screamed with another laugh. "They're SOB! SOB!," she told him boisterously, looking up at him expectantly.

"You would find that funny," he pointed out with a sigh, obviously having heard the realization before.

"Because it is!" She defended, rolling onto her stomach next to him. Catching sight of his chest, she rested her tired head against him. She listened to the fall and rise of his breathing below her. Suddenly she felt very sleepy indeed.

They sat in comfortable quiet until he spoke up.

"I'm glad I met you at the wedding all those months ago," he told her in a hushed voice. "It's like…you're unabashedly yourself all the time without pretenses and you're never posturing. You're not afraid to put yourself out on the line where the world can burn you. You just take everything in stride and deal with it so optimistically and purely," he declared openly, surprising her with the heartfelt confession.

"It's…" He paused, apparently attempting to choose the following descriptive word carefully. "It's intoxicating."

She raised her head from his chest, looking at his face. His eyes were completely bloodshot from exhaustion and he looked rather drawn in general, no doubt from his dreadfully demanding missions with the pairing of his emotional surge earlier.

Her hand instinctually reached out. Fingers lightly traced the sharp lines of his features, travelling up from his sculpted jaw line to his soft cheeks. She cupped his face with her warm hand. He pressed into the hold, closing his eyes and releasing a weary sigh. After rubbing the skin gently with her thumb, he reached up his own hand and held the wrist of her raised one as if to keep her touch in place.

Suddenly something flashed within him, his eyes jutted open and he released her hand roughly. "I think it'd be best for you to go now," he told her firmly, though she could hear a hint of reluctance in his voice.

Slightly taken aback by his abruptness, she questioned him. "Oh. You don't want me to stay?" She inquired with confusion, figuring that he'd welcome her comfort.

He propped his body up using his elbows, forcing her rather rudely off his chest. "No," he said more harshly than he truly meant to, gazing at her with fixed bleary eyes.

After repositioning herself upright on the bed, she narrowed her eyes at him. He was acting like an absolute prat. If he didn't want her to stay, then he could have told her nicely.

"Are we…?" She didn't want to finish the sentence, or even speak the first couple words themselves. But after the snog and all the other shared little moments, she had to ask. She had to know.

"No," he said once again, but this time his voice was soft.

Marlene saw red, but she was mostly hurt by his denial. "I spilled my heart out; I told you how much I cared! Are you telling me that you don't care about me?" She asked with an uneasy voice, afraid of the possible word to come.

He sighed loudly. "I _do_ care. That's why I think we should just be mates, " he told her uncompromisingly, scratching the back of his neck and looking past her. "It'd be better for both of us."

"I can't bloody believe you," she spat bitterly, jumping out of the bed wildly and storming off into the main room. "How could you bring me so close and then drop me like that?" She added loudly, turning around to face him as he followed her out. She made sure to use the drop phrase for extra emphasis, recalling what James had warned him about in the alley.

He looked down to the ground miserably. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice dripping with shame. "I didn't want to let it get this far but I…about you…" He struggled for words, allowing them to trail off unclearly.

"So am I," she replied agonizingly, taking one final look at him. In that moment he did not look like the strong, fearless man he was. He looked like a lost little boy, completely and utterly vulnerable. "I really like you Sirius, but I can't do this," she told him plainly. "I have to go."

He simply nodded, allowing her to leave his flat and return to hers, succumbing to hollowness.

* * *

A/N:

Damn, this chapter is _dense_. And long. But hopefully good? yeah? lemme know!

Forgive me if it's a bit rough, but I wanted to post it as quickly as possible since it's been nearly a week and I don't want you guys to wait any longer. Speaking of you guys, thanks for all the follows/favorites/reviews! aaaah! it's so lovely! And also thanks to all my readers in general, there's a lot of you guys now and I'm glad that there's an interest in the story.

I'm back at school now (I'm a college/uni freshman so my time is all mangled up) but I'm going to try to update more than just weekly. Honestly the ideas are easy for me to come up, but the writing takes me a while because I'm not particularly skilled at it.

But yeah, I don't want to be annoying by begging for reviews but...Ok, I do. So leave a review if possible. I'll love you forever.

Next chap will contain some severely needed Jily, yay! (especially Lily. she's like my fav character and I've barely written her in, shame on me)


	15. Here Comes the Sun

**December 1978**

Christmas was definitely the most wonderful time of the year, but it also had the power to be one of the loneliest.

But although it was Marlene's first Christmas without Alec, she was determined to not let it put a damper on her favourite season.

She didn't need a boyfriend to celebrate all of the lovely festivities. She could do them all by herself. And with her mates and family when they were available.

Unfortunately the majority of her friends seemed to have picked up a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past month so they were frequently unavailable. Mary, Hestia, and Benjy (and apparently Remus?) had all entered into new, blossoming winter relationships.

Hestia made the bold declaration that having a significant other during the Christmas season was more of a necessity than having one for Valentine's Day. Marlene scoffed, saying that you didn't need anyone to have fun during either of those times. Mary agreed and told Marlene that she just needed someone to snog her under the mistletoe and buy her mountains of chocolate.

But being single was great. She didn't have to spend any time planning dates or get togethers. She didn't have to suffer under the mental (and financial) pressure of buying a boyfriend the perfect gift.

Somethings were better with a boyfriend or friend, she begrudgingly had to admit. Like ice-skating. That was certainly better with a boyfriend. Falling on her bum alone with no one to laugh with her or help her up was a bit pathetic and lonely. As were a couple of other things she had done solo.

So when James asked her to go Christmas shopping with him and then join the newlyweds for tea at their house afterwards, she jumped at the chance.

* * *

He brought her with him to Diagon Alley a week before Christmas Day to pick up a present for Lily. They entered through an exquisite jewelry store that sold various gems and pieces at prices that made Marlene audibly gasp. Some of their rings were worth three of her paychecks, fucking hell.

After James picked up an absolutely gorgeous necklace with an emerald pendant engraved with Lily's initials, they browsed around for a bit and then proceeded to leave the shop together. James and Marlene were both obscenely chatty people so together they raised the store's volume level by a notch or two.

"No, the Arrows are _rubbish_. Dirty, cobbing, never-going-to-reach-the-Cup rubbish!" James told her animatedly.

He was always up for a bit of Quidditch chat. Or rather rants. Especially debates about the team specifics.

"Um excuse me. They smoked the Wasps in the last match if you can recall. They've got a few tricks, especially their cha – "

James interrupted with a pronounced scoff. "Fluke of game, that was. Despite the fact that their chasers are decent, their seeker is half blind. They're not going anywhere. 'Cept off the pitch," he fired back, placing the wrapped jewelry box in a pocket deep within his robes and going to open the door.

Marlene shrugged. "Well we'll see about that in the next match. I think they're playing the Magpies this week," she defended. " Oh what do you care… You're a Puddlemere fan," she responded exasperatedly. She took a final longing look at their beautiful pieces that should would never be able to afford before diverting her attention back to James.

"Why do you? You're a Harpies fan, right?" James retorted. He grabbed the door handle, but released it as if it burnt his hand. His face screwed up as he shifted on his feet, waiting for Marlene to open the door instead.

"James…What are you doing?" She asked cautiously as he stared at the door with deliberation, cupping his jaw with his hand in a questioning pose.

"Not sure if I should hold the door for you," he muttered under his breath, still lost in his own thoughts.

Marlene gave him an outrageous look. "Why ever not, may I ask?"

"It has to do with something Lily told me earlier today," he started. "Apparently holding doors is sexist because it implies that you're not capable. But she said that blokes could do it if it's out of the kindness of their heart and not just because it's a girl. But I always hold the door because it's the right thing to do…So I guess it's ok?" He drabbled on with confliction. "Merlin that woman drives mad," he finished, mussing up his hair in frustration.

"Ah, I guess that makes sense. You don't have to worry about it though since I know you're a good bloke. But how do I know if other blokes are being condescendingly sexist or just being nice?" Marlene questioned with genuine puzzlement.

"That's exactly what I said!" He shouted, throwing up his hands enthusiastically and nodding, as if Marlene's reply had certified his own counter remark. "Well, not _exactly_. The words weren't as big, but the meaning was the same. But still."

"What did Lily say?" Marlene asked with curiosity as James held the door open for her and they exited onto the crowded, icy streets of Diagon Alley.

James laughed, remembering his wife's fiery quip. "That I couldn't differentiate between the two because I took too many Bludgers to the back of the head," he recalled with a grin.

Marlene joined him in his noisy laughter, wiping away a single tear of mirth after they finally settled down. "Well that explains our similar responses," she observed with another escaping giggle.

That got James laughing like mad again.

"And then how did the argument end?" She pressed, genuinely interested in their conversation. James and Lily's infamous bickering was admittedly entertaining at times and Marlene liked hearing their viewpoints on different matters.

James' hazel eyes lit with a mischievous glint, his face pulling into a hidden sly grin. "How they usually do," he replied innocently, though the suggestion was impossible for her to miss; she knew them too well.

"You kids," Marlene commented loftily, turning her head and looking at the side of his eyes that crinkled slightly as his smile grew bigger. "At least some of us are getting action. Unlike myself," she added just as lightly, but failed to smother the despondence in her voice as she brushed her light curls away from her face.

James paused before venturing further. "Hmm, that's not what I heard," he replied teasingly under his breath, making it just loud enough for her to hear it clearly. He finished in a louder, confident voice once he caught sight of Marlene's perked expression. "Apparently you're quite the snogger, Marley."

"WHAT?!" She shouted a little too loudly, causing strangers to look to her. She grabbed his shoulders, stopping their quick, long strides. "He told you about _that_?" She added in a quieter voice, but her tone was dramatic as before.

James rolled his eyes. "He's my best mate, Marely. Of course he told me. Just like you undoubtedly told yours. And your pack of nosey mates. Probably the postman too, knowing you and your mou–"

"Point taken!" She interrupted, wearing a sheepish look. "I wouldn't tell the postman, though. Contrary to your opinion of me, which is upsetting low might I add, I _do_ have a sliver of respect for my personal affairs," she muttered.

James laughed and the two began walking down the cobble streets again.

"Do you lot talk about me and stuff like that often?" She inquired calmly, masking her anxiousness.

"Nah, not really," he admitted. "'Sides from the fun bits he doesn't really confide in me about those sorts of things. And even then it's fairly basic. Pa-, Sirius isn't really the type to talk about his feelings. He's annoyingly private about it actually."

Marlene snorted. "You don't say."

"But it's because he doesn't need to tell me," James added quickly. "We can read and tell what the other is thinking, feeling, whatever without even speaking a word. We're just brilliant like that."

Marlene nodded before daring herself to follow through with the question she was about to ask.

"So as the Sirius-Whisperer," she began casually. " Could you offer me any insight into the tangled webs underneath his thick skull? I can't seem to make sense of it all."

James gave a pained expression, but shooed it away instantly. "Look, Marley…Sirius is my best mate…" He said in a strained voice, pausing for effect.

"Fine, it's fine," she told him stiffly. " I won't ask anything of you. I'm sorry about putting you in that position. It's unfair," she apologized quickly. "He just confuses me so bloody much. "

"But you're my mate too!" He replied passionately, abandoning all previous hesitations. "He doesn't mean to confuse you. But he's confused himself. Despite what he says he does fancy you, more than you know. He just doesn't want mess up what you have together. And because of that he doesn't know what to do at the moment. He's conflicted," he told her honestly, giving her shoulder a comforting pat.

"Seems like I'll have to figure this one out on my own," she responded, struggling to make the realization sound lighthearted.

"Don't give up on him," James told her quietly with a rare serious expression.

"I won't," she promised.

* * *

James ran off to do Merlin knows what in his room, but Marlene was more than happy to find Lily busy in the kitchen making scones. They greeted each other eagerly and then she began assisting her mate with the baking.

"D'you have any more books that I could borrow, Lils?" Marlene inquired as she measured the sugar carefully. And then haphazardly threw in what she assumed was the correct amount.

"Never would have I ever thought Marlene McKinnon harbored a bookwormish side," Lily replied, shaking her thick red locks.

Marlene laughed easily. "I've always liked reading; I just never had the time," she admitted with a shrug. "Not that I truly have the time now, but things have been winding down a bit lately. I better take advantage of it before life gets insanely busy again."

"That's _such_ a rubbish excuse to not read. An excuse that's often used by those who spent all their time at Hogwarts snogging and playing Quidditch," Lily chided while she whisked the ingredients skillfully.

"Oi, I did more that just that," Marlene defended lazily as Lily raised a doubtful eyebrow.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Forgot to mention sneaking into the kitchens at night," she added with a smile.

"Oh please, Lils. Like you didn't horde food out of there. You only consistently get away with a squeaky clean reputation because you're so sneaky about it."

Lily laughed and shrugged in agreement. She was generally very well behaved and always did the right thing, but Lily _did_ have a fun and wild side underneath her wholesome looks. That girl broke as many rules as Marlene did, though she tended to bend them to her will instead.

Marlene decided that you had to watch the apparent goody-goody ones because they often held a secret side. Like Remus, for example. He could be just as wild as James and Sirius at times despite being quieter and more rational in general.

"I miss the kitchens. We brought the most delicious things back to the dorms for the girls. Fish and chips with gravy twice a week, mountains of chocolate soufflés, cheesy –"

"You and your food, Lils." Marlene commented, interrupting Lily's fantasying with a giggle. "You're even worse than me, and that's saying something," she added, making Lily laugh. "But unlike me you never seem to gain a pound. Another piece of evidence to support my Veela theory."

"Oh bloody hell, not this again. Mars, I am _not_ part Veela," Lily denied, rolling her shiny green eyes. She spooned the dough mixture into equal blobs, plastering them evenly on the greased pan.

"Guilty till proven innocent," Marlene chanted, enjoying riling up her friend's fiery temper. Though her playful irritation was nothing compared to her actual temper. Marlene definitely avoided trying to light the latter. It was fearsome.

"Mars!"

"What?!"

"Well if I was a Veela, which I assert I am _not_, then wouldn't I have turned into some sort of shrieking Harpy every time we have this silly debate?" She replied cleverly, demonstrating her undeniable quick-wit.

Marlene laughed as she watched Lily place the cooking pan into the oven. "Why are you always right? This is why I hate arguing with you," she groaned.

Lily just flashed her winning smile and gave her mate a friendly nudge.

"Hey, I just finished _Emma_; you could borrow that. It's by the same author that wrote _Persuasion_," Lily offered as the two girls fled to the longue room and situated themselves comfortably on the couch.

Marlene sighed tiredly. "That woman _again_?"

"You don't like her?!" Lily accused scandalously, leaning forward and grabbing Marlene's shoulder out of instinct.

Marlene had to bite her lip to contain a giggle at her friend's offended face. "No, no she's all right. Rather good, I reckon. It's just…The plot lines are quality and so is the writing…" Marlene started, explaining slowly with hand gestures.

"Ah, yes. I can see why that's so terrible. How could you ever get satisfaction out of that? My mistake."

"Let me finish!" Marlene shouted. "Mouthy girl," she added playfully under her breath. "There's no snog or shag scenes! I'm not leafing through 300 pages for a basic kiss, Lils. No matter how good the story is. Call me attention deficit, shameless, whatever. Love a good romance, but I need something more to make up my lack of, er, exploits."

Lily bubbled out a laugh. "I should have know," she muttered but didn't hide an amused look. "Well then off to the shady parts of the library you go, my love. I don't have any time to acquire novels routinely either and that's all I have worth reading at the moment."

"Ugh, you know I hate the library, Lils," she whined, leaning against her mate's shoulder.

They shared a brief moment of comfortable silence as they watched the fireplace crackle.

Marlene's curious eyes soaked up her picturesque surroundings in the meantime. The mansion was like something out of magazine clipping. And not only was it expertly and seasonally decorated, but it smelled absolutely lovely. Fresh pine, holly, baking scones, the remnants of vanilla mixed together in the warm, softly lit room that sported various Christmas decorations– including the glimmering tree that shrouded neatly wrapped presents underneath it's full lower branches.

"Same, Marley," she heard James agree as he joined them in the large room. His tall, thin body sat itself on the arm of the sofa closest to Lily and he draped his well-muscled arm around his wife lovingly. "Most books are boring enough as it is, don't see why they try to suck all the fun out of it by making the place a bloody morgue."

"It's the library, James! You have to be mindful of other people. That means no disruptions. Like your big mouth, for example," Lily scolded.

"Reckon that's why I don't go there. I'm too much of a distraction to the rest of the population," he replied with mock exasperation, his mouth stretching into a broad grin.

"Oh sod _off_, James. The only thing you'd be distracting people with is your ego, on the account of it taking up the entire damn room."

"Are you sure you're not forgetting my irresistible charm? Because I do believe you are."

Though their constant bickering could be entertaining at times, Marlene much preferred the concise summary of their arguments rather than hearing it in real life in all it's exhausting, drawn out glory. So she interrupted hastily.

"I'd rather read at a nice café than in the library," Marlene admitted honestly. "Or outside – "

"When the weather is warm and the wind is slightly breezy, but not enough to flick the pages, " James finished for her and she continued without pause.

"But since it's winter, and I obviously can't read outside, I'd rather be – "

"Sitting in a cozy chair next to the fireplace with tea and biscuits."

"Yeah," she agreed in a dreamy far-away voice.

Lily gave them a strange look. "Still creeps me out to this day, I swear to God."

They laughed before James quickly responded. "It was all those years on the Quidditch team together, I reckon. The ability to finish some else's sentences usually comes in on the second year of playing together," he acknowledged.

"Family bond and whatnot," Marlene added casually, stretching out on the couch with a yawn. She closed her eyes and allowed the warmth of the room to lull her.

"Plus Marley's easier to read than a first year's transfiguration book," James teased, having a go at her like usual.

"Too tired to be snarky," she replied lazily and half-heartedly hit him with a throw pillow instead of engaging in their sibling-like repartee.

"What brought on the riveting subject of libraries in the first place?" James asked wryly.

"Because it's where Mars has to go to get her fill of raunchy literature, seeing as I don't have any. Since I'm not a debaucherous pervert," Lily deadpanned, leaning closer into his warm chest.

James raised a slightly lopsided eyebrow.

"Lils! I'm not looking for _those_ types of books," She lied through her teeth, but continued. "That Aussie woman – "

"Austen," Lily corrected firmly like a professor.

"Yes, Austen, whatever. She's perpetuating the daft notion that every romantic relationship works out regardless of how much a sodding prat a bloke is being. It's tragic and rather dangerous, honestly. She should have been slapped for influencing and misleading young women. Like, what did she know? Didn't she die single and alone? They didn't even brush their teeth back then…And I'm supposed to just trust that she knows what she's talking about?" She ranted, knowing full well how ridiculous she was being.

James whistled lowly. "Someone's bitter. And she has blonde hair. And she's looking at me murderously."

Lily rolled her eyes at her mate's melodramatic rant. "It's a novel; not a self-help book. Which you clearly need," she replied. "I know what I'm getting you for Christmas," she chanted teasingly.

"I'm _not_ bitter. I'm hopeless. There's a difference," she huffed.

"You shouldn't be. Hopeless, that is. I just know that one day you'll get together and when you do, please make sure that you warn everyone in advance," Lily replied steadfastly.

"Warn?"

"You two somehow manage to be the biggest flirts and yet the most jealous and possessive people in the world simultaneously. If, _when_, you get together…Ugh, I don't want to even think about it."

"I practically have to share James with Sirius. Shut up, James," she said smoothly without even looking at him, correctly predicting his oncoming interruption. "And being your mate is not like how it is for other people. It's like dating you, without the snogging and shagging," she finished.

Marlene prepared to protest, but shut her mouth. It wasn't the first time she heard something similar. Benjy had told her the same thing. ("You're the only girlfriend I'll ever have")

James nodded in agreement.

"Really, James?" Marlene asked flatly.

"The team used to refer you as our 'Quidditch Wife' in the locker rooms," he admitted with a chuckle.

"And I never experienced a true lover's quarrel until the whole Order thing," Lily added.

Marlene sighed in defeat. "Sorry I'm so clingy. But I'm _not_ possessive; I just appreciate you guys a lot."

"Clingy isn't the right word, I reckon. You just care for your friends past the usual extent that most people go to. Sirius is the same way. I mean, we all care too but the way you two do…It's like you'd give up anything and everything for your mates over the smallest things. It's sort of ridiculous and sometimes maddening, but perhaps one of your best qualities."

"But going back to what I said…That's what scares me about you two being together; you're so similar in that aspect. It has the capacity to be, well…past self-sacrificing. Almost to the point of not caring about yourselves," Lily explained.

"At least if we get together we'll never cheat on each other?" She offered with a joke, weighing her hands in a gesture.

She didn't want to get into the whole "self-destructive behavior" accusation that Lily would no doubt lead the conversation to and decided to stop the discussion then and there.

"Do you really fancy him that much, Marley?" James replied, catching her drift and kindly obliging her.

"Yeah, it's like I'm addicted to him or something equally fucked up sounding. I'm…addicted to the way him makes me feel. Yes, that's it!" She nodded to herself energetically. "When I was Alec, I always felt like I was being coddled like the weaker one, like a little girl."

She loved that Sirius let her be her own person, let her be as strong and independent as she wanted to be. He never told her to not to go on dangerous missions, even if she caught his concerned looks. It was because he trusted and believed in her. He supported her entirely, never tearing her down for what she wanted to do. He hated to be controlled _and_ hated to control others. Much different from Alec.

"He makes me feel more free," Marlene continued after her realization. "It's like we're two completely separate individuals running side by side, hand in hand. But at the same time I feel protected and cared for."

She took a deep breath.

"He helps me escape by letting me be myself all the time. Y'know, silly and fun without treating me like an idiot. But he can also flip a serious switch when necessary and take on reality with me. He listens. He talks and engages me in the right ways."

She sighed.

"He does so much for me, but I do so little for him. Maybe that's why he doesn't want a girlfriend. Because he doesn't need one. He's completely self-reliant and already has everything he needs. And then some. If he wants female company, all he has to do is look at them and say a witty comment and BAM. Knickers drop."

She took back what she said. Girls do like arseholes. But arseholes like Sirius. Merlin knows she did at least.

James responded first. "I'm going to get some eggnog. Just watching you talk is making me thirsty," he commented and sauntered to the kitchen for a drink. Though he was no doubt processing her confession.

"Hmm," Lily replied as she took in her mate's words. "I don't think Sirius has everything he needs, Marlene. No one does. That seems a bit dismissive."

"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean it like that," she admitted. "But if he does need something, then it obviously isn't me."

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but chose to withhold it.

"I'm glad you two met each other at the time you did, though," she said instead.

"What do you mean?" Marlene asked curiously.

Lily paused, forming her thoughts before she explained.

"It was good timing that he showed up in your life when you were on the rocks with Alec. He showed you how a person is _supposed_ to care for you and he lifted your spirits."

"As for him…. Well, you know what Sirius was like back at Hogwarts. So bloody full of himself. And what was really annoying about it was that he could back all his talk up. The looks, the intellect, the charm, the talent. Just to name a few. James was the same way. But underneath it all James never meant to truly hurt anyone in the process of being himself or hogging up attention."

She gave Marlene a short moment to consider her words before continuing. Lily obviously had a lot to say on the subject. She was always had a lot to say when it came to analyzing people and their actions.

"Sirius wasn't like that. No, Mars," she added quickly, cutting her friend off from her oncoming defense. "He was _so_ insensitive and tactless. And at times, malicious. His aloofness wasn't an act. It still isn't today. But he really didn't give a toss about…anything. Or anyone. Well that' s a bit of an exaggeration, I'll admit. He cared about himself. About snogging and shagging girls, pranking anyone he deemed unworthy by his own moral code, watching Quidditch, rebelling against his family and their ideals. The only other people he cared about –_loved_– were his three mates."

"Sirius isn't a bad person, though. I know he's not perfect. Neither am I. Merlin knows I'm not," Marlene replied quietly, expelling her genuine beliefs. She continued.

"He has a lot built of resentment that occasionally bubbles into anger and he doesn't always do the moral or nice thing. He's confident past the point of being cocky and it scares me how recklessly he fights and laughs back at the world when it throws him something tough. But he's kind and caring and loyal. He can be _so_ sweet and understanding, Lils. His heart is good; it just needs a little calming."

Lily gave her a small smile. "Though there are still similarities between what he used to be and what he is now, he's definitely different. Better. He's maturing like James did last year but in his own way. A bit slower in pace but that's only expected considering his difficult past and his personality. But you…It's almost like you're speeding it up? If this is what you want, then I'll support you. But you'll have to be patient, Mars."

"Patience is not one of my best known traits," Marlene mentioned with a stretching grin.

Lily laughed brightly.

"I gotta admit that you're both good influences on each other, as strange as it sounds to my ears."

"I don't want us to be each other's role models," Marlene sighed. "I want each other to be mutually exclusive, er, lovers. Does that sound stupid? It's what I want either way. Anyway enough of that. Let's make some tea, yeah? You can catch me up on that new Who episode while we're at it."

* * *

Christmas dinner at the McKinnons was a _big_ deal.

And although McKinnons didn't hold blood supremacy ideals, they celebrated in typical pureblood fashion: extravagantly, expensively, and excessively.

It was held at Marlene's parent's moderately large home that was prepared for the influx of her massive family. When she finally arrived her mother immediately ushered her into her room to dress before more extended family members came. She didn't even have a chance to greet her siblings, though she would have plenty time to do so later on in the day. But she really wanted to catch up with Danny who she desperately longed to properly spend time with. They hadn't gotten to really chat since he had stayed at his girlfriend's home for the beginning of the holiday.

"You can't be serious," Marlene said with exasperation as her mum shoved a ridiculous gown into her hands.

To be honest there was nothing offensive about it. In fact it was rather pretty, but twee and childish. She didn't want to look cutesy; she wanted to look badass in a feminine way. Like Bianca Jagger, she was ace.

She begrudgingly threw the gown on, complaining nonstop to her unhearing mother. Her mouth dropped in horror was she inspected the puffy cream dress that might have looked lovely on someone else, but looked downright silly on her robust frame.

"But _mum_," she whined, inspecting the back of the dress in the mirror. "I look like a bloody rugby player in strapless dresses," she commented, hugging her shoulders self-consciously.

"Marlene Christine McKinnon! Do _not_ use vulgar language! I raised you better than that," she scolded initially. "I can't believe how ungrateful you are! After all that your father and I have done for you, what we still do for you. This is how you repay us? "

Marlene sighed loudly. "You're taking this all out of context, mum. Of course I'm thankful for what you guys have done for me…It's just that I look like sh-, er, I'm feeling kind of insecure in this and I don't want to be uncomfortable," she explained, somewhat flustered.

"Oh my, you look _precious_, Marlene," she said excitedly, not hearing a word her daughter said. "I spent nearly an entire hour planning your outfit and you will wear it if you love your family," she declared with finality.

"Ugh. Fine!" Marlene agreed, knowing there was no way to get out of wearing the dress without personally offending her mother.

Merlin knew how much purebloods valued appearances and obedience. That was just a few of the many aspects of pureblood culture that grated her. Even when things were absolute shit, you were expected to cover the truth with pleasant lies. Even you didn't agree with your family, you were to obey unquestioningly. Old traditions died hard. That never suited Marlene, and she had wrestled with it her entire life with little acts of rebellion that didn't make her the most popular McKinnon. But although she was fed up with poncy phoniness since day one, family was still family.

It was funny how Marlene was an adult with her own flat and a stable job, who spent the mass majority of her time assisting in defending the Wizarding world from sodding Voldemort. And yet five minutes alone with her mum back in her childhood bedroom had reverted her back into being twelve years old. As much as she loved her family, they really made her feel like a kid again in their presence and not in a good way.

When she returned downstairs, she greeted her father with a kiss on the cheek before he walked off to stop aunt Wendy from cat fighting with aunt Jill over something far too trivial for Marlene to care about.

From then on she played the part of the lone enthusiastic hostess, welcoming and participating in polite small talk with various members of her family. Her four brothers had all run off somewhere, including Danny. Her older sister Elissa was too enamored with her fiancé to be much of help with the guests and her mother was constantly in the bathroom adjusting her makeup.

So all the taxing duties of the family fell upon Marlene's and her father's shoulders, per usual. Danny would normally help out a bit, but Merlin knew where that boy was. And he was only fifteen so Marlene didn't think it was fair to involve him the adult exchanges. He got a pass to muck about. But the rest of her siblings, who ranged from mid to late twenties, ought to have lent a hand in her opinion.

Hmph. How irritating. It annoyed her that her family had a go at her for being happy-go-lucky when she always ended up handling the serious affairs while they shirked their responsibilities onto her.

The house elves scurried about with silver plates filled with hor d'oeuvres and various alcoholic drinks that Marlene greedily took advantage of to pass the time more pleasantly. Though she went very easy on the wine, not wanting to get embarrassingly smashed in front of her large family.

By the time the food was ready she had nearly forgotten the majority of the conversations. That's how many people she had entertained and conversed with over nearly three exhausting hours. The dining hall seats filled as Marlene guided the more elderly - more confused - members in first. Somehow the word spread and suddenly everyone rushed to find his or her place. She caught sight of her siblings making their own ways in. Elissa gave her a polite nod. Jon, Stephen, and Roy all surrounded Danny as they waltzed in, laughing madly. She looked down to her left and spotted the main table where her mother waiting impatiently for the first course.

Suddenly she caught sight of her father approaching her as the crowd carried him in, his very tall frame and his neatly coiffed brown hair making him stand out like a sore thumb. His face looked good-natured as usual, but was tinged with weariness. Much like Marlene's.

He hugged her to his side when he finally got to her, planting a kiss on her forehead before telling her, "Thank you, sweetheart."

Marlene gave him a bright smile. At least her father appreciated her efforts. "Of course, dad. Though you're not the one who has to do the thanking," she muttered, stealing a glance at their filling table.

"They let you do the hosting because you're brilliant with people. Because you like chatting and entertaining," he told her steadily.

"I do like chatting and entertaining people," she started with a sigh. "But I don't like having to talk about cousin Molly's upper lip waxing or stopping great uncle Gavin from unwittingly knocking off his toupee for three hours. Or explain to forty different people why I got Es and Os on all my NEWTs and yet work at a Quidditch shop. It gets hard after a while with no help," she finished, not wanting to sound whiny but ending up that way nonetheless. Usually she did her duties without complaints, but it had been a particularly hectic day.

"I'm sorry, honey. I know how stressful things get at these events. Next time I'll make sure that the boys and Elissa lend you a hand."

"Thanks, dad. Now let's eat, yeah? I'm – "

"Starving?" He suggested with a gentle smile, wrinkling his already pronounced crow's feet.

Marlene laughed softly. "You know me so well," she replied airily.

"I ought to. You're my favorite after all."

"DAD!" She exclaimed playfully, but smiled like crazy. "You're not supposed to choose a favourite and you're _especially_ not supposed to tell them," she added, rolling her eyes.

"Then it'll be our little secret," he said told her kindly with a wink, striding gallantly towards his place at the table next to her mum.

Marlene knew she was grinning like a Cheshire cat, but didn't care to hide it. She always had a good relationship with her dad, but she felt a bit guilty and slightly embarrassed around him lately because of her failed Auror test. And Danny was everyone's favorite so it surprised her in a good way to learn that she had a special place in her dad's heart. It was nice to know how much he cared about her despite her faults.

* * *

Dinner carried on like usual. The food was absolutely delicious, but she secretly dreaded the upcoming conversation. She liked hearing about what everyone else was up to, but she didn't want to be grilled about her personal life at the moment. She was too open for her own good and a fairly bad liar when it came to stuff like that. But despite her mute pleads, it happened anyway.

"Any new boys, Marlene? I'm sure you're beating them off with a stick," Elissa said, twirling a blonde lock and looking at her expectantly.

She suppressed a laugh at the irony of the matter.

"No," she replied too quickly, causing various family members to exchanging knowing looks.

Prats.

Her mother spoke first. "Oh do tell, my dear girl. It's _obvious_."

"…It is?" She asked warily.

Damn, and here she thought that she was doing a decent job at deflecting attention.

"A ha! So there _is_ a boy!" Her mother replied triumphantly.

"You tricked me!"

"Please keep your dramatics at bay, Marlene. It's very unladylike," Mildred's voice stern voiced carried over from down the table.

Interrupting a conversation wasn't very ladylike either, Marlene wanted to counter, but she held her tongue.

"You have to tell us his name," Roy demanded, slightly playful and slightly concerned.

"N-no!" She denied, cutting up her cherry pie as a distraction.

"Marlene," her mother simply said in a challenging tone.

She sighed loudly, placing her utensils down on the plate in defeat. "His name is Sirius," she muttered quietly.

"Sounds familiar. What's his last name?" Her father asked, interested despite his efforts to appear not to be.

"Black. Sirius Black."

Her mother's face slightly pale and she gripped the table in surprise. "A Black?! Oh _no_, Marlene. No no no! Absolutely NOT!"

"That shagger with a chip on his shoulder? Who was always jinxing people with his mates and smoking fags in detention?" Danny commented sourly, his face twisting into obvious disapproval.

"Thanks, Danny," Marlene spat sarcastically, glaring at him. She thought he had her back, but apparently not when it came to seemingly disagreeable boys in her life.

"_Shagger_!" Her mother questioned in a scandalous tone, releasing a dramatic gasp.

Of course that's the only thing she'd heard.

She fanned herself with her hand in an almost theatrical manner. Mildred gave her daughter a critical look, but held her judgmental tongue. There was no use in quelling Marlene's mother's histrionics. Marlene tended to be a bit overemotional, but it was nothing in comparison to her mother's flair for dramatics.

"Marlene Christine McKinnon, I forbid you to see this boy. Never again, do you understand? A man who does not value a woman's virtue does not value her!" She scolded a little too loudly, calling attention from other tables to Marlene's annoyance.

Marlene slumped into her chair, twirling her pie with her fork absentmindedly. "Ah, good ol' pureblood values. How much I've missed thee," she muttered sarcastically.

The sarcasm flew over her mother's head, but was definitely caught by her siblings who watched the exchange closely like a tennis match. Some of her other family members sent her harsh looks.

"Watch that smart mouth, Marlene," her father told her warningly. He didn't care about stuff like that, but her mother did so he attempted to keep the conversation as civil as possible.

"A woman _must_ have her virtue in tact until marriage. If that boy steals it from you, then what do you have? Nothing! No one will ever want to marry you. Why should a lad buy a cow when he can get the milk for free? Hmm?"

"Did you just call me a cow?" Marlene replied dully, rolling her eyes.

Her mother quickly apologized for her rudeness. She took back all her very offensive and incredibly sexist comments, and the dinner continued on in a peaceful, lighthearted manner.

JUST KIDDING! Like that would ever happen. Not even in Marlene's wildest dreams.

Her mother pursed her lips. "They have tests. Melissa's family had her daughter-in-law's purity confirmed before agreeing to the arrangement. Your future husband's family might have you do something similar."

Marlene choked on the water she was sipping, sending her into a coughing fit that she urgently tried to quell.

"There's no bloody way _anyone_ is sticking a wand up my vagina!" She retorted boldly, pointing at her mother with declaration.

She probably should have left it, but she still occasionally suffered from foot-in-mouth syndrome. And the words flew out before she thought better of it. Besides, why shouldn't she stand up for herself? Her mother's fifties morals had no standing anymore. It was the seventies for fuck's sake!

Danny snorted loudly into his food and tried to cover his laugh with a cough. Her older brothers and sister looked slightly horrified. She wasn't sure if it was because of her comment or for the inevitable reaction that would follow it. Her father shook his head and face-palmed, fed up with the entire thing.

"MAR - LENE! How dare you say such lewd things in my house. At Christmas dinner, no less!"

Sod it. She'd already done the damage, she might as well see it through all the way. So she spoke as freely as she wanted to.

"What, _vagina_? I fail to see the problem, mother. Everyone either has one or has seen one some point in their life. I mean, we all came out of one for Merlin's sake! Why do we have to make something normal so…weird?" She argued, knowing she would lose either way even if her point was valid.

"Because it's not _proper_! You have no respect for me, for this family, or for yourself! How embarrassing, I mean really…" Her mother sputtered, shaking her head. "I think you should go to your room and think about what you have said."

Marlene couldn't suppress a mocking laugh. "I'm eighteen! You can't send me off to my room like some ill-mannered child," she replied incredulously.

"What are you saying? Of course you're a child."

"You're _such_ a hypocrite! I make my own money and support myself independently, but you still treat me like I'm a kid. You can't have it both ways, mother."

"Stop this at once," her father finally interrupted in stern tone.

"More than happy to," Marlene said in forced cheeriness, removing the tablecloth from her lap and forcefully throwing it onto her empty plate. Dinner was already over anyways; it wasn't like she was going to miss anything.

"And where do you think you're going, young lady?" Her mother questioned.

"To my room," she said with a sigh. "That _is_ where you asked me to go, is it not?"

And with that she departed.

* * *

Marlene played with the frills of her dress as Bess, one of the house elves, brought her a cappuccino that she desperately needed.

"Thank you, Bess," she said softly. The elf nodded and left the room as Danny entered.

"Hey, Sis," Danny greeted her with a dazzlingly white smile, flopping next to her on the bed with the carelessness that only a fifteen year old can possess.

Marlene beamed back. "So _now_ you want to a catch up," she said nonchalantly.

He sat up next to her, rubbing his shoulder. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"How's Quidditch?" Marlene inquired, wanting to know how everything was back at Hogwarts. "Hope the team is still staying afloat without my talent," she teased.

Danny was a beater for Gryffindor and apparently one of the best they've had in years. If he kept up his playing at his current level, then the professional teams would definitely scout him out. That was his dream and Marlene was positive that he would achieve it.

"Bloody brilliant," he replied confidently in a far-away voice. "Absolutely brilliant."

Marlene sighed playfully. "I wish we could trade places. I want to be back at Hogwarts playing Quidditch and run about having fun like nothing matters. Must be nice," she laughed. "Lucia's on the team too, right? She's the new seeker?" she questioned lightly.

Danny flashed his bright smile again, excited at the mention of his lovely girlfriend. "Yeah, she's _incredible_. She's _so_ smart and nice. And funny. She's cute too and her family is amazing," he rambled on sweetly, messing with his thick blonde hair absently as he gave her all the details for the next couple minutes.

"You two are the cutest," Marlene replied, gently nudging him. He blushed slightly and she giggled at his bashfulness. "So everything's going good with you? Fifth year can be a nightmare."

"It's going like a dream," he replied honestly. "I'm near the top rankings for most of my subjects, or the ones that matter at least. I'm not _that_ worried about the Owls. And I think we have a good chance at snatching the Cup this year. All is going well with my mates. Lucia is…Lucia," he added dreamily. "And my sister is back to normal. Or as normal as she can possible be," he finished teasingly.

Marlene laughed, shoving him. "Oi, now. What are you on about?"

"It's in your eyes, Mars," he told her seriously, using the nickname he created for her (that seemed to spread like wildfire throughout her own mates). "The life has returned to them; you seem happy again. I'm glad. You were starting to worry me."

"I'm supposed to be the one worrying about you, remember?" Marlene jabbed, though she was touched by his concern. "But you're right. Things still get hard occasionally, but I feel better. Like myself," she finished.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do feel like yourself again? Why now?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, lots of reasons, I reckon," she said vaguely. "Look, Danny. People make a lot of mistakes in their lives…Well maybe _you_ won't make that many, considering you're the Golden Child," she teased, making Danny roll his eyes.

But she continued. "And that's ok. Even if our parents love you, your mates love you, your girlfriend loves you, and I love you…Make sure that _you_ love you. That's most important. Be gentle with yourself. Firm and assertive at times, but kind always. Life gets a lot sweeter when you take care of yourself lovingly. Nobody told me that when I was growing up, but I wish they did. I had to learn it myself the hard way this year."

They say together in silence, appreciating the meaning behind her words.

"You're welcome," she said haughtily, breaking the quietness with a joke.

"_Thanks, Professor Dumbledore_," he responded with a warm laugh, giving her a spontaneous hug that she returned immediately.

"I'm going to stop by James' and Lils' for a bit. I was supposed to grace them with my presence a while ago, but I'm sure they won't mind if show up now. Even though it's a bit late."

Danny scowled, crossing his arms. "That Sirius bloke isn't going to be there, is he?" He interrogated, his brotherly protectiveness surfacing.

Marlene sighed. "I don't know, _Dad_. Maybe? Shouldn't matter either way," she told him firmly. She didn't need to be lectured, especially by her little brother.

"I remember him. Hard not to. Him and his mates were always stirring up trouble everywhere they went…James was a genuinely good guy and an excellent captain. Remus was nice too, especially for a Prefect. And then there was that ratty looking bloke that trailed around with them. He was inoffensive enough," Danny told her passionately, commanding her attention with his surprising well-formed opinions.

"But Sirius was the worst. When I was a second year I forgot my Potions book in the common room and had to retrieve it during the middle night," he recounted for her. "He was down there with a lass at his side –they obviously shagged – and he just abandoned her! Lit a fag and headed back to the dorms, leaving her naked, asleep, and alone on the sodding floor. The cocky fucker smirked at me, asked me to thank him for the show. Wanker. I ended up waking her up because I thought she might've failed to get back to her dorms before morning. _That_ wasn't awkward at all," he finished, getting angrier and angrier the more he told the story. "I don't like that bastard."

"It's really none of your business," she told him, trying to sound harsh but the words came out wavering.

That kind of behavior was…disgusting and there was no justifying it. But it was very hard for her to believe that he would do something like that. The Sirius that she knew would _never_ desert someone he had responsibility for. In fact he stupidly risked himself in missions all the time to ensure that everyone got out safe. He was a flirt, charmer, flatterer, whatever-you-want-to-call-it but he treated women with respect. Things didn't add up.

"If he fucks with you then he'd better watch out," he replied dangerously, his crystal blue eyes flashing with anger.

"I know you think you're hot shit because you're near the top in Defense, Merlin knows I did when I was a fifth year, but Sirius is a graduated Wizard. And a powerful one at that, Danny. He'd kick your arse, nonverbally without his wand, in a heartbeat. So don't do anything stupid. Trust my judgment. Not like you could take him either way," she explained firmly.

"Hopefully we won't have to see for ourselves," he muttered, smart enough to understand his disadvantage despite his daringness.

"Later, Danny. Happy Christmas. I love you," she told him with a farewell hug.

"Yeah…Bye, Mars. Love you too."

They both stood up and Danny left her room, running off to pester one of his brothers, and she was alone with her thoughts once more.

"_I'm not a selfish playboy wanker."_

The phrase echoed in her head. The incident that Danny recalled happened when Sirius was a fifth year. But Marlene knew he was not a selfish playboy wanker. Suddenly the gears in her mind shifted and clicked.

What he said was the truth. But he conveniently forgot to add a word.

Sirius wasn't a selfish playboy wanker.

_Anymore._

* * *

"Happy Christmas! I'm ready for that pudding, Lils!" She greeted as brightly as she could muster after apparating in. Unfortunately the longue room, and apparently the entire first floor, was completely devoid of people.

Awkward.

She let out an easy chuckle and plopped herself next to the flickering fireplace for warmth. Her eyes darted across the room, taking notice of the empty space underneath the beautifully decorated Christmas tree – obviously gifts had been opened – and an plate filled with crumbs on the end table, surrounded by empty wine glasses.

After warming up a bit, she pushed herself off the floor and lazily wandered around the first floor. Obviously the party finished, to her great dismay. The leftover dishes and slightly messy kitchen confirmed what she already knew. But it was expected. It was late in the evening and everyone had retired back to their homes for the night. Or to their bedrooms, like James and Lily.

She was gutted, remembering the large guest list that Lily had drawn up. It was not like she was expected to attend, but she at least wanted to drop by and say hi.

And she ended up missing them all. Stupid.

Drifting around the dimly lit mansion made her feel a bit like a prowler, but the Potters were practically family. It wasn't evasive in all honestly. And she didn't want to return back to her stuffy childhood room or her lonely flat. It was still Christmas.

Ooh, a piano.

That was a new discovery. It was placed haphazardly in an empty hallway, besides one of the staircases. Intrigued by her finding, she sat down and attempted to crack out a tune or two. She was bloody awful she realized, laughing loudly at her pathetic efforts to play a fluid melody.

She'd forgotten a great deal of what she learned in Muggle Music. It saddened her a bit. She quite liked playing the piano, but apparently it did not like being played by her anymore.

Though she was unable to play a tune, she could still remember how to sing one properly. She leaned back on her seat, removing her fingers from the keys, and recalled one of her favorite Christmas songs by a singer named Julie London. Her voice was absolutely stunning and Marlene loved trying to imitate her warm, smoky, and intimate sounding voice.

"_I'd like you for Christmas_

_Please make my wish come true_

_Cos I'd trim trees and deck the hallways_

_If I'd knew you'd be mine for always_

_I won't be blue on Christmas_

_If old Saint Nick comes through_

_And he remembers that I'd like you for Christmas_

_New Years, Easter, too…"_

Ah, that was better. Much better than her terrible piano playing. Singing was easy and the lyrics were painfully relevant to her life. Her heart ached when she sang them, but in a way it was very cathartic.

The sound of a closing door at the top of the staircase jolted her from her melancholy thoughts and she nearly fell off the seat in surprise.

"Lils…?" She called out hesitantly. "James?"

No response.

Her curiosity got the better of her and she climbed the staircase nosily, reaching the second floor. She noticed yellow light peaking out of the bottom of one of the doors of the rooms in the empty hallway. It definitely wasn't James' and Lily's room, that was for certain. Maybe one of their mates were staying for the night? Probably Peter, she guessed. Well she was going to find out either way. Peter was actually not that bad. He wasn't the nicest bloke, but he was good for a chat.

She knocked on the door softly.

The door opened swiftly, revealing Sirius. He didn't seem the least bit surprised that she was on the other side, but his eyebrow lifted in a questioning way as he scratched the side of his face that was dusted in dark stubble. His large eyes were slightly sunken with fatigue and listless.

"Oh," she said dumbly.

_Of course_ it was Sirius! What was wrong with her? Who else would be staying at the Potters this time of night? If this was an Auror test than she would have failed again. Fuck! She needed to start treating everything like an Auror test to make sure her intuition was on point all the time.

"Well don't you look _adorable_," he teased, the corner of his mouth tugging into a broad grin as his face suddenly brightened.

He turned around, leaving the door open. She took it as an invitation and followed him in.

"Yeah, yeah, take the piss why don't you," she replied, leaning back against the door after it shut. "Did you hear?" She asked him, filling with anticipated dread.

"Hear what?" He questioned lightly, approaching his loaned bed for the night.

She released a breath of relief, still standing near the door.

"Oh, nothing," she replied cheerfully.

Singing was one thing, but singing in front of people was downright embarrassing. Luckily he didn't hear her. That would have been extra embarrassing, considering the song was basically dedicated to him.

"Didn't think you'd show up," he told her plainly, collapsing on his back onto the bed.

He searched absently for a cigarette in his jean pocket before finding it and quickly set it aflame. Marlene watched as he brought the end to his lips and took a ridiculously long drag, furrowing his brow as he sucked in the smoke before releasing it in a cloud above his head.

"Me neither," she admitted honestly, shrugging.

"Why not?"

"My family can be very…." She trailed off, searching for the right word. "Very demanding. Yeah."

"You couldn't make the time for your mates? You missed everything," he accused flatly, still staring up at the ceiling in concentration.

Marlene scoffed and decided to end the argument before it started. "Why are you giving me such a hard time? Because my family already gave me one, thanks," she muttered.

He sat up on the bed, rubbing the shoulder of his Fair Isle jumper and then shrugged carelessly, not opening his mouth but sending her a look that almost appeared apologetic.

She gathered her resolve and walked over to the bed, to his surprise, and sat next to him, slightly dipping the bed.

Even though Sirius plus bed equaled indecent thoughts for Marlene, she wanted to be closer to him.

Closer to him where she could feel the heat radiate off his consistently warm body, smell his intoxicating cologne that mingled with mulled wine that lingered on his breath, "accidently" touch his soft jumper that covered his muscular arm by brushing it with her bare one, hear his steady breathing that caused his broad chest to heave, and see his strikingly gorgeous face close up next to hers.

"What happened with your family?" He finally asked.

So she told him.

She retold the events of her day, filling him in on everything, except for the parts where he was mentioned. Somehow she craftily avoided those details without outright lying to him. He listened closely and made all the right interjections and even gave her advice here and there when she asked for it.

Their positions on the bed constantly shifted around as the hour passed. Sirius' head laid in her lap as he stretched out while recounting his own day, which seemed a hell of a lot more fun than hers. The way he told it made her laugh to the point of suffocation.

James convinced Lily to leave the food extra long for "flavor", which ended up burning the majority of the dinner. That positively infuriated Lily. James and Sirius tried to use a spell to uncook the food a bit, but they ended up exploding it all since Remus read the spell wrong, according to Sirius. (Though Remus insisted that they messed up the wand movements, which seemed much more believable to Marlene's ears.)

In the end they had spaghetti and meatballs with rolls. Lily was a bit distraught because their first Christmas Dinner as a married couple had gone so spectacularly shit, but James told her that it would be a funny story to share with their children one day. That seemed to calm her and she eventually found the humor in the ridiculous situation, giggling madly as she pulled bits of ham out of her hair. When James surprised her with the necklace that he'd personalized for her, she'd forgotten about the disaster completely..

He mentioned a few things about the rest of the guests ("The girls were lovely" admittedly touched a jealous nerve) and a few other humorous, nondescript happenings that occurred.

"Can I have one of those?" She asked politely after he'd finished his well told story, pointing at his lit cigarette.

Sirius raised his eyebrow in surprise, but humored her request without question. "I reckon. Prepare to cough your lungs out, though," he told her with a smirk.

"I won't," she declared firmly with a smug grin as he handed one to her. The contact of his fingers touching hers sent a jolt through her. "The only coworker I can stand, Carlos, often takes smoke breaks. My sod of a boss won't let us on break without reason so I started smoking with him to chat and pass the time. He's a lovely bloke. He – "

"Carlos is – "

"Just a friend," Marlene interrupted his own rude interruption, lighting the cigarette that she gingerly placed in her mouth with her the tip of her wand.

Sirius snorted. "Not exactly what I was going to ask, love, but nice try. Glad to know you're always thinking of me," he replied casually with slight irritation.

She scoffed, taking the cigarette out of her mouth before she inhaled it and quickly retorted. "It's because you act as if I don't know how to handle myself around blokes. I do. Just letting you know for your own piece of comfort."

Sirius sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair. "Oh trust me, I'm aware of the fact that you know how to 'handle blokes'," he said under his breath, but she heard every world considering how closely they sat side by side.

"Something you'd like to add?" She asked with annoyance.

"You have the natural talent of flirting with every bloke, every _person_, you talk to, Marlene," he replied frankly.

"And you don't?" She challenged, knowing there was some truth behind his statement. "Besides, Carlos is married with children. Four of them, I think," she informed him.

Sirius snorted. "Like that means anything," he declared, rolling his eyes. "Ooh, look a flimsy marriage license! That'll _surely_ stop blokes from thinking with their cocks!" He responded wryly, gesturing with the joke. "But whatever, I don't know him," he admitted fairly.

Marlene scrunched up her nose in distaste. "That's right. You don't."

They sat in tension, neither party wanting to continue the fight.

"I hate bickering," Marlene told him flatly, finally taking a drag of her cigarette.

Sirius watched her rouge painted lips gently suck the end with slightly glazed eyes before she playfully blew the smoke in his face, breaking his unnervingly tense gaze on purpose.

She began giggling madly afterwards at the sight of his startled face, dropping the cigarette onto the ground as she lost control. Sirius hastily smothered it out with a nonverbal spell (he was very good at those, she noted) and cracked a grin. He threw his hands around her waist and began tickling her, increasing her laughter by a few notches.

"You think I _like_ it?! Well, I don't. Arguing and debating about shit that actually matters is one thing, but I can't fucking stand going in circles about trivial bullshit," he told her matter-of-factly, holding tightly onto her waist with one strong arm and using the other to gently tickle her side.

Marlene laughed madly. "My t-thoughts exactly," she breathed out as he suddenly stopped flicking his fingers. She looked at him expectantly.

"C'mon, let's get out of here," he told her firmly, his face lighting up with laughter and enthusiasm. The sight made her heart lurch. He slipped on his winter boots and tied them animatedly, still grinning broadly.

Marlene raised a questioning eyebrow as she watched him. "Out…of the house? But it's Christmas Day, Sirius. Everything's closed," she informed him warily.

"We're not going to a place, love. We're going on a ride," he hinted with playful mischievousness overtaking not only his face, but his voice.

Marlene was baffled. "Like on a broom?" She questioned, sitting criss-cross. "Or a car? You don't know how to drive though…Neither do I. And – "

"Oi, Marlene. Stuff it. You trust me, yeah?" He asked her, clasping her hand with his and tugging her off the bed gently. He swiftly led her through the doors of the bedroom and down the staircase.

"See when you say things like that it makes me completely reevaluate my judgment in the first place," she teased, slightly giddy at the feeling of his fingers weaving their way into hers. He helped her finally reached the bottom step as she tried her hardest not to trip in her heels.

"Merlin, you talk a lot," he told her with mock exasperation, but she caught the sight of his ever-present grin. The smile she loved the most on him. More than most smiles in the world, she reckoned.

She filled the quiet downstairs with a warm laugh. "Oi, I thought you said you liked the sound of my voice. You should know by now that I never shut up."

They took equally long, urgent strides down a hallway. Sirius was slightly in front of her, obviously determined with a destination in mind and she followed excitedly. He suddenly stopped and turned around, causing her to forcefully crash into his body. He lifted his free hand and brought it to the side of her jaw, roughly pulling her into a quick but firm kiss.

She gaped at him, completely dumbstruck, and his mouth pulled into a satisfied smirk.

"So _that's_ how to leave you speechless," he said smugly, pulling her along without hesitation to the front door. "I'll have to remember that for future reference."

Did he just…?

Yes, yes he did. But what about being mates? Mates don't kiss each other on the mouth like that. Marlene didn't have time to process any of it. He didn't give her the time to do so. All she knew was that she liked it. Immensely. And she wanted to continue doing it until further notice. She wanted his warm, rough lips to find hers and breath in the taste of mulled wine into her hungry mouth for the rest of the night.

"Fancy a ride on my motorcycle, fair maiden?" He inquired with a wicked smile, evidently ecstatic at the opportunity.

Recognition flashed across her features. She'd done a little research with Emmy on what a motorcycles, er, motorcycle was a couple weeks ago. They'd seen a few parked ones on the streets of London. Apparently they were like bicycles of some sort. But that's all she knew.

"I'd love to!" She shouted a little too eagerly at the thought of a new experience, but Sirius didn't seem to mind. If anything it made him smile wider. "Oh. I don't have my coat though," she said glumly.

"Borrow Lily's," he told her unfazed.

"Ha, nice joke. There's no way it'd fit," she admitted. And I'm not about to performance a transfiguration disaster, she thought.

"Then James' coat?" He offered with a solution, brashly ransacking the coat hanger for one that would fit her properly with no patience to transfigure it himself. "He's not that much taller than you," he added absently before deciding on a red down coat. He helped her put it on before slipping on his own black coat.

She finished doing her zip and looked at Sirius expectantly.

"Excellent," he told her airily before opening the door. She dawdled behind him for a moment, pulling on a pair of gloves that she discovered in the coat's pockets. "Well, _c'mon_ now," he said hurriedly, his hand finding hers again.

"And I thought I was impatient," she joked under her breath, but Sirius was far too occupied with bringing her to the back of the massive house near the road to hear or responded to what she said.

Underneath the golden light of a lantern was a motorcycle if Marlene ever saw one. It was black, sleek, and rather modern in design. And begging for them to take it out on a joy ride.

"So beautiful," she commented honestly, allowing her fingers to trail the leather seat gently.

He replied with a smile and quickly took his seat in the front, grasping the shiny steel handles.

"Do I just…?" She said unnecessarily as she took her seat behind him.

"I'll take you down the road first," he told her over his shoulder. "And then…" he trailed off, his eyes shining in a way that made Marlene slightly uneasy.

"And then…?"

"You'll see, you'll see," he chanted playfully.

"Sirius."

"Marlene."

"_Sirius_."

"_Marlene_."

"If you get us killed tonight then I'm going to be _very_ displeased with you."

He threw his head back and barked out a laugh, his soft hair falling into her face. Mmm, his shampoo smelled good. But she was tugged out of her thoughts by the unexpected sounds of the motorcycle. Where they supposed to be so noisy? Bicycles were silent for the most part aside from the warning bell. She loved the twinkling sound of a bike bells. Motorcycles, on the other hand, made very scary sounds.

He revved the engine, gripping the gears in anticipation. "Hold on to me," he told her loudly over the rumbling.

"Why? It's like a bic – "

IT WAS _NOTHING_ LIKE A BICYCLE.

Marlene released a deafening scream as she wrapped her arms around Sirius' broad chest in a vice-like grip, instinctively burying her face into his back. The motorcycle flashed full speed down the long, desolate countryside road. She could almost make out the sound of Sirius' manic laughing, but only barely as her constant screaming filled her ears for the most part.

When she finally realized that she was seemingly safe and in no threat of dying, she lifted her face and glanced to the left, pressing the side of her right cheek against the very top of his upper back. The sight of snow covered grass and the starry, midnight blue sky blurred together in a stunning swirl of colors.

There was that feeling again, the one that only he seemed to be able to conjure up from within her.

She felt free.

Her screams suddenly changed from those of terrified horror to those of pure, delighted joy. When her adrenaline finally rushed through, the screams further evolved into a fit of loud, rowdy laughter and Sirius joined her.

He shouted something, but his words were muffled in the noise of the engine and the sound of her heart pumping wildly in her ears.

"We're…up…hold…."

"WHAT?!" She shouted frantically. She was having the most brilliant, exhilarating time but she was still a bit shaken from surprise.

"Trust…."

The motorcycle lifted off the solid road, shocking her half to death. She pressed into him closer as it gradually soared higher and higher into the cold, winter's sky. The ends of her skirt flew up when a gust of wind blew and she promptly released him to push it down, nearly falling off her seat. She quickly brought her hands back to his body and clutched tightly.

"I SAID HOLD ON!" He reprimanded fiercely, terror evident in his deep voice. "_Fuck's sake._ If you fall off and get yourself killed then I might do the same. And I'd like to see nineteen through to the end. Possibly twenty too, if I'm lucky."

She initially opened her mouth to explain herself or to chastise him for bringing her on a suicide ride in the first place. Or scold him for talking so carelessly about his life. But after gazing reflectively at the nearly full moon in the distance for a prolonged moment, she closed it.

This was a silence not meant to be filled but to be enjoyed.

Instead Marlene raised her head slightly and gave the back of his neck a kiss. She ended up with a mouthful of hair rather than contacting his skin, but it seemed to calm him nevertheless. She snuggled against him, laying her cold cheek on his warm shoulder.

They soared across the sky for an undeterminable length of time in comfortable silence. Her eyes tried to memorize each and every picturesque image of the countryside. Houses, farms, creeks, bridges, trees. Everything that typically seemed so average and easily ignorable was now a treasured sight etched in her mind.

Snow began falling lightly from the moonlit sky sometime during their escapade. Marlene caught a snowflake on her trembling lips.

She was freezing, in shock, and slightly traumatized at the moment.

And she never wanted it to end.

* * *

"I can't believe I just did that," Marlene shouted cheerfully, tearing her heels off and jumping onto the bed clumsily.

"You loved it," Sirius told her, following her example and smoothly joining her on the soft mattress.

Together they frantically tore at the tucked down comforter and various sheets, making their way underneath the covers and quickly cocooning themselves to warm up. They were both freezing and could feel the icy cold radiating off their frigid bodies.

"I was absolutely terrified," she admitted, but still smiled. "And I loved it. There's no feeling quite like it."

She rolled on her side and faced him, resting her elbow and propping her head in her hand with a stretched forearm. Sirius sat up, leaning against the pillows that were held up by the large headboard.

So close yet so far.

She tried to nonchalantly scoot and sit herself up, but it was obvious that she was trying to get closer to him.

"You sure about that?" He asked her in a husky voice that sent a thrill down her spine and quickened her pulse.

"Sirius, don't," she told him gently, her voice cracking and devoid of playfulness. "I told you I can't do this. I told you it was too painful, being pulled so close and then…abandoned," she whispered the last word.

Only now did reality unpleasantly crash down as they huddled together for warmth, alone in the bedroom. Sirius was not her boyfriend and she was not his girlfriend. She wasn't going to let him get closer to her if he wouldn't commit to her and only her.

That kiss in the hallway was a mistake. The midnight motorcycle ride was a mistake. Huddling in his bed was a mistake. The entire night was a mistake.

Maybe if she kept repeating the phrases in her mind, she would eventually believe them.

He quickly turned his head to face her, closing the distance but stopping before her mouth.

"I want you," he whispered softly against her cold lips. "I don't need you," he told her, never breaking their intense gaze with his smoldering grey eyes. "Just like you don't need me. But I want you _so badly_," his voice rumbled, pouring with emotion that flooded her senses." And if you want me too…" He paused, contacting the side of her jaw with a barrage of scorching kisses that travelled to the side of her neck. His lips were surprisingly warm and the feeling of them heating her skin filled her with ecstasy. " Tell me," he whispered into her ear, his hot breath skimming across her skin that flushed from the sensation. He kissed her hard on the mouth, stealing the breath out of it. "Tell me."

"I want you too," she told him breathlessly, trying very hard to make the words sound solid despite how fragile they came out. No, they weren't fragile. They were desperate, longing, yearning. Filled with lust and desire that rivaled his own.

His face lit with joy before he brought his mouth to hers again, smiling into the gentle kiss.

"No matter where I am, "

Kiss.

"What I say,"

Kiss.

"What I do,"

Kiss.

"I won't abandon you," he said finished strongly, cupping her face with his hands and pressing a final tender kiss on her soft lips.

Her hands placed themselves on the top of his strong shoulders and she leant into him with all the strength she could muster. She needed to let him know how much she wanted him, that it was as powerful as his own desire. He responded to her hard kisses with his own, each connection a jolt of raw passion. His warming hands travelled her body, caressing all that they came in contact with before settling on squeezing her exposed upper thighs. A moan escaped out of her swollen lips and his tongue darted into her mouth, dancing across her own.

She pulled away from the snog; gazing at him before the word stumbled out, " Wait," she told him, still embracing him.

He halted immediately at her unexpected reaction. "Yes?" He asked impatiently, his brow furrowing in confusion. She was surprised to find that his face was as flushed as hers.

"Just…give me a little time," she said calmly, finally catching her breath.

She needed to know that she didn't want him simply because he wanted her, since the feeling of being wanted by someone like Sirius was so…incredible. She needed to know that she didn't want him simply because he always coincidently showed up at the right time when she felt bad and effortlessly swept her off her feet.

She didn't trust her instincts anymore, especially her emotional and romantic ones, after how often they mislead her in the past year. She knew that she wanted to shag him right then and there. But wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do at the present moment.

The critical comments that Emmeline had given her back in September still lingered in the back of her head. Self-assuredness and independence had come easily. But she still needed to work on placing judgement on situations. And this was the perfect time to do so.

Marlene was too overwhelmed with feelings. To say that fear didn't play a slight part in her decision would be a lie. She didn't want to get hurt again. At least not by him, anyone but him.

"I need to figure something out for myself," she continued gently, stroking his arm comfortingly.

And then he did something so absolutely amazing that it nearly confirmed what she truly felt for him and almost convinced her to throw all caution to the wind. He didn't question or annoyingly probe more information out of her.

"Ok," he said steadily, nodding in understanding. His face still wore slight puzzlement, but his eyes glinted with self-assurance. She wasn't sure if it was because of his cockiness or if it was because she was so easily readable, but it seemed that he knew that she would return to him.

"I didn't get you a Christmas gift," she blurted out without thinking, breaking the moment. "Oh my Merlin, I'm a fucking idiot!"

He just laughed. "S'alright, love," he told her casually, rubbing her thigh reassuringly. "I didn't either."

Marlene gasped. "You didn't?!" She shouted through her laughs, swatting his chest playfully. "How dare you, you cruel bastard," she said in flatly in mock anger, still laughing.

"Oi, you can't be upset with me when you didn't get me anything!" He pointed out, retailing by grabbing her wrists and pinning them back down on the mattress. "And I take it back, I did get you a gift."

She raised an eyebrow. "…Really?" She asked skeptically, her breath mingling with his.

"Yeah," he replied confidently, hovering over her. "I let you ride on my motorcycle," he declared. "I took you on a romantic, moonlit – "

" – freezing, terrifying, dangerous, life-risking – "

"– lovely, Christmas…extravaganza," he finished for her, grinning down at her amused expression.

"Well now _I_ feel like an arsehole," she huffed, still guilty about not getting him anything in the first place. "Oh, oh! I know," she cried out, coming up with a spontaneous idea. "I'll sing you a song."

"Brilliant, I'll get the tape recorder," he told her nonchalantly, releasing her wrists and shifting to get up out of the bed.

"No!" She exclaimed, pulling him back down on her. "Don't even joke about that."

His chest rumbled in silent laughter, but he obliged her. "All right, let's hear it," he told her, helping her sit up next to him. "Better be good, you have to compete with a flying motorcycle," he teased.

"I regret this immediately," she told him with a sigh, holding her forehead in her palm. "Lily bought me a record player, you know. But I only have two records: Heart and Blondie, hah. And the only songs that are stuck in my head lately are from them. Ugh, but I'm _not_ going to sing you Magic Man. You're so conceited that you probably think it's about you," she muttered.

"Oi, I resent that."

"Hmm, I've been in a Beatles mood lately. Not sure why. I like 'em, of course, but I don't listen to them all that much to be honest. Maybe –"

Suddenly his rough lips cut off her incessant rambling, brushing against hers and firmly caressing them in a satisfying peck.

"Any song you sing will be lovely because you sang it," he told her encouragingly, expelling the nerves right out of her. He had a knack for that.

"I'm sing you a bit of 'Here Comes the Sun' by an unknown band called The Beatles. Not sure if you've heard of them, they're sort of unpopular– "

Sirius laughed, shaking his head in her face playfully. "Nope, doesn't ring a bell," he played along. "Fill me in, love."

She sang the first couple verses confidently, looking up occasionally at his attentive face that sparked with delight everytime she made strong eye contact.

When she finished, he kissed her lightly on the lips. If she was going to get kisses, then she really didn't object to singing in front of him all that much anymore, she mused.

"Just as lovely as the last time," he commented nonchalantly, giving her a wicked grin.

She gasped at the realization. "You arsehole! You told me that you didn't hear!" She chided, shoving him as they sat next to each other on the bed.

Sirius laughed. "No I didn't," he pointed out triumphantly. "Assumptions are a dangerous thing, love."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Well your welcome then, I suppose. Can't believe you tricked me into singing another song. I'd jinx you for that if I wasn't so knackered," she replied tiredly.

He laughed again. "Let's sleep," his deep voice mumbled after he watched her yawn, pulling her down with him under the comfort of the thick blankets.

"Mmm," she managed to get out in a sleepy voice and felt his strong arms hold her close to him.

"Goodnight."

"It was," she told him, giggling at her cheesy reply.

She could practically feel his eyes roll, but she couldn't tell for sure as sleep soon took her.

This Christmas was _much_ better than last years.

* * *

A/N:

I don't know, man, I don't know.

Thank you for reading! Thanks for reviews/follows/favorites~

Edit- I just realized that I made this sound like The End hahahaha. I can assure you guys that it's not and that my story will be continuing till the canon end for Marlene (single tear)...which means that it will be ridiculously long if I keep going by my avg word count. I'll try to add a few time skips to make the length more reasonable, like 60 chapters or so?


	16. Fade Into You

(A/N: YES I FINALLY FOUND THIS FILE. I am seriously the worst at organizing my files...I still can't get them in order, Mariann! I'm hopeless. Anyway, I wrote this before my injury so enjoy!)

**December 31, 1978**

Sirius Black was a daydream.

Despite what James and Sirius might have everyone believe, the population of Hogwarts did not revolve around them during their time at school.

But a large portion did. There was no denying it.

And it wasn't just over their disobedience towards authority figures or their infamous pranks. Girls were naturally apart of the equation, although never the main priority.

Except for James. He had his share of girlfriends, but they could never compete with his devotion to Lily. Not even to the very end.

Sirius, on the other hand, had no romantic affixations because he was _not_ a romantic. That wasn't to say he had no interest in girls. He certainly was, and he had many who could provide personal testimonies.

But he wasn't interested in dating or girlfriends or, Merlin forbid, _love_. That was for people like James and Marlene and all the other lovesick twats of the worlds.

Back at Hogwarts there were four types of girls.

There were the few chosen ones he expressed interest in and they returned it feverishly. They never lasted very long, but the rumors confirmed what everyone thought all along: Sirius Black was an unrivaled lover—and not one who stayed for long.

There were girls who obsessed over him and even started a fan club. He ignored them completely, which ironically only increased their fanatical behavior.

There were girls who absolutely _hated_ him and his casual, lax attitude towards women. They were few, but prominent. They expressed contempt for him every chance they got, raising their noses high in the air and never forgetting to remind him of what a "man whore" he was.

Sirius admittedly had a _lot_ of fun with those girls, who often misplaced their disdain once he expressed interest in them. But playing the same old games with the same old girls bored him eventually.

And then there were girls like Marlene who didn't really care or judge him harshly for wanting a snog and shag with no strings attached. They shrugged their shoulders and got crushes and boyfriends of their own. They still entertained him as an unattainable fantasy, but only just that. They ignored each other mutually, though he lingered harmlessly in back of their minds in class and foddered many giggle-filled conversations in their dorm rooms.

He was never supposed to be a boyfriend.

He was especially never supposed to be Marlene McKinnon's boyfriend.

But whatever he was to her now, Sirius Black was a reality.

* * *

"Someone owled you when you were away. I put the letter on the coffee table," Emmeline informed her mate when she entered their flat. "There was a package attached to it too."

"Thanks, Em," Marlene replied, kicking off her winter boots. She sauntered over to the living room and placed a small paper brown bag on the table. "I got Chinese on the way home. We can share it if you're hungry," she offered as she picked up the letter and crashed on the sofa.

"Oh, you did?" Emmeline inquired, walking into the living room and joining her mate on the couch. "I'll take you up on that."

"Go for it," she said distractedly, shrugging. Her eyes darted across the unfamiliar, scrawling handwriting with curiosity.

_Dear Marlene,_

_This __is__ your address, yeah? Lily gave it to me anyhow. But seeing as she's not too keen on us being together, this letter might've been delivered to someone else_—_Hagrid, perhaps?_—_in a sneaky attempt to keep us apart! I wouldn't put it past her…Lily can be rather crafty. Don't let her innocent looks fool you. Though I'm sure you know that better than myself. _

_In any case, I do hope that this it is indeed you reading this letter and not Hagrid. Because I'm asking you to accompany me to the Potters' New Years Eve party. Although Hagrid is a lovely bloke, he's not really my type. Beards are a bit of turn off, I must admit. _

_I'm new at this sort of thing, but I'm sure I'll excel at it as I do with everything else I attempt. (You can stop rolling your eyes now, love.) We'll dress fancy, drink enough firewhiskey to convince ourselves to get on the dance floor_—_then drink some more afterwards to forget our terrible dancing_—_and have a brilliant time ringing in the new year. Sound goods, yeah? Of course it does._

_Sirius_

_P.S. – I attached a few cauldron cakes because you still can't go to Honeydukes. (Ha ha) What, bribe you to say yes? That's an absurd claim. Positively ridiculous. Honestly, Marlene, you and your fanciful ideas…_

_P.S.S. – You're not allowed to thank me for them._

_P.S.S.S – I hope you're having a beautiful day, love. _

"I'm going to get this tattooed on the back of my eyelids," Marlene declared out loud, her mouth stretching into a goofy smile.

Dorcas snorted, swallowing a heaping of veg and rice. "That's _exactly_ what you said about some poem last week. Perhaps you can get one marked on your left eyelid and the other on your right?"

Marlene laughed. "Screw the poem! This is the nicest letter I've ever received," she confessed. "I'm going to get both sides done with this—It's from Sirius. He asked me to go with him to Lily's thing… Are _you_ going with anyone?" she inquired innocently.

She restrained herself from asking about Dearborn.

"Perhaps."

Marlene nodded casually, supplying her empty plate with her own helping. "Cool. Pass the cashew chicken, Em?"

"Er, sure, " Emmeline paused, surprised by her nonchalance about the entire matter.

"…That's it? You're not going to ask me anything else?"

"I'm doing this new thing where I don't pester the hell out of my mates and I just let think occur organically," Marlene explained after swallowing a bite. "It's my new life philosophy. Very chill, right?"

"And how's that working out for you?" Emmeline asked with amusement.

"I'll let you know after this conversation."

She smiled. "You're doing a lot of new things lately. But I can't believe you're not going to prod me. Your nosiness is only second to Lily's."

Marlene laughed. "I'm _evolving_," she quoted her redheaded mate with exaggerated hand gestures.

"I've noticed. You seem so secure in comparison to the summer."

"Yeah, yeah, I was a fucking mess this past year. I know," Marlene admitted honestly. "I just want to take what I've learned from it and move on to bigger and better things…I feel like I just came out of a fog and I can see everything so clearly now, you know? I hope people don't hold my mistakes against me forever."

"Honestly, Mars, no one thinks badly of you. Unless you've been stoned in every Order meeting, you might've noticed that everyone _adores_ you," Emmeline told her candidly. "For you talent _and_ your personality. Yeah, you had some problems, but so what? We all do. You just handled yours openly because that's who you are and you came out on top. You're still a damn good wizard. You're still a damn good person. You always were and you always will be."

Marlene wanted to smother her mate with a million hugs and kisses at that moment, but she played it cool and gave her a small smile of gratitude.

"Doc asked me to go with him," Emmeline offered openly at free will after a beat. Her usually blank expression was touched with a tinge of girlish joy, a _very_ rare sight.

"Oh that's…nice," Marlene barely managed to get out politely, struggling with the urge to congratulate and harass her mate simultaneously.

Emmeline snorted. "You don't have to censor yourself, mate. Go ahead and say what you want. I give you permission."

"You _liiiike_ him," Marlene teased childishly without delay, nudging her elbow into her mates' side.

"You fancy him," she continued, unfazed by Emmeline's groaning. "You fancy the pants off his perfectly sculptured arse—Ooh, I never knew how much _fun_ it could be to torment you about boys. I can't believe you made me wait for all these years. This is _brill_."

Emmeline sighed playfully. "Done taking the piss, yeah?"

"_Done_? I'm just getting warmed up. You-and-Dearborn-shagging-in-a-tree, kicking-Death-Eater-arse-past-three…o'clock in the bloody morning and waking me up—"

"Marlene."

"Ok, stopping now," she obeyed, throwing her hands up in truce. "But seriously, that's wonderful. I'm glad you found someone. I don't even care if that someone hates my guts and wants to feed them to an acromantula. If he makes you happy and treats you right, then I'm honestly thrilled for you, " she added genuinely.

"He doesn't hate you; he'll come around," Emmeline defended automatically.

The repetitive words sounded laughably stale to Marlene's ears.

"Those lies, er, _comments_ sound oddly familiar. I wonder if I've heard them before?" she retorted, breaking into a grin. "Look, I don't want to come between your relationship," she supplied generously. "I get it."

"Shut it, Mars. Your friendship comes before any boy so stop saying such pratty things…Like I'd ever leave you for some bloke," she replied frankly, looking past her mate and shifting uncomfortably.

Marlene silently cherished the moment of her vulnerability before easing it up—with an inappropriate joke, of course.

"That's sweet, but you might think differently after you see his naked arse."

Emmeline looked unimpressed and raised a warning eyebrow.

"I reckon that your offer to speak freely has expired?" She inquired nonchalantly, taking a fork load of food into her mouth.

"Clever you are."

"You do fancy him, right?"

"Yeah," Emmeline responded quickly. "I mean, I _reckon_. He's the only other Auror trainee and Order member so we just gravitated to each other. He's a bit intimidating, but he's a really good guy… Doc's just misunderstood. And I know a thing about that," she added. "So do you, Mars."

Marlene nodded in understanding. "You really do like him," she pondered. "I've never seen you talk about someone so highly."

"I'm not in _love_ with him or anything," she added defensively. "I just really admire and respect him. I like his character—And him, obviously."

Marlene smirked. "The lady protest…. Wait, that's not right," she thought out loud, struggling to recall the line. "Thou protest…The lady protestest…_Sod it._ That quote's overused anyhow," she finished with frustration, tugging a stray lock of hair. "People who quote Quakespeare are pretentious tossers anyways, right?"

Emmeline laughed louder than she had in months.

"I'm so chuffed that you're my flat mate. I might not always get the rent on time, but you can always make me laugh," Emmeline said through a fit of laughter.

"This is karma for taking the piss before," Marlene muttered to herself, smiling. "Hey, Em, after we eat can we practice those Transfiguration spells we've been working on? I finally got it."

"Yeah, of course," Emmeline told her easily. "You mastered the last ones so quickly. I never thought you'd be so brilliant at Transfiguration but you are... I wonder why you're so good at it now after all those years of barely keeping your head above water," she questioned lightly.

"Dedication," Marlene replied surely. "Or maybe it's ambition? I've never had much of the latter to be honest…But perhaps Slytherins are on to something. It definitely gets things accomplished."

"Well you're already better than the majority of the Auror trainees right now," Emmeline complimented with honesty. "Actually, you're probably better than all of them. You should pass the OACAT this time without a sweat."

"This September, Emmy," Marlene said seriously, twirling her drawn wand absently in her hand. "This September I'm going to give the test another shot. And I _will_ become an Auror," she finished confidently, her eyes gleaming madly with self-assurance.

Emmeline watched her best mate closely, taking in the woman before her with consideration.

"Yes," she agreed. "Yes, you will."

* * *

"Lilypads! What's up?" Marlene greeted her mate warmly, giving her a quick hug.

Lily groaned. "Why do you insist on using pet names that James came up with in fifth year? Please explain yourself."

"Because he doesn't use them anymore and _somebody_ has to, my Lily Flower. They're priceless," Marlene enlightened her.

"Priceless? That's an interesting way to say annoying," she shot back with a huff.

"You can take 'Lilykins' away from me but not 'Lilypads'. Over my dead body. I'm quite fond of that one," Marlene responded, quickly inspecting the decorated hallway that begged for commentary.

"If you keep calling me 'Lilypads' then you might be dead before you get to see 1979."

Marlene snorted, but then whistled lowly as they passed through the mansion. "Wow, you've really outdone yourself. The house looks absolutely stunning."

Lily shrugged coolly, but her brightened face clearly showed her appreciation for the compliment. "Thanks, Mars. It means a lot to me…I can't believe I put so much effort into this party."

Marlene was not a liar. The house had been decorated with impressive streams of twinkling lights that caught her breath, and that was only the front room.

The Potters New Years Eve party was sure to be a successful event. Lily and James had invited nearly all their friends and what was left of their small families. They wanted to put away all the heartache and bloodshed for one night. Tonight everyone was going to celebrate the coming of a new year, which would no doubt change the course of the world further in both positive and negative ways. Each day Voldemort and his followers grew stronger—but so did the Order, the Aurors, and their supporters.

The future was uncertain in the worst way imaginable. But the present was certain and it was golden, if just for the moment.

Marlene and her friends were brought together by their loyalty and love for one another, and tonight was a night to celebrate the beauty of bonds that ironically formed under horrific circumstances.

"So based on the inferences of your outfit… I'll take that you're going to join in the Quidditch match?" Lily inquired knowingly, nodding her head towards her mate.

Marlene looked down at her light jacket that suited the mild weather and nearly covered her entire body that was clothed in a thrifted band tee (Why hadn't anyone told her about charity shops before? They were brilliant and, most importantly, _cheap_.) and a comfortable pair of jeans with trainers.

"I'm offended," Marlene deadpanned.

Lily laughed. "They're all out in the back waiting on you," she informed her. "You're the last one to arrive—Big surprise. Have you ever heard of this thing called 'punctuality' You should try it sometime. "

"Wait, the entire lot is here?"

James had invited a couple of people over to their home an hour earlier before the party began to join in on a friendly Quidditch match. Whether it would stay good natured was unbeknownst to her. James and Marlene could be _very_ competitive at times.

"Everyone but Remus."

"Don't tell me he's…"

"Sick again. Yep."

"But he was sick…"

"Last month, I know."

"More like every month," Marlene muttered with concern. "What does he even have? Scurvy? I'll bet its scurvy…I read about it in The Quibbler the other day—There was a feature on muggle diseases. Remus is a half-blood…It makes sense…"

"For some reason I'm doubtful of that, on account of Remus not being a pirate from the eighteenth century."

"So what illness _does_ he have? You're sort of a healer, Lils…Don't you know?"

"If you don't know then what makes you think that I would?" Lily replied evasively, dragging her mate to the back of the house with quickening steps. She opened the backdoor and guided her mate outside before Marlene could respond. The wide, open countryside field was set up in a make shift version of a Quidditch pitch.

"Look who _finally_ made it," Danny called out with a teasing grin, being the first to notice the girls' entrance.

"About bloody time…" She heard James add under his breath. "Marley's here! So let's start. We don't have a lot of time."

She greeted the small crowd quickly, allowing herself to take a quick roster. Other than James and Danny, she recognized the rest of the participants easily.

Lucia, Danny's girlfriend, stood next to her brother meekly and gave Marlene a shy smile. Dorcas and Benjy were off to the side chatting while Peter and Sirius were playing exploding snap to pass the time.

She smiled a bit more brightly at Sirius, and he returned it with a lazy, cool grin. His eyes seemed a bit sad, she noticed immediately.

Before she could greet him more personally or find out the reason behind his apparent grief, Lily announced her leaving.

"See you lot later."

"Don't leave, Lily! You can be commentator!" James stated, giving her an encouraging look. "It's one of the most important jobs in Quidditch and we need one."

Lily snorted. "You're right. How else will the crowd possibly understand what is going on? " She deadpanned, spreading her arms widely and glancing around the barren field.

"You really don't want to be an announcer? You'd be great at it, though…"

Lily looked at him, unimpressed. "You think? All right, let me give it a go. I'll start by announcing this: There's no way I'm going to stand here alone in the mud and watch you lot try to kill each other."

Marlene suppressed a laugh.

Lily turned around, swinging her vibrant red hair that contrasted sharply against the grey English countryside. "You guys have an hour before the rest of the guests show up, so I suggest you start as soon as possible," she told them over her shoulder. "Have fun," she added with a grin. "And _please_ try not to break anything. I've had enough of fixing people up at the healer's course."

"We won't!" James promised confidently. "Right. Let's get to it already," he declared with authority, unfazed by Lily's refusal. He seemed to be used to those by now. "The two captains will be Marley and yours truly," he added without delay, grabbing Marlene's hand eagerly and pulling her with him to the front of the small crowd.

"I'm going to destroy you worse than the '76 Tornadoes did to the Magpies in their second match," he boasted lightheartedly, edging her on in attempt to ignite her competitive side.

She noticed that his hazel eyes were twinkling with mania as he easily slipped back into his natural leadership role with boyish enthusiasm.

"Lily?" Marlene called out before her mate took a final step into the mansion.

"Yeah?"

"Make sure to prepare some ice for after the match," she told her, earning questioning looks from her friends. "So James can soothe his arse after I kick it."

That got a laugh out of nearly everyone. Lily muttered something to herself, but Marlene caught her smirk before she turned once more and returned indoors.

"Oh, so you're a shit talking captain, hey?" James asked good-naturedly, immune from the taunt and filling with excitement instead of aggravation.

"You know I don't start fights, mate. But I sure as hell end them," she retorted with a grin. "Usually as peaceful as possible, but I'll make an exception for you."

"Glad to know I'm special, Marley. Ok, let's start the picking. There are eight of us so we'll have to comprise with teams of four; only one beater and one chaser," he announced, rubbing the bottom of his chin in contemplation. "I'll go first. I pick—"

"I must have missed when we collectedly decided that you'd get first pick," Marlene challenged wryly. She watched him shrewdly with her hands crossed across her body.

James huffed, but after a few minutes of bickering they finally agreed on settling the first pick with a game of rock-paper-scissors.

"Yes! I win!" James jeered loudly and threw up his hands in victory. "_In your sodding face_!"

Marlene frowned, glaring at her balled up first with contempt. She sighed with defeat. "You don't have to act _so_ mature about it," she told him flatly.

James shot her a satisfied grin. "This is a bad omen for you, Marley," he pointed out with humor. "We haven't even started the match yet and you're already losing."

"She's not the only one losing, mate," Sirius spoke up casually. "Because I've just about lost my fucking patience. If you don't start the picking now, then I'm leaving. I'd rather be in the kitchen with Lily and _that's_ saying something. At least there's butterbeer there."

"My mate has _does_ a point," James agreed easily. "So c'mon, Padfoot. Come join the winning team."

"Hey!" Marlene protested immediately, "You can't take _him_."

"Why not?" James asked curiously, his eyes darting between the two as Sirius put his hands into his pockets and strolled nonchalantly towards the front of group.

Marlene caught the sight of his trousers hanging tautly on his hips, emphasizing his athletic build, before quickly bringing her gaze upwards to meet his. He winked at her boldly before finding his place next to James' right side. Whatever sadness she previously observed on him had dissipated—Or hidden expertly.

"Because he's my…" She trailed off, suddenly overcome with uncharacteristic embarrassment.

What _was_ Sirius to her?

It was never clearly defined, which wouldn't have been a problem except for the fact that she had no idea where they stood. After she accepted his request to be his…date? (well whatever she was) it was clear that her "time to sort it all out" was over and now he held all the say in their relationship, to her frustration.

_I want you_ sounded very romantic in the moment, but now it was just a confusing phrase stringed together loosely and laced with ambiguity.

Power struggles were so bleeding _annoying_.

"Because he's your _what_?" James pressed teasingly, getting far too much enjoyment out of the entire situation for Marlene's liking. Sirius watched her with a similar amusement.

"Nothing," she replied coolly, brushing her wild curls into a ponytail animatedly to divert attention from her slightly flushed face.

"I'm your nothing, Marlene? I'm devastated," Sirius said with mock hurt, his face filled with laughter, "I really don't mind being fought over," he added, waggling his eyebrows. "But there's no need; there's plenty of me to go around. I'd hate to limit my godly assists to just one person.."

Marlene scoffed. There was no way in hell she was going to feed his ego by fighting over him. And what the hell did the last part mean? She wondered if he was trying to get across some subtle implication about not being able to settle.

She hated him at that moment for making her feel so insecure about their relationship.

Marlene McKinnon was _not_ insecure. Not anymore.

"James can have you," she replied hastily, masking her temper for good spirited jibing. "I've never seen you take an order without grievance and that _can't_ be good for the team's morale. You're a bloody liability."

"You mispronounced 'asset', Marlene," Sirius quipped, not catching her true feelings in the least.

"Sirius stays on my team, Ma—"

"Whatever, my turn," she interrupted rudely. "Welcome to the team, Pete," she told him confidently, nodding to her side.

Peter seemed slightly surprised, but joined her without question.

"What! No!" James countered, running a hand through his messy hair. "Not happening. You're just choosing my mate to spite me!"

"I'm choosing him because he's one of the best damn flyers I've ever come across," she stated assuredly, recalling his excelling broomstick skills during their lessons back at Hogwarts.

Why he hadn't tried out for the Quidditch team was unknown to her. It might've been his lack of self-worth in comparison to James, she guessed. James was brilliant, but Peter could definitely hold his own if he gave himself more credit. He rarely did back in those days, but he seemed to be really coming into his own lately.

Marlene had taken a friendly liking to Peter, especially since she'd grown thicker skin in the past months. Although he could say some tactless things, she realized that he was not malicious.

In fact, he was rather nonjudgmental and easy to interact with. He was the type of person that could be completely trusted and that was a nice commodity within the Order.

The success of his missions had proven that Peter could carry out his part as long as he had a little support and direction.

"Also to spite you," she admitted with a laugh, enjoying the look of James' annoyed expression.

He rolled his eyes, but continued without further complaint.

"Danny."

"Um, no. You can't. That's in clear violation of the Family Code," Marlene disputed, shaking her head with disapproval at James' payback.

"Family…Code?" James repeated skeptically.

"They just added it to the _Official Quidditch Handbook of Conduct and Regulations_," she lied easily, knowing how ludicrous it was and going along with the harmless joke to ease the building tension. "You can't pit blood against blood, or at least anymore. So make a different pick, mate. Chop-chop."

James screwed up his face. "Never heard of it," he replied, rolling his eyes and clearly not believing a word of it.

"Me either," Peter added, the traitor.

Marlene shot him a look. "It _totally_ exists, though. It's existed since—"

"The last five seconds when you made it up?" Sirius offered with a wicked smirk.

"Well I'm a single child and therefore know not of this 'code' you speak of," he replied easily, playing along with her. "Danny?" He called out again, giving the younger boy a brotherly pat on the back. "Nice to see ya again, mate," he told the boy with an infectious smile.

Danny nodded back. "Same. It's just like old times," he joked lightly with his usual good-natured expression on his face, but Marlene noticed the dark look he gave Sirius as he passed him by.

If Sirius noticed, then he didn't give any sign of it.

"Lucia?" Marlene requested politely with a secret smirk.

"Oi, you can't break couples up and have them compete against each other!" James tried, but Marlene knew that he was only saying that because he desperately wanted a good seeker.

Marlene stuck her tongue out at him and pulled a face.

James responded with a similar expression and flicked her off.

"Hey, that's a muggle gesture," Marlene noted. "Where'd you learn it? I'll bet you were being a wanker in a pub and a muggle introduced you to it," she fired, slightly annoyed at his attempt to take the piss in such an underhanded way.

Luckily for her Emmeline was a half-blood and had informed her on obscure aspects of muggle culture.

"Is that how you learned it?"

The two elicited a groan from those who were familiar with their interactions. There was a reason why they called each other their siblings. The atmosphere became increasing more childish as they butted heads with equally uncompromising immaturity.

James was one of the few people who could get under her skin and bring her most undignified side. And James was…James.

"That couple thing is just as shit as my family code thing so you can't stop me from getting Lucia," Marlene told him frankly. "And what's that couple nonsense supposed to mean anyway?" She added quietly under her breath so Sirius couldn't hear.

If James didn't think that they were a couple, then perhaps Sirius felt similarly. The wishy-washiness of the situation was driving her mad.

Marlene rested her sight on the man in question momentarily. He was idly smoking a cigarette, watching the dark clouds approach slowly from the distance and clearly not paying any attention to the bickering.

His eyes flickered to hers, catching her off guarded before she quickly looked away out of instinct.

"If someone says 'you can't' one more _sodding_ time…" Benjy warned with exasperation, breaking his conversation with Dorcas. "I'm swear I'm going to die from old age by the time you two finish picking. And you can bet your arse that my ghost is going to haunt you gits for wasting my precious youth."

James and Marlene exchanged apologetic looks, deciding to get over themselves in unison.

She gave Lucia a friendly smile and the small brunette returned it shyly and quietly stood next to her.

"Benjy," James called out encouragingly. "C'mon, mate."

"Doe," Marlene added without hesitance.

"That's the first time I was ever picked last for…" Dorcas trailed off, contemplating for a moment. "Well, anything," she added with a despairing laugh.

Marlene gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Sorry I—"

"Hey! We heard you lot were playing a quick match of Quidditch?" A familiar masculine voice called out. "Mind if we join?"

Marlene and the rest of her mates turned around to see the Prewett brothers approaching with identical crooked smiles.

"Blimey, this set up field is brilliant," Fabian complimented, his twinkling eyes glazing over the field.

James beamed. "Isn't it?"

"I'll take that as a yes then?" Gideon pressed lightly. "We both played Quidditch at Hogwarts, you know."

"Take that as a hell yeah!" James responded quickly, his face lightening as he considered Fabian with great interest. "You were seeker for Hufflepuff in your time, right Fab? Right?!"

"In my time," Fabian quoted with a laugh, rubbing his forehead. "You make me sound so bloody old. I'm only four years older than you, James."

"So you were?"

"Charming? Since birth, mate."

"Seeker!" James cried out impatiently. He was in a rare non-joking mood and clearly just wanted to start the game.

Fabian laughed at his frustration. "Yes, I was. And I was rather good, if I might add. I got quite a few birds with that star position."

"Fab, I pick Fab!" James said excitedly, overjoyed at the acquirement of a proper seeker. "Fab, you're on _my_ team," he added unnecessarily, giving Marlene a triumphant look.

"Then Gideon will join my lovely band of misfits," she joked lightly. "And good thing too. I needed a beater."

"You're captain, Marlene?" Gideon inquired knowingly. "Nice."

"That's what you say _now_," she said with mock menace. "I'll be the first to admit I can be a bossy captain. But lucky for you I don't ride my team as hard as James does," she continued conversationally.

"I don't mind," he responded effortlessly. "Ride me as hard as you'd like," he added with a jaunty laugh.

Marlene let out an escaping snort before smothering it as fast as it came out. She looked away and grimaced.

She was sure that Sirius wouldn't be pleased about her accidental flirting, especially with a bloke she'd snogged and nearly shagged. Drawing a bit of resolve, she glanced to him apologetically.

He wasn't even paying attention, but instead chatting animatedly to James. They were laughing about something and Sirius punched his mate teasingly in the arm.

She frowned, watching him ignore her in the near distance.

Their lack of interaction slightly agitated her to be honest. She didn't expect him to kiss her arse—she didn't want that—but a _little_ attention would have been nice. He didn't greet her properly and he barely acknowledged her existence since she'd gotten there. And then he made that confusing remark.

He seemed a bit down when she first saw him, but he seemed to be more than fine now. His handsome face was filled with laughter and his reckless actions were graceful as they were casual.

She shook her head, as if to expel her thoughts that grew exponentially.

She was overthinking things—She was being insecure.

And Marlene McKinnon was _not_ insecure.

Not anymore.

* * *

"You're not even trying, James!" Marlene called out with a goofy grin, watching Danny and Gideon half-heartedly beating a Bludger to each other like a game of simple catch.

"I just wanted us to have a bit of fun, you know?" He told her honestly with his infectious smile. "We deserve it."

The game had become unpredictably light-hearted and truly enjoyable rather than competitive.

The weather wasn't the best—a storm was obviously approaching—and the problematic wind made it rather hard to score points, especially when half the team had zero experience playing Quidditch. Lucia and Fabian hadn't seen the snitch for a good half hour and seemed to be more interested in pestering Danny and Gideon, respectively.

But what really did it was when they noticed that nobody was actually keeping track of the score. After chiding Benjy for a bit (because he was a Ravenclaw and those lot were supposed to be smart and ahead of the curve) they continued on without care.

"You really have matured," she responded, impressed by his ability to put aside his insane Quidditch captain ways. "But by how much is debatable," she added quickly, not wanting to add to his still somewhat inflated ego.

He simply laughed in return.

A lone flyer caught her attention. Marlene watched Sirius drifting languidly across the sky with no real interest in the game whatsoever. He was usually a pretty good flyer, but today he seemed to be swerving recklessly.

He never acquired a long-lasting position on the Quidditch team, but that was due to his rebellious attitude.

He absolutely had the skills. Marlene faintly recalled him playing as a beater for a few weeks in sixth year (which would have excited her a lot more if she hadn't already started dating Alec) but he showed up late for practice nearly every day, reeking of firewhiskey and cigarettes. He wasn't much of a team player or one to follow the rules either. He often went way too far one-upping the other beater and violently aimed Bludgers with serious intent to harm the opposing team players—Especially against Slytherin.

One day he didn't show up to practice and that was it. In the end he dropped out, assumedly for the sake of his friendship with James.

For some reason it reminded her of the time that Sirius and the other Marauders had some sort of huge fight that year which lasted over a month. Nobody knew what happened, but it was _serious_. She had never seen Sirius so miserable, James so cold, Remus so stony, or Peter so lost.

It was funny how much she thought about his history in comparison to the past. They had been sitting at the same dining table for seven years, but only now did it all matter.

Her thoughts raced as the image of his bothered expression from before flashed in her head and she swept down gracefully next to him.

"Been a while since we were on brooms. I was even a little shaky for a moment when I first got on," Marlene said harmlessly. "Y'know, you should shift your body a little further up and to the right to gain better stability. Once you get steady, you can fly faster," she offered with a smile, revealing her original intention to speak to him.

She figured that a little light conversation before getting into the thick of it would make him more comfortable about bring up whatever was bothering him.

"I don't need you to tell me what to do," he told her icily, not even bothering to look at her.

Marlene screwed up her face and pursed her lips. "I'm just helping you out…"

"I don't need your help."

She scoffed. "Your inability to go faster than a nan's shopping cart says otherwise."

"I don't need your _pity_," he spat, anger flushing his face as he scowled to nothing in particularly.

"Do you enjoy being a miserable sod, or does it just come naturally to you?" She fired back, with a similarly heated temper.

She couldn't help herself from lashing out, even if something was troubling him.

He was being _such_ a hypocrite. Wasn't he always going on about mates helping each other out for the sake for it? And not only did he reject her help, but he tried to invalidate it by calling it pity. That really upset her.

How could he be so pleasant with James one minute and then such a bastard to her the next?

If he just _told her_ what upset him then she wouldn't even have to jump through the obstacles while trying to sidestep his unavoidable emotional pit falls.

But no. This was Sirius. And nothing was ever simple or easy when it came to Sirius.

"What did you just say to—"

"You get angry over the most childish things. Either accept my help or not…But just get over yourself for fuck's sake."

Marlene would have laughed at his rare shocked expression if she weren't so miffed with him at the moment. It was evident that he was unused to people calling him out or talking to him so bluntly.

It was just that he could be so damn immature sometimes and she wanted to smack some sense into his head. Nobody ever put him in his place when he needed to—the exception being his mates, namely James and Remus—and Marlene was more than happy to added to the list.

One of the markings of a true friend was the ability to tell the other to fuck off when necessary.

He finally seemed to take her advice and sped up enough to make it evident that he was trying to lose her. But if there was one thing Marlene could do better than Sirius (and there were actually quite a few) it was fly on a broomstick. However she knew better than to chase him when he didn't want to be caught and let him go.

As she watched Sirius' lone silhouette diminish in the horizon, she could not help but notice how fitting it looked.

He was independent—He was free.

And more alone than anyone knew.

"Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?" Marlene spoke to the darkened sky, feeling the first droplets of cold rain kiss her face. "Why do you always have to be so damn difficult?" She finished with a whisper, waiting for answers that she knew would not come.

The heavens did not respond to her questions—They never did. They remained as neglectful as ever.

When the droplets progressed into sheets of rain and Lily beckoned them inside the house, she knew nothing would be resolved.

Not the Quidditch match.

Not the reason or meaning behind Sirius' anger.

And certainly not her feelings for him, which grew more turbulent than the mounting storm.

* * *

A/N:

I nearly cried writing the end for some reason? lol...I just have a lot of feelings for Sirius. Despite being good he's just so fundamentally flawed. And it's really not all his fault because it's mostly due to the environment he grew up in. (Honestly I love his character but will always be critical about some of the shady, downright fucked up things he did in the books.)

It's pretty dark and things seem pretty hopeless for S/M rn but the next chapter will surprise you, in a good way.

And thank you for your concern **Soniaham**! It's not serious luckily so I should be good to go by the end of the month. :)

If you like to review that might be a nice thing to do...Just thought to mention it...*runs away*


	17. Catch the Fair One

_(_A/N: I found this one too, man you guys are lucky. It's a bit rough since I can't edit it but whatevs)

_Reminder that explicit sex scenes__ will __be occurring since this is an M-rated story and I'm an adult who likes a bit (or a lot...) of smut myself. If you're underage I'm not going to tell you not to read it (b/c I'm not your mom and I was reading ~racy~ things when I was just a tween so I'd feel like a hypocrite lol) but make sure you know what you're comfortable with. This is fic is rather mature (lots of swearing, adult humor, sexual content, violence) so just keep that in mind._

_So this is warning that extends to the future chapters and I won't repeat it again. Because knowing that a sexual scene will occur takes all the fun out of the surprise, right? _

**December 31, 1978**

Marlene didn't give Sirius another thought after retreating back into the house, but she gave herself many.

It had become more than clear to her that they would never be a couple and she was surprisingly more than ok with the realization. Being single turned out to be one of the greatest joys in her life and the thought of forfeiting her independence truly disturbed her.

Once she had suffered through the withdrawal of constant companionship successfully, she had discovered something that had been unjustly stolen from her when she was fifteen: Her freedom.

Now that Alec was gone, she could finally hear her own thoughts and do whatever the hell _she_ wanted to. All those years she had unintentionally suppressed one of her most key aspects of her personality, which turned out to be self-sufficiency.

Suddenly she couldn't understand why everyone was always harping on people for being selfish, because being selfish was _brilliant_. (Within reason, of course.)

Although she was certain that it was possible to be in a proper relationship with some bloke that consisted of compromises and mutual respect, Marlene McKinnon _wanted_ to be selfish.

She didn't want a proper relationship and she reveled in it.

Sirius was self-reliant.

And so was she.

He promised that he would never abandon her. She had his loyalty—But she would never have his heart.

But the real question was, had she ever really wanted it in the first place?

She found peace in her answer.

Why would she ever want Sirius Black's heart when she had her own?

* * *

"Got you something."

Marlene turned her head coolly to meet familiar grey eyes that were speckled with hints of blue. She had been enjoying the event with full force as she always did with parties and did not expect to be talking to the man who presented himself before her on the sidelines of the dance floor.

But Sirius stood next to her, handsome and graceful as ever. He had changed into slightly more formal wear for the party, but still channeled his casual yet regal attitude. The sleeves of the white dress shirt were rolled up, exposing his forearms, and the cigarette behind his ear stripped all properness from his appearance.

"What's that?" She asked suspiciously, eyeing his filled hands with curiosity. He held a nearly finished wine glass in one hand and a flask in another.

"Firewhiskey," he simply told her, raising an eyebrow.

"No shit?"

"Would this face lie?" He asked her, a wicked smile taking over and betraying his claim.

"You don't want me to answer that."

He barked out a laugh. "It really is though."

"But Lils told me that she wasn't going to supply the bar with firewhiskey…She said that it gets guests too pissed too fast and that she had no plans of scourgifying vomit all night—Including mine," Marlene recalled with amusement.

"Well the wet blanket went through with her plan. This is from my personal stash," he informed her proudly.

"You carry firewhiskey around with you in a flask?" She inquired questioningly, frowning.

"Only at parties where I know they'll be no proper liquor."

"That's…brilliant," she told him, sincerely impressed.

Sirius laughed. "Take it," he ordered her uncompromisingly.

"You think you can just act like a git and then offer me firewhiskey as an apology?"

"Yes?" He replied wryly, an amused look on his face.

Marlene sighed and reluctantly snatched the flask out of his outstretched hand.

"I need higher standards," she muttered, taking a careless swig. "Or to stop drinking."

"But really, I'm…sorry about before," he added, rubbing his back with his free hand and looking into the crowd.

His verbal apologize captured her attention, as they always did. Sirius was _rarely_ apologetic.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" She told him, following his gaze.

"Yeah."

"So are you?"

"Drunk enough to head out to the dance floor? Nah, it's hard to get there with this piss strength wine and champagne."

"Fair enough," she told him evenly, coming to terms that whatever had upset him from before would not be revealed to her.

"It doesn't really matter…You were right, I reckon. I got angry over something stupid," he replied, granting her answer to her previous question.

"You have a penchant for that," she teased him, attempting to lighten the situation. Maybe they couldn't be together, but he was still her mate and she his.

"I ran into Reg in Diagon Alley," he told her quietly, his face guarded and contorting into sullenness. "But like I said it doesn't matter," he finished, dismissing his grave appearance as quickly as it came.

"_What_? Of _course_ it matters. He's your brother!" Marlene replied passionately.

Sirius studied her with an enigmatic expression.

"You're the only person who understands why I…"

He couldn't bring himself to say "care", so he didn't.

"Why it matters that my wank of a brother is dabbling in all that dark shit," He added calmly. "Not even…Not even James understands…" He trailed off, looking back into the crowd once more.

Marlene answered with silence, which was truly the only correct response.

She stole a glance at him a minute later, expecting to see him brooding in his usual tortured way, but was surprised to see him silently mouthing the lyrics to _Night Fever_.

"You like the Bee Gees?" She asked with an amusement.

"What? No," he denied immediately, feigning innocence. He shrugged disinterestedly and took a swig of his drink, allowing his gaze to skim over the dance floor lazily.

She brought her free hand to her mouth and barely smothered an escaping giggle.

"I can't decided which suits you worse: that look of innocence or the wine glass in your hand," she teased, trying to catch his eye. "They're both not your style. 'Sides, there's _nothing_ wrong with liking the Bee Gees—"

"I _don't_ like the Bee Gees."

"So you just happened to know the lyrics to their songs, hmm?" She probed with a knowing look plastered on her face, taking another shot of firewhiskey from the flask.

"It's a popular song," he persisted, finally settling his eyes on her. "They play it all the bloody time in shops across London so _naturally_ those blokes' shrill voices find themselves skull-fucking their words into my precious head."

She was impressed by his stubborn resistance, but released an escaping exasperated sigh.

"Sirius, you own a Bee Gees record," she recalled from his record collection. "So you can stop pretending to be cool now. I know your little secret and by the Gods is it a _good_ one," she chided, pointing her finger into his chest and laughing shamelessly in his face. "I wonder if I can sell it to The Quibbler…" She mused out loud. "Sirius Black: Secret Disco Enthusiast."

He looked her with a guarded look. "My uncle Alphard gave me that record right before he died," he told her with offense.

Marlene sucked the air out of the room in shock and released a gasp. "Oh shit, Sirius. I'm sorry…I didn't know…"

Sirius barked out a laugh that continued until he was practically shedding tears of mirth, clutching his chest with his free arm.

"You're such a liar!" She scolded hotly, punching his arm. "That' s so _twisted_, using your dead uncle to take the piss," she added, unable to stop her twitching mouth from releasing a laugh.

"It was worth it to see that look on your face," he teased, laughing just as hard. "Besides, he wouldn't have minded."

"I like a bit of disco myself, you know." She told him, enjoying the turn of their conversation. "Just because we belong to the rock, punk, _whatever_ scene doesn't mean that we can't enjoy other stuff too," she declared boldly.

"Fuck the scene," he said brashly, lighting a cigarette and taking a drag.

"I'll toast to that," she agreed, clinking her flash with his wine glass. "The only reason I reckon why they don't like disco is because they can't dance for their lives," she added, grinning.

Sirius downed the rest of his drink like water. "I can't dance for shit," he admitted. "Unless I'm drunk enough."

"Are you drunk enough?"

"Honestly? Give it a few more drinks," he told her with a smirk, staring at his empty glass. "I'm going to find some firewhiskey. James must have secret stash somewhere."

"Bring back an extra bottle, yeah?"

He departed with a laugh.

* * *

Marlene caught Mary's eye in the crowd.

The spunky girl rudely excused herself mid-dance and deserted her date, who seemed rather miffed at her actions, and practically ran over to join her mate.

"Your date quite liked that," Marlene pointed out with a grin.

Mary shrugged, unfazed by her sarcasm. "He was boring and kept stepping on my feet. And my feet are _tiny_. If he lacks coordination on the dance floor, then he probably lacks it in the bedroom too," She added, like it was scientific fact. Though her slurring slightly hampered her legitimacy.

"Is that your professional opinion, Mare? Or Witch Weekly's?" Marlene asked with amusement.

Mary laughed boisterously. "What happened with Stank Face?" she asked eagerly, too distracted with interest (and drunk) to even care about coming up with a retort to Marlene's question.

"Stank…Face?"

"Mary, there you are," Emmeline called out with frustration, joining the two girls.

"Em? What's up?" Marlene inquired, her eyes darting between her mates.

"Mary nearly got into a fight. I stopped it and escorted the other girl out."

Marlene blinked. "Good work, Emmy," she complimented.

Marlene and Emmeline steadied their mate before bringing her over to a table where some of the Order members sat, including the Longbottoms, Fabian, and Hagrid. All three found empty seats.

"Where's that girl? I'm gonna sock her. Yeah, I'm little? So what? I'm going to take her down….Down to pain town…" Mary threatened, slurry in words and movements.

"Oi, settle down, Muhammad Ali."

"Booze, I need more booze," Mary slurred, thrusting her empty cup into the air and attempting to stand up. "I need to be reaaally sloshed when I kick Stank Face's arse so I can say it was the alcohol's fault."

"No, Mare," Emmeline denied, pushing her back down into her seat. "You've had enough. I'm not going to let you do anything stupid. You see these two?" She asked, pointing at the Frank and Alice. "They're Aurors. And if you go and start a fight, then they'll throw you in Azkaban."

"Azkaban Schazkaban," Mary waved off, clearly unimpressed.

Fabian laughed while Frank and Alice exchanged amused looks.

"There's no alcohol in Azkaban, Mare," Marlene pointed out teasingly. "You wouldn't survive even half a night in that hellhole."

"_What_! How could they? That's soooo mean," Mary whined, sniffing slightly.

"Calm down, lass," Hagrid told her gently, taking on a very fatherly role that Marlene appreciated. "She needs some alcohol tonic is what she needs," he said firmly.

"Right. I'll go get some," Marlene volunteered first and Emmeline nodded with approval.

"Mary," she called out playfully.

Her head shot up. "Mars!"

"I need to get you some more wine so you can kick that girl's arse," she explained.

Everyone gave her horrified looks before she winked at them reassuringly. "Tonic", she mouthed, bringing all into collective understanding.

"Girl...? Oh, old Stank Face!" She replied rowdily, causing Fabian to laugh loudly. After discovering that source of laughter was a cute bloke, she propositioned him. "Why hellooo there, handsome. I like your face," she told him boldly.

Fabian laughed again. "This lass is a riot," he replied to the table.

"Mare, give me your cup," Marlene ordered firmly, drawing her attention back to her. Mary obeyed and gave it to her easily. "There ya go. Be right back," she alerted everyone.

She ran off to the kitchen to get some tonic for her mate as planned.

Merlin, Mary was a handle when smashed. Though that wasn't a new discovery. The fact that Hestia once told her that she was an even worse than Mary concerned her. Marlene didn't want to fight anyone though; she just wanted to snog them all.

"Hey," a male voice greeted from behind her back when she got to the kitchen.

"Hey," she acknowledged back nonchalantly, filling the empty cup with tonic she found in the cupboard after rummaging through it for a bit.

It was late enough in night for people to be rather drunk, and therefore rather friendly. Marlene didn't think much of it as she was in safe company in the familiar house.

"Pouring a tonic already?" The unknown voice asked with amusement, increasing in dynamics as he approached her.

"It's not for me; it's for my mate," she explained distractedly, not even bothering glance at him. "She really needs it as soon as possible, so if you'll excuse me…." She added, brushing past him.

"God, you're so cold, Marlene. It's me, Derrick," he informed her, allowing her to take his appearance in for the first time.

"Oh! Sorry, I'm just busy…" She replied with shock, completely caught off guard. "You're the bloke…"

"From the nightclub?" He offered, his mega-watt smile overtaking his pale face.

"Ooh, nice save—I was going to say 'that I shagged'," she admitted candidly with a laugh.

Derrick laughed back, taking another step towards her and violating her personal space.

"Um, so are you enjoying the party?" She asked politely, distancing herself and making her way through a small crowd in the hallway.

"Well now that you're here…" He trailed off suggestively, stepping in front of her when they reached a secluded area of the hall.

"Look, Derrick, I'm flattered and all…But I'm not interested," she explained frankly, agitated by his forthrightness.

"C'mon, Marlene," he beckoned in a way that was sadly very familiar to her. It was the way Alec—most blokes—persisted with false hope after being shot down. They always expected girls to suddenly change their mind and appease their whims. It was always control, control, _control_ with men. "We had a great night together. Let's repeat it."

Marlene gritted her teeth. Did he not hear a word she said? Just because she shagged him once didn't mean she wanted to do it again.

"No, thanks. But why don't you repeat the morning after and leave?" She told him bluntly, moving past him.

"Cheeky and direct as ever," he tried, stopping her with a hand on her shoulder.

She flinched involuntarily due to the contact.

"I said _no_. Take your hand off me," she ordered darkly, giving him her most intimidating look.

"Why are being such an uptight cunt? I thought you were a cool bird…"

Marlene thought about drawing her wand and sending her most unpleasant jinx—perhaps hex—but she didn't. Some forms of punishment were best delivered without magic, by natural _physical _means.

She drove her knee upwards with impressive force into his groin, topping him over instantly.

Not even bothering to watch him collapse, she continued down the hallway with a smug smirk plastered on her content face. Her smirk only grew wider when she realized that she didn't even spill of droplet of the tonic.

"_Oh…my….fuck_," she heard him whine in agony after his initial shouts of pains, still writhing pathetically on the cold wooden floor.

She looked up and noticed a group of familiar faces gawking at her with a mixture of wonderment and pure shock. Benjy, Gideon, and Dearborn watched her approach them, completely stunned.

"What was _that_?" Benjy asked with astonishment, clearly only catching the very end of her interaction with newly nicknamed Dickless Daniel.

"My New Years Resolution put into action early," she retorted, crossing her arms proudly.

"Your resolution is to kick blokes in the cock?" Gideon inquired. His face twitched as he barely held his laughter.

"My resolution is to not take shit from anyone, or more simply put: never suffer fools gladly. The cock kicking is an optional part of the experience."

"You did that in the first place, though," Benjy mused, a grin spreading over his face. "Just not so…aggressively."

"What, steal men's ability to have children?" Gideon remarked, bellowing out a no longer containable laugh.

"My respect for you has just increased tenfold, McKinnon," Dearborn told her with a look of appreciation.

"Nice to know. Snog Emmy yet?" She asked him boldly.

Dearborn blinked. "No," he simply replied, dazed.

"She doesn't like lip biting for some strange reason. She told me that one time. So…don't do that," she offered. "Keep it vanilla but not _too_ vanilla, ya know?"

Benjy laughed. "What's up with you?" He teased her apparent attitude.

"This is what you get when you combine firewhiskey and someone who…doesn't give a fuck anymore," she finished, shrugging.

Gideon whistled lowly. "You-Know-Who better watch out. Marlene McKinnon is angry and not taking shit. Good on ya, lass."

She laughed. "I'm not angry. I'm just putting people in their place when they need to be. That bloke back there was disrespecting me so I disrespected his function to procreate."

"I'm seriously going to have to rethink my opinion of you, McKinnon."

"Well I'm glad Dear—Wait, why am I still talking to you guys? Mary needs this tonic," she spoke her thoughts out loud, overcome with a sense of duty. "Catch you guys later," she finished, finally taking the last few steps out of the hallway.

"Bye, Mars," Benjy told her with a wave as the trio went back to their previous conversation.

* * *

After giving Mary her tonic, Marlene wandered around the home talking to anyone who she knew—Or seemed interesting. She ran into Sirius, who was uncharacteristically without his mates.

"Hey," she acknowledged him casually. "Find that firewhiskey?"

He shrugged. "Nope. And I'm _still_ not drunk yet. Champagne is the most overrated, useless thing on Earth. "

A voice interrupted them before they got anything further in the conversation.

"There you are, Marlene."

_Oh for fuck's sake_. Couldn't he take a hint and bugger off already?

"Are you a masochist?" She groaned, quickly trying to formulate a plan tell him off without making a scene.

Although Derrick was _much_ drunker than he appeared, it did not excuse his behavior in the least. The blonde set his sights on her and strolled over to the two.

"Who are you?" Sirius inquired, his face twisting as his eyes narrowed.

"Stay out of this, Sirius."

She immediately regretted the words. Not so much for the meaning, but because telling Sirius to stay out of it was practically begging for him to rebel against them and get involved.

"Is this bloke bothering you?" Derrick had the gall to ask her, motioning to Sirius whose posture became increasingly more threatening.

She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Nope…But I could give you a name of one that _is_."

Derrick's swimming eyes rested unsteadily on Sirius. "Oh, so _this_ is the reason why you won't shag me—"

"No, the reason why I won't shag you is because you're a fucking persistent—a fucking predatory—arsehole," she spat.

"I don't know who the hell you are," Sirius chimed in, glaring at the other man with dark, rage filled eyes. "And frankly I don't give a shit, but Marlene clearly doesn't want you here—and I can't say I'm too fond of you either. So fuck off, mate."

"I can't believe your choosing him over me, " Derrick directed his comment to Marlene, who watched the two men stare each other down.

A crowd began to form around the three, but she recognized none of the faces.

"Why don't you just run off to the loo and have a good cry and wank over it?"

"What'd you say to me?" Derrick responded, shoving him clumsily with an outstretched arm.

_Shoving_—It _always_ started with the shoving. It seemed Marlene was not the only person in the mood for good old physical fighting.

Sirius pushed him back aggressively. "Fuck off, twat."

Derrick raised his hand to shove him in the shoulder once more, but Sirius had far less patience than his challenger—And _much_ more anger.

The sound of Derrick's nose being smashed from the impact of Sirius' balled fist filled the room with a nauseating crunch. Derrick only got one good hit on Sirius in response, in his jaw, before Marlene stopped the madness from getting out of hand.

"_Incarcerous_."

Once the ropes securely bounded Derrick, she looked to Sirius.

He pushed himself off the ground gracefully and rubbed his jaw once before spitting a mixture of saliva and blood at his feet.

Regaining his casual disposition, he simply walked away with confident steps but not before beckoning her wordlessly with a look.

* * *

They retreated to a nearby empty room, not far off from the dance floor.

"Why did you punch him?" She asked him casually, no hint of judgment in her voice.

He shrugged carelessly. "Felt like it."

"You can't just go around fighting people like that," she told him forthrightly, but her approving tone betrayed her words.

"Actually that's exactly what I did," he pointed out.

"Do you _ever_ get tired of being a smartarse?"

He thought about it in mock contemplation. "Nope, can't say I do," he replied with a smirk.

"I had a handle on the situation, you know. You didn't have to get involved," she told him absently as she followed him over to a somewhat cluttered desk.

She sat on the edge of the desk and he leaned against it next to her casually with his usual graceful ease.

"Blokes like him deserve to be punched bloody," he told her fiercely, his eyes burning with rage. "Men who treat women like shit need to be taught a lesson in human fucking decency."

Marlene couldn't say she disagreed, so she drew her wand wordlessly.

"What are going to do with that?" He asked suspiciously.

"I'm going to use it to stir the cake mix," she deadpanned, gesturing to an invisible bowl.

He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm going to heal you, you idiot," she informed him, drawing realization over his face. "Keep talking to me," she commanded distractedly, bringing her hand to the side of his face to position it correctly against her wand.

"I figured…Your wand is far too puny to even—

"_Episkey_."

"_Fuck_, Marlene," he cried out, grasping the side of face and shifting his jaw around. "That _really_ fucking hurt…Good thing you have no plans to become a healer because—"

"_Tergeo_. I healed it, didn't I?" She cut in with amusement, examining her work with approval.

She brushed her hand slowly across the contours of his now healed and cleansed face.

"Yeah, as painfully as you possibly could," he complained, watching her draw her hand away from him. "Was it because of the dig I took at your wand? You have to admit it _is_ rather puny..."

Marlene laughed, and looked down to her wand lovingly. "Don't listen to him—He's a grumpy sod. Most boys like short girls better anyway."

"Are you talking to your _wand_?"

"Yes, we're mates," she joked facetiously. "You have a problem with that?"

Sirius let out bark-like laugh. "Oh no, please continue. Feel free to ignore the only sane person in this room."

"A hex, you say? Brilliant idea, Wanda."

"If you cause that much pain healing people then I can't even imagine how terrible your hexes must be when you're actually _trying_ to hurt people," he replied, his face filled with laughter. "And Wanda? How creative."

She laughed and they shared a communal moment of comfortable silence before she spoke up.

"D'you want to head back to the party?"

"Nah, not really."

"Me neither."

Another break of quiet occurred, but this time it was building with something. Marlene couldn't comprehend why, but the previously peaceful silence had changed tides into a suffocating one. She fought the odd urge to shift closer to him and reach out to him.

"So…" Sirius started conversationally, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. He drew a cigarette—his faithful accomplice—and lit it, taking a drag and blowing the smoke upwards to the sky.

He continued looking towards the ceiling, as if seeking divine intervention.

"So…" She returned his words, similarly wordless. Her gaze followed his to a select point of the wall.

"Wanna fag?"

"Yeah," she replied too quickly.

Once it found its way into her mouth, she lit it and welcomed the calming smoke.

They both smoked in silence for a minute, but the scent of nicotine was not solely filling the room. Marlene wondered if the overpowering tension would asphyxiate them both if they continued this way.

"Do you fancy me, Sirius?"

"Er, what?" He sputtered, his face snapping to hers and his eyes widening.

If there was ever a time to clarify things between them once and for all, it was now.

Her devil-may-care attitude managed to catch him off guard, which was very rare occurrence. She had the unique ability to expose his vulnerable side—whether or not he liked it (and she was certain he didn't).

"Do you fancy me?" She repeated pointedly, chopping the words up in a staccato rhythm. "I mean, do you _like_ spending time with me? Are you happy?"

"I'm always happy in the company of a pretty girl, love," he responded offhandedly, quickly regaining his composure by deflecting the questions in his typical manner.

He took a drag and they both watched him released.

Marlene frowned. "No, that's not good enough," she declared assertively. "I don't want a joke from you—I want you to _talk_ to me."

Sirius licked his lips. He ran his hand through his hair before replying. "Look, I don't talk about this….stuff…" he trailed off momentarily before shrugging and leaving it at that. He took another huff.

"Try."

"I don't know what to say. I don't know what you _want_ me to say," he finished, releasing his frustration.

The tension thickened as neither party continued.

Marlene surveyed him for a moment as she inhaled, her face contorting into a deadly mask of graveness. She was done with this insipid game. She was sick of having to decode the meaning behind each and every little action.

"Fair enough," she declared coolly, giving him one final look. His stormy eyes were guarded, but they were openly searching hers. "If you're not going to try, then neither am I," she spat, flicking away her fag in front of her.

Jumping off the table, she killed it with an angry stomp. She stormed off to the door with great force, scattering her golden curls across her shoulders.

His hand encircled her wrist, stopping her in her tracks and twisting her around to face him once again.

"Stay," he ordered, his eyes a bit wild.

"_No_," she told him curtly, ripping her hand free forcefully. "What is with men and their need to try to control everything?"

"I'm not trying to control you," he grounded out passionately, flicking away his own cigarette in similar fashion.

Marlene laughed mirthlessly, shaking her head. "Then stop. Stop whatever the hell you're playing at."

"I don't want you to go," he pleaded, desperation tingeing his voice in a completely unfamiliar way.

"We don't always get what we want in this life, Sirius."

"I fancy you. I fancy the fucking pants off you," he responded passionately, capturing her undivided attention. "But when you ask me if I'm happy…It's complicated. I…"

He looked away from her and scratched the side of his face before bringing his arm behind his neck. "Forget it. You _really_ don't want to know."

"I do," she replied boldly, her tone softening a bit. She took a step closer to him. "More than anything."

His face flashed through a dozen different emotions, wrestling each one individually before settling with a calm expression. Taking breath, he pushed himself to continue on.

"Shit, Marlene, I feel so fucking _empty_. You don't understand what it's like…You're too good for me," he added before she could cut in. "You deserve someone better, someone who'll never hurt you—But that's the thing, isn't it? I don't _want_ you to do better."

He chuckled humorlessly, pressing forward.

"I'll never be like James—I'll never be a _proper_ boyfriend. I'll never be the bloke who says or does all the right things that a boyfriend is supposed to. I don't take girls out to poncy restaurants or write love letters or do whatever it is birds seem to expect from guys. I don't plan ahead. I don't do grand romantic gestures. And I can't give my entire self to someone," he claimed. "Not like there's that much left to give in the first place," he muttered under his breath.

"That stuff never mattered to me in the first place, even when I was with Alec," Marlene admitted honestly, looking directly into his eyes in order to transfer her sincerity. "I don't care about the unnecessary things that society tells us that we need in order to have a 'real' relationship. Fuck them. They don't know what I want," she grounded out rebelliously, her passion building with each sentence.

"What I want is _you_. I don't want some mushy, contrived relationship based on ownership. I want freedom—freedom with you."

Pausing for a moment, she let the words linger and sink in before adding to her confession in a more relaxed tone.

"And I'm not perfect, Sirius. I'm not always nice or good. You don't think that I have dark, unkind thoughts too? When I first saw you with Jessica I wanted to practice my Pimple Jinx on her poreless, perfect face and then slap her up a pub fight—only after kicking your arse _first_, of course."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, unable to suppress his grin.

"You did?" he asked with curious amusement, breaking the tension if just for a moment. "Why that's positively _mean_, Marlene. I'm impressed."

She looked up to him, her voice devoid of humor. "I don't have a perfect soul; my heart isn't pure. I just don't act on my bad thoughts because it's my responsibility not to. What's the point of causing more grief in a world that's already swallowed in it?"

"But I'm human," she told him softly. "I'm human too."

He watched her closely, his eyes flickering over her rapidly as if truly seeing her for the first time.

"You probably don't remember this, it's been so long…But you once told me that I was lonely back at your flat—"

"I remember."

She smiled faintly. "I'm not lonely, Sirius. Maybe I was three months ago, but now I like being alone. It's freeing…I never saw the beauty in it until now. But what I don't like is emptiness—I understand emptiness. You said I don't, but I do. I wish I didn't. I wish nobody did…," she expelled freely, daring herself to lay it all out in the open.

"The world has stripped me of my optimism, but it has not jaded me. I'm a realist…I've learned that life is mostly sad and that happiness is sporadic, but the little pools of joy are worth fighting for—they're worth fighting for with _every_ last drop of blood. So can I ask you one more thing?"

He nodded, standing by her side. "Of course, love."

"Are you happy…with me, at least?"

"The only time I can stand to be in my flat is when you're there with me, and you've only visited a handful of times," he admitted, raking a hand through his hair.

Marlene returned his smile. "Look, I know this won't be a conventional relationship. I don't want it to be. I mean, we're in the middle of a war that has no sure end and I need my freedom as much as you do. But you make me happy and if I make you happy too..."

"You make me happy," he answered more simply with a gentle smile. "I'm happy with you, I really am. Convinced?"

"I could always use a little more _convincing_," she added with a sultry voice.

"See, _this_ is why we work together."

Marlene shifted her body slightly and made to stretch upwards off the desk to kiss him, but Sirius was quicker. His mouth found hers effortlessly, as it always did, and moved in an enthusiastic rhythm against hers.

The sound of a recognizable guitar riff bled through the walls and filled the room completely.

"I love this song," Marlene announced raggedly, breaking the kiss for a short moment. "'Whole Lotta Love' is one of my favorite Led Zeppelin songs."

Sirius grinned broadly against her mouth. "It's my pick—I told James to add it to the playlist."

"You can't really dance to it though," she mused out loud, her blue eyes blazing with desire and penetrating into his greys ones that where ignited with similar lust.

"It's not meant for dancing," he told her a low voice, capturing her mouth in an all-consuming kiss.

There was no hesitance in their actions—they were rough and ravenous. The two dominant energies possessed each other with an explosion of unfettered passion and excitement.

She heard the loud crack of a glass table lamp shattering across the hard wooden floor after she accidently knocked it over with her leg, which had been brought up to wrap around his lower torso.

Her first thought was that she didn't care—she didn't care.

_She did not care_.

Not about the bloody lamp, the room, or the house. How could she care about the physical things of the world when his mouth, his touch, his body had sent her soaring into a state of mind that was untouchable, completely separate from everything that surrounded her?

Feel. That was the only thing she cared about. Only about the way he could make her feel and the way she could make him back.

Securing herself on the cleared table top, her hands reached up to hold onto his silky hair. She tugged his roots near the scalp of his head, making him hiss in pleasure, and brought his mouth forcefully to hers and kissed him hard.

His vigorous mouth ravaged her neck, lightly sucking and biting the tender skin, before he brought his feverish kisses across her face and found her pulsating lips once more. His hands travelled curiously down her upper body, finding her chest. He squeezed it strongly before massaging tenderly, and then ran his thumbs across her nipples, eliciting a moan from deep inside the pit of her stomach.

The thought of her heart beating faster was previously unimaginable, but it was no longer racing.

It was running—running to meets his.

Clothing no longer served any purpose. They were bothersome obstacles that desperately needed to be overcome.

Her scratchy tights were beyond irritating. The fabric clung uncomfortably to her heated skin that beckoned for freedom from the protective barrier that separated her from his touch. Her attempt to pull them off was futile as she was too preoccupied with kissing him back and far too fixed by his strong hold around her waist. She broke the kiss momentarily with a frustrated sound and exclaimed with annoyance "My tights," which was a clear enough message for him.

One of his arms stayed wrapped around her waist for support and the other gathered a handful of material, tugging the fabric down aggressively. There was a satisfying tearing sound as the flimsy fabric ripped, sending a thrill throughout the room that only contained the sounds of muffled music and their heavy panting. He tore haphazardly at the now ruined tights and she finally managed to kick them off after battling with the waistband.

Her desires were finally granted when she felt his warm hand caressing one of her thighs. It explored further and further up before it hovered the apex of her legs teasingly. His attention was still focused on kissing and biting her exposed shoulder, but the space was heated with impatience for a subtle brush, for a touch—for anything.

"Please," she found herself asking in a low, strangled voice. She had never begged a man for anything before, but she did not mind pleading Sirius for something that increasingly became more of a need than a want.

He chuckled softly against her shoulder before giving it a final parting kiss and brought down his face in front of hers, making strong eye contact that sent a shiver down her spine. She looked up at him with parted lips in anticipation, watching a bead of sweat trickle down from his hairline and drip from his jaw.

His clever fingers slid underneath her underwear before slipping themselves into her gently. She closed her eyes and released a sigh of contentment, leaning forward until she made contact with his sturdy body. Her arm quickly wrapped above his shoulder and she began kissing his neck while he ran his fingers across her folds. He found her nub, massaging it lightly in circular motions. She released a loud moan against the skin of his upper neck as he concentrated on the area with expert skill, using all the right touches and pressures. His mouth found the space between her shoulder and lower neck again, barraging her with more kisses as he kept his fingers in constant focus on the sweet spot.

A sense of euphoria hit her as she climaxed, causing her breathing to quicken and her body to physically shake in pleasure. She gave into the urge to cry out and moaned his name. His fingers slipped out of her and he cupped her face with both hands, planting a rough kiss on her lips, and then finishing with a softer one.

Her hand grabbed his belt buckle, but before she could undo it they were interrupted by the sound of loud, persistent banging against the door.

Sirius made a strangled, primal groan of discontentment before he leaned his forehead against hers and shut his eyes painfully tight.

"_Fucking hell."_

Marlene released an airy laugh, looking up and catching his scowl.

She would be scowling like that too if something prevented her release. And according to the risen bulge in his trousers, that was something that he was in desperate need of.

She was more than happy to help him. She wanted to pleasure him too. Unfortunately the incessant pounding stopped her before she could get to it.

"Next time?" She promised cheekily with a raised eyebrow.

His scowl twisted into a grin and he released a defeated chuckle as his anger dissipated, running a hand through his mussed hair.

"I'll get the stupid bloody door," Marlene finally muttered, pushing off the desk and sauntering towards it.

"Brilliant…Because I might _kill_ whoever's behind it."

"Who says I won't?"

"Well if it's James then just step aside, love. I'll have a go at the tosser."

"Definitely not," she told him with a laugh, shaking her head. "Lily would never forgive me if I let you maul her husband. And you've fought enough for one night, don't you think?"

"Oh, so Lily comes before me?" He teased with mock hurt.

"I'm not sure whose temper I'd rather suffer through," she replied honestly, grabbing the handle of the door.

"Benjy?"

And sure enough, Benjy Fenwick stood outside the door. His dreamy eyes looked a bit cagey, a bit…un-Benjyish.

"_Mars_? What are…Oh, hi Black."

"Mate," Sirius greeted him curtly with a sardonic wave, frustration heavy in his tone.

He sat on the desk casually with his legs crossed in a successful attempt to cover himself.

But Benjy was also a male—one who had been in similar situations—and immediately picked up the implications.

"Oh, shit, did I…er…interrupt something?" Benjy asked knowingly, sending an apologetic look her way.

Marlene was surprised to see no trace of teasing smugness on his face and instead found anxiousness. Not about the situation but about something else.

"Yes," Sirius shouted out rudely before she could respond.

"Yeah, 'fraid so. But it's all right, I reckon," she said calmly, her worry for her mate overriding her own selfish desires.

"No, it's really _not_," Sirius added in the same exasperated tone as before.

Marlene bit her lower lip to contain her laughter.

"Sorry, I…." Benjy apologized, scratching his shoulder. "Have you seen…No, never mind," he added quickly, looking down the hallway.

"Benjy, are you ok?" Marlene asked him quietly, watching him warily.

He nodded confidently. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just looking for someone, but I guess they must have left the party. It's cool," he said casually.

"Ah, alright then."

His expression seemed to ease up a bit and the smug grin finally surfaced, making its appearance on his face. "I'll let you two continue in whatever undoubtedly innocent behavior—"

Marlene slammed the door in his face before he could finish, but she could hear the echoing sound of his familiar laughter fading in the distance.

"What'd Fenwick want?" Sirius questioned without hesitation, his curious nature surfacing.

"Not sure. Says he's looking for someone."

"Are you sure he just didn't want to see me naked?"

She snorted. "Not everyone in the world wants to see you naked, Sirius."

"Of course they do."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Besides, how would he know that we were here or what we were doing?" She added cleverly.

"I think everyone in the whole bloody house knows what were up to in here," he replied proudly, smugness taking over his already haughty looking face. "You screamed my name loud enough for Scotland to hear it."

Marlene couldn't stop the blush from sweeping her face.

She rarely orgasmed with company—she'd mastered it alone—but blokes, or at the least the two she previously slept with, never truly got her to climax. Though she was not proud of it, she often faked it when she was sleeping with Alec to ease his distress.

But Sirius had managed to get her moaning his name as she released in an impressively short amount of time.

He had full bragging rights as far as she was concerned.

Sirius caught her fading red face and released an easy laugh. "There's no need to be embarrassed, love. I sure as hell enjoyed it—You nearly got _me_ off."

"I should probably fix that lamp, yeah?" She announced self-effacingly with a chuckle, walking over to the shattered mess on the ground. "_Reparo_," she said, repairing the lamp and then levitated it wordlessly back to its former place. "And my tights," she added, using a mending charm.

"Broken lamps, ruined clothing…" He listed off with a smirk. "What _am_ I going to do with you, Marlene?"

"What can I say, I'm a fox," she offered with a rich laugh, repeating his phrase from the past. "You're going to have a hell of time trying to tame me."

"On the contrary, I don't want to tame you at all," he replied huskily, watching her sit on the desk and slip on her black tights with hungry eyes.

He strolled over to her form and caught her wrists in his hands, stopping her from pulling up the material and covering her bare skin.

"You know 'next time' doesn't have to be in the future," he whispered wickedly against her neck. "'Sides, it's a shame to cover up those stunning legs," he added, caressing her upper thigh.

"I want to, I _really_ want to—But the mood's been dampened a bit, hasn't it?" Marlene admitted with a sigh. "For more reasons than one. Whose bloody brilliant idea was it to add 'You Light Up my Life' to the playlist?" She asked with disgust, wrinkling her nose as the ballad seeped into the room. "It's so fucking cheesy it makes me sick."

Sirius nodded begrudgingly, releasing her from his grasp and bringing one hand to scratch his back. "Yeah, you're right," he agreed. "This song _is_ vomit inducing. Plus I keep having this mental image of Fenwick popping in on us again and trying to get in on the action. And as much as I love a third party participant, a bloke isn't what I had in mind…"

"Is your threesome fetish going to be a problem in the future?"

"Nah, you're enough woman for me. You're like five birds in one."

"Damn right I am."

They shared a laugh and walked out the room together, side-by-side. Sirius engulfed her with a casual arm around her shoulders and she grinned at him.

"Now let's get you proper drunk. I'm not leaving this party until I see you embarrassing yourself on the dance floor," she told him.

"As long as you're there to share in the humiliation," he replied, grinning back.

"Always, Sirius, always."

* * *

A/N:

This chapter was so much fun to write.

I added this comment to the first chapter, but Sirius _is_ OOC in this fic because duh…Canon Solo!Sirius (aka my fav Sirius) doesn't have the emotional maturity or selflessness to care about someone romantically….he just makes out/sleeps with strangers (but mostly himself) on his motorbike and pauses for smoke breaks once in a while ffs. He's rebel 4lyfe and got no time to bother with relationships.

I don't like explaining my writing because I feel like it insults the intelligence of my readers _but_ I am going to right now because I want to.

I just can't imagine Sirius and Marlene going down the road of a tradition relationship. So if you are expecting them to get married and stuff…lol, sorry. It's just so not them because Sirius is Sirius and Marlene thrives when being independent.

They're not each other's futures—they're each other's escape from the present. (ooh, that sounded legit. might add that in the story…)

My S/M are more like physical (_and_ emotional) fuck buddies who can only get whatever it is they need from the other. That doesn't make their relationship unimportant or less valid, it just makes it unconventional. Their love for each other will progress deeper but in a warped sort of way.

They're just two wonderful and fucked up individuals who are trying to get the most from life and suck all the thrills out of it—without falling apart. And they do that by leaning on each other on occasion. They're not lonely or need an actual bf/gf. But they don't mind having someone through it all.

Also "Sirius owning a Bee Gees record" is not my idea, I borrowed that from a fic I read a while ago (but can't remember it for the life of me) so shout outs to that person and their brilliant idea.

I hope this post wasn't a pain, ha.

Thanks for reading and reviewing. :3


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